How I cured my ED and no longer need blue pills

[rhinot]

Most likely yes.

I completely understand where you're coming from. Having sex with someone you're emotionally attached with is wonderful but it appears you have guilt feelings about cheating on your long term partner (LTP) as you don't have any intention of leaving her for your lover.

Now this I don't understand... you said "The new lady has a big sex drive and has other partners purely for sex. She has been badly hurt in relationships in the past so this suits her needs." and then "She says the fact I am in a LTR affects her."   So, the new lady has numerous partners, of which you are one of them, and yet the fact that you have a long term partner affects her? What does she want a stable of single men?

You seem to have got yourself involved in a rather messy situation, none of which will help you psychologically unless you come to terms with the whole thing. I know because I have had numerous affairs with both attached and single women and none of them ended up well. It's worse when you fall in love with some of them and them with you. You don't want to get there.

Also you didn't mention how old this new lady is. If she's much younger than you and you don't have any intentions whatsoever of leaving your LTP for her then my advice is to leave this younger woman and not ruin her future prospects. I'm speaking from experience, I'm also in my 50s and one of my affairs was with with a much younger woman who gave me the best of her years never demanding of me to be with her full time or leave my wife for her. She always said the part time relationship suited her... until it didn't. Several years later she was an older woman and resented our relationship for wasting her time (although she never explicitly said this) and I feel very guilty about this.

So it seems you have a couple options, you either become a heartless womaniser and enjoy your LTP for whatever benefit it gives you, keep enjoying your affair and keep punting. Or be brave and strong (as I wasn't) and leave this new woman and stick to punting for sex and enjoy your LTR for the emotional benefits it may give you. Leaving the new lady will hurt if you have feelings for her but it may be better in the long run.

Basically, I'm guessing, it's the complicated relationships and guilt that's messing you up in respect of ED. If your head is not in the right place ED medication might not even work.

HTH

Thanks for the reply

The lady is similar age to me.
She wasn't looking for a relationship as badly hurt in the past but likes male company and sex.
I have my LTR. She has her other partners. I am not able to see her as much as I would like.
We have openly talked about the fact she has other partners and it was me that said my LTR is probably affecting her.
Neither of us were looking for a relationship. It has just happened.

My LTR is comfortable and I am a coward. Fairly decent house, car and holidays. No kids. Don't have any money concerns.
More like friends. I have made an effort but enough was enough after I don't know how many years.
Rightly or wrongly, I do not feel much guilt.
I have not punted (including HE) since I started seeing her.

Thanks to the other posters too.
Some good replies.

[rhinot]

If you had met someone outside your relationship with whom you are carrying on an affair then thats one thing. The fact that you are doing so whilst racking up (an impressive) 21 reviewable punts in the last 12 months gives a different slant.
I'd wonder whether the feelings you are feeling for your bit on the side are actually more akin to EAS.
I'd also ask why you are so certain about not wanting to change your existing relationship status. Whilst I would question whether you should give up one relationship for another, I'd really want to know the answer to how you think your long term partner would react to your behaviours if she found out the full extent.

The current lady is more like an affair.
Is a punt every 2-3 weeks excessive/impressive? I have not punted since I met this lady.
Most of my punts have been massage with extras. Only 4 of 21 with FS. Most have been purely sexual. A few more intimate (including non-FS) which I loved but no attachment.

Could be EAS. I have been missing the intimacy with LTP.

LTR is comfortable, we get on well. I really don't want to hurt her. This probably rings true for many on here.
I said no guilt. Sexual activity with other women that is done once the punt it over, not really. Current situation. There is some guilt about what the future holds.

How you think your long term partner would react to your behaviours if she found out the full extent

This is a punting forum.
There will be some single guys on here and some where their partner is OK/accepting with punting.
I would guess most on here are in a similar situation to me.
Are you not attached? How would your partner/family/friends/colleagues react if your activities came out?

FWIW I have ordered some pills. Will hopefully sort the physical which may help with the mental.

[Doc Holliday]

FWIW I have ordered some pills. Will hopefully sort the physical which may help with the mental.

In my opinion that is a mistake that may well make matters worse in the long term 

[MissWolf]

In my opinion that is a mistake that may well make matters worse in the long term 

100% agree Doc, sort the head out and the erection will follow.

When a medical solution is used for a psychological issue its likely the medical solution will fail and that will only make the psychological issue worse 

[JontyR]

How you think your long term partner would react to your behaviours if she found out the full extent

This is a punting forum.
There will be some single guys on here and some where their partner is OK/accepting with punting.
I would guess most on here are in a similar situation to me.
Are you not attached? How would your partner/family/friends/colleagues react if your activities came out?

It is a punting forum. But we aren't your mates, or your priests taking a confessional.

Whilst the proportion of folks on here that empathise with your situation on here may be higher than in normal society if you post expect a whole range of replies.

It just appears to me that your bit on the side is being very honest with you. And despite how society may view a woman expressing her sexuality in this way I think she is to be applauded for her frankness.

I am not so sure that you are being honest to the same extent. I don't know if you Side Hustle knows of your punting activity. You are pretty clear that your LTR knows nothing of your extra-curricular activities.

I'm not saying you should tell her, hell no. But if you don't intend to give your all to that relationship she has a right to know that. If your motivation is security and accomodation and holidays then thats not being really fair to your LTR if she wants more than that.

It's one thing to allow her to move on, sad but protected. Its a completely another if she were to find out that you had a bit on the side and you were paying for someone to make cum every other week. '

As for me...I've had various punting careers, normally when single. I've had multiple intimate partners on the go at the same time. I did for a good while like just shagging married women. I am not a saint. But as I get older I don't mislead anyone. Maybe its because my own mortality is an increasing consideration but I don't want to rob anyone elses chances of the happiest of lives.

[rhinot]

100% agree Doc, sort the head out and the erection will follow.

When a medical solution is used for a psychological issue its likely the medical solution will fail and that will only make the psychological issue worse 

Taken on board. Thanks both.
I will give the pill a go and see what happens.
I have accepted that it may not help and there is no pressure from her side. Had a good chat about it with her.

[rhinot]

It is a punting forum. But we aren't your mates, or your priests taking a confessional.

Whilst the proportion of folks on here that empathise with your situation on here may be higher than in normal society if you post expect a whole range of replies.

It just appears to me that your bit on the side is being very honest with you. And despite how society may view a woman expressing her sexuality in this way I think she is to be applauded for her frankness.

I am not so sure that you are being honest to the same extent. I don't know if you Side Hustle knows of your punting activity. You are pretty clear that your LTR knows nothing of your extra-curricular activities.

I'm not saying you should tell her, hell no. But if you don't intend to give your all to that relationship she has a right to know that. If your motivation is security and accomodation and holidays then thats not being really fair to your LTR if she wants more than that.

It's one thing to allow her to move on, sad but protected. Its a completely another if she were to find out that you had a bit on the side and you were paying for someone to make cum every other week. '

As for me...I've had various punting careers, normally when single. I've had multiple intimate partners on the go at the same time. I did for a good while like just shagging married women. I am not a saint. But as I get older I don't mislead anyone. Maybe its because my own mortality is an increasing consideration but I don't want to rob anyone elses chances of the happiest of lives.

I honestly appreciate your replies and viewpoint Jonty.

The replies I got have been constructive. Don't know what I was expecting TBH. Not your comment for sure 

I believe the LTR is comfortable for both me and my LTP.
Other than lack of sexual intimacy and affection (for me) it is a good, supportive relationship.

New lady knows about my punting and is fine with it.
Her viewpoint is that my partner is at fault for not giving me what I need. That is probably down to her sexuality.

[Doc Holliday]

Taken on board. Thanks both.
I will give the pill a go and see what happens.
I have accepted that it may not help and there is no pressure from her side. Had a good chat about it with her.

So you have taken it on board but ignored it 

It does not sound to me that you have any significant degree of physiological causes of ED and as discussed it is psychogenic in nature.

Now, as also discussed, against that background, the meds may or may not compensate for this.
If they don't you will feel even more despair.
If they do work (and they probably will) it is highly likely you will be hooked and will progress to using them for your punting also, as you will undoubtedly have experienced the stronger erections they can produce.

This dependency will in turn worsen the psychological cause of your sexual dysfunction and you may find yourself in 'a spiral'

[rhinot]

So you have taken it on board but ignored it 

It does not sound to me that you have any significant degree of physiological causes of ED and as discussed it is psychogenic in nature.

Now, as also discussed, against that background, the meds may or may not compensate for this.
If they don't you will feel even more despair.
If they do work (and they probably will) it is highly likely you will be hooked and will progress to using them for your punting also, as you will undoubtedly have experienced the stronger erections they can produce.

This dependency will in turn worsen the psychological cause of your sexual dysfunction and you may find yourself in 'a spiral'

It did work. Very well in fact.
I would rather not be using them. I am hoping this has just helped me get over this hurdle.
Erection was good but not sure if it was better than before the issues started.
Next time, I will take one with me but try not to use it.
With the relief came lots of enthusiasm. She may be hooked!

No plans to punt while this is going on.

[JontyR]

Next time, I will take one with me but try not to use it.

How long are you looking to book? There is a response time you know.