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Author Topic: Great balls of fire  (Read 1239 times)

Offline jawill

Just a warning guys, I sprayed Deep Heat on my leg last night, using my towel on the floor to stop the floor getting slippery. 

Dried using said towel this evening....... 

Fuck me, talk about great balls of fire!! 

So, thats my tip of the day, especially incase you may be going out on a punt afterwards - dont use a towel with Deep Heat overspray on it on your nob lol!

Bit like the mint and teatree shower gel Frank got on his ring piece once. Every time I pick it up I see Frank Butcher's ugly boat-race smiling down on me!

tcm

jcdmj12

Some people pay good money for that.

Offline bigmc

sprayed some in my mates cricket box years ago. I cried laughing, he didn't think it funny at the time but does now.

You should have a look at the Veet for men reviews on amazon.

Used to be the initiation for joining the rugby team, bloody painful for days

Just a warning guys, I sprayed Deep Heat on my leg last night, using my towel on the floor to stop the floor getting slippery. 

Dried using said towel this evening....... 

Fuck me, talk about great balls of fire!! 

So, thats my tip of the day, especially incase you may be going out on a punt afterwards - dont use a towel with Deep Heat overspray on it on your nob lol!
+1 Did the same early in year fucking inferno going on. Never again.

Offline RedKettle

Raddy will be doing this for fun....  :D

Bit like the mint and teatree shower gel

Yeah... that stuff is a ball burner....

hand sanitizer is also a bitch on the sack. Found that out the hard way when my mum was pissing herself laughing that my dad had did it and was jumping around the room. I said "It can't be that bad, give it here...."

Yeah... if someone showed me a button saying "Don't press this, the end of the world will happen." I'd push it just to check.

Offline Vivago

You should have a look at the Veet for men reviews on amazon.

Yes, that Amazon review was just so fucking funny. Never, ever try and depilate your nuts with Veet.

I'll have to try and dig it out. Its worth posting.

Offline stevedave

You should have a look at the Veet for men reviews on amazon.

One of the funniest things I've ever read, even several years after first reading it.

DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS  :D :D

Edit - review here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/reviews/B000KKNQBK
« Last Edit: November 04, 2015, 09:30:05 AM by stevedave »

Offline Vivago

One of the funniest things I've ever read, even several years after first reading it.

DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS  :D :D

Edit - review here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/reviews/B000KKNQBK

Its the review beneath that which is the funniest.

Quote
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good "

Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

Offline Vivago

Quote
I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...

So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :-

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/customer-reviews/R3GDDEL1SC1QQ5/ref=cm_cr_pr_rvw_ttl?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000KKNQBK

Offline Oldbutnew

That's absolutely brilliant - I'm crying with laughter. Thanks for posting Vivago

Thanks Vivago - That is one of the funniest things I have read, I too am crying with laughter here  :drinks:

Offline Soprendo

Load of bollocks about veet I use it all the time Apply leave for 10 minutes scrape it off and straight in the shower to wash the residual off
 Never had a problem yet

Offline Roth

Load of bollocks about veet I use it all the time Apply leave for 10 minutes scrape it off and straight in the shower to wash the residual off
 Never had a problem yet

Asbestos balls then?  :unknown: :lol:

That's absolutely brilliant - I'm crying with laughter. Thanks for posting Vivago

+1

Classic!

Offline smiths

Just a warning guys, I sprayed Deep Heat on my leg last night, using my towel on the floor to stop the floor getting slippery. 

Dried using said towel this evening....... 

Fuck me, talk about great balls of fire!! 

So, thats my tip of the day, especially incase you may be going out on a punt afterwards - dont use a towel with Deep Heat overspray on it on your nob lol!

I had the same with Durex Play Tingle, it didn't tingle, my cock was burning, straight into the cold water and back to the punt.

Offline Ben4454


A working girl once wanted to use deep heat as lube for my cock. Lucky I said no.
Banning reason: Ignored admin warning after temporary banning and signed up to malicious troll anti-UKP site

Offline jawill

Oh I'm wetting myself with laughter over that Amazon review.....  Lol....  Chutney channel ha ha ha.

Online Wheelz77

Reminds me of the time I was sat on my mates sofa when his youngest daughter entered the room with her face bright red. Turns out she was copying her mum's moisturising routine but the tube she found was the Deep heat. Seems she managed to get half a tube on before realising all  was not well. Cue 30 minutes of running round, screaming as they tried, in vain, to wash it away and me and her dad desperately trying not to burst out laughing. All was ok after a cold shower but still one of those moments I look back on and chuckle.

Offline johnnyboy61

I first came across the Mint and Tea Tree Oil shower gel on a punt. Had no idea that it was any different from any other shower gel until the gentle tingle in my balls turned into a raging fire. When I put voice to the agony I was in she said that she had forgotten to warn me not to use it. Fortunately it doesn't take too much imagination to think of a way to cool them down and the pain was soon relieved and forgotten.
Banning reason: Successfully caused damaging problems on UKEscorting


I first came across the Mint and Tea Tree Oil shower gel on a punt. Had no idea that it was any different from any other shower gel until the gentle tingle in my balls turned into a raging fire. When I put voice to the agony I was in she said that she had forgotten to warn me not to use it. Fortunately it doesn't take too much imagination to think of a way to cool them down and the pain was soon relieved and forgotten.

Looks like I narrowly avoided that last month then; was in the shower post punt and two gels available, Mint & Tea Tree and Lemon. Opted for the Lemon as it's a less obvious smell... and in doing so appear to have dodged a bullet!  :lol:


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