Weirdest place you've ever cum

[mh]

I once stayed in a cheap hotel near London, shot my cum in a shampoo discpensor in the shower.

Why?

[HappyandLucky]

I guess it's a wash and go fantasy 

Baby batter shampoo because "your worth it" 

[fredpunter]

In my mates kitchen ... more specifically in my mates girlfriends mouth in my mates kitchen. ... while he was in the front room. ... he's not a mate anymore

[dirkdiggler583]

In a blokes arse, long story involving drink, drugs, Viagra & a Costa-rican girl who promised I could fuck her and her friend afterwards.  I did, and her and her friend obliged.
 

[mh]

In a blokes arse, long story involving drink, drugs, Viagra & a Costa-rican girl who promised I could fuck her and her friend afterwards.  I did, and her and her friend obliged.

OK, so there are two ways of reading this. Either 1) you fucked a guy on the promise of a 2 girl afterwards or 2) you believed the Costa Rican girl's friend was another hot Costa Rican girl but it turned out to be a bloke but you fucked him after her anyway.

In either case the fact you can remember it means you were not drugged enough to abdicate responsibility for the decision. 

[dirkdiggler583]

OK, so there are two ways of reading this. Either 1) you fucked a guy on the promise of a 2 girl afterwards or 2) you believed the Costa Rican girl's friend was another hot Costa Rican girl but it turned out to be a bloke but you fucked him after her anyway.

In either case the fact you can remember it means you were not drugged enough to abdicate responsibility for the decision. 

Option 1 - drugged enough to do it, not drugged enough to forget.
The 2 girl afterwards went on from the early hours Saturday until late Sunday - so overall it was worth it IMHO

[GoodIdea]

In a walk in wardrobe in Cardiff.

Tried as hard as I could with the OH but nope, we were not having sex. So I went in the wardrobe and spanked one out.

[will-ow]

a bag of wet clay

[Zeusthedoc]

a FB who was a teacher - the resources cupboard in her classroom.

same FB, the overnight staff caravan used for when they took the kids camping. caravans are really uncomfortable.

[Marmalade]

I wouldn't be surprised if a shit-for-brains reporter makes a column or a click-bait feature out of this thread.

[Owwhatanight]

I wouldn't be surprised if a shit-for-brains reporter makes a column or a click-bait feature out of this thread.

+1

[Dime]

I teach English in Spain,  so the weirdest place I've cum would probably be in my classroom over one of my smoking hot student's chair after class. She's a 20 year old uni student and once came to class wearing tights and cut off denim shorts, which meant my balls were almost ready to burst.

[spud jizz]

my friend and i went round to pick up some of his stuff after his girl friend threw him out and moved in anther man. The other guy and me had history and i disliked the guy. Whilst the 3 of us was in the kitchen this guy was cooking their supper and arguing about what was his and what was theirs. 10 min later they all went upstairs to pack the rest of his stuff and i was left in the kitchen watching the food when i started thinking about wee Nicola Sturgeon, his ex was a spit for her. I knew they would be 10-15 min packing up his stuff so with a raging hard on i had a wank into the pot of mashed tatties, gave it a mix in with the masher and went upstairs to get the mate and get the fuck out of there. Often wondered how they tasted, mmm lovely   

[Vivago]

I teach English in Spain,  so the weirdest place I've cum would probably be in my classroom over one of my smoking hot student's chair after class.

Did you do the sniff test first?

If this guy is not a member already, he ought to be.

Hidden Image/Members Only

[vw]

Did you do the sniff test first?

If this guy is not a member already, he ought to be.

Hidden Image/Members Only

Maybe related or friends with this sniffer ?

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=84641.msg1041649#msg1041649

[Jerryspringer2015]

I did A similar thing a few years ago with food, me and my ex girlfriend were splitting up and she was cooking soup, my wicked side kicked in so I shot a load in the pan, then watched her eat it, if only she knew.

[HappyandLucky]

I did A similar thing a few years ago with food, me and my ex girlfriend were splitting up and she was cooking soup, my wicked side kicked in so I shot a load in the pan, then watched her eat it, if only she knew.

I think you need psychiatric help 

[iPad3]

A mate of mine went backpacking in Italy and hooked up with another for the obligatory visit to the Vatican, whilst taking in the sites this fella casually announces that he has knocked one out in many famous places and today he's visited the Vatican for one reason only. So off he pops to the bog and 10 minutes later Comes out smiling.

Imagine being able to claim you've had a wank in the Vatican, fucking quality!!   

[vw]

I think you need psychiatric help 

For not telling her after ?

[Vivago]

Imagine being able to claim you've had a wank in the Vatican, fucking quality!!   

I doubt that this is at all unusual with all those Catholic priests knocking around the place except that they would probably be tossing off into some poor little choirboys mouth.

[Baldy]

Over Sharon from Easternders ,

Me and the then wife were having a little fun on the living room carpet one Sunday after noon whilst Eastenders Omnibus was on . Taking her from behind I wanted to cum over her back but over spurted onto the telly screen .

Sharon never looked so good ,

[LL]

Over Sharon from Easternders ,

Me and the then wife were having a little fun on the living room carpet one Sunday after noon whilst Eastenders Omnibus was on . Taking her from behind I wanted to cum over her back but over spurted onto the telly screen .

Sharon never looked so good ,

Could have been worse - one of the Mitchell Brothers could have walked into frame at the crucial moment, taking the brunt of your load aloft a shiny bald head.

[unclepokey]

A mate of mine went backpacking in Italy and hooked up with another for the obligatory visit to the Vatican, whilst taking in the sites this fella casually announces that he has knocked one out in many famous places and today he's visited the Vatican for one reason only. So off he pops to the bog and 10 minutes later Comes out smiling.

Imagine being able to claim you've had a wank in the Vatican, fucking quality!!   

Many, many years ago I was given a seriously good hand job by my then GF whilst we were on the tower roof of our local church. I'm sure I will go to hell.
Uncle Pokey

[Shortandsensible]

Haha just saw their thread, some funny, interesting & odd replies on here lol.
I had a wank in class at school once, (years ago) we were watching a film so the class room was actually very dark, film was loud, i was sat on the back row and there was only about 15 of us in a classroom that could sit 30+. Think I had my coat on still but took one arm out of the sleeve. It was all very sly and no one noticed. I came in my in my boxers. Really horrible feeling for the rest of that lesson till
I cleaned up. I really fancied the English teacher and was so horny. Definitely the most daring cum I’ve ever had!
Next up would be in a old store cupboard in my old work place. It was an early shift, only a few staff around and I said I’d do the bits needed up in there. Thankfully the wank only took about 2 minutes.

Then when I was about 18 and obviously still living at home, my girlfriend was leaving and we were kissing goodbye in the porch. It was about 11 at night. Even though we shagged earlier, we were still horny. She pulled my joggers down slightly and started walking me off we were standing face to face kissing. Suddenly my my mum comes into the porch while turning the light on and jumps and goes “oh didn’t know you too were in here sorry, take care and see you (girlfriends name) next time, I’m off to bed’  I don’t think my mum knew anything was going on. My girlfriend said she better go and got abit nervous, but I started to finger her and she stayed. She wanked me off again and I came in her pants as we were facing each other still. She drove her then texted me and said it was disgusting driving home as she could feel it running down. But we always laughed about it afterwards. I miss her sometimes, she would always wank me off in the car or on a secluded walk somewhere.

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Many years ago when courting missus number 2 who was French she'd have to go back to France for around a week and then fly back into Stansted.

Now normally you want to be in and outa that rip off place as soon as possible but for some reason the car would be  a little way away from any others:)

She always wore long skirts and mainly long dresses, she'd just say front or back?, i much preferred the back seat within a few seconds of asking she's already undone the top few front buttons, no Bra!, and hitched her skirt up, no nicks, and i'd have it out and away we'd go she be almost shouting "harder and faster, feck me harder! and it'd all be over in around a miniute!

How it was that no one saw us beats me perhaps they did?, and the number of times that happened she was one of the most randy women I'd ever met all pure and innocent butter wouldnt melt in her mouth quite demure and all that!

Until in the airport car park that was:!)     

[Avg_Joe]

69 with a parlour girl, her on top.... at the crucial moment she pulled her mouth away and moved her head to the side slightly, shot a load past her ear, over her head and it landed in the middle of her back  ..... she scuttled off to the shower hastily with it making a beeline for her ass crack 

[Avg_Joe]

back of a mates car whilst he was driving, gf lying with her head in my lap, generous amount of hair covering her face and my lap, next thing i know the tip of my erect cock is being teased out the top of my jeans under the waistband with me breathing in frantically..... and then dirty bitch is sucking like a fucking henry hoover i swear she was trying to suck my testicles out of their sac that day 

[John Johnson]

One good one was in the Duty Sergeant's bunk, on Christmas Day, in Aldershot. My girlfriend came to visit as I was on 24 hour duty so we snuck in there and had a quite long, vigorous shag.

Another was pulling a giirlfriend's trousers and knickers down and doing her from behind as she leant over a set of railings at a vantage point in the Blue Mountains, West of Sydney. We had realised that the tour buses had about 10 minute gaps between one departing and the next arriving so had a quickie. A danger shag.

On a perimeter track of an RAF station at 11.30 at night. 

Danger shags seem to be a theme in my life.

[tynetunnel]

Danger shags seem to be a theme in my life.

You must be related to Boris!   

[Punterperson1971]

You must be related to Boris!   

Door way of a shop
She wanted to shag in a grave yard ended up shagging her on my school playing fields.
Mind you she was 10 years or so older than me I was around 20 years old

[peter.witless]

Two come to mind.

Once I was all alone taking a 2 am walk around the neighbourhood and crossed the local playing fields, the local bowls club had the finest, softest grass ... I stripped naked and lay down & literally fucked the grass until I came. I was about 22. Anyone walking past would have seen me, but being 2 am I thought what the fuck ...

About 15 years later I was a little upset with the CEO of the company I was working for and had to frequently work through the night. One night I fetched a WG in and fucked her on top of the CEOs desk. His papers got a little messy ... I left them like that.

[Tmor25]

Great thread. I love danger shags.

When I was 18 I worked in a resort for a few months and started dating this girl. I shared a room with another guy we worked with. One night we got back started shagging on the top bunk. Suddenly my mate told us to stop fucking on top of him. So we got up, went next door and I ploughed her vigorously on the sofa bed in the living room.

A few weeks later we then ended up having sex behind a sign opposite a busy nightclub. We must have been spotted but seemed to get away with it.

A few years later I lived in London. I used to visit tranny clubs often and as I was walking to one club a TV girl caught my eye as we passed on the street. She asked me if I was looking for fun. I said yes and she told me to follow her of the main road and we ended up fucking in the gardens of some
Flats. That’s one of my horniest moments as the time between meeting and finishing on her face was probably 5 minutes!

[Hobbit]

Into a girls' shampoo bottle....(when I was 16). 

[peter.witless]

... on my school playing fields.

Reminds me of another one. I was about 14 & used to cycle to my GFs place about 20 km away from home, stay for the afternoon & then cycle back. My GF was only 13 and very innocent, so I'd get rather frustrated ...

Her all-girls school was on my way back, so one evening, about 20h00 I stopped off to wonder through the place. there was a little courtyard with a cute sundial with a sappy poem on it ... I stood there with all the classroom windows gazing down at me imagining my GF and all her little teenie friends looking down at me, pants around my ankles, while I planted a cum on the sundial.

Man I was a sick little pervert ... actually, I still am!

[Dipper]

Into a girls' shampoo bottle....(when I was 16). 

I remember during early masturbation days us lads would say one of the best was to fuck the shampoo bottle.. part empty obviously.

I did but without cumming. Was ok.

Also remember ‘ posh wanks’ being the big thing... knocking one out with a Jonny on. 

[Hobbit]

I remember during early masturbation days us lads would say one of the best was to fuck the shampoo bottle.. part empty obviously.

I did but without cumming. Was ok.

Also remember ‘ posh wanks’ being the big thing... knocking one out with a Jonny on. 

Nah, this was a full bottle. Not sure if the girl ever showered with it after but protein shampoo is the next big thing I here.  Ah, the immature things we do when we're young, dumb and full of protein shampoo. 

[Dipper]

Always thought it was more to do with the lube and tightness of the bottle providing a kind of early forerunner to the ‘flesh light’   

[winkywanky]

Into a girls' shampoo bottle....(when I was 16). 

You must have invented protein shampoo...and invention which (literally) spawned many imitators    .

[threechilliman]

Into a girls' shampoo bottle....(when I was 16). 

[Littlefoot]

I’m not sure this qualifies as a weird place... but when I was a teenager, I’d often walk the mile to and from school, and I was a VERY randy kid. So often on the way to, and sometimes on the way back home I would climb trees, so pretty much well hidden. I would then give the bishop a damn good bashing and spill my seeds onto the ground below, then wipe my knob on the bark of the trunk. Job done!   

[Dipper]

Boys own stuff

 

[mr.bluesky]

I’m not sure this qualifies as a weird place... but when I was a teenager, I’d often walk the mile to and from school, and I was a VERY randy kid. So often on the way to, and sometimes on the way back home I would climb trees, so pretty much well hidden. I would then give the bishop a damn good bashing and spill my seeds onto the ground below, then wipe my knob on the bark of the trunk. Job done!   

You should be careful Littlefoot. You could have caught a serious case of Dutch Elm Disease 

[freeze44]

I’m not sure this qualifies as a weird place... but when I was a teenager, I’d often walk the mile to and from school, and I was a VERY randy kid. So often on the way to, and sometimes on the way back home I would climb trees, so pretty much well hidden. I would then give the bishop a damn good bashing and spill my seeds onto the ground below, then wipe my knob on the bark of the trunk. Job done!   

Jesus wept! What about the people walking underneath??  Couldn't you wait to use the toilet??

[mr.bluesky]

Jesus wept! What about the people walking underneath??  Couldn't you wait to use the toilet??

They probably thought it was a pigeon shitting on their head 

[Littlefoot]

Jesus wept! What about the people walking underneath??  Couldn't you wait to use the toilet??

I don’t think I ever hit anyone.

Too many kids in my family to knock one out in the bog, plus like I say I was an extremely horny kid... when you gotta blow you gotta blow. I also used to hide in bushes in the grave yard.... but that’s not weird. 

[Littlefoot]

They probably thought it was a pigeon shitting on their head 

We lived by the coast when I was a kid, so if I did accidentally hit anyone.... more like they’d think it was a seagull! 

[Bluebird111]

Not really weird I suppose but on the 12th green of Wentworth West course - she knelt and I fucked her hard and fast from behind - no regard for if anyone saw us - she was a good sport !

[mr.bluesky]

Not really weird I suppose but on the 12th green of Wentworth West course - she knelt and I fucked her hard and fast from behind - no regard for if anyone saw us - she was a good sport !

Was it a hole in one ? 

[Dipper]

Putt it in the birdie

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Once many years ago on the roof of a very well known ecclesiastical building.

Fortunatly i had the only set of keys and the access door was locked for the duration of the festivity:)