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Author Topic: Nervous and a virgin  (Read 7709 times)

Online cueball


Buy cueball a gift instead IMHO

In the neck end 10,000 posts, that's the most sense you've ever made.

As sonny would say.....

+1,000,000

 :lol:

Offline Sonny Crockett

Banning reason: Troll

Offline RedKettle


Buy cueball a gift instead IMHO

A framed set of photos of the girls (I use that term loosely) that he has helpfully recommended to newbies  :D


Offline Nagilum

Its really difficult for me because of my religion being raised in a conservative household. Ive never even drank before. So doing this is a really big step. I want to experience it before i get married off some time in the next year or so

I have a feeling you are one of these foot in the mouth punters.  Never drank, no sex before marriage.  That makes you a Muslim young one.  I would even go further to summerise that you are Asian or my second guess Arab.

Word of advice, do not divulge personal info like that, no matter how insignificant it may seem, somebody close to you could identify you very easily.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2016, 03:39:50 PM by Nagilum »

Online cueball


Word of advice, do not divulge personal info like that, no matter how insignificant it may seem, somebody close to you could identify you very easily.

Pearls of wisdom there bendick

From what we've learnt so far......

On ludgate hill in Manchester, on Monday we're looking for a 23 year old Muslim lad, looking nervous, sweating, carrying a bunch of flowers, sporting an erection, staring at his phone, looking up at the buildings, pacing back and forth.

Phone beeps, he jumps, he takes two steps forward and one step back,, will He, won't He, will he....

He does, he marches on a mission, flowers in hand, presses the buzzer, sweats undecidedly, is he past the point of no return.

Door buzzes open, boredick is shitting himself in his newly ironed underpants (mum thought it strange but ironed em anyway), he's in, little boy lost, in the lift and knocks on the door.

Door opens....

Bumdick is in...

He says...... I'm bendix, here's your flowers, I'm a virgin

She thinks... money, five minutes and I can catch up with Jeremy kyle.

Big question time.... Will he go through with it? Will he get it up? Will he last long enough to get his socks off? Will she actually break out into a sweat? Will she chuck the flowers in the bin?

Will the lie detector prove who the father is on Jeremy Kyle?

Molly Swedish has all the answers  :lol:

I told you young bendick, don't trust anybody at this lark and don't give anything away.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2016, 04:07:12 PM by cueball »

The girl will see straight away how nervous you are and see your lack of technique. Don't worry about it. Most of us were dead nervous on our first punt. As long as you treat the girl nice, perhaps make a joke of your lack of experience and you should have a good time.

Sorry that it's not the funny gags and recommendations of other contributors. Good luck.

By the way, you can Google search what all the acronyms mean that are used on this forum.

Offline bardock

Pearls of wisdom there bendick

From what we've learnt so far......

On ludgate hill in Manchester, on Monday we're looking for a 23 year old Muslim lad, looking nervous, sweating, carrying a bunch of flowers, sporting an erection, staring at his phone, looking up at the buildings, pacing back and forth.

Phone beeps, he jumps, he takes two steps forward and one step back,, will He, won't He, will he....

He does, he marches on a mission, flowers in hand, presses the buzzer, sweats undecidedly, is he past the point of no return.

Door buzzes open, boredick is shitting himself in his newly ironed underpants (mum thought it strange but ironed em anyway), he's in, little boy lost, in the lift and knocks on the door.

Door opens....

Bumdick is in...

He says...... I'm bendix, here's your flowers, I'm a virgin

She thinks... money, five minutes and I can catch up with Jeremy kyle.

Big question time.... Will he go through with it? Will he get it up? Will he last long enough to get his socks off? Will she actually break out into a sweat? Will she chuck the flowers in the bin?

Will the lie detector prove who the father is on Jeremy Kyle?

Molly Swedish has all the answers  :lol:

I told you young bendick, don't trust anybody at this lark and don't give anything away.

Haha youve got that spot on! I imagine thats exactly how itl pan out given how nervous i already am. Imagine me 5 minutes before the meet. Ill let you guys know how it goes anyway!

Ill learn from my mistakes anyway.

The next person that visits molly from this site will surely have a good laugh at my expense haha
« Last Edit: April 23, 2016, 07:32:09 PM by bardock »

Offline CatBBW

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Haha youve got that spot on! I imagine thats exactly how itl pan out given how nervous i already am. Imagine me 5 minutes before the meet. Ill let you guys know how it goes anyway!

Ill learn from my mistakes anyway.

The next person that visits molly from this site will surely have a good laugh at my expense haha

Why's that then? Do you think she'll tell everyone that one of her many clients was "a bit nervous"? :unknown:

Offline bardock

Haha im just overthinking everything... Forgive me  :P

Haha im just overthinking everything... Forgive me  :P

Whether you're the next Rocco Siffredi (google him) or you're terrible, the WG won't be having a good old gossip about you.

Online cueball

the WG won't be having a good old gossip about you.

Yes she will, that's all they talk about at their December AGM  :sarcastic:

Offline freeze44

Yes she will, that's all they talk about at their December AGM  :sarcastic:

Didn't Molly Swedish win 'Virgin Podger of the Year' last year for going over and above and making them quake etc??  :lol: 

Online cueball

Didn't Molly Swedish win 'Virgin Podger of the Year' last year for going over and above and making them quake etc??  :lol:

That'll be dirkt then (the review link is further back)

I think she got a small trophy at last year's AGM for her efforts :unknown:

She'll want to keep the trophy for another year....

Burntdick could see her get a mention in their newsletter :sarcastic:

Offline CatBBW

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  • Posts: 1,972
Yes she will, that's all they talk about at their December AGM  :sarcastic:

Didn't Molly Swedish win 'Virgin Podger of the Year' last year for going over and above and making them quake etc??  :lol:

 :lol: :sarcastic: :dancegirl:

Offline Donnie69

Didn't Molly Swedish win 'Virgin Podger of the Year' last year for going over and above and making them quake etc??  :lol:
She doesn't do fat guys, so she doesn't deserve any award. I mean how difficult is it for a WG to do cowgirl or reverse cowgirl with a fat punter?  Possibly if the guy is 30 stone plus, things could a bit get difficult. 

Offline freeze44

She doesn't do fat guys, so she doesn't deserve any award. I mean how difficult is it for a WG to do cowgirl or reverse cowgirl with a fat punter?  Possibly if the guy is 30 stone plus, things could a bit get difficult.

Fair point that...is young bouncydick a big guy?? Bugger his event could be on hold!!!  :D

Offline bardock

I should text her my weight just to be on the safe side.  :)
I still cant get over how cute she sounded over the phone earlier. she really reassured me and has given me time to think about it before calling her to confirm the final booking. I think she's nice :kissgirl:

Online cueball

I should text her my weight just to be on the safe side.  :)


We'll be able to help you there, what do you weigh?

Offline bardock

im kind of short 5'9 and I weigh 80kg

Online cueball

im kind of short 5'9 and I weigh 80kg

That's fuck all, don't sweat it. Don't even bother mentioning it.

Just think, when you're knocking on the door Monday, you'll have the whole of ukp following you  :D

Offline freeze44

im kind of short 5'9 and I weigh 80kg

Hmmmmm....blobbykcock....are you toned or flabby??!  :lol:

Offline sigmund

I should text her my weight just to be on the safe side.  :)
I still cant get over how cute she sounded over the phone earlier. she really reassured me and has given me time to think about it before calling her to confirm the final booking. I think she's nice :kissgirl:

She may well be cute, reassuring and empathetic but never forget that she's a prossie mate! She fucks and sucks to get your cash, she may enjoy it, you probably will but don't forget this is a business transaction not the start of something special.
Banning reason: Wanting post by another member deleted because in return the prossie will offer him 15mins for free

Offline sigmund

im kind of short 5'9 and I weigh 80kg

Got to love the yoof of today; imperial in height and metric in weight  :crazy:
Banning reason: Wanting post by another member deleted because in return the prossie will offer him 15mins for free

Offline bardock

She may well be cute, reassuring and empathetic but never forget that she's a prossie mate! She fucks and sucks to get your cash, she may enjoy it, you probably will but don't forget this is a business transaction not the start of something special.

Those are really wise words, thanks for that!


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