I'm a fussy cunt me. Nothing is ever quite right and this punt certainly wasn't.
After a fucking dull meeting in Newcastle for 3 hours all I'm thinking is, 'will everyone shut the fuck up so i can go and get tugged off somewhere'. So the meeting ends, i get back to the car and extract my punting phone from it's hiding place under the seat.
I fancy a massage after a hard week, so I give the Thai Bird on Easington Lane a call. She can't see me until 5.30pm. No good I have to be back. The lazy bitch of a wife is out and can't be arsed to make the kids their tea before she goes.
So I try Jenny in Stanley
External Link/Members OnlyAs reported it is actually Malee who picks the phone up, who I've seen a couple of times in Sunniside. I didn't realise this until later.
So I make my way down the A1, as usual stuck in traffic. Miserable faces on everyone's faces as they contemplate a dull weekend ahead arguing with the missus - yet again I'll be telling mine how to stack the dishwasher properly.
I get to the shithole that is Stanley, made worse by a rainy day. Fuck me it's grim. I park up on the postcode that's given and call again. Given the house number. It's 100m up the road.
This is where it all goes fucking tits up.
I get out the car and look up the road and see a thai woman talking to some other punter right outside the house. He is quickly pushed into a blue car and the thai woman gets in too. They just sit there right outside.
Fuck it, I'll go and knock anyway. I press the bell, no response, bell again and again and again. How the fuck can she not be there I just spoke to her. I can feel the other punter's eyes drilling into me from the car window. He's sat in the back seat of a 2 door hatch, like a little kid. I'd already sized him up, just in case he was a pimp and I had to knock him out at some point.
Thai bird get out the car. It's Malee. She looked better than I ever remembered. Obviously making some wonga to spend on herself. She is also trying to get in. So we both stand there. Eventually she pushes the door to go into the hallway where there are 2 more doors to 2 different flats. Malee explains she doesn't have keys and the other girl must be busy. So I try to ring her again, but it is Malee's phone that rings. It dawns on me that I had always been speaking to her and not Jenny! She then takes the piss out of my punting phone and old Nokia 6300 series from 2006. Daft cow.
Suddenly she hears something and quickly pushes me into the other flat door which is open. The other door opens and I see another punter come out. An old bloke, he doesn't see me.
She pulls me out of one flat and pushes me in the other. Where a little mature Thai wearing a something like a potato sack is standing. Please let it not be her, please let it be Malee. She says nothing and beckons me into a downstairs room where she starts tidying up from the previous client. I didn't see any jizz on the paper sheet on the massage table. He was probably too old to get it up.
I stand there in an awkward silence. Next thing the door bursts open and the other punter is standing there with Malee looking at me. He looks as shocked as me. The fucking stupid bitch. He backs out and Malee drags him away.
Surely it can't get worse. Jenny (she never said her name) disappears. Hopefully a beautiful young thai girl will come in and she is just the maid. I stand around refusing to get undressed until I know what the fuck is happening. Don't want to have to have to have a tear up with a punter or pimp bollock naked.
There is a corner bath in the room. Armitage Shanks. i didn't know they made baths. I look at the carpet. It's a standard weave of man made fibres. Not a wool mix. Brown with black specs. No lightshade, so i inspect the bulb. A standard 60w Osram.
Eventually the mature woman comes back with a roll of new paper. She can't open it. I try to help and eventually have it open. I undress then pay the £35 up front for an hour.
She keeps her potato sack on and the massage starts. It is actually a very very good massage. No fingers in my crack and just the odd brush of the cock and balls, so not sure whether anything else on offer. I remain optimistic as she hasn't purposely avoided any touching.
Turn over. She starts on the legs massaging up to my sack. The rise starts. Then because my cock is now over my stomach (and nearly touching my chest) it starts to soften as it's not getting touched while she does my legs. She then starts on the body. She doesn't avoid it and massages under my cock thereby resulting in it being pushed up. She then slaps it and says do you want some. I say yes yes. She says £20. I say yes. Plenty of oil applied and a good technique has its effect. I clean up. Didn't even bother touching the potato sack. I doubt anything else was on offer and you wouldn't really want to. I just lay back and thought of Jo Guest.
I get out of Dodge, get home, argue with the wife, feed the kids, watch a film. Wife comes home pissed and she goes to bed. I can hear her snoring through the ceiling, so laptop open for a bit of camming and a danger wank.
Summary, good massage and HR by an old biddy. Client hospitality was a disaster. Wouldn't go back.
Sorry for any typos, can't be arsed to read all the verbal diarrhoea again.
