Well... I have to say this was my most disappointing punt since I buckled and visited Khloe on her ridiculous boat in port Solent. I would have written this up last night but I've been scrubbing myself ever since I got home. I still don't feel clean. But... for your chaps... I'm going to relive this one more time.. here goes!
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Lacy operates mostly as outcall only, although she does sometimes do an incall in Southsea. That shouldn't make any difference. You shouldn't go and see her. Honestly. Stay at home and have a wank. Her pictures on her profile I would say make her look a solid 8 out of 10, but I'll get to that.
Services requested: 30 minute booking, £80, French kissing, GFE, CIM
Coms: Lacy comes across as friendly when arranging the punt. Everything was arranged by Kik. Exact location given when I arrived at the given post code in Southsea. Best part of the punt by far.
Location: Flat in Southsea. Discrete and reasonably clean. She has dogs but these were out of the way so no issue.
The meet: I arrived exactly on time, knocked the door and Lacy answered it wearing a short red teddy type thing. The first thing I noticed is that her make up was plastered on. I mean ridiculously thick foundation, like she was trying to cover something up. Generally looked a little unhealthy. I should have walked at this point, but as ever, I had arrived and it seemed easier to continue. She isn't awful looking, just nothing close to her pictures. Body wise, she is slim up top (size 10 I'd guess) but a lot bigger bottom half. Either 14 or 16 I'd guess. A little bigger than I was expecting judging by her pics. All in all, a bit rough and chavy.
On taking me through to her bedroom, she first moved a load of fags off the bed, then asked what I was looking for. I confirmed GFE with CIM, and handed over the money. She immediately told me that we would see about the CIM, sometimes she can, sometimes she can't - depends how much there is. A bit fucking late by then if you ask me but that's her logic. Anyway, I took my shoes off while she stashed the cash. She came back and started faffing around. Playlist, drinking from a 2L bottle of tizer (that I suspect was more than tizer), putting her hair up, setting a timer to make sure we didn't over run. I have to admit the timer bit was quite amusing, her nails are so long she can't work a phone so that in itself took a while.
About 5 minutes later, she was finally ready and we moved onto the bed and started kissing. To be fair, the kissing was pretty good DFK. Found her first problem though, she has a knee injury and had real problems getting comfortable. Kept leaping back in pain when we were kneeling, but carried on anyway. She tried to undo my shirt but couldn't handle the buttons (her nails are fucking ridiculous) so I took over. She also said she couldn't do belts with her long nails so I did that too. Back to kissing before I moved in to finger her. She seemed to enjoy this, but to me if felt a bit weird.. her clit seemed a bit rough. Thought she had a piercing for a moment, but she didn't. Everything looked ok, and no bad smells, but I certainly didn't want to go down on her or carry on fingering her. I wanted things to move on, so I asked for a condom which she provided. Handing me one, she said she uses the super safe super thick ones. In fact most people hate them and most guys go soft in them, but she'd rather be safe. Cracking I thought. A challenge! So I put the condom on, and fuck me was it tight. No bigger options so I plowed on. Feeling nothing, we tried missionary for a while, until I though, shit, I can feel literally nothing. I looked down, and yup. My cock has dropped off. Or at least close too it. The little chap is turning blue! I do the only thing I can think of and whip the johnny off. Just in time I think.
Lacy is just lying there, I'd like to say I'm a sexy way, but kind of reminded me of miss piggy at this stage. Ho hum, I've got this far so may as well continue. I started rubbing myself. Closing my eyes helped so I couldn't see her. She asked if I wanted to CIM now, and I said ok. She started faffing around and went over to do her hair again, talking about not wanting to get any cum in it. Then back to the tizer. Actually, I'm ok with this. Distance is good. She comes back over, and tries to open the wet wipes to give me a pre bj clean. Foiled by the nails. Now she starts with a hacking cough, brings up what I assume is a hair ball, goes perfectly still for a minute or so while I'm wondering if she is going to vomit, then noisily swallows the hair ball. Steadies herself for a few moments and talks about smoking too much and how she has been suffering from a really chesty liquidy cough. Well thanks for pointing that out BEFORE I kissed you you fucking tool!
She staggers over to the other side of the room, and brings the bin back over. I assume to spit my cum out, but might have been more hair balls. Either way, I'm now thinking there is no way I'm putting my cock in your mouth. I suggest that I just come on her breasts and she's ok with this. Takes her teddy off, lies back, and I realise this just got a little worse. Her tits are like tiny little sandbags, limply hanging down. Ok. I can do this. I close my eyes, and listen to the throats clearing and gurgling below me. It's off putting. I try and imagine a sexy woman there, but my brain hates me now. I'm wanking off imagining a blubbery Nigel Lawson under me. It's preferable to the truth and I manage to cum. It's over. Thank Christ.
Like a gentleman, I open the wet wipes, and even offer her the first one. Get dressed and leave as quick as I can. Time on leaving is 20 minutes after I arrived including all the time wasting. Feels so much longer.
Positives: It did, eventually, come to an end.
Negatives: pics on her profile are at best misleading. Larger than I was expecting on the lower half. The hair ball incident will stay with me till the day I die. Didn't feel clean (although wasn't visibly dirty or smelly, other than the usual heavy smoker smell). Time waster (although I wish she had wasted more of it). This was a TOFTT and I hope none of you chaps suffer the same fate as me.
Would I visit again? Fuck off!
