Link: External Link/Members Only (Website is useless as the rota/girls are never updated, it's only good for the phone number)
Price: £50 for 30 mins (OW, no extras)
Location: Lardybirds parlour, Northenden
It was late Friday night and after being let down by kinkster, I had the horn and found myself calling up Ladybirds despite the fact that my previous visits were all shit. However previously I didn't pay much attention to the descriptions on the phone. This time I did however I also stupidly forgot to ask if anyone was doing kissing/FK although I wasn't too bothered. I rang up in the hope of finding Coral on duty as she's well reviewed on here but she never seems to be fucking working despite evidence from other punters to the contrary and I have indeed phoned on many separate days/nights. Unfortunately for this night I'm pretty sure these are the descriptions they gave me: Carly (British, 24), Ellie (British, 28) and Jasmine (Thai, 30). They didn't initially volunteer the ages, I had to ask. I didn't make any commitments and said I'd pop in a bit later.
I arrived and was guide to the waiting room and informed that only Ellie was available. In she came, she seemed somewhat friendly (presumably because she's not totally retarded and wanted a booking) but she looked ancient, wrinkly old face and average arse. There was no fucking way she was 28 - more like mid 40s and smokes too much. I enquired about waiting and was told Carly would be 15 mins, that was fine for me. I sat down and and I overheard Ellie ask (to the receptionist) "is he waiting then?", she replied yes to which Ellie said something brief but inaudible and then the words "piss off". Maybe it wasn't as bad as it sounds but at any rate she can fucking do one and I'm glad she didn't get any of my money. 15 mins later, in comes Carly and frankly she's disappointing but I couldn't be bothered waiting another 15 for a woman likely to be in her 60s so it was her or my hand and I went with her.
Looks: She had dark hair and looked mid 30s (24 is laughable), not awful facially but just average. She wasn't fat and had a decent arse. Boobs were decent and upon later inspection fairly firm (around c-cups).
Service: Poor. Started with a massage, one handed piss poor attempt. Had some half decent conversation but nothing to set the world alight. Her OW was pretty poor, it consisted mainly of her very obviously stuffing my cock into her cheek rather than down her gob. Onto missionary and to be fair she didn't do the usual cock-restriction tactics nor was it totally lacking in eye contact she made some silly moans though. Onto doggy and pounded her proper until I finished. It wasn't awful but it definitely wasn't enthusiastic.
Overall I was blatantly lied to on the phone about something so obvious (age) that it beggars belief. On the basis of that I wouldn't trust a single word about what they say regarding services. Anyway, it was just a really typical parlour experience with below average looking girls. In the end I probably got kinkster looks but a Romanian service.
I can't believe a shithole like this is open but Sandy's was closed down - this place needs done for false advertising at the very least!
/rant
