First review after lurking for a while so apologies that it’s taken a shit punt for me to break the seal. If it’s any consolation, I didn’t unfairly benefit from lurking on this occasion as I didn’t read the reviews on this girl before taking the plunge otherwise I wouldn’t be pissed off and out of pocket. If there’s any justice, then this girl will be looking for another job that doesn’t involve either hand or blow by the time you read this so you don’t have to suffer the indignity.
BSS - usual setup; £20 on the door, just showered at home so through to an empty lounge passing a petite blonde with big jugs on the way who I thought about propositioning before seeing anyone else, but she disappeared to get the others and didn’t reappear herself. Shame.
5 or 6 girls filtered in but I pretty much forgot their names as soon as they said them. Torn between a quiet one with frizzy hair but, despite the bitchy resting face and obvious disinterest which should have been a big red flag, I was taken by the raven-haired EE Ruby wearing a tight and tiny blue dress. Petite and pretty with red lipstick and what looked to be a cracking body.
Led down to the labyrinth below where I later wished I’d left a trail of string or Smarties so I could get the fuck out of there quicker, and she disappeared while I had a quick shower, despite having just had one at home. Don’t think she asked for the money at that stage, but handed over £50 for half hour anyway and she stepped out for a mo without so much as a word. Again, later wished I had kept hold of it and given her no more than what she deserved for what was to follow.
She came back in as I exited the shower and thought things might start to look up as she smiled (or it could’ve been wind) to reveal wonky but not entirely hideous teeth. Gestures to the bed which I lay down on, while, with all the eroticism and enthusiasm of a nun at knifepoint peeled off the dress to reveal decent tits with pale fried egg nips, and a slightly pear shaped tum and bum with a dash of cellulite if I was being picky, but overall not bad.
Where I really knew it was going to go south was when she fucked around tying her hair up for a painful amount of time before sitting as far away down the bed from me as possible and meticulously wiping my twice-showered bellend with baby wipes, stopping every so often to look at her watch before moving on to ask me pointless questions with total disinterest while she quarter-heartedly gave my confused member a wank of contempt. I think he knew that he was supposed to do something because of an objectively hot chick being in range, but had picked up on the vibe and was beginning to disassociate himself from any part of it.
There wasn’t a sniff of a snog let alone putting any part of me in any part of her, and she positioned herself awkwardly to touch, sealing the deal by flinching as I made a gambit for her right tit and, strike me dead, touched her fucking nipple. Well, excuse me for touching your nipple girl I’ve just paid to fuck, how was I supposed to know the act was such a violation?! She did invite me to touch around the nipple, not on the nipple, just around the nipple, but, with pale fried egg nipples I couldn’t tell where the fucking nipple ended and the not the nipple began, so, at this point, with her still traumatising my dick, I told her I was leaving as she clearly didn’t want to be here. She expressed surprise as I told her that I came there to feel welcome and relaxed and she was making me feel quite the opposite. Strangely, she retained her grip on my dick as it dawned on her I was about to leave about 10 minutes into the half hour, so I asked her to let go of him so I could get dressed. She started trying to be nice then, telling me I had got it all wrong and I
was welcome, then offered me to pick another girl, but I was fucked off and deflated and wanted to get out of there. She said I couldn’t have my money back as we had “started”. I didn’t argue because I thought the guy on the desk would be alright and make her hand at least some of it back, minus the going rate for a hateful handjob. While I got dressed I suggested that she was in the wrong job, and, if she didn’t like it, maybe she shouldn’t do it. The I got lost for about 5 minutes in the fucking labyrinth before wiping the welcoming smile off desk guy’s face by telling him that it was a disaster and she was in the wrong job. Now it was his turn to feign surprise, saying that she was young and new and “seemed to be doing well”. I told him that it was a train-wreck and that she had kept all the money, thinking he might negotiate a partial refund. Wrong; he started writing out some voucher or something saying “I’ll give you this for next time...”, where I cut him off and said there would be no next time. I stood in the office doorway and looked like I was going nowhere for a few minutes while other customers milled around and looked disconcerted and I think he finally gave me a mere £20 back just so I would fuck off. Wanted more back but could tell I had no hope so cut my losses and left, looking back to see Ruby watching with what might have been embarrassment (or maybe just wind again) at being called out on her time wasting bullshit.
But she had £50 of my hard-earned while I walked out with a spotlessly clean bellend, still tingling from baby wipes, but attached to a dick indignant at the contempt he’d just been treated with, so who’s the mug?
Negative as fuck. Excuse the long story but hope it’s of some value to someone.
Looks 7 / 10 pretty face, better from afar, wonky but white teeth.
Body 7 / 10 looked better clothed. Fried egg nips if that’s your thing - look but don’t touch. Cellulite.
Service 0 /10 disservice to the good name of SPs everywhere.
Effort -1 / 10 enthusiasm of a frigid corpse.
Not that it should matter, but I’m young-ish, clean and look after myself, so fuck knows what she would do with someone older and out of shape; probably outright vomit on them. Avoid.
