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Author Topic: Weirdest place you've ever cum  (Read 28763 times)

Offline Zeusthedoc

People have been jailed for shit like that. Disgusting behaviour.
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I think there is a difference between cumming in someone's shoes and cumming in their coffee....
Not a particularly massive one - but a difference all the same.

Maybe TCM might have just got a slap on the wrist.

charming_red

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I think there is a difference between cumming in someone's shoes and cumming in their coffee.... Not a particularly massive one - but a difference all the same.

Maybe TCM might have just got a slap on the wrist.

But still disgusting. And fuckin weird and creepy.

This business does have its fair share of weirdos.

Offline Zeusthedoc

But still disgusting. And fuckin weird and creepy.

This business does have its fair share of weirdos.

I wasn't justifying it.
Mind you if you look back to page one - i accidently came in a girl's shoe....
1) it was an accident
2) she was getting a facial and ducked
3) i gave myself 10 pts.

Offline mh

Shit, I've just remembered this... When I was still but a wee teenager I was sharing a house with some others and the neighbours were being complete cunts about everything. Parking, noise, bin spaces, litter - we complained about the lot.  :D Only kidding, they were on at us for everything and we thought we were being angelic. I accept that we probably weren't, but they really made mountains out of molehills.

It had been a particularly bad week with them and I was on my way back from the pub having not got off with any girl (quite usual) and despite having drunk a lot, as a teenager I still had a raging hard on. As I passed this neighbours car parked a few doors down the road at about 1am in the morning I suddenly realised I could relieve my tension and get one over on them. So I wanked onto the door handle of their car - it didn't take long! I left a huge sticky mess on there for Mr or Mrs Cunt to grab a handful of the next morning.

Well it amused me at the time...

Offline threechilliman

Shit, I've just remembered this... When I was still but a wee teenager I was sharing a house with some others and the neighbours were being complete cunts about everything. Parking, noise, bin spaces, litter - we complained about the lot.  :D Only kidding, they were on at us for everything and we thought we were being angelic. I accept that we probably weren't, but they really made mountains out of molehills.

It had been a particularly bad week with them and I was on my way back from the pub having not got off with any girl (quite usual) and despite having drunk a lot, as a teenager I still had a raging hard on. As I passed this neighbours car parked a few doors down the road at about 1am in the morning I suddenly realised I could relieve my tension and get one over on them. So I wanked onto the door handle of their car - it didn't take long! I left a huge sticky mess on there for Mr or Mrs Cunt to grab a handful of the next morning.

Well it amused me at the time...

Nice one! :bomb:

tcm


Offline threechilliman

Threeheelman, you're a bad lad ha ha

Judging by some of the disapproving responses, I'd better not post some of the other places I've cum....

tcm

Offline cueball

Judging by some of the disapproving responses, I'd better not post some of the other places I've cum....

tcm

No no, there's mileage in this, I can morph threechilliman into all kinds of things, we've got threeheelman, we can have threeteaman, threemashpotatoman..... aaaahh, so much food for thought

Offline King Kenny

Lingerie store changing room.

yourgent

  • Guest
remembered another...in the ex wifes ass on the diving board of a swimming pool

Offline HappyandLucky

remembered another...in the ex wifes ass on the diving board of a swimming pool
Hopefully u scored 6's across the judging panel  :dance:

raylondoner

  • Guest
Hopefully u scored 6's across the judging panel  :dance:

Could maybe depend on how much splash there was?  :yahoo:

Offline GalaxyMan

How clean was the entry?

:-)

GM

Offline Boundless

Path lab toilet at the hospital. Had the snip couple of months before and had left the previously prepared sample at home.
Contrary to popular belief they don't give you a dolly bird nurse to help out, or even a grubby copy of Mayfair. Well, they didn't with me anyway, maybe I should have asked.  :rolleyes:

Offline webpunter

remembered another...in the ex wifes ass on the diving board of a swimming pool
trust you had her positioned like a sheep on the edge of a cliff !
that's what the welsh contingent on UKP get up to me thinks  :sarcastic:

charming_red

  • Guest
Lingerie store changing room.

Was this before or after you tried on the lingerie?

Offline HappyandLucky

Path lab toilet at the hospital. Had the snip couple of months before and had left the previously prepared sample at home.
Contrary to popular belief they don't give you a dolly bird nurse to help out, or even a grubby copy of Mayfair. Well, they didn't with me anyway, maybe I should have asked.  :rolleyes:
Should have gone private  :D

Offline charger70

Wasn't me guv, but a mate of mine!

Going out with a local girl, and her old man, didn't think I was good enough for her.

Fucked her on his Sofa, then wiped my cock over his velvet curtains, Makes me laugh every time I pass his fucking house, and it was years ago! :yahoo:

Offline King Kenny


j1st11

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An ex tossed me off on a busy train once, just sat in a seat and she starts rubbing my cock. I lean forward and she sits on the edge of the seat so as not to make it to obvious what's going on (the carriage is nearly half full). Eventually leading to a splatter on the inside of the train window.
Same girl sucked me off whilst I was driving and spat it out the open window leading to a white stripe down the side of my car. Dirty bitch she was too :D

Offline Boundless

Signal box!

Many years ago in my 20's I worked as a signalman on BR (as was).
Met a mate after work and went for a pint, ending up pulling a milf in her 50's, took her back to our place and the 2 of us and another house mate banged the living daylights out of her, she fucking loved it the dirty cow.
Anyway a couple of days later I'm on nights and she turned up at the signal box about 11.30. Fucked her on the floor a couple of times and kicked her out at 5.30 just before the early shift guy arrived!
She wasn't the only one either  :D
Happy days!



Offline MrFox

Just seen this thread and thought I'd share as it came to mind. Wasn't me (honest  :D).

A met a young fella from my old job when I was on a night out a few years back. He was fairly pissed and gloatingly decided to tell me what he had done to get back at his old MILF boss who gave him a hard time (she was a horrible boot), 

Although I seen no evidence that this was true at the time he did go into a bit of detail which leaves me wondering maybe it happened.

He said he used to stay back late at work and wank off into her hand cream that sat on her desk then watch her use it the next day. He had wanked off into her shoes, wanked over her keyboard and desk all on a regular basis. He had even wanked into her lunch once then put it back in the fridge for her to eat later on.

I did tell the fella that it was weird as fuck to do all that, he defended himself saying it was years ago and immature, maybe so but he wasn't ashamed.

The fella was harmless enough but if true it makes you wonder what the fuck goes on in people nuts!

Offline insignia

4am on the floor in a taxi office where I worked



Offline Sonny Crockett

Voyeurism Sonny? Why I never!  :D

It was in a punt where I was cumming on a woman's face and a streak of it flew into the lady's cupboard. Luckily there were none of her clothes there. :D

LL

  • Guest
Over a round of cheese on toast.
I was curious to try my own jizz once and thought it would be more palatable spread over a piping hot brie canapé. This is actually true. It tasted alright too although I made a note to self for future reference - quince is a far better accompaniment to cheese.

Offline JD69

Either:

- On the assessment table of a lung diagnostic unit in the local hospital. The girl had the raging horn as she was on the rag at the time. Bloody great shag.

- On a roundabout...

Offline leatherlover

Had a BJ on the stairwell at Aldersgate Street car park in the City on a Saturday, so pretty deserted. She didn't like CIM so she finished me off all over the stairs. Same girl on a train to Hastings from London at 5pm, again on a Saturday - one of those old trains with the luggage racks on top. Finally, changing rooms at an Evans womenswear shop (she was BBW). Got some funny looks when we came out of the changing room.

np500

  • Guest
Never thought about this at all until reading this, but one ex, to this day renminds me of nothing special sexually used to wank me off every night before I left for home in the porch while her whole family of 5 were going about there stuff just feet away, we used to baby sit for her cousin about 4 miles away but would keep the taxi fare in the summer and walk home , shagging in as many open air places as posible, gardens , alleyways , a shop doorway, bypass subway, field, pub car park, all over the cousins house, we were about 16 / 17 at the time, nice, she also gave me a b j in a cellour in Toronto with my female cousin in the bed next to us, I also got wanked of at the back of the hall at a black sabbath gig in Cardiff, Ronnie James dio was lead singer not ozzy at that gig .

Offline Carpy

On a PlayStation controller and a copy of grab turismo, the married woman I was fucking at the time was not to keen that her hubby paid more attention to it then her, she licked the cum off the CD afterwards as well.

Probably not as weird, the same girl made cum on a glass coffee table, then make her squirt on it and she mixed it together and licked it all up.

Strangest part was she finished the fling as she loved her hubby to much and I was too young, haha.

vw

  • Guest
In a jar of mayonnaise at the request with assistance of an Archaeologist FB friend of mine.

Offline mh

In a jar of mayonnaise at the request with assistance of an Archaeologist FB friend of mine.

And did you publish said deed on Facebook?  :lol:

vw

  • Guest
And did you publish said deed on Facebook?  :lol:

No afraid I didn't not sure if she did.

FB = Fuck Buddy !

Offline Badvicar

Married American soccer mom gave me a nosh on the open top tour bus in Budapest. Some ended in her mouth and some onto Budapest.

Offline mh

No afraid I didn't not sure if she did.

FB = Fuck Buddy !

Yeah, I did realise!  :P

Offline od13218

No leather seats at the time. Was a pretty decent fuck. They're a mandatory expectation in every car since. Luckily enough the bag would have been free - also, it was one of the darker green ones, with the light green handle rather than the lime-ish green ones.

You know you've made it when you get to cum in a waitrose bag - and if you find yourself regularly blasting off in a bag from Lidl you know where you've gone wrong. We've all got dreams

By a bizarre twist of fate I have with me right now one of those very M & S bags with the dark/light green combo. It's full of sex toys. More of an S&M bag...

I once came in a ditch by the side of the road. I was a horny teenager, going for a walk in the countryside, thoughts drifted to sex and I just had to drain my balls instantly. Stood in the ditch so if anyone did drive past it would look less like I was having a wank. Who was I kidding?
Doug

Offline Zeusthedoc

By a bizarre twist of fate I have with me right now one of those very M & S bags with the dark/light green combo. It's full of sex toys. More of an S&M bag...

I once came in a ditch by the side of the road. I was a horny teenager, going for a walk in the countryside, thoughts drifted to sex and I just had to drain my balls instantly. Stood in the ditch so if anyone did drive past it would look less like I was having a wank. Who was I kidding?
Doug

What's more acceptable? pissing or wanking in a ditch

Offline Kensal

Less specific but recently I CIM with a woman I just met but my "I know a place we can go" where this happened was in a church's front garden right on the end quite a busy road at a round-a-bout where five streets meet and very little cover. It was at about 2am but several people past on their way home from nights out and the person I was with kept shouting out as they passed.

A close call was on the underside of a table in a packed restaurant on Drury Lane in Covent Garden. That was with a long term GF and we were stopped by some rude waiter with our mains so I didn't actually go all the way.

This reminds me of a section from a Ricky Gervais stand-up show where he talks about a safe sex pamphlet "Why not cum on a piece of fruit, e.g a watermelon".

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Offline Horizontal pleasures

+1
I can add Streatham - what a shit-hole.

Streatham, YES Cynthia Payne's place, many a time I was in Ambleside Avenue but once the beds were all taken so we took some cushions into the bath for padding and we did it in the bath. I have no memory now of the lady.

Online redt4

Gotta be Hull for me, weirdest place I've ever been....lol

Offline Zeusthedoc

Gotta be Hull for me, weirdest place I've ever been....lol

Swindon....

Offline jonnie

 In the 80's I worked for Nat West in the City at a small branch office, I had the office keys so when all the staff had left GF and I used to go back in and have fun in the rest room and more  than a few times over the managers desk - it was a bit of a rush as the cleaners came in later. Said GF and I also had a few sessions in the park near Bishopsgate nick .... had a few close calls there, but great fun knowing there were loads of people working in the offices overlooking the park.
Years later, had a fab BJ in a doorway to a sandwich bar in Cannon Street within an hour of meeting a real exhibitionist of woman, it was 8 in the evening and there was still plenty of traffic. We ended up going to Greece on holiday and having numerous sessions in a grave yard that was on the way back to our apartment after evenings out, had to show a clean pair of heels more than once when the locals came past
So glad there was no such thing as CCTV in those days....Happy days !!

Offline Vivago

Gotta be Hull for me, weirdest place I've ever been....lol

You've never been to Goole, then? :scare:

I once got a Jodrell from a Bedouin girl inside a cave at Petra in Jordan. She would have let me fuck her but I demurred as she was none too clean. It cost the equivalent of £3. :wacko:
Banned reason: For taking the piss after being advised
Banned by: Head1

Offline Blue Moon

In an Inland Revenue file storeroom in Manchester.    This was the 70s, during a Christmas party. I got lucky with one of my co-workers and we ended up in a deserted archive storeroom where we did the deed in knee-trembler position. I popped the full condom into a file in the S to U section afterwards. It's probably still there.

Offline r1965h

Had a wank on the top deck of the bus on the way to school. I was in the lower sixth form, would have been in 1982. Had a stash of girlie mags in my school bag to help me!

I was the only person there so was quite safe.

Offline Marmalade

Don't they whine when you cum in their hair?
Indeed they do and it looks so attractive as well  :D

I do find that coming over a woman's face when she has gone to considerable lengths with her make-up is generally far more satisfying than when she just has that scrubber-who-scrubbed-it-off-yesterday look.

Quite honestly for the money they're paid I can't see why prossies can't apply, or learn to apply, some nice make-up expertly. Just pop along to John Lewis or Harvey Nicks or somewhere and they'll talk you through it as they give you a freebie make-up session and explain what to buy. Honestly, if you treat yourself like a cheap whore when you're working how the hell do you expect punters to think of you any differently?

I know some punters like the 'natural' look: but that should be more a case of the prossie buying Clinique and keeping her skin in good nick rather than being a lazy cow (or in other words, "just a fucking whore").
« Last Edit: March 15, 2016, 02:37:31 pm by Marmalade »

Jerryspringer2015

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I once stayed in a cheap hotel near London, shot my cum in a shampoo discpensor in the shower.