Popular media on UKEscorting.com (free site!)

UKPunting is a free, independent and not-for-profit paid sex buyer site.


Author Topic: Comical Punts  (Read 2270 times)

Offline rogercock00

I am sure that we all have had comedy moments in our punting careers but what are your best ones?

My very first punt gave me my first, the girl told me that she hated cum but I really wanted to see my handywork and so I withdrew missionary, whipped off the rubber and intended to just cover her stomach only. However, my load was like a cannon and hit her square in the face at which point she started wretching and nearly puked in front of me as I continued to fire. The funniest bit was that as she was wretching, I hit her again in the face which made her even worse. She wasn't happy but later saw the funny side as we finished with a cuppa  :sarcastic:

Another punt saw me sitting on a revolving chair, dick loud and proud, she was kneeling off the edge of her bed blowing me with no hands but she then slipped forward off the bed and ended up totally deepthroating me. She tried in vain to get back up but had nowhere to put her hands as my chair moved backwards slightly. I bloody loved it but I could she she was struggling so I pushed her back up onto the bed to recover. Whilst funny, it did waste 10mins as she choked and tried to wipe her eyes and get her breath back  :cry:




Offline fredpunter

Doesn't sound like either lass found it as comical as you did.

A wg that hates cum  :wacko:

Talk about being in the wrong game

Offline bob1

ive finished in a Chinese girls mouth before, id paid extra for it and she was going to get it, a few days of stored man muck and bang straight in the mouth i was holding her head at the time so no dodging it,she ran to the bathroom where i heard her throwing up down the toilet,why offer this if you dont like it.

Offline Ben4454


A working girl once stood up on the bed and whacked herself in the face by the lightbulb and fell to the floor. I sat there laughing and said

''Not a good start is it ? ; )

Funny experience.
Banning reason: Ignored admin warning after temporary banning and signed up to malicious troll anti-UKP site

Had a what I call funny incident NYE post midnight outcall to mine 60 miles away I was pretty hammered and she turns up after hitting a fox in the country lanes, spent the pre punt removing fox parts from the radiator and post punt re attaching the bumper.  Action in between was good but the night shall always be dedicated to the fox.


Offline jay0707

Never had any comical moments. But when I was fucking and ex girlfriend I farted really loud and she thought it was her. I laughed and carried on.

Offline Sonny Crockett

In an underwhelming punt that I had this year, I had saw a lady where for first 15 to 20 minutes of the meet, she sat down on her computer and was looking at internet porn and was talking about the world of internet porn and the people who view it, and asked for my opinion of it all. All the while when she was smoking weed at the same time and the "huh, huh" sound when looking at the pictures. It was like I meet a teenage schoolboy in his bedroom during half-term while the parents were away (in fact it reminded of my teenage years). At the immediate aftermath of the meet, I was unhappy. Now several months later, I find the episode pretty funny if only because I found the situation very unusual.
Banning reason: Troll

Offline Si198

I was fucking a Thai WG in doggy and she did a Fanny Fart I pissed myself laughing and she was all like "that was my pussy baby!" It was hilarious  :lol:

Once had a wg accidentally knee me in the balls when attempting to mount me, apparently her heels did not help her balance. She was very apologetic but there no real need as it was a glancing blow and tbh it didn't really hurt. However it seemed an opportunity for lots of "kissing better" so I turned in an Oscar worthy performance  :D

Offline Tiger63

Saw a rather large girl a few months ago and we were banging away like mad when the curtain rail fell off.
It exposed us to a bloke who was cutting the grass....he had a good look the carried on....as did we.
It was a bit of a turn on

Visiting a girl who's English was.... terrible, and post sex was trying to ask me something and eventually she finally got out "So why you have no girlfriend?" I ended up accidentally seeing her again due to to bait n switch a couple months later. She dragged me through the door shouting something about her favourite boy, sex happened, then while I was showering she dragged me out of the shower as "I want go again!"

Yeah... she was odd.

Online PLeisure

Visiting a girl who's English was.... terrible, and post sex was trying to ask me something and eventually she finally got out "So why you have no girlfriend?" I ended up accidentally seeing her again due to to bait n switch a couple months later. She dragged me through the door shouting something about her favourite boy, sex happened, then while I was showering she dragged me out of the shower as "I want go again!"

Yeah... she was odd.
Quality  :thumbsup:  - even if she sounds like a strapping viking..  :D


Offline willbred

Buying a bargain latex dress for a regular girl I really wanted to fuck whilst she was wearing it. I had to take a guess at her size in the shop and duly arrived at hers with the dress nicely polished and a raging horn in my pants.Being a sport, she got the kit off she was wearing and proceeded to try to get this dress on. Anyway, it was soon evident that it was way too small but the girl concerned wasn't giving up. arms and legs all over the place, me trying to help, we ended up both collapsing. At one point it reminded me of the one about the octopus and the bagpipes. The time was added on and we proceeded to fuck each other's brains out without the rubber dress.
Banning reason: Multiple accounts (willbred, Diplomat65)

Offline cueball

I might have mentioned this before but whilst I were podging one lass many moons ago, her teenage son was throwing stones up at the window shouting "mum, let me in, I'm locked out"

She didn't stop podging so I carried on riding, when we were done I went out the back way, walked round the front to be met on the street by said lass giving a thick ear to her lad, we didn't make eye contact :D

Offline rogercock00

I might have mentioned this before but whilst I were podging one lass many moons ago, her teenage son was throwing stones up at the window shouting "mum, let me in, I'm locked out"

She didn't stop podging so I carried on riding, when we were done I went out the back way, walked round the front to be met on the street by said lass giving a thick ear to her lad, we didn't make eye contact :D

 :lol:

Not punting related but

Was in Ibiza over 10 years ago and managed to get a girl back on my last night

Despite having enough chemicals flowing through my body I managed to get a hard on and was banging away on a mattress I had thrown onto the balcony

Mid thrust I open my eyes and see my whole room and next door just sitting watching and some filming - I gives it the  :thumbsup: and carry on but the laughs and sniggers of the lads alert the girl who proceeded to jump up, go crazy and then knock herself clean out on a cuboard door when she sprinted for the bathroom

All fun and games

Offline rogercock00

Another comedy punt moment (well it tickled me) was a visit to a WG by the name of Katie Green from Leicester. I asked to extend the punt by 30mins but was told her b/f would be back on the hour so no extension. As it so happened, the punt ended 10 or so late anyway with me straddling her and plastering her face and hair. As I was dressing to leave she was busy rubbing my jizz out of her eyes which sadly were a bid bloodshot. I said my goodbyes as she was cleaning up and left her flat and walked down a short corridor to immediately see a bloke walking toward me who had to be her b/f (her flat was the only one at the end of the corridor) and as we eyeballed each other I thought "that's her bloke" and he probably thought "he's just shagged my bird".

What made/still makes me chuckle is the thought of the sight that greeted him as he entered the flat with her in sussies, rubbing her stinging bloodshot eyes and having not even addressed her hair glued together with my weeks worth of love batter  :crazy:

I still get hard thinking about that punt and its comedy ending  :D
« Last Edit: November 02, 2015, 09:29:08 PM by rogercock00 »

Offline rogercock00

Not punting related but

Was in Ibiza over 10 years ago and managed to get a girl back on my last night

Despite having enough chemicals flowing through my body I managed to get a hard on and was banging away on a mattress I had thrown onto the balcony

Mid thrust I open my eyes and see my whole room and next door just sitting watching and some filming - I gives it the  :thumbsup: and carry on but the laughs and sniggers of the lads alert the girl who proceeded to jump up, go crazy and then knock herself clean out on a cuboard door when she sprinted for the bathroom

All fun and games

 :lol: :sarcastic: :lol: :yahoo:

Offline CoolTiger

Another comedy punt moment (well it tickled me) was a visit to a WG by the name of Katie Green from Leicester. I asked to extend the punt by 30mins but was told her b/f would be back on the hour so no extension. As it so happened, the punt ended 10 or so late anyway with me straddling her and plastering her face and hair. As I was dressing to leave she was busy rubbing my jizz out of her eyes which sadly were a bid bloodshot. I said my goodbyes as she was cleaning up and left her flat and walked down a short corridor to immediately see a bloke walking toward me who had to be her b/f (her flat was the only one at the end of the corridor) and as we eyeballed each other I thought "that's her bloke" and he probably thought "he's just shagged my bird".

What made/still makes me chuckle is the thought of the sight that greeted him as he entered the flat with her in sussies, rubbing her stinging bloodshot eyes and having not even addressed her hair glued together with my weeks worth of love batter  :crazy:

I still get hard thinking about that punt and its comedy ending  :D

Cue... There's Something About Mary  :lol:

Offline GBush

I might have mentioned this before but whilst I were podging one lass many moons ago, her teenage son was throwing stones up at the window shouting "mum, let me in, I'm locked out"

She didn't stop podging so I carried on riding, when we were done I went out the back way, walked round the front to be met on the street by said lass giving a thick ear to her lad, we didn't make eye contact :D

that wins
Banning reason: Previously banned (The Real Midas Touch)

Offline Jerboa

Only the other week I was in a girls serviced apartment, getting a blowjob in her living room, when the fire alarm went off, we didn't know if it was a test or for real, for 60 seconds we were running around her apartment like headless chickens giggling.

Offline Steely Dan

In a fluffy moment, I agreed to have a drink with an escort before our sesh.  Met at her upmarket hotel.  She was all ready for me with 3 condoms laid out in a pattern on her bedside table.  After our flirty drink in the bar we are back to the room.  The bed is now turned down ... with a chocolate mint and a condom on the bed, and another chocolate mint between the other 2 condoms on the bedside table.  Cheeky staff!

Offline Ukvanman

I was in my Chinese phase ,and came a cross a brothel from a online site ,so rang and the woman said come now,so when I got their I rang the doorbell and this old Chinese lady opened it ,,oh shit I thought  hope it's not her ,come in she said and before I knew it I was inside ,she said you how lon you want ,in a broken English kinda way ,,so not really being sure I said 1/2hour ,,ok I get girl phew I thought ,,then this lovely long legged long haired sexy Chinese girl cam in the room ,,I got hard and lust full ,as the old woman left she mutated you wan tu girl ,,50 pound extra ,,,well fuck me two of these sexy girls he'll yeah ,,big mistake I should have asked who the other girl was ,,yep it was old girl ,,,but it gets worse the young girl started riding my cock while I'm on my back ,now I'm a big boy 8" and she was having fun and the old woman who had got naked wanted a go ,,the younger girl was having none of it and the stated arguing in Chinese ,,,I wanted to get out of it so I faked it well I had a rubber on lol
I learnt a big lesson that day if two girls are on offer ,,ask who the girl is lmao


Latest videos on UKEscorting.com (free site!)

Latest images on UKEscorting.com (free site!)