LINK:
External Link/Members Only or
External Link/Members OnlySUMMARY:
Looks = 4/10 (face is 5/10, body is
)
Venue = 6/10
Comms = 7/10
Service = 5/10
Let me sum this in 3 words to save those who don't care to read further - TOFFT gone bad!
It's a wet Sunday evening and I have no idea what to do with myself - quick browse on available lasses on aw and it's the usual slim pickings you get on weekends (saying that my meet with BritneyBritney was on a Sunday). I'm drawn to KK's profile though - pics look good and if she's a "
stunning size 10 kardashian lookalike" as her profile suggests, what more could a man want
.
I arrange a meet via text. Her responses are prompt and encouraging - game on! I'm given an address, it's a hotel you couldn't miss in the centre of Bradford. So excited am I, that I don't bother with my usual backup-plan routine (options are thin on the ground to be fair) for this half hour meet - hell, her pics are laid out on aw, what's the worst that could happen (should have used my imagination).
It's a b*stard to find parking close to the hotel for some reason (which I think is surprising for a Sunday) but I eventually get lucky with on-street and make my way over. I walk swiftly past Reception without missing a beat and head up to her room. It's a bit dated this hotel: carpets, furnishings, the lot, all looking like a scene from a Ron Jeremy set. But I'm not here to stay. She meets me in a hotel dressing gown that's seen better days. Once inside, I lay my eyes on her and am am almost instantly deflated.
She has make-up on (the chuckle brothers have been busy on her eyebrows it seems) but I quickly realise she's a
LOT bigger than her profile suggests. Size 10 my ass, try 14.
I'm caught off-guard as I've not prepared for this. I weigh up that and not having a backup plan, plus the unfavourable parking situation and decide to soldier on and stay half an hour (hell I may as well get my parking charge's worth!). At this stage, I'm hoping if her service redeems her, then at least it'll be a grey.
Money changes hands and she sheds the gown (which from its stains looks like it's overdue for a wash). The room is also in a bit of a state - and the carpet stinks
. But she's friendly, smiley and welcoming to be fair; unfortunately, it's not quite going to make up for my disappointment at the gap between fantasy and reality. I excuse myself into the bathroom briefly (not to shower as I were freshly showered on arrival - and once there I don't see a dry towel in sight anyway) to have a piss and make a silent prayer to the Punting Gods for what I suspect will be a long 30mins. Back in the bedroom, she's tossed the gown to the side to reveal a black lingerie bodysuit thing (are they shelling these out free to WGs lately or something???). The rolls on her belly are unmissable and unfortunate - I get the sense she's been bigger, and may have recently lost a bit (there's loose skin. All credit to her for the weight-loss effort mind
). We kick off with light kissing, which is so-so, as I grapple with my larger-than-life playmate. Her boobs are natural but that's where the positive ends: they're pendulous and rather uninspiring (
which kardashian is she supposed to be like I am wondering, Rob?). I ask for the rubber and decide I may as well pump and bail. I go for mish, and pump for a bit then turn her into spoons before popping into the bag. She's not clock-watching, but I'm not feeling like R2. I thank her, get dressed and make my way. Her service weren't terrible, but she did just lay there. For a punt I was looking forward to, I left disappointed I'd podged a lass that I wouldn't even think to chat up in civvie world.
Now I think about it, I've never had a great punt in Bradford. Live and learn.
PROS:
+ For all the negatives, her attitude was alrightCONS:
- Profile pics grossly misleading - she's bigger
- Service is very forgettableVERDICT:
Would I see her again? YES
Would I recommend? YES
