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Author Topic: Weirdest place you've ever cum  (Read 9497 times)

Offline Sonny Crockett

Banning reason: Troll


Offline Sonny Crockett

Voyeurism Sonny? Why I never!  :D

It was in a punt where I was cumming on a woman's face and a streak of it flew into the lady's cupboard. Luckily there were none of her clothes there. :D
Banning reason: Troll

Offline LL

Over a round of cheese on toast.
I was curious to try my own jizz once and thought it would be more palatable spread over a piping hot brie canapé. This is actually true. It tasted alright too although I made a note to self for future reference - quince is a far better accompaniment to cheese.

Offline JD69

Either:

- On the assessment table of a lung diagnostic unit in the local hospital. The girl had the raging horn as she was on the rag at the time. Bloody great shag.

- On a roundabout...

Had a BJ on the stairwell at Aldersgate Street car park in the City on a Saturday, so pretty deserted. She didn't like CIM so she finished me off all over the stairs. Same girl on a train to Hastings from London at 5pm, again on a Saturday - one of those old trains with the luggage racks on top. Finally, changing rooms at an Evans womenswear shop (she was BBW). Got some funny looks when we came out of the changing room.

Offline Redevil86

Never thought about this at all until reading this, but one ex, to this day renminds me of nothing special sexually used to wank me off every night before I left for home in the porch while her whole family of 5 were going about there stuff just feet away, we used to baby sit for her cousin about 4 miles away but would keep the taxi fare in the summer and walk home , shagging in as many open air places as posible, gardens , alleyways , a shop doorway, bypass subway, field, pub car park, all over the cousins house, we were about 16 / 17 at the time, nice, she also gave me a b j in a cellour in Toronto with my female cousin in the bed next to us, I also got wanked of at the back of the hall at a black sabbath gig in Cardiff, Ronnie James dio was lead singer not ozzy at that gig .

Offline Carpy

On a PlayStation controller and a copy of grab turismo, the married woman I was fucking at the time was not to keen that her hubby paid more attention to it then her, she licked the cum off the CD afterwards as well.

Probably not as weird, the same girl made cum on a glass coffee table, then make her squirt on it and she mixed it together and licked it all up.

Strangest part was she finished the fling as she loved her hubby to much and I was too young, haha.

In a jar of mayonnaise at the request with assistance of an Archaeologist FB friend of mine.

Offline mh

In a jar of mayonnaise at the request with assistance of an Archaeologist FB friend of mine.

And did you publish said deed on Facebook?  :lol:

And did you publish said deed on Facebook?  :lol:

No afraid I didn't not sure if she did.

FB = Fuck Buddy !

Married American soccer mom gave me a nosh on the open top tour bus in Budapest. Some ended in her mouth and some onto Budapest.

Offline mh

No afraid I didn't not sure if she did.

FB = Fuck Buddy !

Yeah, I did realise!  :P

Offline od13218

No leather seats at the time. Was a pretty decent fuck. They're a mandatory expectation in every car since. Luckily enough the bag would have been free - also, it was one of the darker green ones, with the light green handle rather than the lime-ish green ones.

You know you've made it when you get to cum in a waitrose bag - and if you find yourself regularly blasting off in a bag from Lidl you know where you've gone wrong. We've all got dreams

By a bizarre twist of fate I have with me right now one of those very M & S bags with the dark/light green combo. It's full of sex toys. More of an S&M bag...

I once came in a ditch by the side of the road. I was a horny teenager, going for a walk in the countryside, thoughts drifted to sex and I just had to drain my balls instantly. Stood in the ditch so if anyone did drive past it would look less like I was having a wank. Who was I kidding?
Doug

Offline Zeusthedoc

By a bizarre twist of fate I have with me right now one of those very M & S bags with the dark/light green combo. It's full of sex toys. More of an S&M bag...

I once came in a ditch by the side of the road. I was a horny teenager, going for a walk in the countryside, thoughts drifted to sex and I just had to drain my balls instantly. Stood in the ditch so if anyone did drive past it would look less like I was having a wank. Who was I kidding?
Doug

What's more acceptable? pissing or wanking in a ditch

Offline Kensal

Less specific but recently I CIM with a woman I just met but my "I know a place we can go" where this happened was in a church's front garden right on the end quite a busy road at a round-a-bout where five streets meet and very little cover. It was at about 2am but several people past on their way home from nights out and the person I was with kept shouting out as they passed.

A close call was on the underside of a table in a packed restaurant on Drury Lane in Covent Garden. That was with a long term GF and we were stopped by some rude waiter with our mains so I didn't actually go all the way.

This reminds me of a section from a Ricky Gervais stand-up show where he talks about a safe sex pamphlet "Why not cum on a piece of fruit, e.g a watermelon".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKmDy4IW12A

+1
I can add Streatham - what a shit-hole.

Streatham, YES Cynthia Payne's place, many a time I was in Ambleside Avenue but once the beds were all taken so we took some cushions into the bath for padding and we did it in the bath. I have no memory now of the lady.

Offline redt4

Gotta be Hull for me, weirdest place I've ever been....lol

Offline Zeusthedoc

Gotta be Hull for me, weirdest place I've ever been....lol

Swindon....

Offline jonnie

 In the 80's I worked for Nat West in the City at a small branch office, I had the office keys so when all the staff had left GF and I used to go back in and have fun in the rest room and more  than a few times over the managers desk - it was a bit of a rush as the cleaners came in later. Said GF and I also had a few sessions in the park near Bishopsgate nick .... had a few close calls there, but great fun knowing there were loads of people working in the offices overlooking the park.
Years later, had a fab BJ in a doorway to a sandwich bar in Cannon Street within an hour of meeting a real exhibitionist of woman, it was 8 in the evening and there was still plenty of traffic. We ended up going to Greece on holiday and having numerous sessions in a grave yard that was on the way back to our apartment after evenings out, had to show a clean pair of heels more than once when the locals came past
So glad there was no such thing as CCTV in those days....Happy days !!

Offline Vivago

Gotta be Hull for me, weirdest place I've ever been....lol

You've never been to Goole, then? :scare:

I once got a Jodrell from a Bedouin girl inside a cave at Petra in Jordan. She would have let me fuck her but I demurred as she was none too clean. It cost the equivalent of £3. :wacko:

In an Inland Revenue file storeroom in Manchester.    This was the 70s, during a Christmas party. I got lucky with one of my co-workers and we ended up in a deserted archive storeroom where we did the deed in knee-trembler position. I popped the full condom into a file in the S to U section afterwards. It's probably still there.

Offline r1965h

Had a wank on the top deck of the bus on the way to school. I was in the lower sixth form, would have been in 1982. Had a stash of girlie mags in my school bag to help me!

I was the only person there so was quite safe.

Online Marmalade

Don't they whine when you cum in their hair?
Indeed they do and it looks so attractive as well  :D

I do find that coming over a woman's face when she has gone to considerable lengths with her make-up is generally far more satisfying than when she just has that scrubber-who-scrubbed-it-off-yesterday look.

Quite honestly for the money they're paid I can't see why prossies can't apply, or learn to apply, some nice make-up expertly. Just pop along to John Lewis or Harvey Nicks or somewhere and they'll talk you through it as they give you a freebie make-up session and explain what to buy. Honestly, if you treat yourself like a cheap whore when you're working how the hell do you expect punters to think of you any differently?

I know some punters like the 'natural' look: but that should be more a case of the prossie buying Clinique and keeping her skin in good nick rather than being a lazy cow (or in other words, "just a fucking whore").
« Last Edit: March 15, 2016, 02:37:31 PM by Marmalade »

I once stayed in a cheap hotel near London, shot my cum in a shampoo discpensor in the shower.


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