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Author Topic: When wanking just isn't enough . . .Married Man Dilemmna  (Read 13245 times)

Offline shagbambi

I would suggest punting not out of spite or unhappiness but as a means of reaffirming who you are and your own sexual needs. Seen from that perspective I enjoy my punting and find it liberating. No guilt attached. I would prefer a better and fulfilling marriage but after 27 years I know it is not available.

Sums up things very well from my perspective.  I punt to keep part of me alive.


'Sunnysunny' I sit most nights in my upstairs den reading and/or listening to the radio; occasionally I have porn on screen as well whilst my missus sits downstairs glued to the idiots lantern enjoying her favourite soaps. At the weekend I'm up there all the time.

I watch only one programme on TV now and that's on the small screen in my bedroom.

Married for 40 years and no sex for the past 22 years I enjoy the odd punt and the temporary closeness of a woman's body. From what I've been told and seen most punters are married and in their late 50's and 60's and I'll bet they'll all relate to what's been written on this subject.

The only time there is discourse between my wife and I occurs when we eat at the table - after that we do our own thing, our paths meeting only when I nip downstairs to make a coffee before I turn in of a night. 

So, why do I stay with my missus? It has to be no mortgage and half a million quids worth of house with 5 bedrooms and my den. She's a good cook, bloody handy when it comes to decorating and keeping the place clean and she doesn't crib too much when I piss off to Bangkok.
"I don't want you bringing back something anti-social" [Read STI], " You've no need to worry, you won't be catching it!" being the reply that resulted in the look of a suddenly stunned mullet and a silent tongue when she said it last July.

From my point of view there's no need to go through the expensive business of a divorce, lining a Brief's pocket exponentially and losing at least 50% of the worth of the existing estate. A punting budget of a couple of hundred quid a month from my disposable income more than sates the problem of the unwanted celibacy foisted upon me by my wife and the prospect of paying for two Briefs and all court costs [never goes the bloke's way].

The sad thing is that even in the unlikely event of the missus being interested again I'd still have to go punting for satisfaction as there'll be none of the trimmings we expect from a WG.  What a quandry!





Offline MrMatrix

I totally get it, but once resentment starts creeping in then things can get difficult.  My punting has pretty much saved me from being a dreadfully bitter and cynical person towards Mrs. S.

I would suggest punting not out of spite or unhappiness but as a means of reaffirming who you are and your own sexual needs. Seen from that perspective I enjoy my punting and find it liberating. No guilt attached. I would prefer a better and fulfilling marriage but after 27 years I know it is not available.
+1 sparquin. I was desperate, but I've added my views earlier in this thread. The resentment became all consuming at one stage and really, I'm still pissed off over it and remain bitter and cynical although to a lesser extent now. The OH often says you only come this way once. Soo right darling.............shame you never read the fucking message that's been staring at you for 30 years :dash: :dash: :dash: And the punting does relieve the stress and you do start to feel better about yourself again.  :thumbsup:

Been off the scene for a few months and come back to read the comments.

Very insightful, every one of them. Clearly my problem is shared and experienced in different ways by men and women.

Funny how some manage to do the guilt thing as well. When I punted (infrequently I had guilt) when I FBSM'd I had pretty much zero guilt and I had the ability to block things out of my mind (coping mechanism).

Things have improved for me personally as we're TTC, but I fear once that stops the situation may repeat itself. I'll try my damndest to not let it though and keep something ticking over. Once a week missionary works fine for me. . .  honestly I know some posts have indicated more and wanting the OH to instigate but I am not sure if this is realistic over the long run.

My OH was a beast when we met, instigating and what not. But do not underestimate the effects of child birth on sex!

I'd never leave her because of sex though and though I was resentful at the time, I didn't really get angry. I just found a young lady to choke my chicken instead  :yahoo:

Anyway, thanks again for the replies. Great thread and wish everyone the best of luck and a guilt free existence

WBW

Offline easynow

This has been a great thread to read.
Been together with OH 9 years but not married. (Done that once before).
The first 6 months were unbelievable. Then things started to dip and it coincided with her IBS.  She has it really bad and we have been to specialists etc.
Anyway we moved in the summer and I thought she would be happy and she is she loved the new house.  However since July we have had sex 3 times.  She has never instigated and last time was 11th December.  I know the date!
Ironically my first punt was organised for 12th December. Had 3 since mainly massage and hand job.  I had initial guilt from first punt as I had OWO twice and was worried about an STD.

My OH asks about marriage and a while back I said give me oral once a week and I will marry you on the spot.  I don't get any reply.

She knows I go without and I know she doesn't like instigating and is often ill. She isn't the most tactile but we do cuddle from time to time.

For me being touched and having someone want to make me happy is what it is all about.  My last punt was 15 min quick and OW and it was over quickly but didn't cut it for me.

It's a balancing act between STDS, getting caught and guilt but so far the little fella is winning the war.

Easy


For me being touched and having someone want to make me happy is what it is all about.  My last punt was 15 min quick and OW and it was over quickly but didn't cut it for me.

It's a balancing act between STDS, getting caught and guilt but so far the little fella is winning the war.

Easy

If I meet a bint in Bangkok it's the closeness of the body; I have no need for a shag [a wank is just as good and safer as far as I'm concerned].
I've been without sex with my missus for 22 years and I don't feel guilty when I employ a WG to satisfy me.

From your point I don't see a balancing act,  Easynow; it's more of an equation. Being sensible and staying covered takes out 99% of the risk of a STI and the 1% is further reducible with mouthwash and iodine in your punting washbag for a before and after wash. You'll not get caught if you use your loaf and punt away from your locale, use a punting phone, have a decent legend and make sure that your missus has a credible explanation as to where you'll be when you're punting. Why feel guilty when you are only sating a need that is being denied you?

Offline easynow

If I meet a bint in Bangkok it's the closeness of the body; I have no need for a shag [a wank is just as good and safer as far as I'm concerned].
I've been without sex with my missus for 22 years and I don't feel guilty when I employ a WG to satisfy me.

From your point I don't see a balancing act,  Easynow; it's more of an equation. Being sensible and staying covered takes out 99% of the risk of a STI and the 1% is further reducible with mouthwash and iodine in your punting washbag for a before and after wash. You'll not get caught if you use your loaf and punt away from your locale, use a punting phone, have a decent legend and make sure that your missus has a credible explanation as to where you'll be when you're punting. Why feel guilty when you are only sating a need that is being denied you?
[/quote

After 8 Guinness that is he most sensible thing I have heard I  years

Im 31, been married 7 years. My wife stopped having regular sex with me about 3 years ago. In fact, we havent had sex at all in 3 years. Asking or instigating it now is just embarrassing. When we were dating she was a fiend. Sucking me off in parks, cinemas, me fucking her in public at night over a bench, rimming, oral etc etc. Now, I still love giving oral, she hates it. The sad thing is, she's got a great body and ticks all the boxes for me but is now zero interested in sex. She's only 27 and all!
So i transitioned from porn to finding a hot girl to fuck. At first i'd feel guilty, now i dont at all. I mean what does she expect? I was 27 when it all dried up and reduced to celibacy? No fucking way. I've been with, at my estimate, 80 girls in those years. Get checked every now and then and im clean. My tastes change so i've been with a varied amount, which is the nice thing about punting. Older women, Teens, Black women, small tits, big tits, blondes, watersports, two girls etc.

I havent been for a few months now. My last one was Melinda's Melonshttps://www.adultwork.com/ViewProfile.asp?UserID=1872536 in Liverpool but i've just not felt like going through the rigmarole of seeing a WG.
« Last Edit: January 24, 2016, 12:39:17 AM by MJ.spritzen »


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Here was me thinking I'm the only bloke going through this until I read this thread. Been with OH for 9 years not married. She asked me about marriage but when the sex stopped I thought bugger this.

Your not getting your hands on my money or my house. Think things are going to end very soon hence why I joined this forum. Not been with a WG yet as I'm reading up learning about this new interest before I take the plunge. These nights I spend most of my time at the gym whilst she sits and watches tv.

Offline Aspen

Here was me thinking I'm the only bloke going through this until I read this thread.

It's very common. So much so I'd say it's normal.

I have a lot of married friends in their 40's and 50's and I can't identify a single one that is having a regular sex life with his misses. That's not to say there isn't, but I do know for sure substantially more than half are not.
Banning reason: Secret barebacker who used the name "Loneranger" to slag off UKP and spread malicious claims against admin + Previously banned as "overhead". Also known as "Warwick"

Offline Bluefin

It's very common. So much so I'd say it's normal.

I have a lot of married friends in their 40's and 50's and I can't identify a single one that is having a regular sex life with his misses. That's not to say there isn't, but I do know for sure substantially more than half are not.

+1
All of my mates have the same complaint too, same age bracket.
When I was younger I heard the myth about women being horny as fuck when they reach their forties, but it turned out to be a lot of bollocks  :unknown:


Offline Aspen

+1
All of my mates have the same complaint too, same age bracket.
When I was younger I heard the myth about women being horny as fuck when they reach their forties, but it turned out to be a lot of bollocks

Yup!   Around 25 - 35 is about as much as it lasts, if you're lucky.

Anyway, it's more attention seeking than actual horniness.
Banning reason: Secret barebacker who used the name "Loneranger" to slag off UKP and spread malicious claims against admin + Previously banned as "overhead". Also known as "Warwick"

Not wanting to give out too much info but me and my friends are in our early 30s all of them in a relationship and they're all unhappy with their sex life.

Im wondering whether there's a universal code for women that when they know they've got the bloke they can relax and not feel the need to satisfy our sex drive.

Offline bfl

Once a month is all I get and I'm 30. Once kids came along that was it. Why do we fucking bother ay? What's the point of having a woman at home taking money and paying wg's? I've got a lot of mates in the same situation at the same age, the only happy ones are single  :dash:

Offline MrMatrix

Im 31, been married 7 years. My wife stopped having regular sex with me about 3 years ago. In fact, we havent had sex at all in 3 years. Asking or instigating it now is just embarrassing. When we were dating she was a fiend. Sucking me off in parks, cinemas, me fucking her in public at night over a bench, rimming, oral etc etc. Now, I still love giving oral, she hates it. The sad thing is, she's got a great body and ticks all the boxes for me but is now zero interested in sex. She's only 27 and all!
So i transitioned from porn to finding a hot girl to fuck. At first i'd feel guilty, now i dont at all. I mean what does she expect? I was 27 when it all dried up and reduced to celibacy? No fucking way. I've been with, at my estimate, 80 girls in those years. Get checked every now and then and im clean. My tastes change so i've been with a varied amount, which is the nice thing about punting. Older women, Teens, Black women, small tits, big tits, blondes, watersports, two girls etc.

I havent been for a few months now. My last one was Melinda's Melonshttps://www.adultwork.com/ViewProfile.asp?UserID=1872536 in Liverpool but i've just not felt like going through the rigmarole of seeing a WG.
MJS It guts me to hear a young man like you (and many others) with this problem and no change for 3 years. Your scenario isn't quite as bad as mine but at your age you NEED to do some thing about this other wise you will have years of angst, rejection which I assure you will turn to anger if you stay with the OH. I don't want anyone to walk my path in this respect, for its awful. If you have children as I did you are kinda tied in as I was. Try counseling its worth the investment even now, get her down there so she can see how pissed off and upset you are. No one should endure this unreasonable behavior at a young age, that will only jeopardize your relationship and family stability. If you don't it will get worse- I've got the fucking T shirt :hi:

Yes there are loads of us in this situation, but whilst punting is fun and does help, the majority of us i think would rather be in a regular relationship with the OH, including me. But after 30+ years its not going to happen.
You mention you get health checks. Some of the bigger health centres also provide counselling within their service (its free). Give it a go. Best of luck. :hi:
Sorry if i come across as a preacher don't mean too. Just does my head in....


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Offline onion

Im 31, been married 7 years. My wife stopped having regular sex with me about 3 years ago. In fact, we havent had sex at all in 3 years. Asking or instigating it now is just embarrassing. When we were dating she was a fiend. Sucking me off in parks, cinemas, me fucking her in public at night over a bench, rimming, oral etc etc. Now, I still love giving oral, she hates it. The sad thing is, she's got a great body and ticks all the boxes for me but is now zero interested in sex. She's only 27 and all!
So i transitioned from porn to finding a hot girl to fuck. At first i'd feel guilty, now i dont at all. I mean what does she expect? I was 27 when it all dried up and reduced to celibacy? No fucking way. I've been with, at my estimate, 80 girls in those years. Get checked every now and then and im clean. My tastes change so i've been with a varied amount, which is the nice thing about punting. Older women, Teens, Black women, small tits, big tits, blondes, watersports, two girls etc.

I havent been for a few months now. My last one was Melinda's Melonshttps://www.adultwork.com/ViewProfile.asp?UserID=1872536 in Liverpool but i've just not felt like going through the rigmarole of seeing a WG.

Good lord, I'm not too far off your age and from reading this and others it rather puts me off marriage if that's what I'm to expect. But then as some people mention you cant beat having a regular partner for company and use as a free taxi whenever I can't be arsed driving


9 review(s) found for melindasmelons linked to in above post (8 positive, 1 neutral, 0 negative)

Offline MrMatrix

I think anyone entering a new relationship, especially this day needs to make it clear that if the GF withdraws their favours you'll be looking elsewhere or its over. SEX is very important in a relationship. If you are indifferent to sex then we aren't compatible. You need to keep reinforcing this so it keeps their focus and they are in no doubt what the issues are. Hopefully with good TWO way communication you won't need this site.

Offline americandianna

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When I was younger I heard the myth about women being horny as fuck when they reach their forties, but it turned out to be a lot of bollocks 

No, it isn't. I always liked sex, but in my late 30s I hit an intensely horny period when I was masturbating 7 times a day. Many of my girlfriends had the same experience. That ridiculous intensity lasted around 8 years but I'm still hornier now than I was 20 years ago, which is saying something.

Women who lose interest instead appear to be more common, but there's a substantial minority about whom that myth was written.

Offline Aspen

I'm wondering whether there's a universal code for women that when they know they've got the bloke they can relax and not feel the need to satisfy our sex drive.

There's no code. It just happens naturally.

You might get the occasional woman that is different, but they are extremely rare.

Anyone who knows one wouldn't be thinking of paying for it anyway. But for most of us to all intents and purposes they don't exist.

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Offline Bluefin

There's no code. It just happens naturally.

You might get the occasional woman that is different, but they are extremely rare.

Anyone who knows one wouldn't be thinking of paying for it anyway. But for most of us to all intents and purposes they don't exist.

Spot on!

I think anyone entering a new relationship, especially this day needs to make it clear that if the GF withdraws their favours you'll be looking elsewhere or its over. SEX is very important in a relationship. If you are indifferent to sex then we aren't compatible. You need to keep reinforcing this so it keeps their focus and they are in no doubt what the issues are. Hopefully with good TWO way communication you won't need this site.

Totally agree with your reply to MJ.Spritzen Matrix. The fella is way too young to settle for mediocrity but I can only think that there must be children involved to stay together? MJ do enlighten us. Either way, counselling would help and be a wise move. If things do not improve and if you don't have any messy situations you may need to cut loose.

But Matrix - Unless guys start writing a written contract before marriage or getting together there is no way you can ensure the lady in question will keep the sex coming. Like has been said, age, child birth, contentedness all play a massive part.

I remember when I met my OH, I literally used to have to tell her to get off me as I didn't want to be too tired for work. Luckily in those years I made some nice 'recordings' so watching our home made porn helps the situation. But it's also a stark reminder of just how much things have changed in 7 years.

One of the reasons I go for massage over WG is for the intimacy and closeness. Also the the incredible build up and release. I don't need to worry (as much) regarding STD's and no one is bumping uglies but coming back to the crux, I WOULD RATHER  BE WITH MY OH JUST ONCE A WEEK EVERY WEEK. That would be enough for me.

Once again, I'm glad many guys are finding solice in knowing their not alone. But can we actually do anything to change the predicament?

I did receive a nice private PM, telling me to read 'The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011'. I started the book and it seems to make sense.

Touches upon being a perfect blend of Alpha Male (The Fonz) and Beta Male (Ross from Friends) and making sure we're 'still' attractive and in shape, etc. All makes sense. I am working my way through it and I'll see.

But I do not think it's a magic pill for everyone, purely because 'some' of the issues are with the OH so I am not sure how a male self help book can fix that

It's interesting what you say about that book as that's absolutely the approach I took.

When it dried up for me (and it was borderline spectacular beforehand), I obviously blamed her immediately. What I never did was look to address why she wasn't in the mood, and see if the issue lay partly with me.

I think it's a fair assumption that a lot of blokes are lying around on the sofa, overweight and out of shape, contributing little in the way of excitement or happiness to the relationship, so we can't really be surprised if the wives don't get turned on in the same way we do.

In my experience, the other half looks at sex as the culmination of a lot of other criteria that need to be satisfied before she mentally allows herself to open up (in all senses of the word).

My solution was to change a lot of things. I'm in pretty reasonable shape anyway, but I looked back to the way I used to treat her.... flowers on the way home from work on a Friday, more spontaneity in what we did over the weekend, pushing her to get out midweek with the girls, both of us hitting the gym harder, doing more stuff with our daughter, more fun etc etc...

Worked temporarily, but was nothing like it had been in frequency or style, and I'm a reasonably experimental type with a higher drive than her. Unfortunately, like a lot of women, the concept of talking about sex or being open filled her with dread and she got all embarassed, so we never dealt with the issues.

Like many, I started with massages before moving onwards and upwards, but I will quite happily admit that I don't find the closeness or the satisfaction from wgs that I did with her. This is quite possibly down to some elements of guilt, or that one night stand type interactions will never compare to two people who are intimate with each other in every way, but after a year without, you take what you can get/afford!

All a bit fluffy and therapy-like this is, but just some honesty. Incidentally, we split recently for several reasons (sex being one of them), but maybe just proof that women who aren't happy in themselves are never going to make you happy in that department over the long term.

Right enough waffling from me....off for a browse of AW!

To be fair to my missus she has kept herself in good condition and is still into fucking - usually about 1-2 a month. We've been together since 1998.

That said, I'm a proper cunt and sexual deviant me, and my missus could fuck me everyday and I would still want to punt with whores. I've been punting since I was 17 and I'm not likely to stop now at 51. I don't feel any guilt as I've abdicated responsibility for my actions as I truly believe that I'm fucked up in the head.
« Last Edit: January 27, 2016, 05:52:47 PM by Mutinyonthecounty »

Offline MrMatrix

But Matrix - Unless guys start writing a written contract before marriage or getting together there is no way you can ensure the lady in question will keep the sex coming. Like has been said, age, child birth, contentedness all play a massive part.

I remember when I met my OH, I literally used to have to tell her to get off me as I didn't want to be too tired for work. Luckily in those years I made some nice 'recordings' so watching our home made porn helps the situation. But it's also a stark reminder of just how much things have changed in 7 years.

One of the reasons I go for massage over WG is for the intimacy and closeness. Also the the incredible build up and release. I don't need to worry (as much) regarding STD's and no one is bumping uglies but coming back to the crux, I WOULD RATHER  BE WITH MY OH JUST ONCE A WEEK EVERY WEEK. That would be enough for me.

Once again, I'm glad many guys are finding solice in knowing their not alone. But can we actually do anything to change the predicament?

But I do not think it's a magic pill for everyone, purely because 'some' of the issues are with the OH so I am not sure how a male self help book can fix that
[/quote]

You are right about the issue of contract and there are many factors that influence as you point out. However in the early years I feel its important to keep their attention focused on what keeps YOU happy. For if you are happy the OH will also be happy as the positive karma that sex brings is circulated between the two of you. It is a win win situation for both of you and a stress buster of huge proportions. If you are a good provider, a good father a good husband you would expect the OH to value these attributes for you already appreciate hers. The thought of that breaking up should be an incentive to keep him fully occupied so that she doesn't lose such top husband. And for the sake of 30 minutes together a week of personal time why wouldn't you she want to make that effort.
I try explaining this to my OH and she use to go blah blah blah heard all before I kid you not. So after 30 years of faithfully yet sexless marriage I went on to AW. Obviously a lots happened in 30 years, its a very long story. Unlike you my OH has never hit on me for sex its not been good. I consider I've never had a fulfilling sex life.
Like you I would rather have sex once a week to enjoy the closeness , much better than a WG. However my OH has just lied through out our marriage and she says things would change but nothing has ever changed through loads of arguments so now there is no passion any more hence gave up years ago.
I don't want to see any youngsters go through what I've been through. hence I'm proactive on this thread.

Your post wasn't at all Fluffy Speed Racer, just another honest insightful post about your situation. Before you look at AW, why don't you have a read of the Seeking Arrangement thread? https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=54610.2075;topicseen If I was in the market and now seperate I may chance my luck their if your looking for something a little more intimate?


Matrix - I totally understand your viewpoint and 30 years is a long time. I've had bad luck with girls closing the cookie jar. In my prime when I was 19/20 my g/f suddenly went off sex. And it was literally a ball ache to be around her, I had to knock one out every day just to keep sane. Luckily she'd help me finish. But it was soul destroying being with a beautiful women and not being able to be intimate.

I think we could all do with being a bit more honest with our OH's about sex, but I guess we need to make sure we're also open to making changes on our side. Like I said in my thread earlier my OH and it would appear other folks OH's know but they seem not to be willing enough to do something about it. Like you said ..  . 30 mins a week if that (Truth be told I haven't had a good 30 min session with my OH for years!) but it seems too difficult. This maybe due to a number of reasons such as 'not feeling sexy', 'body image', 'The man not as sexy/appealing'

I may need to do some research on Mumsnet

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2238150-Husband-gets-annoyed-if-I-dont-want-sex

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1337850-I-dont-want-to-have-sex-with-my-husband

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1072516-Fed-up-dont-want-sex-should-I-make-myself

No clear consensus. Some of the ladies are calling us bastards and abusive. Strange species..

WBW


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