Author Topic: HornyHelenNo1 - Leeds  (Read 3368 times)


8 review(s) for HelenDevine (5 positive, 2 neutral, 1 negative) [Indexed by Goldfinch]

Offline qarma

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There are many things that attract me to a SP - big tits, nice arse, provision of a particular service - and I was feeling like I needed big tits on this day so I checked AW and my HotList and was drawn to Helen's profile. There was something about her pics that made me just that bit curious to sample her wares so I messaged her to arrange a meeting. She was very prompt to reply and several messages later I'd arranged to see her later in the day. I booked 30mins at £60 in November 2018. 

There were no body shots of Helen which I'm now very wary of, but her reviews seemed good so I took the plunge. What a mistake!

Comms - As mentioned, several messages were exchanged and it was quick and simple. Helen's personality comes across in her messages and she seemed like a fun, likeable person.

Venue - Helen operates from a terraced house in Morley. There's plenty of parking available within easy walking distance, all of which is on street. I made my way to her door and gently knocked..... 

The Girl - Unfortunately this is where it all went down hill for me. When Helen closed the door I was confronted by a lass that did absolutely nothing for me. I accept that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I would say Helen is no better than 3/10 facially. She really did nothing for me. Physically she is a large woman, with roles of body fat on her back and quite sagging boobs. Facially and physically she did nothing for me. I'm desperately trying to find something that I find attractive to make the next 30 mins enjoyable and I was really struggling. She was not wearing any makeup, her clothes were not in the least bit flattering and she gave the appearance of a woman that does not look after herself. Personality-wise she seemed like a nice woman and I don't like to be unkind to nice people, but this is a punting site and I'm simply telling you my experience.

The Meet - I followed Helen up the stairs and we went in to her bedroom where there was a bed and not very much else. I can't remember exactly what furniture there was just that it seemed quite bare. I paid the £60 desperately hoping that she was a very skilled operator.....this was my only hope of getting through the next 30 mins. I could have walked, it's true, but I didn't. I now reflect that it was a very valuable learning experience and I'm now very wary of SP's that I book on AW who post nice titty pics but no body shots, or body shots with their stomach covered up. Some are very clever in the way they take photo's of themselves and what they show and don't show. Anyway, back to the meet.

Helen stripped off to reveal the roles of fat and the out-of-shape body. There was no way I was performing oral on this lady. I thought I'd try and enjoy the meet as much as I could and let her do the work. We started by fondling each other, me paying attention to her boobs. I fingered her briefly and then moved to allow her to give me oral. After a few minutes of oral Helen stopped and said I could cum in her mouth if I wanted. Which was nice of her. But her oral skills were very average and I wasn't going to cum soon like that. So she rubbered me up and we started fucking. The position was doggy and I pumped away until the inevitable happened. I was now aware of a slightly unpleasant smell from my hands - yes, it was Helen's pussy. She wasn't clean and fresh and when I got home I couldn't wash the smell away for ages. I was out well inside the 30 mins feeling very dissatisfied with the punt and with myself for arranging it.

This was a bad punt, by far my worst of 2018. It happens from time to time, quite infrequently now thankfully. It comes with the hobby and you learn and move on. I've learned and moved on from Helen.

I find it hard to find anything worthy of recommending, other than to say that Helen seems like a nice person. She isn't very skilled sexually, her oral technique is very bland and I found it hard to find anything physically stimulating about her.

Suffice to say, I won't be returning.

Offline massivejohnson

Think I saw her a few years ago when she was Miss Pussy willow or something, she was big then but not as big as your description, yes a nice girl but not for me  :timeout: Sounds like she's gone further down the hill....

Offline stevedave

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Think I saw her a few years ago when she was Miss Pussy willow or something, she was big then but not as big as your description, yes a nice girl but not for me  :timeout: Sounds like she's gone further down the hill....

That mirrors my view yeah, sounds like she's gone downhill, to Greggs.

Offline luvjoy

Yes I was horrified by the reveal as well - big lass, no attempt to dress up, facially a bit like Olive from On the Buses (showing my age!) but at least I did a runner. Despite that she gave me a positive review on AW probably hoping I wouldn't give her a negative which I didn't BTW so just shows AW reviews = crap as SP's and punters don't want to attract bad reviews!

Offline qarma

Yes I was horrified by the reveal as well - big lass, no attempt to dress up

Glad it wasn't just me then. How did you make your excuses?

facially a bit like Olive from On the Buses

 :lol:

Not a bad comparison!! Think I'd rather shag Olive though.... :scare:

Offline Dick Dasterlys Mutley

That mirrors my review as well , if you want to dpunk £60 on fat ugly birds try this one or go to your local weatherspoons on a friday night ! Olive haha but true !

Offline Ali Katt

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That mirrors my review as well , if you want to dpunk £60 on fat ugly birds try this one or go to your local weatherspoons on a friday night ! Olive haha but true !
Total bollocks, every man that says that are usually too scared to even make eye contact with a girl.

Offline Dick Dasterlys Mutley

Well well tiddles , get yorself down there mate and make eye contact with this one , she may be right up your alley !

Offline Ali Katt

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Well well tiddles , get yorself down there mate and make eye contact with this one , she may be right up your alley !
How many one nighters have you had going into Wetherspoons and talking shit to girls pissed out of your head? I can count mine on the fingers of two hands and most happened when I was younger, less fussy and mainly with girls I knew from college. It's total hyperbole that "fat mingers" are easy to pull and ready to drop their draws for every pissed up twat that talks bollox to them through their kebab stained teeth.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2019, 09:03:14 pm by Ali Katt »

Offline Dick Dasterlys Mutley

Oh , seems like ive hit a nerve here , you getting flash backs mate ?
This thread is going slightly off piste now , a few reflecting reviews and agreeing posts for
the same prossie can not be wrong ?

Offline Ali Katt

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Oh , seems like ive hit a nerve here , you getting flash backs mate ?
This thread is going slightly off piste now , a few reflecting reviews and agreeing posts for
the same prossie can not be wrong ?
I've been very honest, just a shame you can't do the same. It's easier to insult people than admit you are wrong I guess, we all wish we are some sort of Casanova, but none of us are deep down and you and I are no exception. You gave her a neutral despite having a shit punt, says it all really, be honest with yourself.

Offline Dick Dasterlys Mutley

I agree i should have been more critical as it was shit ,
Looking back it should have been a negative ,
thats a lesson learnt for next time it happens !

Offline jimbob007

Unlucky kid. Can't win them all

Offline luvjoy

Glad it wasn't just me then. How did you make your excuses?

 :lol:

I feigned extreme nervousness and said I just couldn't go through with it. I might have even said it was my first time!  :sarcastic: :sarcastic: :sarcastic:

Offline Newtothisstuff

I saw her profile a couple of weeks ago and two things instantly ruled her out. The first was the photo of her lying back with her leg raised. Her stomach just seemed to keep on going. It just made me think that she was bigger than she was letting on.
The second was her description of herself as 'curvy'. I've never yet met a WG described as curvy who wasn't fat. Curvy like a beachball is usually the best description.

Offline Ali Katt

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I saw her profile a couple of weeks ago and two things instantly ruled her out. The first was the photo of her lying back with her leg raised. Her stomach just seemed to keep on going. It just made me think that she was bigger than she was letting on.
The second was her description of herself as 'curvy'. I've never yet met a WG described as curvy who wasn't fat. Curvy like a beachball is usually the best description.
Now you're just teasing me, after that description she would go in my HL if it wasn't for the vanilla service.

Offline Newtothisstuff

Now you're just teasing me, after that description she would go in my HL if it wasn't for the vanilla service.
PMSL.
I know what you mean. I like a big girl too from time to time. I just don't like not knowing what to expect when I walk through the door. If I'm not in the mood for a big girl, it pisses me off to be confronted by one.

Offline 12Daniel

 :vomit: :vomit: smelly pussy, errrrr
Funy is they fosy about our hygiene, using viper even after shower before sucking and they are not bother about them self? ??
After fingerings her you should let her lick your fingers, so she might get the hint to start wash herself down there......
Disgusting! !!!!!

Offline Ali Katt

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:vomit: :vomit: smelly pussy, errrrr
Funy is they fosy about our hygiene, using viper even after shower before sucking and they are not bother about them self? ??
After fingerings her you should let her lick your fingers, so she might get the hint to start wash herself down there......
Disgusting! !!!!!
You posted the exact thing here two days ago with equally appalling English:

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=241866.msg2474947#msg2474947

Offline wristjob

I saw her 3 years ago and she was hideous. Just huge swathes of lard, just nasty. Basically she is the best ever at hiding behind the door til you are in. I literally went oral only cos I didn't want to be that close. Oh ad she had even more obscure pics back then, now I'm careful to avoid pics that just show tits and long angles.

Oh - and I recently mentioned her but nto by name.
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=241559.msg2473455#msg2473455

Sorry no review then, I wasn't very active here or punting at that time.

Offline Ali Katt

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I saw her 3 years ago and she was hideous. Just huge swathes of lard, just nasty. Basically she is the best ever at hiding behind the door til you are in. I literally went oral only cos I didn't want to be that close. Oh ad she had even more obscure pics back then, now I'm careful to avoid pics that just show tits and long angles.

Oh - and I recently mentioned her but nto by name.
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=241559.msg2473455#msg2473455

Sorry no review then, I wasn't very active here or punting at that time.
But did she squirt?

Offline wristjob

But did she squirt?

She blew me and I got out of there as fast as possible. She didn't squirt and if she had I would probably have just jumped out the window.

Offline muffin

Used to see her years ago for blowy only. Agree she is a big unit blowy not bad.. she used to swallow my goo. Would have been barely acceptable if she could kiss. Time to hang up her stockings me thinks.

Offline Ali Katt

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Used to see her years ago for blowy only. Agree she is a big unit blowy not bad.. she used to swallow my goo. Would have been barely acceptable if she could kiss. Time to hang up her stockings me thinks.
Does she kiss or not?

Offline muffin


Offline Dick Dasterlys Mutley

She blew me and I got out of there as fast as possible. She didn't squirt and if she had I would probably have just jumped out the window.

Now thats funny , your right Mr WJ ,
The only thing she will be squirting is more sauce onto
double pie and chips !