Thanks to all for the relative lack of ridicule. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, or even something that appeals to the vast majority at all, but this place is for us to review things we've done and to give our own opinions, so that's indeed what I have done.
She did insist on a phone call first (she said to make sure I knew what a gloryhole was, to make sure I didn't seem like a weirdo etc), but said that future bookings don't need a call. Also, the silence during the booking wasn't actually a thing - she was talking to me before and after, which reassured me as much as I could be reassured.
One way or another, I hope my review has helped some of you as much as the other reviews on here have helped me over time.