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Author Topic: Sex Life with OH  (Read 4648 times)

Offline DG

I did a review on my OH a while back when I was trying to get her to sub for me. Worked ok for a while but normal business has resumed. Might catch a BJ once a month. Had a bit of a sesh with her last week on holiday and it was shite. Mirrors an experience last year when I took her to Vegas and Cancun for her 50th when we managed 1 shag in 11 days. I could easily go 3 months with no action.
Banning reason: White-knight

Offline jolder

Don't wish to be nosey but you are the OP.

In the relationship 7 years and the sex stopped "a long time ago", sounds like you didn't have much of a window there.
I've been with the Mrs for 28 years but we had well over 20 years of shagging.
May I enquire what age you are?

Yes I am the OP.
In a relationship for 7 years to someone I love but now not sexually attracted to, sex stopped over 2 years ago.  Not through her lack of interest but mine.
I'm 39.
Banning reason: Troll

Offline Quesadilla

My OH and I were one of the odd couples. Even in our 70s it was once or twice a week. The very last time was on our golden wedding day (we were both 75). After that she was too ill with cancer and she died 4 months later.

Good on you HL! You are my hero!  :hi:  :drinks:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline Quesadilla

A lot of these replies seem to involve the wife not being keen or responsive despite the husband trying or initiating sex.  Or a breakdown in communication eg. no longer talking or living in separate rooms.

My situations different,  I could probably have sex every night of the week if I wanted with someone I get on really well with.  Problem is I just don't think I'm that sexually attracted to her anymore so don't want to have sex.

My situation was maybe more similar to yours - after 7 or 8 years of marriage the missus started piling on the pounds - to be fair I did a bit as well, too much of the good life, not enough exercise all that crap, but I just stopped finding her remotely sexually attractive.  At size 16 she was voluptuous as I've alywas preferred curvy women with great boobs and a grippable arse - but at size 20 she just didn't do it for me at all. She probably would have been up for more sex but even though I was often horny, it wasn't for her.

I was miserable frankly - tried all sorts of diets together and tried to encourage her to exercise, eventually I lost 5 stone in weight and got seriously fit and she was always like "you should love me for who I am".  I did love her for who she was, but loving someone is not the same as spending the rest of your life with someone. I love lots of people I don't shag, wouldn't dream of marrying them. 

Don't get me wrong it wasn't just about the weight - there were other issues - but the sex was probably the biggest one.  We went to marriage counselling for about 2 years on and off and it never helped because she was happy with her life the way it was, I wasn't and never the twain would meet.

Somewhere in there I also had cancer, nothing major, but really made me think that life is too short to waste a day of it doing something that makes you miserable.

We'd never had kids (no surprise given the lack of sex) which frankly was a blessing as it made splitting much easier.  Don't get me wrong it was still the hardest decision I've ever made but also the best decision.  All ended about as amicably as could be - no affairs, no punting, just agreed that we were not going to get back to where we were so best to move on while we're both still young enough to find someone else.  I bought her out of the family home which makes a great bachelor pad and she bought a nice semi-detached place in the countryside.

She's now got a new guy just moved in with her and is happy as larry.

I had 6 months of amazing punting, ticking items off my sexual bucket list - followed by 6 months with a very hot much younger girlfriend - in the last year I've had without question the best sex of my life and now I'm back punting again I couldn't be happier - so frankly by comparison larry is looking positively morose.  :lol:

Obviously it all gets trickier if you have kids - I have two best friends who had problems, tried to stay together "for the kids" and it made them even more miserable than I was.  They ended up playing away as an outlet for the stress and getting caught - and as a result got totally taken to the cleaners in the divorce.  In one case he doesn't see the wife anymore and the kids won't even talk to their dad which is tragic. 

Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Q..I think you've just written my life story !!! VERY similar circumstances . My wife went from a very fit size 14 to a lump of a size 22

Years ago I started weight training and lost a bit of weight ...was it me  ?...that didn't work  ...I'm not a fat, beer swilling , couch potato....... This is what women always come up with . 'Oh he isn't   like when we got married ' Well I've got news for you love ... neither are you !   Also the ' By the time I bath the kids , get home from work blah blah mumsnet speak etc etc '

Well my wife and I haven't got any kids (by choice) ..she retired from a part time job at 43 and hasn't had to work since .. so that goes out the window ! She wants for nothing ....Besides Gary Barlow ! .. This is another point , .. when these women lust after celebrities on the telly etc ..I am SOOOO tempted to say to her ' Well what would you do with him .. have sex .. but you're NOT interested !! '

 Reading through lots of postings over the last two years it becomes apparent that a lot of us are caring , loving husbands who get fuck all whatever we buy them  ..or however we treat them etc etc . ..although it shouldn't be like this ... how many of us genuinely want to have sex with their wives because they LOVE them ! ..even if the sex isn't great !


I really was going to try and keep this short ... honestly ...but I'd just be repeating myself from past postings I've made ... however from peoples comments in the past I seem to hit the nail on the head most of the time ... beats hitting my head against a brick wall for 30 years !


One thing that hasn't been mentioned is 'alternatives ' .. We all understand that women go through changes in their life and over 50's
have a MUCH reduced sex drive (if any at all ! )  .. BUT why won't wives provide the odd BJ or hand job .... BEFORE I started punting if it came down to a BJ a couple of times a month and the odd wankfest  I probably could except non penetrative sex and wouldn't  have started punting ..... don't you think it's frightening how similar our stories are ?
« Last Edit: September 09, 2015, 01:23:06 PM by Frenchie »

Offline redt4

Q..I think you've just written my life story !!! VERY similar circumstances . My wife went from a very fit size 14 to a lump of a size 22

Years ago I started weight training and lost a bit of weight ...was it me  ?...that didn't work  ...I'm not a fat, beer swilling , couch potato....... This is what women always come up with . 'Oh he isn't   like when we got married ' Well I've got news for you love ... neither are you !   Also the ' By the time I bath the kids , get home from work blah blah mumsnet speak etc etc '

Well my wife and I haven't got any kids (by choice) ..she retired from a part time job at 43 and hasn't had to work since .. so that goes out the window ! She wants for nothing ....Besides Gary Barlow ! .. This is another point , .. when these women lust after celebrities on the telly etc ..I am SOOOO tempted to say to her ' Well what would you do with him .. have sex .. but you're NOT interested !! '

 Reading through lots of postings over the last two years it becomes apparent that a lot of us are caring , loving husbands who get fuck all whatever we buy them  ..or however we treat them etc etc . ..although it shouldn't be like this ... how many of us genuinely want to have sex with their wives because they LOVE them ! ..even if the sex isn't great !


I really was going to try and keep this short ... honestly ...but I'd just be repeating myself from past postings I've made ... however from peoples comments in the past I seem to hit the nail on the head most of the time ... beats hitting my head against a brick wall for 30 years !


One thing that hasn't been mentioned is 'alternatives ' .. We all understand that women go through changes in their life and over 50's
have a MUCH reduced sex drive (if any at all ! )  .. BUT why won't wives provide the odd BJ or hand job .... BEFORE I started punting if it came down to a BJ a couple of times a month and the odd wankfest  I probably could except non penetrative sex and wouldn't  have started punting ..... don't you think it's frightening how similar our stories are ?




+1

Hawkwind71

Q..I think you've just written my life story !!! VERY similar circumstances . My wife went from a very fit size 14 to a lump of a size 22

Reading through lots of postings over the last two years it becomes apparent that a lot of us are caring , loving husbands who get fuck all whatever we buy them  ..or however we treat them etc etc . ..although it shouldn't be like this ... how many of us genuinely want to have sex with their wives because they LOVE them ! ..even if the sex isn't great !


You have nailed it Frenchie.  The thing is I would have no objection punting my wife. Even the offer of a hand job would be welcome. But it just stopped altogether and after I started punting I have no desire to rekindle.

I still care for her blah blah, but what really irritates me is the insinuation that as long as she provides everything else, good home, friendship, good food, family, holidays in France why would I miss a little thing called Sex and intimacy. Because that's the whole point my dear. I can cook, find friends, go on holiday etc on my own. Its the sex that I struggled with !!!!!

The one thing I need her for she will not provide......   so screw it.

I read some months ago what I believe to be a true story.

This guy would make an advance but get an elbow in his ribs - except twice a year when she got on heat and demanded sex immediately.

He wasn't thinking of leaving her because she was otherwise a good wife and good mother to the kids.


Maybe he should have poked her in the ribs so she knew what it felt like?  :rolleyes:

Joking aside, some very sad stories here.

I've never married (which has plus sides and downsides of course) but I feel for married guys who have 'done everything right' and yet feel they have their every desire for any intimacy rejected.

  .. BUT why won't wives provide the odd BJ or hand job .... 

I don't understand this either. Surely it can't be that hard to spread their legs for a while every now and then even if they're not much into sex?

Offline JR

I don't understand this either. Surely it can't be that hard to spread their legs for a while every now and then even if they're not much into sex?
You have obviously never been in a long term relationship with anyone that goes off sex. Most women think they are bestowing a huge honour on you to 'spread their legs' and it is a complete bonus for you to have sex in a relationship when they give you 'so much else'.

I have talked to and listened to conversations with married women over so many years now that I believe they are trained this way by their mothers & their mothers before them ad infinitum. Apparently sex is something to be feared, never given without a huge commitment from the bloke, is only to be used as a bargaining tool etc fucking etc.

Of course not all women are like this but I believe the majority are. The ones that have no hang ups about sex become wives to happy husbands or WG's or both!

Offline JR

That sounds rather bitter doesn't it  :D

Offline spkmstr48

That sounds rather bitter doesn't it  :D

Doesn't mean it isn't true  :D

 :drinks: :diablo: :lol:
Banning reason: Prossie fanboy

Hawkwind71

Joking aside, some very sad stories here.

I've never married (which has plus sides and downsides of course) but I feel for married guys who have 'done everything right' and yet feel they have their every desire for any intimacy rejected.

Its not as though they do it on purpose, they just dont get what drives a man. I have memories of my father, uncles, and their friends all over 60 and long in the face and miserable. Often wondered why. Now I know, lack of hanky panky (unless any of them were punting and looking downtrodden as a disguise, but I doubt it). With me I have the joie de vivre and long may it last.........

Offline spkmstr48

I could add:

I could get a lot more sex from my OH if I accepted it:

Her way
To her schedule
And changed my habits to suit her

Fuck that!

 :drinks: :diablo: :lol:
Banning reason: Prossie fanboy

Offline itk

The lack of sex now is down to me. I just can't be bothered, as I know it'll be the same routine every time. Looking back a few years I had the occasional brilliant shag with the missus which gets my hopes up, only next time it's back to HER favoured position, BJ lasting a minute and very little interaction from her.
It was always me making the first move, and many a knock back was demoralising, and then she says I'm sort of pervert wanting sex. I just got to the point thinking. 'Is it worth it?' The answer is NO.

Hawkwind71

The lack of sex now is down to me. I just can't be bothered, as I know it'll be the same routine every time. Looking back a few years I had the occasional brilliant shag with the missus which gets my hopes up, only next time it's back to HER favoured position, BJ lasting a minute and very little interaction from her.
It was always me making the first move, and many a knock back was demoralising, and then she says I'm sort of pervert wanting sex. I just got to the point thinking. 'Is it worth it?' The answer is NO.

But to be honest if my wife had continued with the sex I would NEVER have looked into Punting as a career.

So she actually did me a huge favour.

Yo Ho Yo Ho I'm happy as can be
Who'd ever thought
It's what I sought
A punting life for me......     boom boom !!!

Offline spkmstr48

Although me present situation is a largely sexless relationship, I can hardly blame my punting on that. I met my OH 15 years ago but started punting 20 years ago (numbers approx to protect the guilty).

 :drinks: :diablo: :lol:
Banning reason: Prossie fanboy

' Surely it can't be that hard to spread their legs for a while every now and then even if they're not much into sex? '

But this is what I DON'T want !! I can have very honest conversations on this subject with my wife ( although I've given up now ) and tried to explain something that I truly believe ... men don't want sex .. they want LUST , DESIRE  !!

Even if it's play acting a WG will grab you and fuck you !! ....and then you never look back ..

Offline hairbald

Hope this doesnt sound too smug but my sex life with my other half is entirely more perverse and kinky than the vanilla sex I tend to have with working girls.  The reason?  Pretty simple really, my wife is very sub and likes being tied up and spanked (seriously hard, not just a little tap).  Problem is that I'm not really into being the dom that much so I prefer the more balanced sex I get with escorts.  We still have more normal sex (only really gets wild when the kids are away with the grand parents) which is still pretty fab.  I can't complain; she's in her 40's, still a size 10-12 and when she's dressed up I still kind of go wow :coolgirl:

The big difference with a WG is the oral; wife's never been too great and frankly after 20 years of marriage its way too late to pull her up on it :dash:


Offline Access


' Surely it can't be that hard to spread their legs for a while every now and then even if they're not much into sex? '

But this is what I DON'T want !! I can have very honest conversations on this subject with my wife ( although I've given up now ) and tried to explain something that I truly believe ... men don't want sex .. they want LUST , DESIRE  !!

Even if it's play acting a WG will grab you and fuck you !! ....and then you never look back ..
Got it in one Frenchie.
It's the joy of the chase. The capture. The beast turning on you and then you nailing it as it swallows. Bit crude but a world away from the "airline meals " on offer after 25 years.
Wouldn't swap Mrs PP for the world but the odd takeaway is what keeps you sane.
PP

Offline Markus


Reading this thread and others have opened my eyes up. I was in a frustrating relationship where the sex dried up and I ended it promptly.

I am single again now, am starting to take care of myself properly, am more confident and women are noticing me. I used to be modest about my looks and my ability to pull women but i realised that I need to use all the aces up my sleeve to have as much sex as I can in my 'prime' as I fear it will only go downhill when I am married. I think that nobody ever wants to cheat on their wife by having an affair or by punting so if I am going to live the rest of my life watching porn and jerking off after I get married I rather go for broke now.

As a result, I have had more sex this year then any year of my existence. Last week I was with this gorgeous slim and firm 30 year old and im going to do my level best to see that level of success continues.

I do want to settle down at some point but I am trying my best to get action in some form or the other every week/fortnight.

Thanks for all the insight, it's been a real eye opener.

Can't but help think that the basic human mating and genetic drives are all here.

The female is known to have a fertility rate and libido that falls rapidly with age whereas the male has no such limitation.

and this, although simplistic, i think is the root of the problem.

And it ain't gonna be fixed 'ere long, so keep on punting:-)


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