Want to obliterate £250 quid in an under an hour and have fuck all to show for it? Well, in that case I suggest you book an hour with Russian brass Gelena at Diva, also known as Ketty at Agency Barracuda. The dumbest part is that I had a quick scan of the reviews start of the weekend, didn't spot that one of our members had reviewed her (off to Specsavers I go then) and so I went and fell flat on my face.
CommunicationTo be entirely fair, the agency picked up the phone in three rings, I asked if Gelena was available same day, gave a time, they said they'd check and SMS me. Within 10 minutes I had a text saying she is available at my preferred time this afternoon. I confirmed and was sent an address. So far so good I thought.
VenueGround floor flat in a swanky building in London's Belgravia area. I rang the door bell bang on my allotted time slot and Gelena buzzed me in. Whole thing was quite discreet. She opened the door and it was indeed the girl in the photos. I said hi, she did too, then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I handed the donation over, she asked if I want a shower, I said yes and she pointed me in the direction of the bathroom.
And from this point on everything went a bit tits up.
The bathroom itself was dirty. The shower hose didn't have a shower attached to it, toilet was unflushed and somebody clearly walked around the bathroom in size 12 Doc Martins, leaving great big fucking prints all over the gaff.
I also couldn't tell if the towel I'd be using was fresh(ish) or used to wipe a dozen cocks prior to mine.
The ServiceWorth every penny of the £250. Joking. Was not worth £50. Everything was done very lethargically. I don't know if she was just half asleep or couldn't be fucked. Asked if I wanted music in the background. Sure, I said. I thought she'd put a playlist on. Nah, let's get up every 5 fucking minutes to dick about with the phone and change the tune.
She stripped and to be fair the body was quite something from afar. Nice fake knockers, long legs, big arse, small hips. However, there were some nasty stretch marks across her torso. I even cheekily asked if she had a kid
Quick breakdown of services:
OWO? Lasted 5 minutes. I barely got hard and she tried to get the Durex on. No I said, suck, else it won't be going anywhere. She obliged but with a rather indifferent look on her face.
When eventually I did get hard, she bunged the condom on and I banged her in a couple of positions. I was getting bored, she clearly couldn't be fucked so I requested some OWO. This was carried out with minimal enthusiasm. Probably would have been more enthusiastic to carry a couple hundred pieces of Welsh slate up a ladder and onto a sodding roof.
Anyway. CIM? "Not for this price, price to small" she said. "Agency take 50%, so I get little." Fantastic. I said its on your profile, she replied with the predictable "it's a mistake."
I asked how much time we have, she said appointment finished in 20 minutes but she needs at least 10 minutes to prepare for the next guy.
By that point I knew I'd fucked it, so had little choice, got dressed and fucked off.
As echoed by the previous reviewer, I was in and out in about 40 minutes, £250 lighter and with fuck all to show for it. Fucking splendid.
The only positive is that she more or less looked like her pics, but that's about it and not worth the £250.
Looks like I have much to learn gentlemen!
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