Author Topic: You know you're a punter when... (Read 440397 times)

mrpeterman · « **Reply #750 on:** February 22, 2018, 04:29:04 pm »

Quote from: Ali Katt on February 21, 2018, 06:18:40 pm

You see a dog eating an apple pie and it reminds you of the last time you gave oral to a woman.

Fucking classic

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streetfighter1975 · « **Reply #751 on:** February 23, 2018, 12:25:17 pm »

Or bulldog eating a kebab.....

Home Alone · « **Reply #752 on:** February 24, 2018, 01:14:32 pm »

... you're stuck by a bus stop in a queue of traffic on a bright day like today & a fit lass in her 20s waiting for a bus slowly & deliberately peels a banana and starts eating it!!

Jonestown · « **Reply #753 on:** February 24, 2018, 02:21:43 pm »

....you’re already thinking about and planning the next punt before you’ve actually cum on the current one.

Ali Katt · « **Reply #754 on:** February 24, 2018, 02:35:47 pm »

Quote from: Jonestown on February 24, 2018, 02:21:43 pm

....you’re already thinking about and planning the next punt before you’ve actually cum on the current one.

I used to this when I visited parlours.

RAJEC · « **Reply #755 on:** February 27, 2018, 09:30:57 am »

...the weather affects your mood because a punt may be cancelled

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #756 on:** February 27, 2018, 09:41:26 am »

Quote from: RAJEC on February 27, 2018, 09:30:57 am

...the weather affects your mood because a punt may be cancelled

lol.... someone's trying to plan a punt around the recently forecast snow

RAJEC · « **Reply #757 on:** February 27, 2018, 09:43:23 am »

Quote from: Avg_Joe on February 27, 2018, 09:41:26 am

lol.... someone's trying to plan a punt around the recently forecast snow

Hee hee!

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #758 on:** March 05, 2018, 08:06:49 pm »

when you have this cover on your second phone to remind you which to use for punting......

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Boringbob · « **Reply #759 on:** March 06, 2018, 07:46:02 am »

Quote from: Avg_Joe on February 27, 2018, 09:41:26 am

lol.... someone's trying to plan a punt around the recently forecast snow

It was quite heavy near me and I seriously considered placing a reverse bid cheap on the basis that trade would be slow.

Ali Katt · « **Reply #760 on:** March 06, 2018, 03:58:16 pm »

Quote from: Boringbob on March 06, 2018, 07:46:02 am

It was quite heavy near me and I seriously considered placing a reverse bid cheap on the basis that trade would be slow.

Many did webcam instead. The difficulty was getting down there as a punter.

Ali Katt · « **Reply #761 on:** March 06, 2018, 03:59:13 pm »

When doing your weekly washing you check your clothes for long dyed hair, spunk stains and mascara.

Romney · « **Reply #762 on:** March 06, 2018, 04:09:04 pm »

Quote from: Ali Katt on March 06, 2018, 03:59:13 pm

long dyed hair, spunk stains and mascara.

Wasn't that the title of famous country music song?

threechilliman · « **Reply #763 on:** March 06, 2018, 06:14:29 pm »

Quote from: Ali Katt on March 06, 2018, 03:59:13 pm

When doing your weekly washing you check your clothes for long dyed hair, spunk stains and mascara.

I get the wife to check.

stevedave · « **Reply #764 on:** March 06, 2018, 07:26:06 pm »

When you pay £120 for dinner for you and a couple of friends and are gutted at the price. Yet a day or two later, you'll happily hand over that in cash to a willing lass.

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #765 on:** March 06, 2018, 10:44:44 pm »

You keep driving past a fast food shop named MEATY BUNS! The missus has not noticed.

Ali Katt · « **Reply #766 on:** March 06, 2018, 10:50:45 pm »

Quote from: theejaculator on February 21, 2018, 10:06:46 pm

Yeah "punter patter" describes it really well.....and when he says "can we change to missionary?" like Mr Bean reading "The joy of sex". Trouble is I also thought....that sounds similar to what I say...

That's a great line.

Plan R · « **Reply #767 on:** March 07, 2018, 01:08:18 am »

Quote from: Romney on March 06, 2018, 04:09:04 pm

Wasn't that the title of famous country music song?

All together now..

Spunk stains on your trousers told a tale on you
Spunk stains on your trousers said you were untrue
Bet your bottom dollar you and I are through
'Cause Spunk stains on your trousers put the blame on you, yeah

myothernameis · « **Reply #768 on:** March 07, 2018, 01:13:40 am »

Quote from: Ali Katt on February 21, 2018, 06:18:40 pm

You see a dog eating an apple pie and it reminds you of the last time you gave oral to a woman.

Every time in work when I see a apple pie, it reminds me of, American pie the movie, and the pie scene

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #769 on:** March 12, 2018, 05:45:52 pm »

You cant focus or think about anything except for the threesome you've organised for later in the week.

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #770 on:** March 12, 2018, 05:47:20 pm »

When you log onto face book and see a post from the wife titled" go on Take One For The Team."
You think shit if only you knew.

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #771 on:** March 12, 2018, 06:40:03 pm »

You catch sight of a car number plate H1 HUN.

Nobody I know except ladies off AW call me 'hun'.

threechilliman · « **Reply #772 on:** March 12, 2018, 07:06:04 pm »

Quote from: Horizontal pleasures on March 12, 2018, 06:40:03 pm

You catch sight of a car number plate H1 HUN.

Nobody I know except ladies off AW call me 'hun'.

I saw one that spelt S44FE the other day....caused me to smile.....

joe diddley · « **Reply #773 on:** March 12, 2018, 08:29:30 pm »

Quote from: threechilliman on March 12, 2018, 07:06:04 pm

I saw one that spelt S44FE the other day....caused me to smile.....

Saw one the other day that was B14 OWO and thought of the few women named Bia who've been reported on here.

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #774 on:** March 19, 2018, 05:44:01 pm »

When you get you job sheet for tomorrow and find the postcode is HP and all I can think is that it reminds of a ukp member

Horizontal pleasures · « **Reply #775 on:** March 19, 2018, 09:05:49 pm »

Quote from: Whoisarrypotter on March 19, 2018, 05:44:01 pm

When you get you job sheet for tomorrow and find the postcode is HP and all I can think is that it reminds of a ukp member

now now saucy ...

Whoisarrypotter · « **Reply #776 on:** March 29, 2018, 05:30:41 pm »

When you see a hot new girl come up on a/w with no reviews that you've just got to TOFTT and spend all the days leading up checking ukp for reviews worrying that some other fucker is gonna beat you to it.

Avg_Joe · « **Reply #777 on:** March 30, 2018, 01:20:25 pm »

Quote from: Whoisarrypotter on March 29, 2018, 05:30:41 pm

When you see a hot new girl come up on a/w with no reviews that you've just got to TOFTT and spend all the days leading up checking ukp for reviews worrying that some other fucker is gonna beat you to it.

lol, yeah that i can understand

magnetico · « **Reply #778 on:** April 13, 2018, 11:16:38 pm »

When I read the word "mango" anywhere online, I think about KingTarzan's reviews

Marvelous · « **Reply #779 on:** April 14, 2018, 02:21:02 am »

When all the "normal" things in life dont mean shit! going holidays visiting ancient tourist attractions, sitting on a beautiful beach with palm trees. Taking all them pictures and seeing how many likes you will get on facebook!

When the only thing to get the blood and adrelin going is waiting for a couple off young tarts come to your room so you can bang them silly pay them to leave and go to sleep with a massive smile and sense off achievement!

anonyorks · « **Reply #780 on:** April 14, 2018, 04:05:12 am »

When a work colleague jokes she is selling some stuff as she wouldn't make any money selling herself and you want to point out she would probably be a top agency girl and able to get away with charging £150 per hour as she is FAF

MrMatrix · « **Reply #781 on:** April 14, 2018, 07:22:48 am »

Quote from: Marvelous on April 14, 2018, 02:21:02 am

When all the "normal" things in life dont mean shit! going holidays visiting ancient tourist attractions, sitting on a beautiful beach with palm trees. Taking all them pictures and seeing how many likes you will get on facebook!

When the only thing to get the blood and adrelin going is waiting for a couple off young tarts come to your room so you can bang them silly pay them to leave and go to sleep with a massive smile and sense off achievement!

+1.

webpunter · « **Reply #782 on:** April 14, 2018, 10:36:19 am »

People who spend their lives updating facebook to show their 'friends' what they are doing are sad fuckers. They should try spending more time 'doing' rather than 'reporting'

Sitting on a beach [pretty much any beach with the exception of places like Blackpool] where its hot, sunny, with cold beer & eye candy is better. Much much better when i'm with my mates & we're reviewing the previous evening's activities & planning the one ahead. Barcelona & Marbs are ace for this [the beach on the former must be one of the best in europe & Marbs scores highly on the evening entertainment]

Quote from: Marvelous on April 14, 2018, 02:21:02 am

When all the "normal" things in life dont mean shit! going holidays visiting ancient tourist attractions, sitting on a beautiful beach with palm trees. Taking all them pictures and seeing how many likes you will get on facebook!

You are being greedy going for a couple

Charlie Sheen's quote [in front of a judge when questioned about paying for sex]: "I don't pay them for sex. I pay them to leave"
Sleep comes along nicely after shooting your bolt

Quote from: Marvelous on April 14, 2018, 02:21:02 am

When the only thing to get the blood and adrelin going is waiting for a couple off young tarts come to your room so you can bang them silly pay them to leave and go to sleep with a massive smile and sense off achievement!

bhudda · « **Reply #783 on:** April 14, 2018, 12:25:28 pm »

Quote from: anonyorks on April 14, 2018, 04:05:12 am

When a work colleague jokes she is selling some stuff as she wouldn't make any money selling herself and you want to point out she would probably be a top agency girl and able to get away with charging £150 per hour as she is FAF

Sounds like she may have been fishing ... but you cant win ... either you dont make an offer and shes offended or you do and ... shes offended and you get sacked.

Marvelous · « **Reply #784 on:** April 14, 2018, 02:13:03 pm »

When you come home to find out the cunt off a wife has fucked off and taken the kids with her!

And the first thing that enters your mind is how much extra money your gonna have every week for punting now!

And trust me iv been there.

Ali Katt · « **Reply #785 on:** April 14, 2018, 05:22:31 pm »

You check the traffic reports in detail because you've got a punt planned and don't want to be late.

threechilliman · « **Reply #786 on:** April 14, 2018, 05:51:05 pm »

Quote from: Ali Katt on April 14, 2018, 05:22:31 pm

You check the traffic reports in detail because you've got a punt planned and don't want to be late.

Even when the punts several hours away! I also look at alternative routes for timing etc. Mad!

CurbMyEnthusiasm · « **Reply #787 on:** April 14, 2018, 06:08:01 pm »

You fantasise being fucked by a strap-on with a £20 note taped to it. In other words financially fucked.

Plan R · « **Reply #788 on:** April 14, 2018, 07:34:17 pm »

Quote from: magnetico on April 13, 2018, 11:16:38 pm

When I read the word "mango" anywhere online, I think about KingTarzan's reviews

Guilty of this too, can't even stack up on my fave drink from the supermarket in peace

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mrfishyfoo · « **Reply #789 on:** April 17, 2018, 10:48:34 pm »

....you write CIM instead of SIM.

webpunter · « **Reply #790 on:** April 17, 2018, 10:54:09 pm »

A freudian slip

Quote from: mrfishyfoo on April 17, 2018, 10:48:34 pm

....you write CIM instead of SIM.

mrfishyfoo · « **Reply #791 on:** April 17, 2018, 10:59:09 pm »

Quote from: webpunter on April 17, 2018, 10:54:09 pm

A freudian slip

Sent to a work collegue in an e-mail.

He thought it was funny.

webpunter · « **Reply #792 on:** April 17, 2018, 11:06:01 pm »

Priceless

Quote from: mrfishyfoo on April 17, 2018, 10:59:09 pm

Sent to a work collegue in an e-mail.

He thought it was funny.

myothernameis · « **Reply #793 on:** April 18, 2018, 07:25:02 am »

In work last week, while in the canteen, some of us were discussing, what customers do and what, and used panties came up in the conservation.

So one of the female staff, found someone used panties in the changing rooms, and she let know to everyone, she sniffed them, and everyone went ewwwwwwwww

While I went Mnnnnnnnnn

standardpostage · « **Reply #794 on:** April 18, 2018, 09:21:31 am »

See a number plate ending in VGR and thought of Viagra.

threechilliman · « **Reply #795 on:** April 18, 2018, 06:11:07 pm »

Quote from: myothernameis on April 18, 2018, 07:25:02 am

In work last week, while in the canteen, some of us were discussing, what customers do and what, and used panties came up in the conservation.

So one of the female staff, found someone used panties in the changing rooms, and she let know to everyone, she sniffed them, and everyone went ewwwwwwwww

While I went Mnnnnnnnnn

I wonder how many went Ewwwwww but thought Mmmmmm!

I've had similar discussions and always uttered my disgust at some of the things talked about. Of course my mind is racing and my cock is stirring during the discussion..... watersports was certainly one that I looked horrified at whilst sipping a glass of piss!

MrMatrix · « **Reply #796 on:** April 18, 2018, 08:28:21 pm »

Quote from: threechilliman on April 18, 2018, 06:11:07 pm

I wonder how many went Ewwwwww but thought Mmmmmm!

I've had similar discussions and always uttered my disgust at some of the things talked about. Of course my mind is racing and my cock is stirring during the discussion..... watersports was certainly one that I looked horrified at whilst sipping a glass of piss!

GreyDave · « **Reply #797 on:** April 19, 2018, 11:06:32 am »

Had to search for uk punting though a new browser and blow me

I found not allowed and a bit slating me off

"we should thank greydave for telling us how it is" then a bit about I am fat bald bloke from the Wirral ....

then a bit about conspiring to flood ukp with spam to clog it up.

I have not been sooo please since I got me 25 yards (yep Breaststroke ) swimming cert

Apu · « **Reply #798 on:** April 19, 2018, 11:42:50 am »

When the recent heatwave means more sweaty sticky punts.

Plan R · « **Reply #799 on:** April 21, 2018, 12:36:22 pm »

Driving last night about 7.30pm
Radio 2 announcer introduced 'Young Brass of the Year Awards'

I lol'd for a couple of minutes about that..basically guffawing until they stopped saying 'Welcome to the 'Young Brass of the Year Awards'
and how exciting this years 'Young Brass of the Year Awards' was gonna be etc etc
Fortunately there was nobody else in the car.

Author Topic: You know you're a punter when... (Read 440397 times)

mrpeterman

streetfighter1975

CurbMyEnthusiasm

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