I agree with you Jolder and it's been bugging me for ages. Me and my wife last had sex when i was 26...i'm now 42. Friends seem surprised that i've stayed in a marriage with no sex for 16 years. I used to say that while it was very disappointing to not have sex we were like soul mates in every other way. But we're now at a point where we don't get on like we used to, we sleep in different bedrooms etc... it's more like we're housemates. I suppose we stay together cos none of us can be bothered to do anything about it. But i know what you're saying..... it's not right is it?
Very similar situation myself, early 40's and been together for 17 years. Not in separate bedrooms, but we never speak, if we do it'll last five minutes before she hits the fucking roof shouting and screaming. She's barely ever at home anyway, always around her friends or mums, only ever civil in front of our kids.
If I had the money I'd buy out our mortgage and boot her out, as for sex it's been about three occasions this year. Same tired routine, RO for ages followed by OWO for about 2 minutes, then one position with zero movement from her. The last time I never even came, stopped and said its a waste of fucking time.