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Author Topic: Why is it difficult to walk away from a punt: Psychology 101  (Read 2083 times)

There are obviously a number of differing reasons:

1. Fear of creating offence (English cultural trait)
2. Shy personality (individual)
3. Thinking with the other 'head' (biology/individual)

Then there is

4. Due to taking so many steps to complete a punt (or behaviour) it then becomes hard to pull out (excuse the pun by changing the behaviour and or attitude that justifies the completion of a particular action ie the  punt).

Reference: Milgram, Obedience experiment 1964.

Thus with regard to 4, as long as a person see his steps as separate as opposed to one integrated action he should be able to walk away from a punt.

There ends today's Psychology lecture

I wonder how many of us have been caught in 4 without even knowing it??

Offline momochan

I suppose if you have travelled far and spent money on fares , you might think fuck it since i am here might as well go for it.

I suppose if you have travelled far and spent money on fares , you might think fuck it since i am here might as well go for it.

That is point 4 in a nutshell  :dash:

An old punting pal i know always used to say "ah well i am here now" & go through with it

At least its easier to have a fall back position these days.

Back in the day of selecting girls from the back of The Sport the girl was often your only choice, otherwise it was back home for a wank of Whitehouse Readers Digest - my fav mag of the 90's!!:-)

Offline inxs950

I suppose if you have travelled far and spent money on fares , you might think fuck it since i am here might as well go for it.

Ive never walked but maybe should have twice. The above is true though. You seem to psych yourself up esp if youve never met the girl and hope that the punt might improve.

Offline Arley Hall

All 4 reasons would probably apply in my case. Also, I think it's easier to walk if you are a very service-orientated punter. She promised service x on the phone and now, it seems, she won't deliver it. The problem for me is that I have no particular agenda service-wise so the only reason I would be walking is that I don't like the look of the girl. That's harder to explain/justify to the girl - especially if she's otherwise quite pleasant. Also there's the feeling that she may try harder to give a good service to compensate for shortcomings in the looks department - so why not give it a go?

Now that I'm a member of UKP another factor comes into play. I'm thinking to myself: "Well at least, if it all goes pear-shaped, I can write a negative report on there and enhance my credibility as a reviewer!"
Banning reason: Multiple accounts (Arley Hall, Gwylan)

Offline JV547845

When it comes to walking before you've seen the girl, because of tardiness or shit comms, there's your own experience too, and their reputation. 

I've been kept waiting a number of times, on which the punts were all totally worth it.  Sometimes I've been late too.  If only I could remember the times I've been kept waiting and it was shit... 

It's always a gut instinct call, and down to chance, so you need to do your homework.

Offline AnthG

I think there is a 5 and 6  that the OP didn't cover.

5. The opportunity doesn't present itself to say anything to leave.

6. Not knowing what to say.

In my punting career I have had one punt where the girl really was not in anyway what I wanted to the extent that I didn't want to go through with the punt with her and was thus in that room wanting to leave.

But that was it. I was in the room. She was all making small talk for things to get started and I was in my own mind, it racing a million milles a minute, thinking "what do I say to get out of it, should I say this, or that or what, how do I initiate this". It was a massive flight or fight response type thing and I froze.

In the end I couldn't think of anything and went through with the punt...And hated it.

Offline Turtle Z



5. The opportunity doesn't present itself to say anything to leave.

6. Not knowing what to say.


Perhaps, which is why you have to have the, "Oh, I've left my wallet in the car" story ready. I have a variation on this, which is hopefully more credible. You present your own opportunity to leave.

Offline smiths

There are obviously a number of differing reasons:

1. Fear of creating offence (English cultural trait)
2. Shy personality (individual)
3. Thinking with the other 'head' (biology/individual)

Then there is

4. Due to taking so many steps to complete a punt (or behaviour) it then becomes hard to pull out (excuse the pun by changing the behaviour and or attitude that justifies the completion of a particular action ie the  punt).

Reference: Milgram, Obedience experiment 1964.

Thus with regard to 4, as long as a person see his steps as separate as opposed to one integrated action he should be able to walk away from a punt.

There ends today's Psychology lecture

I wonder how many of us have been caught in 4 without even knowing it??

I don't find it hard to walk from a punt nowadays, in fact its easy and I do so quickly to ensure I get to the safety asap, then ring my plan B option, usually a regular. None of your 4 are relevant to me now.

Offline Turtle Z

I don't find it hard to walk from a punt nowadays, in fact its easy and I do so quickly to ensure I get to the safety asap, then ring my plan B option, usually a regular. None of your 4 are relevant to me now.

There you go, then you have seasoned punters who really don't give a fuck about causing offence and don't need an excuse to walk. I think it's a problem more common with inexperienced punters.

Offline smiths

I think there is a 5 and 6  that the OP didn't cover.

5. The opportunity doesn't present itself to say anything to leave.

6. Not knowing what to say.

In my punting career I have had one punt where the girl really was not in anyway what I wanted to the extent that I didn't want to go through with the punt with her and was thus in that room wanting to leave.

But that was it. I was in the room. She was all making small talk for things to get started and I was in my own mind, it racing a million milles a minute, thinking "what do I say to get out of it, should I say this, or that or what, how do I initiate this". It was a massive flight or fight response type thing and I froze.

In the end I couldn't think of anything and went through with the punt...And hated it.

Your 5 and 6 don't apply to me either nowadays, I just walk if I am not 100% happy with the WG, I always have the opportunity to walk at any time. I don't need to say anything, its the WG who has said something that has put me off punting with her or her general miserable look and/or attitude, or I don't fancy the real her in comparison to her pics.

Offline smiths

There you go, then you have seasoned punters who really don't give a fuck about causing offence and don't need an excuse to walk. I think it's a problem more common with inexperienced punters.

It took me years of not walking to get to this point though, in the days before the net finding an alternative the same day wasn't as easy as it is today for me, so I mainly stayed whatever, nowadays I always have a plan B if plan A goes tits up and as I have a zero tolerance policy now I have walked many times in the last few years. Everything has to be perfect or as near as for me to stay, sure I have even then punted and paid a very small number of bad or poor WGs, but mainly my negatives are bad comms or the WG being a liar/bad attitude/not looking like her pics so I walked costing me nothing except travel costs and her wasting my time.

I most certainly don't give a fuck about causing offence, its the WG who is at fault for being a liar, having a bad attitude or whatever which has led me to walk. My advice to punters who may want to walk but don't is grow a backbone and realise why should you pay and go through with a punt you don't really want to. I have had verbal abuse from WGs on occasion as I was leaving and I thought one was going to hit me but she didn't, so making a quick getaway is my goal, once safe I smile and think yep that was a good decision, then ring my plan B.

Offline Turtle Z


I most certainly don't give a fuck about causing offence, its the WG who is at fault for being a liar, having a bad attitude or whatever which has led me to walk. My advice to punters who may want to walk but don't is grow a backbone and realise why should you pay and go through with a punt you don't really want to.

Sound advice!  :drinks:

It took me years of not walking to get to this point though, in the days before the net finding an alternative the same day wasn't as easy as it is today for me, so I mainly stayed whatever, nowadays I always have a plan B if plan A goes tits up and as I have a zero tolerance policy now I have walked many times in the last few years. Everything has to be perfect or as near as for me to stay, sure I have even then punted and paid a very small number of bad or poor WGs, but mainly my negatives are bad comms or the WG being a liar/bad attitude/not looking like her pics so I walked costing me nothing except travel costs and her wasting my time.

I most certainly don't give a fuck about causing offence, its the WG who is at fault for being a liar, having a bad attitude or whatever which has led me to walk. My advice to punters who may want to walk but don't is grow a backbone and realise why should you pay and go through with a punt you don't really want to. I have had verbal abuse from WGs on occasion as I was leaving and I thought one was going to hit me but she didn't, so making a quick getaway is my goal, once safe I smile and think yep that was a good decision, then ring my plan B.

I agree with this, wether its my beligerence because of my age, or just ease of arranging another punt if I want, I have found over the last couple of years it far easier to walk.

Offline JV547845

Everything has to be perfect or as near as for me to stay,

How do you still manage your expectations?  Or go through with any punt at all?  I just go in with the attitude that I'll be cool and have fun, but try to listen to my spidey sense at the same time

It's much easier after you do it once.
Always be prepared to walk if you're booking a girl that's unknown to you.

For any average guy it's a rare and very specific thing to walk out on a woman you were about pay to fuck :D
You left your wallet in the car or she's not what you expected say anything you want and go.
When I walked the first time it was wg that asked me if I was ok. I think she could tell I was displeased by my face. I told her she's not what I expected and I left.

You're paying a lot of money. She should look as advertised or as close as possible and she should offer what she says she offers. That's it.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2016, 10:59:43 AM by justfornow »

Offline smiths

I agree with this, wether its my beligerence because of my age, or just ease of arranging another punt if I want, I have found over the last couple of years it far easier to walk.

I am glad to hear this and if more punters walked when they weren't happy they would be getting better punts of course. The concept of punting with someone anyway who I didn't want to is an alien one to me now.


Offline smiths

How do you still manage your expectations?  Or go through with any punt at all?  I just go in with the attitude that I'll be cool and have fun, but try to listen to my spidey sense at the same time

I go on my gut feeling which is more often right than not, not foolproof but it has served me well over the years. Unlike you with a newbie WG to me I go in suspicious and ready to walk, its for her to show me she is good and many do, some don't. As soon as its punt on I relax and have fun, if I didn't I certainly wouldn't still be punting.

I also have UKP which helps and punters I know who give my recs which greatly help and are always appreciated, but sometimes I am prepared to take a risk in search of a gem.

If you paid and THEN decide to walk that is tough.

If there are other people in the flat (especially men) you may be outnumbered.


Offline Ben4454

I think it also has something to do with emotional investment. The more we emotionally invest in a event the more we are likely to go through with it. You have searched adultwork, you have done the research and done steps in order for this meet to take place. When you get there that emotional investment you have inputted can be enough to tip the scales. Although this is a tiny one i think not wanting to cause offence is one of the biggest factors. Laziness to find another punt after inputting so much energy is also a factor.

In psychological principles when we publically commit to a verbal contract we are most likely to go through with it in order for our actions to be in calibration with our thoughts. The Chinese used these principles to attempt to brainwash American prisoners of war. They would have them write essays on why Communism was superior. Eventually the American soldiers actually began thinking that Communism was superior. Psychologists have found out that if these commitments are made 'public' then these committments are more likely to be gone through with.

It could be like buying a new car. You go through the emotional investment of selecting new car. You travel 200 miles to it. You have entered into a contract with the other person. You find out the price has increased by £50. You think fuck it i have come this far and buy it anyway.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2016, 12:15:16 PM by Ben4454 »
Banning reason: Ignored admin warning after temporary banning and signed up to malicious troll anti-UKP site

There are obviously a number of differing reasons:

1. Fear of creating offence (English cultural trait)
2. Shy personality (individual)
3. Thinking with the other 'head' (biology/individual)

Then there is

4. Due to taking so many steps to complete a punt (or behaviour) it then becomes hard to pull out (excuse the pun by changing the behaviour and or attitude that justifies the completion of a particular action ie the  punt).

Reference: Milgram, Obedience experiment 1964.

Thus with regard to 4, as long as a person see his steps as separate as opposed to one integrated action he should be able to walk away from a punt.

There ends today's Psychology lecture

I wonder how many of us have been caught in 4 without even knowing it??

Think the psychology used, is the same as what politicians use meeeting people in person.  The commitment and consistency principle.

Offline smiths

If you paid and THEN decide to walk that is tough.

If there are other people in the flat (especially men) you may be outnumbered.

Yes that's a real pain but I have and would still walk now as I wouldn't be able to or want to punt with a bad WG, I just want to leave asap. Its rare I don't hear men in a premises who shouldn't be their as the WG was supposed to be an Indie after I have paid, I usually hear them straight away and walk.

Fortunately there are less than 6 punts I can recall in the last few years where I have paid and then walked, I have punted and not had a good punt as well a few times, but in the main its been walking without having paid anything to the WG.

Offline smiths

I think it also has something to do with emotional investment. The more we emotionally invest in a event the more we are likely to go through with it. You have searched adultwork, you have done the research and done steps in order for this meet to take place. When you get there that emotional investment you have inputted can be enough to tip the scales. Although this is a tiny one i think not wanting to cause offence is one of the biggest factors. Laziness to find another punt after inputting so much energy is also a factor.

In psychological principles when we publically commit to a verbal contract we are most likely to go through with it in order for our actions to be in calibration with our thoughts. The Chinese used these principles to attempt to brainwash American prisoners of war. They would have them write essays on why Communism was superior. Eventually the American soldiers actually began thinking that Communism was superior. Psychologists have found out that if these commitments are made 'public' then these committments are more likely to be gone through with.

It could be like buying a new car. You go through the emotional investment of selecting new car. You travel 200 miles to it. You have entered into a contract with the other person. You find out the price has increased by £50. You think fuck it i have come this far and buy it anyway.

With me I am not 100% with 1 specific WG or I don't bother punting so my investment is to punt on the day but it can be with my plan B if I walk from plan A. For ME this makes it much easier to walk as I know a good punt awaits with the regular.

I know your car example was just that but I wouldn't travel 200 miles in the first place as I wouldn't anymore to punt, my max being about a 60 mile round trip. I am usually in the WGs area anyway on other business though they wont know this when I punt so that means I don't incur a travel cost I wasn't going to incur anyway, except if I have to pay to park of course. Being pragmatic is a great advantage in punting in my opinion.


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