London massage shop mini reviews

[hawai5o]

Rose is firmly in the 'should be paying the punters' camp.

If ever there was a real lazy cunt ,its her with that Blank look on her face & Garlicky Breath . Not very enticing even on  the second and last time i went with her when she accepted fully naked HJ with sticking fingers in her pussy and it was for £30 .

[hawai5o]

Saw a butch looking woman coming out of Ever Well  Lisle Street waving goodbye to Lisa after coming up the stairs presumably after a very satisfying massage session .

[Vkcs20]

China Health massage in Bromley South, very good massage and good hr, i think the girl’s name is helen.

Will definitely go again.

[sparkus]

If ever there was a real lazy cunt ,its her with that Blank look on her face & Garlicky Breath . Not very enticing even on  the second and last time i went with her when she accepted fully naked HJ with sticking fingers in her pussy and it was for £30 .

I should have walked. I guess she doesn't notice her gut when she's stood in the mirror applying her coat of Dulux.

[sparkus]

Saw a butch looking woman coming out of Ever Well  Lisle Street waving goodbye to Lisa after coming up the stairs presumably after a very satisfying massage session .

I've only ever once encountered another punter in a TCM, when I was saying bye to Kelly downstairs in her shop and a butch woman barged past me and said something grumpily to Kelly about how she'd been waiting ages to see her (Kelly was hanging off me and dry humping at that point).

I wonder if it was the same one.

[sparkus]

No idea who this Japanese actress is, but if only she worked in a TCM (I'd settle for the jugs on an ugly face tbh).

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[Rupert]

There use to be a shop I think called Orcahrds something cant remember in Shaftesrburry avenue between the Moneycorp shop, stairs tat leads upstairs. There was a few decent ladies there especially at late night. I use to see a slim Chinese lady called Cherry, was attractive and fun and good VFM... The place has been shut for over a year now and wondering if any one else might know where Cherry would be working now.. She was always bubly and not grumpy like most of the ladies around these days. 

[sparkus]

Nice night tonight so I had an hour's cycle round the East End after work, tried both Thai places in Leytonstone and Stratford.  Leytonstone had a younger girl on who had pleasing dimensions but zero norks.  Stratford just the greedy fake-boobed Susie.  So peddled back, tail between my legs.

[LLPunting]

...  So peddled back, tail between my legs.

Punishing your frustrated hard-on by wedging it under you on a bike saddle?  Jeezus you must've been desperate!   

Shoulda hopped the DLR to you know where! 

[LLPunting]

No idea who this Japanese actress is, but if only she worked in a TCM (I'd settle for the jugs on an ugly face tbh).

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Damn you Sparkus!
I went looking on the Interwebs and found the following distractions:

[LLPunting]

Damn you Sparkus!
I went looking on the Interwebs and found the following distractions all in the same show "Mosaic Japan":
Kuroki Momoko External Link/Members Only
Yoko Mitsuya External Link/Members Only
Ai Kanade
Miyaji Mao

Hidden Image/Members Only

Hidden Image/Members Only

Hidden Image/Members Only

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[Golden Hind]

Does anyone know any massage places near warren street they recommend, I did a quick search on this site and didn't find anything.

I know its not good that my first post in this thread is asking for information without providing anything, but I will report back if I check the place out.

[Firefly512]

Ginkgo Health on Cleveland St. It's close but very standard. Used twice and it's a bit rub and tug. Extras cost - hr 20 and nude with hr 40. Usually Chinese, but when I went last week there was a Romanian girl (Diana). Facially bit below average but great body. Petite and perky. Didn't negotiate, paid the 40. Was allowed to touch tits and kept moving to prevent much pussy touching. Hr not the best (as she slowed right down and tried to covered end of cock with foreskin, I guess to prevent any cum spurting onto her)

[hawai5o]

Does anyone know any massage places near warren street they recommend, I did a quick search on this site and didn't find anything.

I know its not good that my first post in this thread is asking for information without providing anything, but I will report back if I check the place out.

Try HMN on Goodge Street just down the road from Warren Street . Whatever you do there don't pay more than £60 for everything on top of the massage price . Look out for Sophie a small pretty Chinese. Read one of my previous  posts on her

Book a 1/2 hour session first and you can always extend . Easier and cheaper to negotiate the extras than in a one hour ..

[hawai5o]

Damn you Sparkus!
I went looking on the Interwebs and found the following distractions all in the same show "Mosaic Japan":
Kuroki Momoko External Link/Members Only
Yoko Mitsuya External Link/Members Only
Ai Kanade
Miyaji Mao

Hidden Image/Members Only

Hidden Image/Members Only

Hidden Image/Members Only

Hidden Image/Members Only

Bloody hell what a find especially the second and the last one .  My ideal Oriental Girl .

[sparkus]

Punishing your frustrated hard-on by wedging it under you on a bike saddle?  Jeezus you must've been desperate!   

Shoulda hopped the DLR to you know where! 

Are they open that late though? I thought a quick cycle within 30 mins distance would be better, lest I try any of the usual rip-off shops in East London.

I'd have stayed for the young girl had her thunderthighs been accompanied by a bigger cup size than her AAs.

[Golden Hind]

Ginkgo Health on Cleveland St. It's close but very standard. Used twice and it's a bit rub and tug. Extras cost - hr 20 and nude with hr 40. Usually Chinese, but when I went last week there was a Romanian girl (Diana). Facially bit below average but great body. Petite and perky. Didn't negotiate, paid the 40. Was allowed to touch tits and kept moving to prevent much pussy touching. Hr not the best (as she slowed right down and tried to covered end of cock with foreskin, I guess to prevent any cum spurting onto her)

Try HMN on Goodge Street just down the road from Warren Street . Whatever you do there don't pay more than £60 for everything on top of the massage price . Look out for Sophie a small pretty Chinese. Read one of my previous  posts on her

Book a 1/2 hour session first and you can always extend . Easier and cheaper to negotiate the extras than in a one hour ..

Thanks for both of these, I will try one of them out and report back.

[LLPunting]

Been disappointed with all 5 shops and 2 flats in the Warren St Goodge St area. Women either not very attractive, have crappy attitude, cost too much or deliver poor massage and extras.  Take the extra time to go to Baker St or the slightly chancier Kings X

[Callisto]

Are there any TOFTT parlours in London which absolutely no-one has checked out yet?  I'm in the mood to go on a recce into the unknown tomorrow.  Probably the answer's no, but shout if that's wrong...

One I was considering was Aneugene, on Battersea Park Road.  I think it used to be on St John's Road towards Wandsoworth (External Link/Members Only) and lists the old nudge-nudge Relaxing Massage at 45 for 60.  Now it's moved and has a new website which looks more legit: External Link/Members Only.  DT Massage is now listed for 50 for 60, alongside lots of legit-sounding stuff.   But the frontage has the kind of pictures which generally seem to scream 'extras': External Link/Members Only

I'm far from convinced, though.  Any other suggestions?

[LLPunting]

...
One I was considering was Aneugene, on Battersea Park Road.  I think it used to be on St John's Road towards Wandsoworth (External Link/Members Only) and lists the old nudge-nudge Relaxing Massage at 45 for 60.  Now it's moved and has a new website which looks more legit: External Link/Members Only.  DT Massage is now listed for 50 for 60, alongside lots of legit-sounding stuff.   But the frontage has the kind of pictures which generally seem to scream 'extras': External Link/Members Only

I'm far from convinced, though.  Any other suggestions?

Yup, those tired ubiquitous graphics definitely "tarnish" the establishment with an air of cheapness and liberal relaxation techniques    I'd say odds on your TOFTT won't be desperately risky. 

Has anyone confirmed if Kalyana Spa is totally legit?

I still haven't had a chance to confirm the swish looking Spa & Massage on Queensway is on the complete up'n'up

There are 3 Thai Spas around Putney I'm curious about.

The 2 "Thai Charms" in Wimbledon and Battersea seem legit based on single visits to each.

[Callisto]

Has anyone confirmed if Kalyana Spa is totally legit?

I was actually mooting Kalyana yesterday - my hunch is that it's totally legit, although seeing a Gumtree ad (External Link/Members Only) did make me wonder.

[LLPunting]

I was actually mooting Kalyana yesterday - my hunch is that it's totally legit, although seeing a Gumtree ad (External Link/Members Only) did make me wonder.

I went in months back to ask the pretty receptionist about costs and I think she said you have to book an appointment more than a day in advance. 

[Dapper Don]

Anyone been to MyMassage in Mill Hill East? Have always wondered what it’s like. I rang and no one answered but got a voicemail from a guy from there so never bothered lol.

[a4guillotine]

Mubao massage on Wardour street - occaisionally there's a very busty lady at the door... would love to finish on her chest. Anyone had any experience with her?

[iamakel]

Found what is easily the best punt I've had in my rather short time at Fantasia.

On a Saturday night, after some drinks, I had no intention of going in for a massage. I walked past Fantasia and saw the usual lady and another; not attractive to me, but looked to have a very sexy demeanour and body, looked a fair bit older than the usual girls at Fantasia. I got some cash out and decided I had to have a go.

The massage was actually really good, not too soft, not too tough. Her English wasn't very good but you could tell her what to do and she'd understand. I made no mention of extras, so during the massage she kept going lower and lower, towards the legs and arse. After a while, she just started tracing up my legs and stroking my balls from behind.. That felt damn good. Then she asked me to turn over and if I wanted extras. Of course I did, the usual price for HR, clothes off. Her body was absolutely amazing. Beautiful tits, perfectly sized, toned midsection. The HR was the best I've ever had too, for the first time ever I actually tried to stop myself from finishing too quickly.

She said her name was something like Aya, I'll only ask for her from now on.

[Mothball15]

Get Ayas mobile no in case she 'gone back to China' if she is to be a regular then a line to her will be handy.

[stampjones]

AJ, natures way, praed street

The other shop in praed street

Black girl - mid 20s Id say, maybe early 30.
Saw her on reception, what a babe I thought. Hot black girls are few and far between these days so I was right in there. She got on with the massage and tbh I remember nothing about it. Every atom of my being was focussed on getting her naked as she looke hot as fuck with her clothes on.

Reality check: she didnt look hot as fuck with her clothes off. Crap fake tits and suddenly she looked older. I was so desparate for this chick I agreed 60 for b2b (plus 30 on the door) -  negotiated down from 100 which should have been a warning - but I so wanted to suck her tits (before I saw them unfettered anyway).

In the end it wasnt as bad as I thought in those first moments when I first saw her hacked together naked body. She gave a pretty decent HJ with good edging but in the end it was maybe worth 40. Certainly not 60.

Oh well, lesson (not) learned!

[LLPunting]

Went on a mini-tour of West London parlours:

Bambi Massage, 307 North End Rd, W14 9NS.  - 3 girls on today - 1 Chinese, 1 Thai and 1 EE.  Not allowed to see any.  Mamasan was a petite, thin, 40+ Thai who spoke good English and was polite to talk to.  No hard sell, no details of service offered.  Different girls every day and week.  Rooms are in basement.
30 for 30, 45 for 60.
10am-10pm, 7 days

Orient Spa, 1 North End Rd - 2+ Chinese on duty today, 30+, avg or less looks, ok English
30 for 30
50 for 60
10:30-9:30pm 7 Days
Suspect extras available as the lady I talked to seemed pleasantly interested in me coming back later to see her when she saw I wasn't interested in the other one, whose turn it was (so I walked).
External Link/Members Only

TCM - 9 Barons Ct Road
Fearsome Chinese gran in lab coat, not friendly, not forthcoming.  Only 1 therapist on duty, wasn't made if this was a "doctor" or a masseuse.

Yunji Healthcare, 4 Charleville Rd
Old Chinese mamasan looking very disinterested, no info about masseuse forthcoming other than only 1 Chinese on duty
Although on a sidestreet it's right opposite a cafe so not very discrete.

Nine Lucksa, 189 North End Rd.  Thai spa.
Seems totally legit with 2 men on staff.  Old mamasan was friendly and spoke good English.  Didn't get to enquire about therapists as all a bit awkward.
External Link/Members Only
Special offer
25 for 30
45 for 60

May give Bambi's a go.



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[Jonestown]

At Yunji in Charleville Road the girl working that day sits in the shop when she doesn’t have a client so you get a chance to see the goods before hand.

The cafe opposite is excellent for a proper breakfast.

[atmos]

The cafe opposite is excellent for a proper breakfast.

Before or after?

[Private Member]

Prompted by another post, I have been to 39 Toynbee Street near Brick Lane.

It is now a Thai place, and was offered a HE for an extra £25...which had to be haggled down. Sorry I can't remember the girls name - but I'd say in her 30s and slim enough. Massage was decent enough but she remained clothed. No real suggestion of anything else - from her at least

[stonebow1]

Really annoyed. Thought i'd try a name i didn't think i'd seen before at Elements (earls court). Unfortunately for me though, Olivia was a very obvious EE transsexual. 

Now i have nothing against the LGBT community, but i do have a natural aversion to being touched up by a bloke. It's sad because I've spent lots of time & money at Elements and never expected a surprise like this. It's a shame i couldn't get a subtle warning prior to going downstairs because it's not like it's ever easy to walk away after paying at the front desk! Or better yet, shops simply shouldn't hire a transsexual when the majority of your customers are straight men there for the massage + extras from WOMEN. Just seems totally unnecessary to me.

Headed straight to Moonflower afterwards to shake the feeling off. Unfortunately I won't feel confident in trying out any unknown employees in massage shops from now on. 

[sparkus]

In case anyone's not scouring the reviews, Renata seems to be favoured by a few of us: https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=165717.0

It might help to have a thread devoted just to 100% certs on Gumtree, AKA Cumtree.

[stampjones]

Was in a TCM today and it suddenly occurred to me that there is a really simple way that these places could rip us off. Not aware of this ever actually happening - and for that reason I dont want to be explicit here - but if you want to know PM me. If you dont take your wallet with you its not a problem anyway!

[Mothball15]

It may be best if you post it as you may be flooded with DMs. 

[stampjones]

It may be best if you post it as you may be flooded with DMs.

Yeah I realise that but anyone can read this shit and I dont want my paranoia to encourage actual crime

[Mothball15]

But won't some1 just cut and paste the DM contents on the thread?

[stampjones]

But won't some1 just cut and paste the DM contents on the thread?

I guess they could but why would you do that given it exposes us to something they may not have thought of? I already PMd you and am happy to PM anyone who wants to know

[stampjones]

I guess they could but why would you do that given it exposes us to something they may not have thought of? I already PMd you and am happy to PM anyone who wants to know

Why would anyone - not you specifically

[Jonestown]

Really annoyed. Thought i'd try a name i didn't think i'd seen before at Elements (earls court). Unfortunately for me though, Olivia was a very obvious EE transsexual. 

Now i have nothing against the LGBT community, but i do have a natural aversion to being touched up by a bloke. It's sad because I've spent lots of time & money at Elements and never expected a surprise like this. It's a shame i couldn't get a subtle warning prior to going downstairs because it's not like it's ever easy to walk away after paying at the front desk! Or better yet, shops simply shouldn't hire a transsexual when the majority of your customers are straight men there for the massage + extras from WOMEN. Just seems totally unnecessary to me.

Headed straight to Moonflower afterwards to shake the feeling off. Unfortunately I won't feel confident in trying out any unknown employees in massage shops from now on.

Didn’t someone post a warning about this Olivia creature a few days back ?

Elements was one of the first Chinese owned places to rent out rooms to freelancers, maybe they are no longer interested in managing the place, happy to just take the rentals and let the service go to ratshit.

[dwightschrute]

Question - for those that have had FS at a massage shop, how comfortable is having sex on those flimsy massage tables?

[sparkus]

Question - for those that have had FS at a massage shop, how comfortable is having sex on those flimsy massage tables?

Not particularly, at all. If it's against the wall then she can sit on the edge but that makes a racket (heard the other girls laughing from outside a few weeks back, not least I was nuts deep in their boss).

More than once I've put my coat on the floor, a little trick from way back hehe.

[Jonestown]

More than once I've put my coat on the floor, a little trick from way back hehe.

You put your coat on the floor of a massage shop cubicle?

What did you do with it afterwards, have it dry cleaned, give it to oxfam, send it to Porton Down, or incinerate it ?

[sparkus]

You put your coat on the floor of a massage shop cubicle?

What did you do with it afterwards, have it dry cleaned, give it to oxfam, send it to Porton Down, or incinerate it ?

Was quite a spacious room but I was more focused on getting my end away than worried.

[stampjones]

Not particularly, at all. If it's against the wall then she can sit on the edge but that makes a racket (heard the other girls laughing from outside a few weeks back, not least I was nuts deep in their boss).

Nuts deep in their boss is a great name for an album 

[LLPunting]

Lewisham parlour run by "Emily" - See Gumtree, ad is renewed fairly regularly

The regular girls at the moment seem to be Laura (Polish), Anna (Spanish), Maya (Malay) and Ava (Brit Chinese), not yet sussed if any are guaranteed on any given days.  Zizi (Brit Afro), Hannah (Korean) and Tova (Afro mix?) have also been mentioned.

[sparkus]

Lewisham parlour run by "Emily" - See Gumtree, ad is renewed fairly regularly

The regular girls at the moment seem to be Laura (Polish), Anna (Spanish), Maya (Malay) and Ava (Brit Chinese), not yet sussed if any are guaranteed on any given days.  Zizi (Brit Afro), Hannah (Korean) and Tova (Afro mix?) have also been mentioned.

I know you're a fan!

How busty/curvy are the two orientals you've seen?

[sparkus]

Mubao massage on Wardour street - occaisionally there's a very busty lady at the door... would love to finish on her chest. Anyone had any experience with her?

Hey Mr One Post, I went there on a recce - two ancient stickwomen tried their level best to persuade me to stay but I saw no very busty lady as such.

[Rlltmsi]

Bamboo Spa near Finsbury Park.

Felt pretty sure thing going in cos of Viva St n Gum Tree ads. Main road but easy enuf to get in. Reception quite discreet.

Receptionist seemed to be owner. Friendly, keen, decent English. Clearly didn't want me walking. Wasn't keen on her. She offered Yoyo. Japanese. Age, hard to guess 30ish? Good English tho she said shed only been here couple months. Pretty enough, medium slim build. Natural.

Prices as per website. Downstairs. Basement split into tiny cubicles. Too small really. Massage, not the best. Very sweet, funny girl. A few cc swipes. Turn over. Offered HR 30, B2B 50. Negotiated B2B for 40. Leaves to stash cash. Back. Off with clothes. Nice natural tits. Allowed all touching. Light kissing. She got on top. Pretty sexy. Good grinding, few slides. Pop. Cleans up with wipes. Off she goes for shower. Despite average massage, pretty happy.

Receptionist keen to hear feedback, give card. Reckon they are a bit desperate for customers right now.

So mixed bag but a good atmosphere from the ladies. Be good to hear any other people's reports.

[stampjones]

Bamboo Spa near Finsbury Park.

Felt pretty sure thing going in cos of Viva St n Gum Tree ads. Main road but easy enuf to get in. Reception quite discreet.

Receptionist seemed to be owner. Friendly, keen, decent English. Clearly didn't want me walking. Wasn't keen on her. She offered Yoyo. Japanese. Age, hard to guess 30ish? Good English tho she said shed only been here couple months. Pretty enough, medium slim build. Natural.

Prices as per website. Downstairs. Basement split into tiny cubicles. Too small really. Massage, not the best. Very sweet, funny girl. A few cc swipes. Turn over. Offered HR 30, B2B 50. Negotiated B2B for 40. Leaves to stash cash. Back. Off with clothes. Nice natural tits. Allowed all touching. Light kissing. She got on top. Pretty sexy. Good grinding, few slides. Pop. Cleans up with wipes. Off she goes for shower. Despite average massage, pretty happy.

Receptionist keen to hear feedback, give card. Reckon they are a bit desperate for customers right now.

So mixed bag but a good atmosphere from the ladies. Be good to hear any other people's reports.

Cheers for the report Rlltmsi - do you have a link?