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Author Topic: Review your OH.  (Read 11675 times)

Judging by your recent review regarding SB's / Miss KDD & Lindsey then me thinks that you have more than enuf on your menu. You lucky Alan B'stard
Think this thread will roll for quite some time.  Respec
Am penning a satirical post regarding Mrs WP.  Hard enuf to remember at the best of times.  Like an old black & white movie.  A bottle of red doesn't assist.  Update to follow

I have been pretty lucky. Honestly, I think I have been pretty lucky all my life until the whole marriage thing. I dunno...

Remember this is no random selection of guys. We're all members on this site because we punt, and many of us punt because we still love our wives and families but the sex life at home has all but dried up (TCM excepted) and we don't want the trauma of a family breakup. Punting may be the easy way out and means that we are not facing up to the real issues, but at least it leads us away from the bleak path of celibacy that seems to stretch on until our dotage. Sorry to spoil the tone of this lighthearted thread! More reviews of OHs please to lift the mood again.....

I think you have put it perfectly.

Offline webpunter

I think you have put it perfectly.
+1  However [not wanting to go off thread here], but if the OH ups her game will we stop ?  Err - i think not - well most times.  I've figured that in the unlikely event that this happens on me then i'll just wind down the punting.  A tad.  But give up ?  I think not - leopards & spots  :D

+1  However [not wanting to go off thread here], but if the OH ups her game will we stop ?  Err - i think not - well most times.  I've figured that in the unlikely event that this happens on me then i'll just wind down the punting.  A tad.  But give up ?  I think not - leopards & spots  :D

I think I have to agree with you here. Honestly, doubt there is any chance of the OH getting better let alone do the things MissKDD and L did yesterday.

Offline cueball

Mrs cueball somewhere up north

Dragging herself reluctantly out my not very horny milf tepidlist comes this lass.

Comms... infrequent, best to try and get a word inbetween bouts of facebook and shitty soap operas. Will talk on phone but you'll run out of things to say. Maybe better to keep comms to email only.

Looks... not a bad looking homely milf with a decent pair of knockers but an arse to match now, full set of her own teeth.

Venue... decent venue with descrete door entrance. Clean double bed with a slight smell of farts in the bedroom (can only assume it was the last punter).

The action... on the first booking she did owo, cim and swallow, podging was in variety of positions. Blatant barebacker with me, even anal was in the menu of you caught her in the right mood (pissed) but after many many punts,I find that the dead starfish is now the mandatory position and the oral is still offered but cim is no longer on her likes list.
She is clean enough and makes a cracking brew.

To sum up... her service has dropped over the years but she is good company and does greet you with a friendly smile.

Would I return... I'm a regular, I try to stick to 15 minute bookings these days

Would I recommend... go for it but stay out if the Fuckin fridge

Online RedKettle

Venue - lovely house (should be the amount I have spent on it)

Appearance - pretty good, nice slim and fit figure (should be the amount I spend on gym membership and the money I earn so she does not need to.)  Tits slightly small but nice arse.  Well groomed (No surprise with the amount I pay for her hairdresser and clothes).

Welcome - clearly thinks her back is her best feature as that is what I am always met with when I get into bed.

Services - kissing is reluctant, cuddling is reluctant as it gets in the way of sleeping, BJ was fairly shallow and quick (going from memory) but now non existent.  Happy for me to finger her and will cum in a convincing manner.  Will try several positions but none of them with much interest and passion and none for one hell of a long time now.

Feedback - plentiful, like ever other aspect of our marriage she is very happy to provide a full critique of performance. 

Could be a cracking punt, she is in great shape and pretty, however attitude stinks.  Given the investment I have made in time and money it is actually pretty shit.

I missed out comms - can only be described a "nagging"!

Online RedKettle

This whole thread has had me in stitches but the post i've quoted here is a classic, i was laughing like fuck reading this. Not laughing at my honourable fellow UKP member of course, rather at the funny lines included, particularly 'however attitude stinks'. My heart goes out to you Red, i'm in the same boat  :lol: :lol:

cheers :drinks:

I suspect many of us are - but you have to laugh (and punt) to keep sane.

Online RedKettle

+1  However [not wanting to go off thread here], but if the OH ups her game will we stop ?  Err - i think not - well most times.  I've figured that in the unlikely event that this happens on me then i'll just wind down the punting.  A tad.  But give up ?  I think not - leopards & spots  :D

That is a really good question.  If my OH was as enthusiastic as Mrs TCM and we were having quality shags even a couple of times a month I think I would give up punting.  I really do want to be faithful to one woman and be in a loving relationship with her having sex.  I found that impossible when the sex stopped and I have reconciled myself to that and believe I have reached a good compromise that works best for all of us (OH and kids).  If sex was back on with OH that would change that dynamic - I think!  I may of course just find that punting is more addictive than I thought....

Offline Happylad

Venue - always incall at my home (except when away on holiday)

Frequency - Average twice weekly over 50 years except when prevented by indisposition and occasional childbirth

Services - Full GFE, full DFK, OWO, Reverse Oral, BB, and anal during her periods

Attitude - Almost always willing and enthusiastic, and frequently initiated proceedings herself

Performance - Eager beginner becoming highly skilled with practice. 10/10 with never a bad punt

Died 7 years ago and never been replaced





Died 7 years ago and never been replaced

Sorry to hear that brother.

Offline Owwhatanight

After reading how wonderful it is to be married I .....no changed my mind I am happy being a selfish cunt on my own (divorced) with all the time in the world to do what I want with who I want
 :yahoo:

Review of ex (thank fuck)

I booked her regularly for a number of years, she was new to the game and this showed in the service but I thought it would improve with some experience and confidence however it started our poor; levelled out then went downhill from there.
Looks 10/10 when I met her reducing to 8/10
Figure 10/10 when I met her reducing by a point a year through lack of maintenance
Attitude 0/10
Services offered 0.5/10
VFM 0/10
Likes list wasn't completed as doesn't like anything
No extras on offer as an extra has to come after something else

This is a classic regular whose service level drops dramatically once they know you will keep coming back and they have to make no effort.

The punts seem to take the same course every time and follow the route of a tease session with her dressed looking up for it but not allowing me to touch her.
Eventually once in the sack and only about as often as a Preston Guild sex is on the menu and was never initiated by her apart from on 1 occasion when a close relative of mine had just died (FFS!)
After making advances i'm finally allowed to touch the sacred flesh without being told to get off or being asked what the fuck is wrong with me and talking is replaced with sighing before the green light pre arranged safe phrase "can you hurry up and get on with it".

My fingers suggest she is actually up for it as they get covered in slime as she does get very wet, I request oral on me but as usual it's declined, still waiting patiently for this service which was promised "with time" but not sure if the sun will still be burning when that time occurs.
Anyway onto sex and it's basically mish every time without legs even being allowed over my shoulders, very occasionally doggy is on offer but requests for other positions bring an accusation of having another regular, RO was on offer after quite a few visits but then the service was withdrawn.
I tend to pay for the full time with this one but the action is a rare pump and dump, the only positive is she gets wet and is very tight downstairs through a combination of pelvic floor exercises and lack of use.

Not sure if I read her profile wrong as I wasn't expecting a financial dominatrix who was looking for a pay pig / human ATM and didn't actually offer any sexual services.

Recommended - No
Would I return - No not even for a free one

Offline Rich42

Review of ex (thank fuck)

I booked her regularly for a number of years, she was new to the game and this showed in the service but I thought it would improve with some experience and confidence however it started our poor; levelled out then went downhill from there.
Looks 10/10 when I met her reducing to 8/10
Figure 10/10 when I met her reducing by a point a year through lack of maintenance
Attitude 0/10
Services offered 0.5/10
VFM 0/10
Likes list wasn't completed as doesn't like anything
No extras on offer as an extra has to come after something else

This is a classic regular whose service level drops dramatically once they know you will keep coming back and they have to make no effort.

The punts seem to take the same course every time and follow the route of a tease session with her dressed looking up for it but not allowing me to touch her.
Eventually once in the sack and only about as often as a Preston Guild sex is on the menu and was never initiated by her apart from on 1 occasion when a close relative of mine had just died (FFS!)
After making advances i'm finally allowed to touch the sacred flesh without being told to get off or being asked what the fuck is wrong with me and talking is replaced with sighing before the green light pre arranged safe phrase "can you hurry up and get on with it".

My fingers suggest she is actually up for it as they get covered in slime as she does get very wet, I request oral on me but as usual it's declined, still waiting patiently for this service which was promised "with time" but not sure if the sun will still be burning when that time occurs.
Anyway onto sex and it's basically mish every time without legs even being allowed over my shoulders, very occasionally doggy is on offer but requests for other positions bring an accusation of having another regular, RO was on offer after quite a few visits but then the service was withdrawn.
I tend to pay for the full time with this one but the action is a rare pump and dump, the only positive is she gets wet and is very tight downstairs through a combination of pelvic floor exercises and lack of use.

Not sure if I read her profile wrong as I wasn't expecting a financial dominatrix who was looking for a pay pig / human ATM and didn't actually offer any sexual services.

Recommended - No
Would I return - No not even for a free one

 :lol:

If only my OH was half as enthusiastic as yours. You are a lucky man. Don't spoil it.

How long have you been married may I ask?

Not far off our silver wedding!

tcm

not very horny milf tepidlist.....   .....I try to stick to 15 minute bookings these days

 :lol: :lol: :lol:

tcm

Not far off our silver wedding!

tcm

That's amazing! Gives us all a little hope.

That's amazing! Gives us all a little hope.

It hasn't all been plain sailing and we had a very barren 10 years due to circumstances. Ended up with me telling her to get her act together in the bedroom or I'd go elsewhere. I think the real issue that for her, as with a lot of women, they seem to think sex is wrong/bad/naughty and isn't something you should indulge in for pleasure - I think it's the way they're brought up. Once I'd got her to think differently it all changed. She now enjoys porn, we have toys, outfits and so on and try to mix it up so we don't do the same things over and over. She still has difficulty letting go with some new things, but has also done things that she never thought possible (CIM, spitting on my cock)

Good fun and I'd encourage others to talk to their OH's about their sex lives or lack of. Find out what you both want and take things from there. Remember, sex is NOT wrong.

tcm

When she opened the bedroom door the first disappointment was that she wasn't dressed as requested. Instead of lingerie and stockings she was in an especially ugly onesie.
I should probably have given up then.
Worse followed.
She unzipped her onesie revealing an acceptable pair of breasts but down below was a tangled mess resembling a mangrove swamp, damp looking, seriously overgrown and generally uninviting.
I should probably have given up then, especially as I had forgotten my machete.
But I ventured forth and tried to work my way through the knotted mass with my tongue, but to no avail.
I should probably have given up then, especially as I had forgotten to sharpen my penis for the ordeal ahead.
I asked her to position herself for doggy style and, if anything, the sight was even worse. Hair sprouting from her crack and hanging down towards the bed like a pubic goatee beard.
I gave up.
Why on earth won't she just tidy herself up a little, unless it is to deliberately put me off!

Offline Rich42

When she opened the bedroom door the first disappointment was that she wasn't dressed as requested. Instead of lingerie and stockings she was in an especially ugly onesie.
I should probably have given up then.
Worse followed.
She unzipped her onesie revealing an acceptable pair of breasts but down below was a tangled mess resembling a mangrove swamp, damp looking, seriously overgrown and generally uninviting.
I should probably have given up then, especially as I had forgotten my machete.
But I ventured forth and tried to work my way through the knotted mass with my tongue, but to no avail.
I should probably have given up then, especially as I had forgotten to sharpen my penis for the ordeal ahead.
I asked her to position herself for doggy style and, if anything, the sight was even worse. Hair sprouting from her crack and hanging down towards the bed like a pubic goatee beard.
I gave up.
Why on earth won't she just tidy herself up a little, unless it is to deliberately put me off!

 :lol:  :lol: "sharpen my penis"


And I quote..

"Anyway onto sex and it's basically mish every time without legs even being allowed over my shoulders, very occasionally doggy is on offer but requests for other positions bring an accusation of having another regular"

Gawd used to get that every fucking time, anything off a carefully rehearsed routine and the accusations flew;-(

And I quote..

"Anyway onto sex and it's basically mish every time without legs even being allowed over my shoulders, very occasionally doggy is on offer but requests for other positions bring an accusation of having another regular"

Gawd used to get that every fucking time, anything off a carefully rehearsed routine and the accusations flew;-(

I think many of us had to endure this sort of behaviour. Having said that, the accusations would be true for many of us. Ha ha.

Offline comaminion

This all sounds very miserable, funny but depressing
Banning reason: White-knighting

Indeed very depressing thread. You poor bastards  :D

Offline Digz2012

Banning reason: STD allegations

Offline Tiger63

Theres nowt to review at the moment as she`s going through the menopause......however at the last visit to see the nurse, she infoms us that the tablets she takes will have her chasing me round the house in the next few weeks.
I`ll report back


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