External Link/Members OnlyOk, I should start this review by saying I kind of knew what I might be getting into. I had called this lady before and she refused to see me because I didn’t tell her explicitly what I wanted during the first phone call. She has a list of numbered services on her page and blimey, you’d better either be sure you want one of the “on menu” options or be able to describe exactly what you are looking for. As I was on a crowded street near my office describing exactly where I wanted to cum didn’t seem like the best idea (oh and you can’t txt either, tried that and she was not happy!!). Any, we didn’t manage to meet on the first attempt, but I have to admit to a bit of a soft spot for the slightly left field girls and just couldn’t shake the itch that I still wanted to see her.
So at the start of November (this report is a bit late!!) I gave her another call. This time I was pretty definite about what I wanted, 1hr sensual massage, owo and CIM. This time she seemed ok with the details and we arranged to meet at 2pm at hers. Bearing in mind it’s 1:15pm when I make the call she still insists that I call 30mins before the booking to confirm. So I wait 15 mins and call to confirm. Ok, make your way to Chancery Lane tube and call me at 5minutes to 2 she says.
5mins to 2, and I call again. Now this is where it starts to get a bit weird. She gives me turn by turn directions to her place, but only one turn at a time, staying on the phone with me as I walk round the back streets to her place (cue some slightly awkward small talk as I follow her directions). Eventually get to the front door and get buzzed in.
Flat is up a couple of flights of stairs, building is OK, flat is small but fairly clean.
I’m greeted by a somewhat older and rounder lady than I was expecting, but she looks friendly enough and the boobs that are bursting out of her top look very inviting, large and firm!
Can I take my shoes off when I come in, of course I say and take my shoes off and put them down in the hall. Not there, she says, shoes go on the other side, er, ok. Would I like to take my coat off, sure, oh no don’t put it on that hook, go into the room and leave it on the coat rack, again, ok. So, this lady is about to give me a massage and suck my cock, so I ask can I have a quick shower. Why didn’t you tell me you wanted a shower? Well, I always assumed it was polite! 10 minute discussion now on why she needs to know exactly what’s going to happen when a client arrives (which made no sense and I should have left, but I’m here now and already 15mins in!!).
I start to disrobe and we have another 5 mins on where I am allowed to put each item of clothing, plus a lecture on the fact that me visiting a masseuse is making me nervous and so I’m not listening to her perfectly reasonable (not) instructions. So I finally get a shower and come back in for the massage.
But wait, you have to have instructions on how to get onto the massage table!! I’m now thinking those tits look good, but this massage and the following oral better be out of this world!!
What follows is one of the worst non-massages I have ever had. Barely touching me and more like brushing my skin (not in a sensual teasing way either!).
A couple of CC swipes and I’m asked to turn over. At this point she undressed and unleashes what are a pretty great pair of tits. The rest of her was not so good, quite a belly and a fairly saggy, cellulite covered arse. Some lacklustre rubbing of boobs on chest follows, but no real b2b (not sure the table would take both of us!!). Now onto the main even, some OWO and CIM. This was ok, provided you like it soft with not a lot of variety. Eventually she finished me off by hand with her lips round the head of my cock and went to the bathroom to spit.
Overall this was one of the most disappointing punts I have ever had. She was considerably bigger than I expected, size 16 to 18, and older, around 45 to 50, offered an appalling massage (despite her profile’s description of her qualifications), no kissing and a below average BJ. All this plus the fact that she is obviously nuts, her OCD regarding how you book and the extremely touchy way she deals with any variation to her perceived plan marks her as one to avoid!!
I paid £ 180 for the hour and felt completely ripped off afterwards!
