External Link/Members OnlyExternal Link/Members Only Note. Both VS and GT ads above are posted by Lily but there are also GT ads posted by William with the same photos and address but a different phone number£50 for 60 minutes
Staying in Glasgae a few days last December so wanted to try the local massage scene. Google showed a few places but no reviews in the usual sites.
Passed this one whilst wandering about and it seemed seedy enough. Set in offices above shops with only an A board sign in the street to give it away.
Text exchanges to book a time and advise that there's no shower and I'm back later after a shower back at the hotel. I'm a bit early so climb all three flights of stairs with no sign of where they are.
More texts and a guy in motorcycle leathers looking like Compo from LOTSW pops out of what I took to be the site of an office refurb because of the workmen drilling and banging and debris in the landing.
I wrongly assume that he is lost as well but no, he's there to guide me into a room at the end of a short corridor. Is he William?
The photos on VS and GT are from inside and it does it's best to hide the office vibe with sofas, wall posters and a folding massage table at the far end.
Lily is 30+, possibly 40s but slim and trim with dark hair just over her shoulders with a pleasant face and smile, if a little toothy for some. She's dressed in a loose kaftan type top that drapes to the tops of her thighs and what I initially mistook for leggings but turned out to jeans, or at least of thicker cotton material than leggings. Her English isn't great but there's a good personality with lots of smiling. She's been in the UK "not long".
There's at least five minutes of fussing about, offering me a seat on one of the sofas, offering me a KitKat, making a drink, adjusting the heaters and lights and music before I gesture to the massage table and start to undress, asking for a fan heater pointing at the top of the table to be switched off. It's very warm.
At the boxer stage, she confirms these should go too and I saddle up. I double check that the table isn't borrowed from the workmen outside as it feels less substantial than others and more suited to wallpapering. She seems concerned about how I found the address without asking and I avoid mention of GT or VS to say I got the number walking past earlier.
I confirm that I want one hour of soft and relaxing and we're off. I assume the usual starfish position with feet at the edges of the table and arms dangling to the floor and await to see what happens.
Fans of WSWS will be disappointed, or maybe my cues gave it away. There is no massage element. There are finger strokes up and down the legs and some use of oil but it feels like she's painting it on in stripes, rather than rubbing it in. Or perhaps it's the sounds of drilling and banging from next door that puts me in that frame of mind.
Within no time at all, the strokes are focussed solely on the upper legs, thighs, biffen and sac. I move around to accommodate and encourage probing and it's enjoyable but doesn't quite rally the troops. I raise my hips when I can on the hope of reachunders and swipes.
Hopes that are almost in vain. The twins aren't ignored but are teased just short of something fully sensual.
Just over half an hour's worth of massage but almost 45 minutes into the hour, she asks me to "turn over darling". I feel relaxed but not aroused and still no towel is draped.
I start to feel the chill at this point and ask for the fan heater to be switched back on. Again, not much attention to anything above the waist, it's legs, thighs and hips so after five minutes or so of looking at her backside, I ask if I can touch. She agrees and asks about extras.
There's nothing arousing so I just ask for no stone unturned but no ending and she tries to rub me up the right way as my hand slides around her lower back and stomach under the smock, with occasional moves up to the bra-line and down into the top of what I now know are quite tight jeans.
But this doesn't shiver my timbers either so I just lie back and relax. That's not hard but nothing else hardens.
Exactly on the hour from walking in, she tells me it's all over and that she's ready to have a sleep. She asks if I'm happy and I agree on the basis that I've had worse and at least I feel relaxed.
She's not exactly rushing me out but there's less chit chat post massage than before. On the basis that I've paid less and got more, I decide that £50 is more than enough so there's no tip.
On the way out, Compo is still lurking and at one point I thought he was going to escort me out. But no, we grunt and nod as men do in awkward situations and I make my own way out.
I considered negative but nothing was really wrong, it just never went right. I've had worse Chinese massages but I've had better also. £50 seems like VFM compared to my usual haunts but this may be the going rate across the border. EM
