Up until now I have worried a little that my reviews are nearly always positive and usually high positives at that, I needn't worry though, this one is just about as negative as negative can get.
External Link/Members OnlyOver the festivities I was advised that I needed to attend a meeting over in Leeds on Wed 2nd, I just fancied a new years punt, so got busy over NYE/NYD trying to find a suitable meet for the afternoon following my meeting in the morning.
However being done at short notice and at a time when they were likely to be closed, I was left relying on text, if they got back to me then fine, if not surely they would when they opened up again???
COMMSFired a text off late NYE enquiring if they were open for business Wed and who would be working lunchtime, got no reply, which came as no surprise (however another girl, who I also enquired with, did to say she was not starting back till Thur 3rd and wished me HNY, (very diligent - keep her No for future occasions). NYD came and went still no reply, again no great surprise, but when I still didn't hear on Wed morning, I though they mustn't be open, so went to my very boring meeting, with nothing to look forward to...
I came out of my meeting, still nothing, but I though I'll just give them a call anyway and got an answer from a female who spoke the worst English I've ever encountered, I managed to ascertain that they were open and could accommodate me, but when I asked who was working, I was given three names I think, I'm not sure, as I could not recognise any of them as names they were just sounds. overall not a good start.
LOCATIONRight in the heart of Leeds city centre on the busiest high street possible. So parking is tricky all I could find was a multi-storey car park about 10 minutes walk away. As a one hour appointment obviously requires more than one hours parking. The first wanted £8.60 for two hours, so I backed out of that one and found another (Q-Park Albion St) which was slightly closer anyway and I ended up paying £6.50.
The doorway itself is just a door, no frontage so not very easily located (Next to EE opposite Rolex) the only saving grace to this whole disaster was the fact that this door is always unlocked, so no waiting around in public view, but once through that door you then knock and wait, but out of sight.
The place itself is not bad, an old three (maybe more) storey premises quite roomy with authentic decor, I was led to the third floor to an alcove/room with a bed-high sub floor and mattress, the whole place seemed nice and clean.
No mention of shower nor refreshments upon entering nor leaving.
RATES£40 = 1 hr (payable at front desk)
EXTRASClothed HE = £20
Topless HE = £40 (as I understood, but very very poor English, so it was acted out rather than actually spoke).
GIRLI was shown in by a woman about 35-40 chunky build, not very good looking, no make-up, hair tied back, wearing a coat, an ill fitting tunic top, black leggings, men's ankle socks and a pair of fluffy mules, like something out of your local chippy. I thought this is not looking good, I hope to goodness that she is just 'front of house' and is not going to be 'my girl', oh how wrong you can be?...
EXPERIENCEWell where do I start? the experience was extremely poor on all accounts.
The massage itself, well you could not really call it a massage, was just literally a case of rubbing oil all over my body, there was no sign of her any having any knowledge of what she was doing at all, no systematic approach, no intensity, no muscle work, just simply rubbing oil on.
After the first 10 minutes it was very clear that this was one to 'write off as a bad experience' her massage skills were nil and sexually she did absolutely nothing at all for me so I decided there and then that I would not be coughing up any more than the initial £40 paid, but at this stage she was unaware of this fact.
However there was not a single CC swipe nor bollock tickle in sight, during the whole process there was not a single word uttered by her, until the flip, upon the flip she did about 5 - 10 more minutes of oil rubbing on my legs, again, still no teasers at all, then she tapped my nob and started me-mowing the wanking action saying twenty, then me-mowed taking her top off and said forty to which I replied no just massage, she was a little taken aback by this and if she had any stride, it certainly knocked her off it, she really lost focus, did a bit of oil rubbing then she'd get the towel and start wiping the oil off, then realised there was still time left then reapplied more oil, this happened twice, it was quite absurd really.
The whole 'massage' took place with her knelt between my legs never once did she come up on my side not even for the shoulders, she just knelt on one knee between my legs and one foot up between my hip and my hand, at this point I gently got hold of her ankle and my hand was very swiftly removed...
I set a stopwatch on my phone now at punts and when she wiped me down for the final time and said ok. I showed her my phone, 50 minutes, she was nonplussed and muttered something about time to get dressed.
I had three options; argue the toss with her - (a complete non-starter), ask to see someone else - did't fancy it, or walk and to be truthful I'd had a bellyful by now and was glad it was over, however much I hate being short-changed.
VFMNonexistent.
SUMMARYWorst punt of my life
Shall I be returning? well what do you think?
Happy Punting...
