External Link/Members OnlyWell what a shit show this was. At the end of this booking Caroline proudly announced that I was her last client that week and that she was looking forward to the weekend. Well thanks for that Caroline as you'd done your utmost to start mine off on a right downer. I was the last cab off the rank and it showed, reflected in her poor attitude and service delivery.
Pros: Clean towel and glass of water provided.
Cons: Pretty much everything else.
Comms: Straightforward, all arranged by text.
Cost: £200 for 1 hour (no extras)
Location: Poor, ruined by an overly attentive and overbearing concierge. This was 2 a minute-walk from the Grand Union Canal exit of Paddington station. Modern apartment block, buzzer entry system, lifts, concierge. I think she shares this apartment with someone else, frankly I don't care who as I've no desire to go anywhere near this place ever again. Spacious bedroom with en-suite bathroom. Reasonably good shower and range of toiletries. Clean towel and glass of water were all provided.
So a little more about my best mate the concierge. I dialled her flat number and was buzzed in, but at the same time a kid who was already in the complex opened the door to me. After you've been let in, an automated voice says "please enter", but despite my polite protests, the concierge sent me back outside to re-dial. So I did as I was told, only for a resident entering the building from behind me to again open the door. At this point I've already redialled and again the automated voice is beckoning me to enter, the concierge then challenges me for a second time, asking me which apartment I'm visiting and what is the nature of my business there, I give him the apartment number and tell him what I'm doing there is none of his business and walked off to the lifts. There was some more chat from him, but I ignored this and kept on going.
The SP: Initially I tried to book someone else, the Agency wouldn't stand behind that particular escort as they had no feedback on her. So my brief to them was to provide me with a guaranteed positive experience, Caroline was their only recommendation out of the others on their current roster who I'd not seen before.
Polish, roots in need of some serious attention, pretty poor looking hair extensions, I cannot be sure but I thought that she might be a smoker, this was however very faint, one tattoo, her skin's not in the best condition, she looked nothing like her photos at all, perhaps the most misleading I've seen in a long time, they are way out of date, the stated age of 23 is around +5 years adrift, maybe more, she doesn't appear to have looked after herself particularly well, she has a bit of a belly and there's nothing firm about her, it's all a bit 'doughy'.
Dressed in a cheap and tacky looking LBD with the most boring non-descript black underwear I've ever had the miss-pleasure to bear witness to, this was all combined with a pair of crappy looking stripper heels, very heavy on the eye liner, the bottom line is if her service wasn't reputed to be so good, I would have walked. She hardly looked appealing and didn't look like she'd made much of an effort. If I saw her in civvies out on the street, I don't think I would give her a second glance, this was all combined with a very lukewarm welcome when I arrived. All going splendidly up until this point then!
Just a point of order here, if you suffer from epilepsy please tell the Agency in advance as there are currently some pretty full on flashing pink LED lights in the hall way.
The meet: Paperwork exchanged then I started to get some scripted fluffy crap "you're very handsome", she grabbed my nuts "horny" as she packed me off to the shower. I suspect that many of you who've seen her have heard this sort of thing before. When I returned this inane nonsense continued "you're so slim, do you go to the gym, not like me" she then proceeded to show me her paunch, yes thank you for accentuating this part of your physique, I'd already clocked it and was trying to blank this from my mind.
Then the ultimate bit of bullshit, "you're very big", or words to that effect, this was all absolute bollocks, just why bother as it was all having exactly the opposite effect to what it was designed to have. We're both consenting adults, I'm paying for it, I just want good service, I didn't need anything more.
In RO, according to her faked noise levels and body language she managed to get off in about a minute flat, this was quickly descending into farce.
I'd been told by a fellow punter that her OWO wasn't good and they weren't wrong, it was very average at best. There was no attempt at DT, only working the head with her mouth, so handsy, no eye contact or attention to balls and gooch. She didn't even attempt it for very long before reaching for the rubber. For an SP of this experience, her first choice of condom was too small and somewhat stifled little me. This quickly became uncomfortable and in short order, I asked for a quick break and this was changed for something more suitable.
The long and the short of it was that the whole booking was ruined by some very poor over acting, overblown sound effects combined with a poor work ethic and the skill levels, well she didn't really do anything that I could judge her on save for OWO. I was hoping she'd bring it and give me a bit of a tour de force, this never got close to materialising.
At no point did Caroline go looking for work, it seemed pretty clear that she wanted to do the minimum that she could possibly get away with, perhaps this was best highlighted as she started in CG, but after about a minute of average grind I was invited to go on top. Then after the condom swap, spoons, doggy and prone bone. This was all very dull and boring.
Fyi there was no DFK on offer, some FK though.
Following CIM, little me tends to get more sensitive and Caroline's grip was causing me some pain and discomfort. I didn't vocalise my suffering, instead gently moved away from her and laid down. Caroline went to the bathroom, returning asking me politely to "get up", even I couldn't miss this hint, I'd been there about one hour including the initial shower and the meet and greet time.
What followed next I found slightly bizarre, I've never been asked this before and it isn't a topic I would want to discuss, she asked me straight out if it was good and would I return? I didn't want things to deteriorate further, the best I could manage, and this was rather cowardly of me, was "ok" and "maybe" respectively. I should have fessed up and said "no" followed by "hell no".
Would I return: No, not even if she was giving it away.
I left very unhappy with my lot and feeling a little tender in my nether regions. I texted the Agency to tell them how I felt and now I'll send them a link to this review. To date they've not even afforded me the courtesy of an apology. If they do contact me, I'll update this thread.
