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External Link/Members OnlyOk, so as some people who read my reviews over time tease me because I'm sometimes able to get a good performance from girls that prove controversial for other people and get out satisfied from places where some people would end up disappointed. But in this case I failed: tried as I might to like Andra, this was just not good. Not good at all.
Not a complete failure, but honestly not good. Booked for mid afternoon a couple of hours before, got there in time. She receives in a side road in Bayswater, a short walk from the Porchester SPA where I recommend going to unwind instead and ultimately spend 1/5 of what you would waste with Andra. The place is quiet and there's not many people around so discretion-wise, it is good.
Andra opens the door with the classic "hiding fully behind it" move, which I honestly don't understand (it's not as if there were hundreds of people around waiting to get a peek of whoever opens the door), but I wasn't disappointed by what's behind. She is a very beautiful, very cute, tall (taller than the declared 169cm, I would say) and slim girl in her early twenties. Honestly a stunner (for now - read on), with long legs, perfect round ass, beautiful and pert B-cup natural breasts, a really sweet and beautiful face. 9 body-wise, 8.5 face-wise. The pictures on the Diva page could be reasonably representative of her real looks if she 1) ever smiled (she doesn't), 2) really had the playful attitude that is hinted by the pictures with the ponytails (she doesn't).
Too bad she spoils most of her looks with her sulky and uninterested attitude. She matter-of-factly directed me to her room and pointed at the bed saying "there" with a plain tone. "Oh, god, this is going to be shitty - I thought - or then again I'll need to work hard". So I tried. I tried to ignore her inexcusably depressing tone of voice, the inexpressive stare, the endlessly beeping phone in her hands, and I quipped lightly, smiled amply, displayed confidence that things would end up being OK... and headed for the shower. Got handed a clean towel (at least), bathroom was clean and I appreciated the nice touch that the sink had been sanitized from the phlegm of previous punters which I've found staring at me from more than one bathroom recently (BTW guys when you gargle with mouthwash and you spit half of your Sunday roast in the sink FUCKING CLEAN IT DON'T LEAVE PIECES OF ROTTING LAMB IN IT).
Back in the room, and she quickly undressed as if she had to get ready for a day of factory work on an assembly line where you have to be naked as a form of uniform. Again, she told me abruptly "there", pointing at the bed, and then "RELAX! RELAX!". Now, I always hate when prostitutes tell me to relax: I've done this for 20 years and if there's one thing that I'm not when I'm paying a woman to have sex is nervous, for fuck's sake. In this case though it was particularly annoying, because I got the sense that she was the one who was somewhat nervous and tense, despite my constant attempts to appear a meek, sweet, somewhat idiotically smiling guy who just wants to get a romantic fuck.
Things still had the potential to go up, though, so I lied on the bed, asked her to lie beside me, and tried to kiss her. No way, she instantly turned her head on the side. "Oh, you don't kiss?" "mh mh", she said turning her head. Disappointing. Very much. Because the fucking Diva profile mentions both "FK" and "DFK", and I was under the impression that girls who list both generally at least kiss with soft lips, whereas girls who only list "FK" end up kissing with mouth shut (not understanding what FK is, BTW). None of the sort, the tart doesn't even concede a peck on the cheek.
OK, so I tried caressing her beautiful body hoping to ease some sort of connection. No reaction from her, just a bored look and a hand perfunctorily heading towards my genitals for an unconvincing wank. Some exploration of her breasts and body with my tongue, and then I headed downwards as it seemed that meeting the inanimate pussy would be the most human experience I could have with her. And yet, this ended up disappointing as well, because she is one of those girls who manage to spend 5 minutes with someone titillating their clit, licking their labia, stuffing their tongue in their hole and various similar practices with not even the vaguest hint of a sigh.
OK, so on my back I went, and while I caressed her for a while (with her quick to tell me that fingering was off-limits) I started hoping for at least a decent blow job, while she looked at me for a couple of minutes as if she didn't understand what I might be expecting from her at that point. Oh the (not so) naive girl. She eventually smartened up and headed to my shaft... not before getting a deep purple, extra-thick condom from her drawer (the profile mentions OWO but she clearly doesn't do that...) and sliding it on my cock... all the while trying to adjust its creases with her FUCKING NAILS. No, love, you don't use nails on a condom, I showed her while I fixed it myself.
Needless to say that the ensuing blowjob might have been provided to someone else as far as I know, because with that thick layer of latex around my skin I barely felt anything. So I grabbed her ass and moved her to a 69, which was probably the more enjoyable part of the punt, because her pussy (while not exactly fresh as a rose) was at least clean and sweet, and she didn't seem to entirely disdain the experience either.
A few penetration-related activities followed:
- her on top
- her on top turned with her back to me - which she got into with a bit of a complaining attitude when I asked
- her on her back with me finally giving it to her convincingly and eventually coming
in all this, she was only half participating, constantly giving me the impression of being one of those girls who don't allow themselves to relax and enjoy the act, ultimately demonstrating without possibility of failure that this job is not for them.
After the first round she asked me to take another shower, which I did. I opened the door to head to the bathroom, my cock still half erect, and two girls were lovingly having tea in the living room. "Whoop, that was my roommate", she said not feeling the need to explain who the other one was. She closed me in the bedroom while she directed the two intruders to some other room, and finally brought me to the bathroom where I had another shower. During whichtime, someone rang the door and a man was let in, with my friend coming to the door of the bathroom saying "can you please wait here?". I thought that it was probably another punter but the man stood in the living room for a while speaking in Romanian, which made me nervous because all my stuff had been left in the room.
Finally, the guy left (or was let into the other room) and I was called back. I was ready for some chatting to better break the ice, but she didn't seem to speak good enough English to have a meaningful conversation. I ended up discovering that she speaks Spanish and Italian better than English, so I tried to lead the conversation in Spanish for a while, only to realize that she didn't really have anything interesting to talk about. I still managed to discover that she botoxed her lips (not too much, luckily), and that she plans to both 1) enhance her breasts (the idiot, they are perfect, I told her, don't be silly, don't ruin yourself, but to no avail), 2) enhance her ass (WHAT THE FUCK WHO PUT THIS RIDICULOUS IDEA INTO YOUR HEAD YOU HAVE A GREAT ASS WHAT THE HELL), so if you're somewhat interested in her looks see her before she turns into some kind of artificial caricature of herself.
So I focused on her pussy for a while, until the moment I got somewhat aroused and wanted to go for a second round... only to be frustrated by her who told me that "she cannot do that", and the second shot could only be as an effect of her wanking me. This is where I knew I had had enough and I quickly got dressed and left, with her completely unaware that she had pissed me off.
Overall:
- very beautiful girl,
- lying profile (both her fault and Diva's: fuck off, Diva),
- extremely limited services, performed poorly,
- unfriendly and unengaged attitude,
- complete lack of atmosphere, of sense of care, of welcoming attitude.
Avoid.
