How to get away for a punt

[PunterSthompson]

I'm looking for excuses, ideas or reasons you lot use to get out of the house for a punt?

And the reason I ask.....
I've moved to the punting desert of West Dorset and have managed to meet someone who is up for 'it' for money. She wants to meet tonight at 10pm an I am struggling to get out of the house.
Hardly any friends, already had my work do and it's not late night shopping.
Help me out, my balls are like a space hopper

[WelshClipper]

I'm looking for excuses, ideas or reasons you lot use to get out of the house for a punt?

And the reason I ask.....
I've moved to the punting desert of West Dorset and have managed to meet someone who is up for 'it' for money. She wants to meet tonight at 10pm an I am struggling to get out of the house.
Hardly any friends, already had my work do and it's not late night shopping.
Help me out, my balls are like a space hopper

You need a hobby mate, one where people roll their eyes and say, there goes geeky Dave with his telescope, with his trainspotter book, with his model airplane, with his metal detector.

Civvies laugh at 'anoraks' with weird hobbies, they snigger at you behind your back. You play the role and make yourself as geeky as possible while underneath the secret punter has the perfect ailibi.

Works for me every time.......

[DVarse]

  Genius. I work shift so lots of chances although some of my regulars find my 8am bookings odd.

[PunterSthompson]

It's all a bit last minute for hobbies and work excuses.
Maybe I can go and get some milk and break down

[Beef Flaps]

Buying Xmas presents. Worked for me recently. 

[vw]

It's all a bit last minute for hobbies and work excuses.
Maybe I can go and get some milk and break down

10pm not really time for married guys to disappear.

If your planning on doing this often, but a telescope and go star gazing in the cold dark of night.  None will want to go out and stand in pitch dark field with you while you look at the stars.  You have a few hours then.

[MrMatrix]

10pm is a tough one to account for. My mate goes night fishing with some friends- he is actually fishing. Off the beach as he's near the coast. A legit hobby  and excuse 

[threechilliman]

10pm would be a difficult one. I couldn't think of anything that might help.

Are you planning on getting into bed with your wife on return? You'll smell of pussy or soap or both. Very risky. Personally, I wouldn't entertain it.

Arrange for a more convenient time and have a wank to ease the pressure.

tcm

[np500]

I'm self employed so I could easily punt in the day, o h is in work all day so I could shower etc at my convenience ( and have done ) but I like the evening punt so I'm forever going for a pint with fellow builders etc who I do work for, this time of year there are so many work Xmas do's ( punters paradise ) plus I can often be seen at various sporting grounds , not , but must try not to get home before the game finishes , o h would have no idea but my daughters would question ( if home early ) bit more switched on to sport stuff, would't book at 10 but if I did I would just go out at 7 for that drink ! with mates , find something to do for a couple of hours before making my way to punt, if there's a will there's a way .

[willbred]

I'm looking for excuses, ideas or reasons you lot use to get out of the house for a punt?

And the reason I ask.....
I've moved to the punting desert of West Dorset and have managed to meet someone who is up for 'it' for money. She wants to meet tonight at 10pm an I am struggling to get out of the house.
Hardly any friends, already had my work do and it's not late night shopping.
Help me out, my balls are like a space hopper

So, are we talking WG here? If so, can't she accommodate another time??

[Steely Dan]

What about an old friend who is now in, say, Miami or Dubai, who is in the UK on a business trip only an hour from you?  He has to work till late, but you can meet him at his hotel for a quick drink between 10 and 11. He has to leave the next day so this is only chance to catch up.  Helps if you have an old friend who is a misogynist pig.  Or a few ex work contacts that she doesn't know.

[RedKettle]

10 pm - I am more likely hot chocolate in front of the telly at that time rather than punting.

[two20]

Dorset sounds like pet rescue country to me. Volunteer, and find a dog with insomnia, he/she only trusts you for a late night stroll. A bit elaborate I suppose.

[potato]

Could you possibly be 2nd keyholder at work and have to respond to an alarm call out? 

[PunterSthompson]

Some helpful some hilarious. I've had a good chuckle.
She is a civvy whom I've proposition, so is not a working girl (yet).

If I'm being realistic it's not gonna happen tonight. If I'm feeling desperate in gonna slash my thumb with a stanly knife, pretend to go to A&E, steristip it in the car then go bang her.

[vw]

Some helpful some hilarious. I've had a good chuckle.
She is a civvy whom I've proposition, so is not a working girl (yet).

If I'm being realistic it's not gonna happen tonight. If I'm feeling desperate in gonna slash my thumb with a stanly knife, pretend to go to A&E, steristip it in the car then go bang her.

If your =going that route, which I dont advise.  Sterilise the blade first and don't use to much pressure they cut to well on skin.

Also don't have fish and chip supper after the cut woth your new GF, vinegar stings !

[PaintBrush]

The answer is Golf - IMO

You can be out for as long or as short a time as you want, playing or practicing. You can never tell how long a round will take.
At this time of year you go to the driving range. Again as long as you need. God sometimes you have to wait ages for a bay to become available !

A & E, a bit drastic, but you'll also get the sympathy vote.

[Nagilum]

Or walk out like Robocop and say "I must go. Somewhere a crime is happening"

[newforthisyear]

24 hour floodlit driving range to let off some steam
Fancy a pizza and you know a good place a few towns over
Going for a drive because you can't switch off from work
craving a KFC assuming there isn't one for 20 miles

Personally I like going for a drive, but then I end up driving like a loon and not doing anything other than that haha

[raylondoner]

My usual warning, MummiesNet is monitoring. 

[richie]

I normally just pretend to answer my phone and have a conversation revolving around some spurious reason to give a mate a lift like missed train etc.

Do it in the next room but loud enough so she can hear you and she won't suspect. You can normally stretch the "lift" out for a couple of hours by sending her a text to say your stopping off for a quick thank you beer or that your mates just brewed up.

Being new to the area means you can also excuse the odd (for you) behaviour as you just attempting to get to know your work colleagues s bit better, make new friends etc. Women seem to love that crap.

[Rod trotter]

Have a wank

Theres very few excuses if any that wont drop you in the shit.dont even bother end of 

[Bluefin]

My usual warning, MummiesNet is monitoring. 

Just think of all the husbands being followed to the driving range over the holidays! 

[Billy no mates]

Work called and the alarm has gone off at the office and they need a keyholder to attend, police there already?

[claretandblue]

No news from nice but thick? Did he make it to the punt or has he been rumbled by his wife?

[Nagilum]

Plot twist: His wife went for the punt instead!

[PunterSthompson]

Sorry lads, I don't come in here often enough.
I stayed in and watched orange is the new black instead of using my slash for gash plan.
I have developed a new strategy of a monthly fake shift at work.
Richie, I have used the fake phone call to many times, always thinking 'surely she can't really think I'm talking to someone'.
And Raylondoner, good point. Mum s net may be monitoring. Bastards!

[Sonny Crockett]

Book a day off work. Then organise your punt. Then on the day of the punt tell the people you live with that you are going to work, when in fact you are going on a punt. That's what did.