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Author Topic: Why is it difficult to walk away from a punt: Psychology 101  (Read 2085 times)

If the pro$$ie has a bad attitude or the situation feels unsafe, it’s a lot easier to walk (providing money hasn’t changed hands) as self-preservation or distain towards the pro$$ie compels you to walk

On the other hand if the pro$$ie doesn’t meet your expectations etc., but they are friendly & welcoming it makes it harder to walk
 
But as we all know little head can override big head and go through with a punt, even though we know we should have walked
And of course who wants potential confrontation, someone calling you names, timewaster etc.,
and bad feedback if booked via AW and so on, so most will just plough on with the punt regardless.

Number 3 is my Achilles heel. If that guy says stay, I'm like a dog in heat and only regret it afterwards.  :rolleyes:

Offline inxs950

All 4 reasons would probably apply in my case. Also, I think it's easier to walk if you are a very service-orientated punter. She promised service x on the phone and now, it seems, she won't deliver it. The problem for me is that I have no particular agenda service-wise so the only reason I would be walking is that I don't like the look of the girl. That's harder to explain/justify to the girl - especially if she's otherwise quite pleasant. Also there's the feeling that she may try harder to give a good service to compensate for shortcomings in the looks department - so why not give it a go?

Now that I'm a member of UKP another factor comes into play. I'm thinking to myself: "Well at least, if it all goes pear-shaped, I can write a negative report on there and enhance my credibility as a reviewer!"
+1

There you go, then you have seasoned punters who really don't give a fuck about causing offence and don't need an excuse to walk. I think it's a problem more common with inexperienced punters.

I am not so sure this is true. I think if one is 'assertive' (for want of a better term) in everyday life then one will also be that way during the punting experience and vice versa. So I am guessing that someone like Smiths should also also have a similar attitude with going to restaurants or any other such service providers?

Do you Smiths?

« Last Edit: May 30, 2016, 04:42:02 PM by peter purves »

Offline Arley Hall

I think if one is 'assertive' (for want of a better term) in everyday life then one will also be that way during the punting experience and vice versa.

The concept of 'assertiveness' is an interesting one because, if you think about it, everybody is equally assertive - if being assertive simply means doing what suits you. If somebody gives you advice on how to be more 'assertive' and you follow it then you're doing what they told you to do and not what your own gut instinct tells you to do - so that's the opposite of being assertive, isn't it? It's a bit of a paradox!

My own take on it is that if somebody feels strongly enough about something they will naturally be 'assertive' without having to make a special effort. If they're not 'assertive' it's probably because they simply don't feel strongly enough about it, or maybe they can see both sides of the issue and don't feel 100% sure that a particular course of action is right. I personally wouldn't try to override that uncertainty because it's part of who I am. Having said that, if I did try to override it that would also be a valid expression of who I am!

My impression of a lot of so-called assertiveness training is that somebody is trying to get you to care about something that they think is important, but which you don't actually care about that much. Either that or you care about lots of different things which conflict with each other - so you decide to hold back for that reason.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2016, 09:37:58 PM by Arley Hall »
Banning reason: Multiple accounts (Arley Hall, Gwylan)

Offline smiths

I am not so sure this is true. I think if one is 'assertive' (for want of a better term) in everyday life then one will also be that way during the punting experience and vice versa. So I am guessing that someone like Smiths should also also have a similar attitude with going to restaurants or any other such service providers?

Do you Smiths?

I expect good service whoever I am paying and will complain if I don't get it.

Offline GreyDave

 :hi: For the lucky ones of us who are near or in Cities which have known areas like London's Soho, Shepard's market and the phone box cards...
walking is easy to learn as the choice is there but the plan book drive/travel punter is throwing a lot into it before actually seeing and being able to make the choice.

Many years ago I ventured into the basement of Miss Whiplash in Earls court.. I had taken day off work travelled up to London made plans ect when I walked down steps I was met by maid and then Miss W came out from backroom "no luv your too young I don't do young en`s " I was quite relived cause when I saw her I wanted to walk  :scare: I wish some of the WG`s would say that to me now (the bit about too young) :cool: :cool: I think I would at the time of found it difficult to walk as Id put so much in to planning like many of us do ..as it happened she made that easy.. she chucked me out ..
« Last Edit: May 30, 2016, 09:56:31 PM by GreyDave »

Offline David1970

I have a saying" when in doubt walk out "
I have walked lots of times, it's my money my choice.
Hate bait and switch, or miss leading description, or a bad attitude.

The concept of 'assertiveness' is an interesting one because, if you think about it, everybody is equally assertive - if being assertive simply means doing what suits you. If somebody gives you advice on how to be more 'assertive' and you follow it then you're doing what they told you to do and not what your own gut instinct tells you to do - so that's the opposite of being assertive, isn't it? It's a bit of a paradox!

My own take on it is that if somebody feels strongly enough about something they will naturally be 'assertive' without having to make a special effort. If they're not 'assertive' it's probably because they simply don't feel strongly enough about it, or maybe they can see both sides of the issue and don't feel 100% sure that a particular course of action is right. I personally wouldn't try to override that uncertainty because it's part of who I am. Having said that, if I did try to override it that would also be a valid expression of who I am!

My impression of a lot of so-called assertiveness training is that somebody is trying to get you to care about something that they think is important, but which you don't actually care about that much. Either that or you care about lots of different things which conflict with each other - so you decide to hold back for that reason.

Arley,

This is a very interesting slant on assertiveness but I think assertiveness in the punting situation must mean the punter walking if this is what he actually wants to do rather than go through with a punt that he does not want to do or feels very uncomfortable about.

Offline Arley Hall

Arley,

This is a very interesting slant on assertiveness but I think assertiveness in the punting situation must mean the punter walking if this is what he actually wants to do rather than go through with a punt that he does not want to do or feels very uncomfortable about.

Yes - fair enough. I guess I was just musing about it in a rather general philosophical way - and maybe that's not really appropriate here on a punting board. If somebody 'wants' to walk and they don't, then did they really want to? If they really wanted to, then they would ..... etc etc. I'm in danger of disappearing up my own arse, I know!
Banning reason: Multiple accounts (Arley Hall, Gwylan)

Offline fairfield

If you paid and THEN decide to walk that is tough.
 
+100

Sorry, guys i suspect all the assertiveness and clever ideas in the world will be no help if the skanky pro$$ie has already stashed your cash.
Since the WG will know in advance that she is going to deliberately withdraw services / provide shit service then she will also be fully prepared to deny a refund.
I would have walked in almost 50% of my punts if there had been any chance of my money back.
Walking without the money would only have compounded my humiliation.  Why give the WG the extra satisfaction?

Offline Turtle Z

I am not so sure this is true. I think if one is 'assertive' (for want of a better term) in everyday life then one will also be that way during the punting experience and vice versa. So I am guessing that someone like Smiths should also also have a similar attitude with going to restaurants or any other such service providers?

Do you Smiths?

So given that we accept that punters have different ranges of innate assertiveness you rule out punting experience as having any bearing on the issue... Really?

Offline smiths

+100

Sorry, guys i suspect all the assertiveness and clever ideas in the world will be no help if the skanky pro$$ie has already stashed your cash.
Since the WG will know in advance that she is going to deliberately withdraw services / provide shit service then she will also be fully prepared to deny a refund.
I would have walked in almost 50% of my punts if there had been any chance of my money back.
Walking without the money would only have compounded my humiliation.  Why give the WG the extra satisfaction?

The why is because I don't wish to be in the same room let alone punting with such a WG, I want to leave asap and go book my plan B. Unlike you this scenario is rare for me nowadays, if it was almost 50% of my punts I would of stopped punting years ago due to it being a waste of my cash.

Offline fairfield

The why is because I don't wish to be in the same room let alone punting with such a WG, I want to leave asap and go book my plan B. Unlike you this scenario is rare for me nowadays, if it was almost 50% of my punts I would of stopped punting years ago due to it being a waste of my cash.
Isn't punting like being on a roller coaster ride?  The highs and the lows come together?
If you've paid to ride the big dipper, how can you 'walk' just because the cars are at the bottom of the track?

Offline fairfield

Isn't punting like being on a roller coaster ride?  The highs and the lows come together?
If you've paid to ride the big dipper, how can you 'walk' just because the cars are at the bottom of the track?
(srry, just noticed only half my post loaded, - like my punts!)
....but personally have found the punting 'lows' can be as adrenaline pumping as the highs. Walking is just not an option.

ofc in those tender moments before you hand over the cash, the WG whispers in your ear -
 - i'm too tight for sex, or i've had too many punts already and can't bear to look at another man's face today, or i'm gonna turn into a zombie as soon as your kit is off, or i' m gonna repeatedly interrupt your time to check my other bookings, etc etc

then assertiveness or escape tactics are surely not neeeded , walking is just automatic, doing both parties a favour?

Same psychology that stops people walking away from anything they have invested time in

Failing business
Failing relationship
Failing punt

Being honest with yourself requires time and by that point you are past the point of no return and paid already

Have walked a few times using The line of left the money in the car...The one time as she was not the girl in the profile and looked on smack!!.....  she shut the door behind me and when I used the line she shouted "stretch"  :scare: :scare: Big black guy 6ft 6 easy..... came bombing through!!! I thought i was going to get a pasting or killed!! she told him..... He then calmed down as I said look I will go to the bank and get the cash no problem, I then had to drive him to a local shop he knew and pulled the money...(yes I really had the cash in my back pocket). He told me in the car he needs to change the pics on the profile because his girl is inside. we went in the shop he grabbed a can of cider and some comdoms. and we drove back. I then had to go inside with him because I had used the line I forgot the money (prob both knowing not the case) i went back into the room where she started to take my trousers off for oral... :scare: :scare: :vomit: Thought I'm not letting her near him!!! so I said can i just fuck you please..... she could tell I didn't want to be there and shitting myself.... she said.... o just go!!!! I cut my losses and went!!!.
This wasn't a cheap punt quickie for 50 and had 4 reviews in 1 month been on there.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2016, 06:40:39 AM by largecock1234567 »

Offline smiths

Isn't punting like being on a roller coaster ride?  The highs and the lows come together?
If you've paid to ride the big dipper, how can you 'walk' just because the cars are at the bottom of the track?

I explained why I walk, I go see a WG who I know will offer a good service instead of staying with some piece of scum who has fucked me over, but as I said unlike yourself me paying and then not being happy with the punt is nowhere near your almost 50% of the time.

Have walked a few times using The line of left the money in the car...The one time as she was not the girl in the profile and looked on smack!!.....  she shut the door behind me and when I used the line she shouted "stretch"  :scare: :scare: Big black guy 6ft 6 easy..... came bombing through!!! I thought i was going to get a pasting or killed!! she told him..... He then calmed down as I said look I will go to the bank and get the cash no problem, I then had to drive him to a local shop he knew and pulled the money...(yes I really had the cash in my back pocket). He told me in the car he needs to change the pics on the profile because his girl is inside. we went in the shop he grabbed a can of cider and some comdoms. and we drove back. I then had to go inside with him because I had used the line I forgot the money (prob both knowing not the case) i went back into the room where she started to take my trousers off for oral... :scare: :scare: :vomit: Thought I'm not letting her near him!!! so I said can i just fuck you please..... she could tell I didn't want to be there and shitting myself.... she said.... o just go!!!! I cut my losses and went!!!.
This wasn't a cheap punt quickie for 50 and had 4 reviews in 1 month been on there.

Link would be helpful to save others

I reported the profile when I got home then disappeared.... I would have done it on here also but at the time I wasn't a member. it was about 3 years ago.

Offline bod666

I walked once from a Romanian wg and just said I'd changed my mind. I felt great about it after as I knew I'd saved myself from yet another terrible rom experience. This was at the same hotel where I'd previously had my two all time worst punts (with Romanians) so I knew walking was the best option.

Now I've done it once I'd be quite happy to do it again.

Offline David1970

I find if you cut out the indicators of a bad punt when you search on Adultworks it helps.
I always put in exclude Romanians and add those who dislike bareback in to my search.
Cuts out bait and switch Gypos and those who just tick every thing on the like list.
The most important thing is be prepared to walk, it's your choice your money.

I think there is a 5 and 6  that the OP didn't cover.
5. The opportunity doesn't present itself to say anything to leave.
6. Not knowing what to say.

Same as 1 and 2 if you think about it. Plenty of opportunity unless you're too shy.

My advice to punters who may want to walk but don't is grow a backbone and realise why should you pay and go through with a punt you don't really want to. I have had verbal abuse from WGs on occasion as I was leaving and I thought one was going to hit me but she didn't, so making a quick getaway is my goal, once safe I smile and think yep that was a good decision, then ring my plan B.

Sound advice. Only with experience you know what you really want from a punt and get that strong feeling you're just not going to get it. Learn to walk chaps; just like punting is easier after your first one you'll find walking easier too.

Offline SamLP

I find giving a reason makes it easier to walk. Been in many situations where the WG lied about services or was faced with a B&S. I just question them and ask them why they wasted my time when I made all my points clear on the phone. They usually shrug & say sorry, and I tell them I'm leaving. Had it a few times with girls with a bad attitude too.

Having said that there are times when I've let myself down and gone through with a punt when my head was telling me to leave. Either I was bursting for release, had fancied the girl and wanted to fuck her regardless or had one of those moments where I convinced myself she would come good during the punt which in fact has happened many times, however, the bad have been much more than the good.


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