Cash - discrete ways of obtaining plentiful supplies?

[Titti Tatti]

Older guys will remember a time when if you needed cash at the weekend it was a trip to M&S where you bought something by cheque, then walked straight to customer services where they took it back and handed you cash! It was that or your friendly local publican, but he expected you to buy a round out of the proceeds.

So now we have Cashpoints AND Statements.  I've upped the hobby expenditure this year and if she looks she'll see my Bank records a steady stream of £200 withdrawals. This after years of limiting myself to £80 or less.

Last year I let my expenses at work run up and then asked to be reimbursed in cash. But don’t want to do that often either.

Is there an easy way to write a cheque say every six or so months for a couple of grand and convert it painlessly to cash?  Then the only worry is that she'll start doing some gardening and the shed will get a tidy.! Not bloody likely!!

Help appreciated.


 (I did a search and was surprised that I couldn’t find a similar topic)

[scutty brown]

Is there an easy way to write a cheque say every six or so months for a couple of grand and convert it painlessly to cash? 

Open a second bank account and don't tell the wife

[stevedave]

Would it be easier to make small and frequent withdrawals rather than large and more obvious.

Or don't have a joint account, or give her access to your statements 

[Titti Tatti]

Would it be easier to make small and frequent withdrawals rather than large and more obvious.

Or don't have a joint account, or give her access to your statements 

Sole bank account but if I started hiding them it would be MORE likely to arouse her interest.


Considering another bank account with random amounts paid accross.  But it means having another card to hide?

[Jimmyredcab]

As a single guy can I ask a question.

Why does your wife have access to your bank statements, thank fuck I have never got married. 

[Titti Tatti]

As a single guy can I ask a question.

Why does your wife have access to your bank statements, thank fuck I have never got married. 

For 30years I've piled all my 'stuff' up on the shelf then it gets transferred to the tax file. If I changed that it maight be noticed.

Lets take this up a level.

Sy I get careless and she wonders why I'm googling Adultwork.  I say it was one off. What if a solicitor got involved, nasty shit flying around then he writes saying please explain where £XXX went in cash since 2016?
If my newish hobby got discovered I wouldnt want it to break us up. If the discoveries could be minimised thats no bad thing as she's sort of indicated that if lack of sex at home was problem I should deal with it. If the ammounts came out she might react differently.

Strange to me how this seems like an issue but doesn't  to others?

[purple_t]

Get £10-20 cashback every time you visit a shop? Then it just looks like you spent a little more at Tescos or whatever.

Small but more frequent withdrawals from the cash machine are less likely to arouse suspicion than one big withdrawal prior to the punt.

[Ali Katt]

For 30years I've piled all my 'stuff' up on the shelf then it gets transferred to the tax file. If I changed that it maight be noticed.

Lets take this up a level.

Sy I get careless and she wonders why I'm googling Adultwork.  I say it was one off. What if a solicitor got involved, nasty shit flying around then he writes saying please explain where £XXX went in cash since 2016?
If my newish hobby got discovered I wouldnt want it to break us up. If the discoveries could be minimised thats no bad thing as she's sort of indicated that if lack of sex at home was problem I should deal with it. If the ammounts came out she might react differently.

Strange to me how this seems like an issue but doesn't  to others?

You can use Tor on a pendrive to run AW or off a second hidden smart phone.

As mentioned you can have up to £50 cash on cashback just purchase a bottle of wine.

[Titti Tatti]

Get £10-20 cashback every time you visit a shop? Then it just looks like you spent a little more at Tescos or whatever.

Small but more frequent withdrawals from the cash machine are less likely to arouse suspicion than one big withdrawal prior to the punt.

Cheapest fee I've handed over £55 dearest £450. Had a week alone recently, handed over  a total of £650 to 5 different WG's.

London prices.    She'll start to ask where I am. "Tescos?"

[Ali Katt]

Cheapest fee I've handed over £55 dearest £450. Had a week alone recently, handed over  a total of £650 to 5 different WG's.

London prices.    She'll start to ask where I am. "Tescos?"

A pre-paid master card might be the solution.

[tantric talents]

Why not let those work expenses run up again but this time have them transferred to either a new, preferably only online bank account or better still an online prepaid card account such as Pockit?
Then just withdraw the cash as you need it.

[mikexxlong]

If your account and cash flow is so fucking scrutinised that funds going out must have a legit reason
 otherwise awkward questions will be asked

Develop a new hobby/pastime that involve buying items such as collecting something fairly valuable (just use your imagination),
 just keep up the facade that your “into it” for image purposes

But you sell them on and get cash in your hand that she won’t know about, for you to use on whores

Yes you probably will lose some money doing it that way, but then again you might gain money,
all depends on what you “collect” and your buying/ selling prowess

A long winded method, but desperate times, desperate measures

This is assuming she would allow you to have such a hobby?

Just an wild idea!

[scutty brown]

Develop a new hobby/pastime that involve buying items such as collecting something fairly valuable (just use your imagination),
 just keep up the facade that your “into it” for image purposes

Good idea
Join the local model railway club and start building a trainset. Some of those locomotives cost a couple of hundred quid and could be a good way of confusing the trail

[BlueRock]

Joint accounts....never in a month of Sundays. Don't know a man who ain't caught shit from them in one way or another. I think you'll have to do this little and often. Cash back, buy petrol only in cash and add a few quid (should do anyway as lot of card fraud). Your still gonna struggle to get the level if funding you want without striking up some sort of cash back agreement with an independently run business.

[Type_O_Negative]

I'm single so it's not a problem for me. If i was with somebody i have a "safe" and expensive hobby to cover my punting activity - photography. You know, you buy wide angle lens, standard lens, telephoto lens, UV filters, another memory cards, battery grip, tripod and more, more, more...

[CityTillIDie]

If ever she were to find out, tell her you take a bit out every now and then to have a punt.
At the bookies.

If you say you're a punter, you're not even lying

 

[Ali Katt]

I'm single so it's not a problem for me. If i was with somebody i have a "safe" and expensive hobby to cover my punting activity - photography. You know, you buy wide angle lens, standard lens, telephoto lens, UV filters, another memory cards, battery grip, tripod and more, more, more...

I regularly show girls my tripod.

If ever she were to find out, tell her you take a bit out every now and then to have a punt.
At the bookies.

If you say you're a punter, you're not even lying

 

This could be the solution pay in £200 on betfair and cash it out.

[bbwandy72]

Switch to cash for your everyday life. I stopped using cards ages ago anyway, other than to withdraw cash. I prefer the anonymity I get with cash, even on mundane purchases. I don't like anyone having the ability to track me through my spending habits. So I'm regularly withdrawing large amounts of cash now. Withdrawing a bit extra wouldn't be hard to hide.

[cardiffsdream]

im really unlucky i have had no end of punctures needing new tyres for the car, cashback in the local shop small amounts but regular , keep sharing guys always looking for new ways to get cash

[Marmalade]

You could 'join' an expensive gym (cash) and never go.

[mediumjoe]

 Which could also give you an excuse for being out and away,

   Trouble might arise when the oh looks at you and says "I think you're wasting your money at that gym "  calamity !

[Plan R]

Dunno if this is viable - just a thought..
Could you write a cheque at a Bureau-de-change in exchange for currency?
Stirling if they'll do it, if not Euros (or whatever) then change it back to sterling at another branch.

You might take a hit on commission but you could do your homework and minimise that 

[the fitter]

Switch to cash for your everyday life. I stopped using cards ages ago anyway, other than to withdraw cash. I prefer the anonymity I get with cash, even on mundane purchases. I don't like anyone having the ability to track me through my spending habits. So I'm regularly withdrawing large amounts of cash now. Withdrawing a bit extra wouldn't be hard to hide.

I think that's the best, and safest. EXCUSE. Tell her, if we don't keep using cash, it will be credit only. And you don't like the credit card companies, making money from you.

[stevedave]

Perhaps you could try busking? 

[CoolTiger]

Last year I let my expenses at work run up and then asked to be reimbursed in cash. But don’t want to do that often either.

Is there an easy way to write a cheque say every six or so months for a couple of grand and convert it painlessly to cash?  Then the only worry is that she'll start doing some gardening and the shed will get a tidy.! Not bloody likely!!

Help appreciated.

If possible, get your work accounts dept to cash your cheques, via petty cash. Years ago, this is what quite a few of us at work would do. Provided your cheque(s) do not bounce, you could pretend that your ATM cash card is not working, so leave them with a cheque that they can cash straight away, and take the equivalent cash from the petty cash. 


EDIT
Helps if you get on well with the accounts dept and that they have sufficient petty cash in the tin.

[Jonestown]

Perhaps you could try busking? 

Or become treasurer of some organisation where you collect subs in cash.

[FredMcBobson]

Personally the mrs is useless with money so i have my own personal accounts where my wages get paid into and i just transfer stuff to the joint account on an as-needed basis.  That means i can take money out of my accounts without fear of an audit trail ending up in her hands.

Another very roundabout option you could look at, albeit fraught with side-charges, and possible issues, is Paypal.  Buy some things online with paypal.  Then return them.  The money will go into your paypal account, and you can then withdraw it into a different bank account.   Doesn't get around the line-item showing up in the statement though.  Only masks what it was.

Either way, separate bank account is probably your best bet.  Keep the card for it well hidden with your punting phone, and any other punting related stuff. And disable postal statements.

[FredMcBobson]

And you don't like the credit card companies, making money from you.

As a side note.  CC companies only make money off you if you dont pay your bill.  If you have a direct debit to pay it off 100% at the end of the month, and the card has no annual fee they dont may a penny off you.  They do get money from charging the shops per transaction, but most decent sized places just absorb that into their running costs.  Add to that the fact that a lot of CCs give you bonuses (like tesco points or air miles), and you get an improved credit rating for having a card and paying it off regularly, using a CC is a good thing in general.

Its only terrible if you spend more than you earn and cant pay it off.  But you dont (cant) do that with cash, so just dont do it with the CC. Simple

[Sir Lance-a-lot]

So you're looking for something that's traditionally paid for in cash.

Cannabis?

[threechilliman]

If possible, get your work accounts dept to cash your cheques, via petty cash. Years ago, this is what quite a few of us at work would do. Provided your cheque(s) do not bounce, you could pretend that your ATM cash card is not working, so leave them with a cheque that they can cash straight away, and take the equivalent cash from the petty cash. 


EDIT
Helps if you get on well with the accounts dept and that they have sufficient petty cash in the tin.

Or pay for expenses on your card and get them to give you cash back. Works a treat.

tcm

[stevedave]

Or perhaps, if finances are being monitored by 'er indoors, try to punt a bit more modestly. Spaffing £650 on hookers in a week is bound to draw attention.

Probably not the advice you wanted, admittedly!

[Shearer1955]

When you withdraw £600 - spend £300 of it on pressies for the wife & tell her they cost £600! - if she falls for it you have £300 for punting - probably best not to do it regularly otherwise she will be more suspicious of  why!the presents than of the withdrawals you mention 

[Mr Sinister]

Online banking, cancel the paper statements when you need to do the taxes print off the statement that you need there's a filter the at will allow to bring up certain transactions for tax. Have a clearout of all the paperwork that you don't need when the Mrs asks tell her you are becoming for effecient decluttering.

[Mansell]

Get a hobby where you buy and sell things for cash, works wonders 

[threechilliman]

When you withdraw £600 - spend £300 of it on pressies for the wife & tell her they cost £600! - if she falls for it you have £300 for punting - probably best not to do it regularly otherwise she will be more suspicious of  why!the presents than of the withdrawals you mention 

If I spent £300 on presents for my Mrs, questions would be asked. Stopped buying flowers years ago cos the first words out of her mouth were 'What've y' done?'

My answer back in the day would have been 'Nowt'. These days it could be 'I've bought you these dear to make up for the fact that I've just dropped 120 on a young hottie to open her legs'. Strange thing is she probably wouldn't believe me.....

tcm

[Estoril]

Friday night tell her you off down the casino with the lads

[webpunter]

When going shopping use a switch card.  Each time ask for cash-back, up to whatever amount you think is acceptable.  Thus whilst the OH will see an entry on the bank statement she knows you've been there.  Just bin the receipt on leaving the store.  Regular visits & small top-ups

If you've got any mates then on a night out cover the curry / beers with a credit card.  And take cash from your mates.  That's you fucked on this opportunity Norman   

[bbwandy72]

As a side note.  CC companies only make money off you if you dont pay your bill.  If you have a direct debit to pay it off 100% at the end of the month, and the card has no annual fee they dont may a penny off you.

That's a common myth, but not actually true. They still make money, and you're still a profitable customer for them. It's just that you're a hell of a lot more profitable if you have a revolving balance.

[5th Musketeer]

Or pay for expenses on your card and get them to give you cash back. Works a treat.

tcm

I was at a restaurant last year where you ordered food and drink at the front desk, paid by credit card - including 15% tip - and then shown a table.  When the waiter came to the table you are given the tip back in cash.  The idea was that, if you're happy with the service, you can leave as much of that cash tip as you want - or add to it.

[5th Musketeer]

That's a common myth, but not actually true. They still make money, and you're still a profitable customer for them. It's just that you're a hell of a lot more profitable if you have a revolving balance.

If your card is free and you schedule payment of the monthly invoice in its entirety a day before the due date, you have the use of your money for the period between charging the expense and when your bank pays the CC company with the money out of your account.  In the meantime, the CC company has the money from the merchant within days.  That's what makes you a profitable customer to the CC company, but it's the merchant's money, not yours until it leaves your bank account.

[vt]

Perhaps you could try busking? 

Or renting your ass on AW? 

You'd only need to service 6 guys at £20 a pop to afford an hour with a £120 prossie of your choice!!      

Though you might want to put something by for incontinence pads later on!!     

[as69]

Why don't you just switch to paperless statements ... that way she can't see your statements in the file. If you need to download them as a PDF for tax purposes then password protect them for "keeping them safe from hackers" in case she asks.

[Harty66]

Why not open an account with someone like Monese - it's all managed via a Phone App and you receive a prepaid mastercard debit card. You could fund by getting your expenses reimbursed into that and then, to keep eagle eyes at bay, use the account for all your work expenses. The justification could just be that you wanted business expenses separated from the family account. No statements, no suspicion, no hassle and no stash of cash waiting to be uncovered!

[anonyorks]

Become a male escort?

[dubs]

Why not open an account with someone like Monese - it's all managed via a Phone App and you receive a prepaid mastercard debit card. You could fund by getting your expenses reimbursed into that and then, to keep eagle eyes at bay, use the account for all your work expenses. The justification could just be that you wanted business expenses separated from the family account. No statements, no suspicion, no hassle and no stash of cash waiting to be uncovered!

Or set up a regular direct debit transfer called "PENSION" or "ISA" to transfer money to it.

[Simon32123]

Can't you get your company expenses put into a new hidden account?

[MrMatrix]

You could start buying and selling at auctions. They like to settle with buyers in cash as banking cash is a cost to them.
and.. if you open a second account at a building society with a book-bit old fashion but it works and you can have instant drawing out facilities. You just to have some way of feeding into it.
Or you have one big hit at drawing £1000 out and hope she doesnt notice.
Just how closely does she monitor your joint accounts?

[Freundlich]

Setup a new account
Have your wages sent to that account and then have a standing order for the day after your wages arrive to move it minus 10% to your regular account

'Times are hard at the office luv, we've all had to take a hit to keep things going'

[mediumjoe]

Freundlich ,  you're devious,  that's the best / simplest answer yet.

[Jonestown]

Freundlich ,  you're devious,  that's the best / simplest answer yet.

It's just not that simple, what about your annual P60 from your employer, what about your personal tax return at the end of the year, how do you hide 10% of your income ?