Author Topic: You know you're a punter when... (Read 445813 times)

sparkus · « **Reply #1450 on:** May 19, 2019, 08:39:00 pm »

Quote from: nato1979 on May 19, 2019, 04:05:31 pm

Punting phone doesn’t have data. Use my normal phone during the day for checking out ukpunting and AW, I am pretty diligent about deleting the history but you always have that doubt.

I have pulled mine out and brought up Google and (showing how long ago this was) "Craiglist London massage" was autofilled in the search bar

sparkus · « **Reply #1451 on:** May 19, 2019, 08:40:27 pm »

When you watch Dinner Date and have to supress saying out loud "I've punted in those flats!"

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #1452 on:** May 19, 2019, 08:42:37 pm »

Quote from: sparkus on May 19, 2019, 08:40:27 pm

When you watch Dinner Date and have to supress saying out loud "I've punted in those flats!"

at least you didn't recognise one of the participants

...... or comment on how shit the water pressure is in those flats showers

JAYZ · « **Reply #1453 on:** May 19, 2019, 09:27:44 pm »

You know when, walking through the town I observe a good looking young Englishman embracing a incredibly pretty girl with a central European accent and I don't envy him because I know I'll have my own pretty European lady to embrace next week.

paulub45 · « **Reply #1454 on:** May 20, 2019, 03:34:43 pm »

When you see the word [analysis]on a news headline and straight think of anal.

Southendlothario · « **Reply #1455 on:** May 21, 2019, 04:53:09 pm »

Quote from: webpunter on April 02, 2019, 08:05:28 pm

Good planning

Best to keep it well groomed coz otherwise looks a bit iffy doing some manscaping & then the next day you have to make some time disappear

Making time disappear is deffo skilled punter stuff

Days Holiday booked off work, go and have a peruse around London, wander round, pop in a couple of bars, spend a bit of time watching the world go by, sat in a park, hot sweaty horny sex with one in the morning, one in the afternoon, then home at same time as usual. Straight in the bath/shower, job's a goodun.
"Finished on site a bit early so we stopped off for a beer once we got back to the yard"

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #1456 on:** May 21, 2019, 09:19:21 pm »

Saw a defaced sign in a park, the first word was obliterated so it stated

BALL GAMES

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #1457 on:** May 21, 2019, 09:19:59 pm »

Passed a road named Clitterhouse Road ..... in NW London

Plan R · « **Reply #1458 on:** May 22, 2019, 12:30:09 am »

Your decorating at home.. and end up with Ronseal 2 part Wood Filler (which pisses on polyfiller btw), all over your hands and fingernails..
and all you can think is "Fuck ! I've got to get this shit off my hands before the weekend punt - or she'll never let me finger her ! "

Hidden Image/Members Only

Ronseal High Performance Wood Filler.
Recommended and not recommended.

Home Alone · « **Reply #1459 on:** May 22, 2019, 02:39:46 pm »

... you're driving through Bolton on your way to a punt and you pass one of those purple & yellow Premier corner shops. This one bore the legend - I kid you not! - 'B.J's News, Food and Wine'!

BogBog1 · « **Reply #1460 on:** May 22, 2019, 05:51:22 pm »

Quote from: Home Alone on May 22, 2019, 02:39:46 pm

... you're driving through Bolton on your way to a punt and you pass one of those purple & yellow Premier corner shops. This one bore the legend - I kid you not! - 'B.J's News, Food and Wine'!

I of course presume you walked in and asked "is it with or without?"

Bonker · « **Reply #1461 on:** May 23, 2019, 12:59:45 am »

Seen today on the side of a van

Tugwell heating

Home Alone · « **Reply #1462 on:** May 23, 2019, 06:09:42 am »

Quote from: zakkmorrison on May 22, 2019, 05:51:22 pm

I of course presume you walked in and asked "is it with or without?"

I would have - of course!

- but I didn't want to to be late for my appointment!

Plan R · « **Reply #1463 on:** May 23, 2019, 12:57:08 pm »

For a microsecond you optimistically think " Great - a new knocking shop !! "

Hidden Image/Members Only

But only on 'polling' days when these signs are all over the high-street...

Boringbob · « **Reply #1464 on:** May 24, 2019, 04:59:16 pm »

I will admit that I am often in need of some lube and what a relief it was to see that Ass Spray can be delivered 24/7
I assume they make backdoor deliveries.

Hidden Image/Members Only

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #1465 on:** May 30, 2019, 02:49:50 pm »

when the Missus suddenly asks that she wonders how much does punting cost nowadays ....

.... in Cambridge where she went to university and is planning a day out for us there

wolfiesmith69 · « **Reply #1466 on:** May 31, 2019, 06:53:25 am »

When you get sent somewhere new with work & you immediately check AW to see who is free that day !!!!

Markus · « **Reply #1467 on:** May 31, 2019, 08:09:34 am »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on May 30, 2019, 02:49:50 pm

when the Missus suddenly asks that she wonders how much does punting cost nowadays ....

.... in Cambridge where she went to university and is planning a day out for us there

£30 for both of you on one of those punting boats

BogBog1 · « **Reply #1468 on:** May 31, 2019, 03:22:15 pm »

Quote from: wolfiesmith69 on May 31, 2019, 06:53:25 am

When you get sent somewhere new with work & you immediately check AW to see who is free that day !!!!

THIS.

EastCoast Rambler · « **Reply #1469 on:** May 31, 2019, 03:37:49 pm »

New on here.
Already today On TV, I've heard 'facial' and 'happy ending' - had to have a bit of a smile!

stampjones · « **Reply #1470 on:** May 31, 2019, 04:14:56 pm »

Quote from: EastCoast Rambler on May 31, 2019, 03:37:49 pm

New on here.
Already today On TV, I've heard 'facial' and 'happy ending' - had to have a bit of a smile!

You know you’re a punter when...
You add your first post to ukp
You know you’re a grade A punter when...
You add your first review
Welcome

EastCoast Rambler · « **Reply #1471 on:** May 31, 2019, 04:21:24 pm »

Thank you SJ

JimmySW · « **Reply #1472 on:** June 02, 2019, 08:46:48 am »

There is a decent car near here with a number plate ending in BBC and all I can think of is Big Black Cock!

bristolqwerty · « **Reply #1473 on:** June 02, 2019, 12:21:14 pm »

Quote from: JimmySW on June 02, 2019, 08:46:48 am

There is a decent car near here with a number plate ending in BBC and all I can think of is Big Black Cock!

you often think of BBC then JSW?

Priapus4u · « **Reply #1474 on:** June 02, 2019, 07:18:52 pm »

Quote from: JimmySW on June 02, 2019, 08:46:48 am

There is a decent car near here with a number plate ending in BBC and all I can think of is Big Black Cock!

I used to know of a right git with a Rolls-Royce with a reg. number A9 NOB who modified it to be A9"NOB

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #1475 on:** June 03, 2019, 06:26:51 pm »

when you see a pharmacy called Mango Pharmacy and it is right next door to a massage shop

(Edgware High Street A5 by corner with Station Road).

rebelscum · « **Reply #1476 on:** June 03, 2019, 06:32:12 pm »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on June 03, 2019, 06:26:51 pm

when you see a pharmacy called Mango Pharmacy and it is right next door to a massage shop

(Edgware High Street A5 by corner with Station Road).

One for that Tarzan lad and his favourite word.

Markus · « **Reply #1477 on:** June 04, 2019, 08:46:06 am »

You see an advert that says PSE now available at Travis Perkin and immediately think of Porn Star Experience

I only realised it meant Planned Square Edge Timber when I asked a carpenter.

BogBog1 · « **Reply #1478 on:** June 04, 2019, 10:46:40 am »

Quote from: Markus on June 04, 2019, 08:46:06 am

You see an advert that says PSE now available at Travis Perkin and immediately think of Porn Star Experience

I only realised it meant Planned Square Edge Timber when I asked a carpenter.

Maybe Travis Perkins are expanding their range of services....

Billy the kid · « **Reply #1479 on:** June 04, 2019, 04:41:31 pm »

Happened to be visiting a Historical building recentl in foreign lands As I headed towards the basement I happened upon this sign.
No comment required.

Hidden Image/Members Only

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #1480 on:** June 04, 2019, 06:07:32 pm »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on June 03, 2019, 06:26:51 pm

when you see a pharmacy called Mango Pharmacy and it is right next door to a massage shop

(Edgware High Street A5 by corner with Station Road).

that little area has everything a good eastern european hooker needs doesn't it..... western union office, lycamobile shop and a cheap beds shop

not to mention a pub on the corner for a post punt drink

Cum_again · « **Reply #1481 on:** June 09, 2019, 10:21:17 pm »

You get told you need cbt and cross your legs before realising it’s only cognitive behavioural therapy.

kingmg · « **Reply #1482 on:** June 11, 2019, 08:30:58 pm »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on June 03, 2019, 06:26:51 pm

when you see a pharmacy called Mango Pharmacy and it is right next door to a massage shop
Some fit birds in abc Estates in Edgware always look at the houses for sale to get a better look

(Edgware High Street A5 by corner with Station Road).

Fat Bob · « **Reply #1483 on:** June 12, 2019, 01:30:20 pm »

You have a wee (red faced) chuckle to yourself whilst listening to the local radio station (Forth 1) which has a phone-in show where listeners are invited to phone in (live on air) with their true stories; the theme yesterday morning was 'what have you discovered hiding behind the door?'

LoneWolf2020 · « **Reply #1484 on:** June 12, 2019, 07:20:10 pm »

When you judge every woman you see on whether you'd book her off adultwork or not

BogBog1 · « **Reply #1485 on:** June 13, 2019, 02:50:29 pm »

Quote from: LoneWolf2020 on June 12, 2019, 07:20:10 pm

When you judge every woman you see on whether you'd book her off adultwork or not

THIS. And the slight variation: whenever you see a young Eastern European hottie pulling a (usually pink) suitcase, and you think "I bet she'll be on AW in 2 days' time".

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #1486 on:** June 16, 2019, 10:32:52 pm »

When at UKPunting giving Head takes on a new meaning

Global_Punter · « **Reply #1487 on:** June 16, 2019, 10:53:42 pm »

When you rate ladies on a scale of 1-10 for looks, boobs and ass etc

Analyse ladies based on looks ie she has a pretty face but her ass looks like an ironing board AW have better options

you give her a miss - thinking she's not worth the effort.

You'd rather spend that dinner cash on a guaranteed hottie than an average lady, thats not likely to kiss you after multiple date.

You have a punting sim, spend lots time on your mobile or laptop not searching for a new home or car insurance but on UKP and AW reading reviews and post to avoid a bad punt

Bonker · « **Reply #1488 on:** June 16, 2019, 11:08:11 pm »

When you go to the bar and the bar girl asks, what would you like?

And you answer OWO and CIM. Then you have to pretend they're exotic cocktails.

anonyorks · « **Reply #1489 on:** June 17, 2019, 12:44:33 pm »

Listening to a chillout album and you hear a song and think:

''have I been given a HJ to this song in a massage before?''

Plan R · « **Reply #1490 on:** June 17, 2019, 07:47:12 pm »

Hidden Image/Members Only Saw it in Tesco - bought it. Saw it in Asda, bought some more. Why the strange compulsion I wonder ?

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #1491 on:** June 18, 2019, 12:20:14 pm »

did it leave you feeling fresh and reinvigorated, or just fucked and smelly?

Private Parts · « **Reply #1492 on:** June 18, 2019, 12:42:10 pm »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on March 19, 2018, 09:05:49 pm

now now saucy ...

Hello Super!

With apologies to Monty Python!

Plan R · « **Reply #1493 on:** June 18, 2019, 06:14:12 pm »

Quote from: Avg_Joe on June 18, 2019, 12:20:14 pm

did it leave you feeling fresh and reinvigorated, or just fucked and smelly?

It was most enjoyable and good vfm - but a few days later I developed a funny little rash in the crutch region

bristolqwerty · « **Reply #1494 on:** June 18, 2019, 09:49:42 pm »

When you find yourself watching women’s football World Cup!
Incidentally Brazil have some hot ladies on the pitch.
Thailand and China didn’t fair well. Every time their keepers were presented with a ball they took out a box of wet wipes and gave it a clean

bristolqwerty · « **Reply #1495 on:** June 18, 2019, 09:55:14 pm »

Quote from: anonyorks on June 17, 2019, 12:44:33 pm

Listening to a chillout album and you hear a song and think:

''have I been given a HJ to this song in a massage before?''

What’s the most memorable soundtrack you've heard?
“Do it to me one more time” is on a playlist an Asian milf I visit uses during her rub n’ tug.

Plan R · « **Reply #1496 on:** June 19, 2019, 09:00:57 am »

Quote from: bristolqwerty on June 18, 2019, 09:55:14 pm

What’s the most memorable soundtrack you've heard?
“Do it to me one more time” is on a playlist an Asian milf I visit uses during her rub n’ tug.

This always seemed to be on in the mile end rub n tug shop I frequented in the early 90s
I received many a topless handjob to this back then... External Link/Members Only [Contains sound]

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #1497 on:** June 28, 2019, 06:06:10 pm »

You see that the London Evening Standard colour supplement is advertising an article on

Aural sex

This is not a misprint.

MrArmagh · « **Reply #1498 on:** June 29, 2019, 05:43:29 pm »

you see one of these and think do they really drive around in these.

Hidden Image/Members Only

MrMatrix · « **Reply #1499 on:** June 29, 2019, 05:58:42 pm »

Just had a bust up with the OH and think , bollocks I'll book that SP up now.

Author Topic: You know you're a punter when... (Read 445813 times)

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