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Author Topic: Those to seek to dominate WGs (Sub/dom)...why?  (Read 2791 times)

tallguy74

  • Guest
Can anyone explain what's good about spanking/tying up a girl and being really aggressive/rough with her?  :scare:

I don't get it guys! please share!


Don't get me wrong, I like to give a girl a good fuck now and then if the time is right but could never feel comfortable treating her so badly .


I'm one of those guys who would prefer the woman to dominate me...but then I know most women want the opposite

Robbybobby15

  • Guest
I like a sub, I don't know why I just like the feeling, I'm not gonna hurt her or be mega rough but just enough is a great turn on, I wouldn't want the other way round though each to there own I guess

Offline Zeusthedoc

It comes down to lifestyle / fetish / sexual appetite etc...

For some people, foreplay (oral etc) is totally superfluous, and for others its completely essential.

Some people get a kick out of dominating, others are the complete opposite, some are indifferent.

I don't think there is anything to 'get' per se. Much like the 'rimming' thread where a similar question was asked. You're likely to read a range of responses, all of which create a narrative; some elements of which may resonant ewith u, others not so much.

Personally, I'm probably more in to being a bit Dom/Sub with a girl....nothing too hardcore, but a bit of lighthearted stuff both ways. Makes sex more adventurous and exciting for me. Sometimes I fancy something a bit more vanilla, and occasionally I want something with a bit of emotion...horses for courses

Offline virtualplayer

Dopebeats has said it all.

We are all different. We have different wants and likes.

I have only recently started time explore being Dom to a sub woman... For me its about bring able to say I want this I want that I want you to do this... All of it HAS to be agreed before I can't stress that enough. The girl also has to know that if she says the right word you will stop. So in some ways it is also about self control and respect but most of all trust. The biggest sign of trust a person could give is to let you dominate them. At the same time they still have all the control as they can stop it at their own choice.

You could also ask why do girls let you do that and isn't some of the darker forced sex stuff more like rape and won't you potentially be more inclined to do that in real life.

Maybe the girl likes it as well. And as everyone involved knows that it isn't real. Just like any other visit to a wg its not real the only way are with the is because you pay.

Offline closeshave


Offline Bigus Dickus

Being dominant or submissive is part of human nature. Introducing aspects of this into a sexual arena is just an extension of that. I think It's about  bringing out your natural behaviour which has been repressed or reinforced through social and environmental factors.

I think that amazing sexual chemistry can be achieved from meeting someone of an equally and opposite nature to you!

I also think that people miss the fact that it's about control and not abuse.

It can be one of the most erotic things you will experience to have a girl fully submit to you!





Offline closeshave

or totally give up control to a girl

fredpunter

  • Guest

I also think that people miss the fact that it's about control and not abuse.


Maybe this is why I still believe it's better in the imagination than reality - and although the thought of having a sub excites it's more the thrill of the chase that's exciting. I clearly recall a part timer I saw several times who was more into the sex than the money agreeing quite eagerly to allow me to whip her tits and her pussy with my belt .... she stood before me legs apart, hands behind her head, tits thrust towards me, and the urge to whip her completely disappeared, I got all the satisfaction I wanted from the fact that she would let me do it if I wanted to.

And I also think that it's not really dom/sub if money is changing hands, unless possibly the girl is allowing you things that she doesn't also allow to everyone else that has the required cash. 

Offline Zeusthedoc

Maybe this is why I still believe it's better in the imagination than reality - and although the thought of having a sub excites it's more the thrill of the chase that's exciting. I clearly recall a part timer I saw several times who was more into the sex than the money agreeing quite eagerly to allow me to whip her tits and her pussy with my belt .... she stood before me legs apart, hands behind her head, tits thrust towards me, and the urge to whip her completely disappeared, I got all the satisfaction I wanted from the fact that she would let me do it if I wanted to.

And I also think that it's not really dom/sub if money is changing hands, unless possibly the girl is allowing you things that she doesn't also allow to everyone else that has the required cash.

you make an interesting point about the 'true' nature of a dom/sub relationship.
Could the reverse be enough to complete said relationship. That is to say, could a punter who only sees 1 dom (who supplicates to said dom completely - within limits/confines of safety/trust/etc) mean that sub/dom relationship exists...even if money has been exchanged?

That said, providing the dom is not breaking any laws etc...could it really dom/sub relationship if sub uses safe word as a limit of what they're willing to do (psychological/emotional harm) more so than being in physical harm/danger.
I know the whole practice of BDSM is built on safety/trust etc...but to truly be sub would mean doing anything...no? just a thought...likely to be varying opinions on this.

306

  • Guest
i dont know as not my thing
but guess its another step on in sexual tick boxes,?

spkmstr48

  • Guest
I know the whole practice of BDSM is built on safety/trust etc...but to truly be sub would mean doing anything...no? just a thought...likely to be varying opinions on this.

Absolutely, definitely, no. It's play, within agreed boundaries, cross that line and it is abuse.

spkmstr48

  • Guest
Maybe this is why I still believe it's better in the imagination than reality - and although the thought of having a sub excites it's more the thrill of the chase that's exciting. I clearly recall a part timer I saw several times who was more into the sex than the money agreeing quite eagerly to allow me to whip her tits and her pussy with my belt .... she stood before me legs apart, hands behind her head, tits thrust towards me, and the urge to whip her completely disappeared, I got all the satisfaction I wanted from the fact that she would let me do it if I wanted to.

And I also think that it's not really dom/sub if money is changing hands, unless possibly the girl is allowing you things that she doesn't also allow to everyone else that has the required cash.

Some good points but if the girl in question does want the belt, she'll be left frustrated if you deny her.

spkmstr48

  • Guest
Being dominant or submissive is part of human nature. Introducing aspects of this into a sexual arena is just an extension of that. I think It's about  bringing out your natural behaviour which has been repressed or reinforced through social and environmental factors.

I think that amazing sexual chemistry can be achieved from meeting someone of an equally and opposite nature to you!

I also think that people miss the fact that it's about control and not abuse.

It can be one of the most erotic things you will experience to have a girl fully submit to you!

Powerful indeed for both parties.

I don't enjoy Domming pretend subs, something is always lacking.

Offline Zeusthedoc

Absolutely, definitely, no. It's play, within agreed boundaries, cross that line and it is abuse.


I understand where you're coming from...I agree wholeheartedly.
it was just a thought, devil's advocate if you will...

fredpunter

  • Guest
Some good points but if the girl in question does want the belt, she'll be left frustrated if you deny her.

If she wants the belt cos she enjoys pain, she's a masochist. If she wants the belt cos she thinks it will please me she is a sub, and if I don't want to whip her she is fine with it. If she wants the belt cos you are giving her money in return she is a whore.

When girls (civvies and wgs) have offered me sub type services there has never been a Pre-agreed safe word ..... "no" is all they have to say and I would stop, why complicate things? ..... and I gave up on role play cos I couldn't take it seriously, if I want to spank a girl its because I want to spank her, we don't need to pretend she's been naughty.

Only my opinions, I am not and would never claim to be an expert on the subject.

fredpunter

  • Guest
you make an interesting point about the 'true' nature of a dom/sub relationship.
Could the reverse be enough to complete said relationship. That is to say, could a punter who only sees 1 dom (who supplicates to said dom completely - within limits/confines of safety/trust/etc) mean that sub/dom relationship exists...even if money has been exchanged?

That said, providing the dom is not breaking any laws etc...could it really dom/sub relationship if sub uses safe word as a limit of what they're willing to do (psychological/emotional harm) more so than being in physical harm/danger.
I know the whole practice of BDSM is built on safety/trust etc...but to truly be sub would mean doing anything...no? just a thought...likely to be varying opinions on this.

I guess if the punter is the sub it may be genuine even if money is involved but you probably know better than me .... being a sub has never appealed to me and I am no expert.

Offline Zeusthedoc

I guess if the punter is the sub it may be genuine even if money is involved but you probably know better than me .... being a sub has never appealed to me and I am no expert.

I only know about the things i'm interested in and the reasons i'm interested in them.

sub/dom....they're both fun. nothing too extreme...

fredpunter

  • Guest
And I should add that when I said girls who offer their services in return for money are whores I meant that in the nicest possible way, in case any should take offence. I have nothing against whores, I'm very fond of some of them.

SirFrank

  • Guest
If we all liked the same thing, every woman in the world would be married to me

306

  • Guest
If we all liked the same thing, every woman in the world would be married to me
i guess all women have two things in common
they all have a pussy
they are all fucking mental

(guess both are changeable due to use and mental state}

DG

  • Guest
I like a sub, I don't know why I just like the feeling, I'm not gonna hurt her or be mega rough but just enough is a great turn on, I wouldn't want the other way round though each to there own I guess

+1

Didn't realise I was being Dom until a couple of girls mentioned my 'Wild Side' in feedback. One mentioned how Dom I was. I found I like it, although I wouldn't want to bruise or draw blood or anything. A nice red ass and lots of drool and messy make-up from a good face fuck or a really wet pussy from forced pleasure when tied up is a real turn on. I've got two regs who like to be dominated to different degrees and it is an entirely different experience with both of them. Does require a lot of trust though, otherwise it's just downright abuse.

Quesadilla

  • Guest
In answer to the original question - the feeling of a woman - whether civvy or otherwise - completely submitting to your will and letting you use her as you see fit can be a huge turn on.

Equally I have dallied with a bit of tie and tease - most memorably with the outstanding Little Katie down in the South West and being totally at the mercy of this hot little blonde minx was definitely a huge turn on as well - although in a completely different way. 

If she wants the belt cos she enjoys pain, she's a masochist. If she wants the belt cos she thinks it will please me she is a sub, and if I don't want to whip her she is fine with it. If she wants the belt cos you are giving her money in return she is a whore.
Met a genuine masochist who was also a whore early on in my punting career - didn't review as it was before my time here - but she was seriously bruised across her tits, arse and legs which did nothing for me at all. I had no interest in adding to the bruises, and she was otherwise not all that great as a standard punt but no doubt a huge success in her niche market.

When girls (civvies and wgs) have offered me sub type services there has never been a Pre-agreed safe word ..... "no" is all they have to say and I would stop, why complicate things? ..... and I gave up on role play cos I couldn't take it seriously, if I want to spank a girl its because I want to spank her, we don't need to pretend she's been naughty.

Only my opinions, I am not and would never claim to be an expert on the subject.


For some, "no" is deliberately not the safe word because part of the turn on is the idea that she wants you to stop and you don't.  Of course in reality she doesn't want you to stop but it creates the illusion of you "forcing her".  That's why you pick a totally different safe word - doesn't matter if it's "red" or "kipper" - it just means she can shout and scream "no" as much as she likes and you won't stop.

Totally agree on role play - usually results in lots of laughing but still I find having a basic script can give structure to a session and help you get back on track if you go off on a tangent. Although equally sometimes the tangents can be more interesting anyway.  :drinks:

spkmstr48

  • Guest
For some, "no" is deliberately not the safe word because part of the turn on is the idea that she wants you to stop and you don't.  Of course in reality she doesn't want you to stop but it creates the illusion of you "forcing her".  That's why you pick a totally different safe word - doesn't matter if it's "red" or "kipper" - it just means she can shout and scream "no" as much as she likes and you won't stop.

Exactly right Q I personally have "green, yellow, red" to indicate levels. Red being the STOP safe word as well as "timeout" for when the girl needs to ask / clarify something as in character she may not be allowed to ask.

willbred

  • Guest
I spent at least 60% of my punting life looking for girls who would dom me ( in between vanilla / GFE sessions). About 10 years ago ( at age 50, and I think this can be an age where your attitudes can change) I decided I wanted to try gently domming a girl. Because I had been so into dom, I knew the moves. Totally enjoyed it and repeat with a trusted regular often now.

Agree, though...you have to agree the moves pre - punt. The girl  HAS to be OK with it, not just nodding to earn the cash.

Offline madeinwales56


MrBridger

  • Guest
Cos I'm paying her?!

OK so you go through this whole thread and ignore all the well considered and thought provoking posts, going straight for the obvious, cheap and thoughtless response.

Bit of a dick move IMO.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2015, 11:41:01 pm by MrBridger »

Grey Punter

  • Guest
Quote
Can anyone explain what's good about spanking/tying up a girl and being really aggressive/rough with her?  

I don't get it guys! please share!

I do understand the spanking/tying up part, it's the aggressive/rough part that I don't get. Moderate impact play is an extension of sensation play with its frisson of apprehension that enhances the experience. Physical restraint during sexual activity is a common practice with the usual purpose being that pleasure is administered to the "helpless victim" who has to eventually submit to orgasm. The tied up gang bang is probably the ultimate manifestation of this.

It is well understood in BDSM circles that application of pain leads to release of endorphins that can result in a form of "high". It is sometimes referred to as Sub Space. I have seen men and women one could describe as hooked on this and submit to beatings to achieve it. However the beating is only a means to an end and not applied without caution. This has to be clearly understood by all parties involved. The area to be aware of is the individual sho is in effect craving self harm by proxy and this is a situation to steer clear of. It may also be accompanied by a desire to experience degradation, verbal or physical, both of which are very edgy.

Grey Punter

306

  • Guest
However the beating is only a means to an end and not applied without caution. This has to be clearly understood by all parties involved. The area to be aware of is the individual she is in effect craving self harm by proxy and this is a situation to steer clear of. It may also be accompanied by a desire to experience degradation, verbal or physical, both of which are very edgy.

i read posts like this in several places on this board and
 in several places not the pain side
 but the extreme acts
 and wonder if once tasted
all before is lost and things lead to a ever greater form of extreme sexual acts  for self gratification ?

fredpunter

  • Guest
I do understand the spanking/tying up part, it's the aggressive/rough part that I don't get.

+1

It is well understood in BDSM circles that application of pain leads to release of endorphins that can result in a form of "high".

For one reason or another I have endured quite severe pain on more than one occasion and can't say it ever made me feel high but I guess we are all different.

The area to be aware of is the individual who is in effect craving self harm by proxy and this is a situation to steer clear of.

Now this is an interesting point - I wonder if most "subs" one encounters actually fall into this category. 

fredpunter

  • Guest
For some, "no" is deliberately not the safe word because part of the turn on is the idea that she wants you to stop and you don't.  Of course in reality she doesn't want you to stop but it creates the illusion of you "forcing her". 

I can see that but to be honest the idea that you are forcing some-one to do something they don't want to do is so abhorrent to me that it has never been a fantasy of mine or an illusion I want to create - but each to his own. Also it falls under the category of role-play which etc etc 

Grey Punter

  • Guest
Quote
i read posts like this in several places on this board and
 in several places not the pain side
 but the extreme acts
 and wonder if once tasted
all before is lost and things lead to a ever greater form of extreme sexual acts  for self gratification ?

That is a valid question, the kind of thing that would fill quite a few  of thing that would fill quite a few psychology text books. I cannot claim to have qualification to even start an authoritative reply. However there are personality types who will carry on extending their limits in search of even more intense sensation, physical or mental. In doing so their degree of caution would diminish as the search intensifies. But I believe that this would require a very strong obsessive streak that is absent in most of the population.

Grey Punter

Grey Punter

  • Guest
I can see that but to be honest the idea that you are forcing some-one to do something they don't want to do is so abhorrent to me that it has never been a fantasy of mine or an illusion I want to create - but each to his own. Also it falls under the category of role-play which etc etc

I wholeheartedly agree with that. Consent not coercion must be paramount; Safe, Sane and Consensual.

Grey Punter

Offline Clooney

I've just noticed this thread and I'm one of about I'd say no more than half a dozen Doms on this board.

I've discussed at length the dynamic with other members on PM with a few guys who are curious and maybe want a pointer. I'm always very happy to do so and take time to explain in detail.

But with respect ro them (and keeping their names out of it) I'm going to paste a few things from those messages which I think explain why it is far from all being just whipping and flogging.

A few posts will follow from this, so brace yourselves!

Offline Clooney

It is very difficult for me to articulate exactly how I am, do and think, but I always try my best. I've said before in the part that I cannot help how I am any more than someone who is gay, bi or trans can. It is just me.

But I will say this... A true Dom has a strong desire to develop, nurture and protect his sub. This is what sets us apart from sadists who I think are incapable of showing love.

Offline Clooney

I think I have identified the root of my dominant personality and it stems from childhood when I was required to take the role of protector very young, and have never really been able to drop it. Psychologists would have a field day but I'm happy and harm absolutely no-one by being me. Quite the opposite in fact!

As long as you undertake it all through the lens of care and nurture that is the important bit.

That said... Being caring and stern at the same time can be difficult. You remember the thing your parents used to say to you?... "Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind?"

Well to me that's the Dom/sub relationship right there.

A true submissive swoons during the process of correction and reward, and in my own way I do too. It is a union of two people who has what each other needs and complete each other in a sensual way.

Offline Clooney

And I guess the hard of thinking will be along in a moment to scream "fluffy!!!!!" But as Spkmstr48 often and correctly says, in a Dom/sub situation, such terms are pretty redundant.

Offline Zeusthedoc

And I guess the hard of thinking will be along in a moment to scream "fluffy!!!!!" But as Spkmstr48 often and correctly says, in a Dom/sub situation, such terms are pretty redundant.

To be fair, most terms are arbitrary. Language, emotion, and desire exist on different planes. Much like every construct. The idea that we can accurately capture sensations in either using one of the other is nonsense, but we try and we do well enough. Most of the time!

So when desires such as bdsm / fetishisms etc, which are ostracsised in mainstream society, exist you're hardly lively to be able to accurately articulate it.

Don't break the law, don't be a cunt, and have fun.

lancspunter

  • Guest
There are a lot of very thoughtful, insightful posts already on this thread. One thing that has not been stressed enough is that a sub actually gets pleasure from being dominated, whether that is through pain, restraint, orgasm control or any other aspect. It is vitally important to understand the psychology of the sub and that does indeed take time. I also think that intelligence, communication and the ability to articulate are paramount.

The s/D power exchange has nothing to do with sadism or abuse, but more to do with trust and care. It takes an awful lot for a sub to give control of their own pleasure to a dom who knows what they are doing.

The last thing I will add here is that there is little a sub dislikes and is frustrated by more than a dom who does not know what s/he is doing.

Offline madeinwales56

OK so you go through this whole thread and ignore all the well considered and thought provoking posts, going straight for the obvious, cheap and thoughtless response.

Bit of a dick move IMO.

I didn't ignore all the so called "well considered and thought provoking posts", I chose to ignore them and voice my own opinion. If you don't like it then fuck off to a philosophy forum. You stick to your opinion and I'll stick to mine.

Offline Clooney

I didn't ignore all the so called "well considered and thought provoking posts", I chose to ignore them and voice my own opinion. If you don't like it then fuck off to a philosophy forum. You stick to your opinion and I'll stick to mine.

"So called?"

So you don't think they are considered and well thought out?

Offline Clooney

There are a lot of very thoughtful, insightful posts already on this thread. One thing that has not been stressed enough is that a sub actually gets pleasure from being dominated, whether that is through pain, restraint, orgasm control or any other aspect. It is vitally important to understand the psychology of the sub and that does indeed take time. I also think that intelligence, communication and the ability to articulate are paramount.

The s/D power exchange has nothing to do with sadism or abuse, but more to do with trust and care. It takes an awful lot for a sub to give control of their own pleasure to a dom who knows what they are doing.

The last thing I will add here is that there is little a sub dislikes and is frustrated by more than a dom who does not know what s/he is doing.

100%  :thumbsup:

Offline madeinwales56

"So called?"

So you don't think they are considered and well thought out?

No, not all of them.

Offline AgedCases

There's something really appealing about making her do whatever one wants.

Offline Clooney


lancspunter

  • Guest
No, not all of them.

It must have occurred to you that you actually have nothing to contribute to this thread.

Offline madeinwales56

It must have occurred to you that you actually have nothing to contribute to this thread.

No, just you ...

Offline madeinwales56


Offline Clooney

No, just you ...

And me. And at least one other person.

Seems like you've strayed onto this and can't quite find your way out...

Offline smartieshouse

Isnt CIM and swallow all about having a submissive partner?

Offline madeinwales56

And me. And at least one other person.

Seems like you've strayed onto this and can't quite find your way out...

At least. And it seems to bother you more than it bothers me ... and that's just fine.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2015, 05:26:33 pm by madeinwales56 »