Taking The Plunge - Married Punters

[ChickenMan]

Hi,
Been reading forum with great interest but first time posting! I realise I'm seeking advice on a pro-punting forum and there are other similar posts but wondered if others had been in a similar situation.

Seriously want to arrange my first punt. Married and like a lot of married punters I've read about on here, sex is limited. Not because wife has gone off sex or uses it as a weapon against me but due to a medical issue it's quite painful, reduced her libido and no longer feels sexy. When it does happen it must not take long, very vanilla (lights out, missionary only, no dressing up, quick hand warm up, no oral, etc). Won't ever change.

From reading here, I know lots of punters don't feel guilty at all and would tell me just to "man up" and get on with it or find another hobby.  I don't know how I'll feel as I've never cheated on anyone ever.

If wife had simply lost interest then I'm sure the resentment would ease the possible guilt. Also realise that once a punter always a punter and like a lot on here the money should really be spent on my kids.

So wondered if anyone else here had started punting due to a partner's health issue and whether it made them feel more guilty as it's not partner's fault or whether the reason makes no difference.

Maybe I'm more of a heartless selfish guy because there's a legitimate reason why sex is limited. The attraction punting is that you can turn your fantasies into reality which doesn't really happen in marriage!

Thinking about punting with any of following for first time:
External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only
External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only
External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only


Thanks

[Mansell]

Whilst I'm not in your situation with a health problem. Sex is no longer on the menu at home. So the question is actually simpler, what do you do about it. 1) divorce 2) remain together and put up with no sex 3) Punt.

I have chosen 3) for the moment, whilst I make my mind up about what to do long term. Which is a far more difficult question.

Do I feel guilty, slightly. Do I regret punting, no not in the slightest, even if it all ends in a tears, it's still worth it to me.

[jcdmj12]

Hi,
Been reading forum with great interest but first time posting! I realise I'm seeking advice on a pro-punting forum and there are other similar posts but wondered if others had been in a similar situation.

Seriously want to arrange my first punt. Married and like a lot of married punters I've read about on here, sex is limited. Not because wife has gone off sex or uses it as a weapon against me but due to a medical issue it's quite painful, reduced her libido and no longer feels sexy. When it does happen it must not take long, very vanilla (lights out, missionary only, no dressing up, quick hand warm up, no oral, etc). Won't ever change.

From reading here, I know lots of punters don't feel guilty at all and would tell me just to "man up" and get on with it or find another hobby.  I don't know how I'll feel as I've never cheated on anyone ever.

If wife had simply lost interest then I'm sure the resentment would ease the possible guilt. Also realise that once a punter always a punter and like a lot on here the money should really be spent on my kids.

So wondered if anyone else here had started punting due to a partner's health issue and whether it made them feel more guilty as it's not partner's fault or whether the reason makes no difference.

Maybe I'm more of a heartless selfish guy because there's a legitimate reason why sex is limited. The attraction punting is that you can turn your fantasies into reality which doesn't really happen in marriage!

Thinking about punting with any of following for first time:
External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only
External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only
External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only


Thanks

One day, in the hopefully distant future, you'll either drop dead with no warning, or find out you have a terminal illness and all you have time to do is say goodbye.

When that time arrives, will it be more important that you stayed chaste and unfulfilled, but loyal, or that you had strayed, kept by your wife's side, and had a fulfilling sex life when time and funds allowed?

Only you can answer that question. When you answer it, you'll know what to do.

[Indigo]

I'm married and whilst its not for medical reasons sex is very much an occasional thing which is how I ended up here. My "journey" led me to massage with a hand job - I find that's enough to recharge my batteries. Whilst I totally enjoyed the escorts I initially met I quickly realised it was a bit of care and attention I wanted. That might just be me - I only punt a couple of times a year and its enough.

[Sparquin]

Domestic sex pretty much dried up for me, or more to the point Mrs. Sparquin just did not want to do anything to satisfy me.

I do not feel guilty about my punting, but a little sad that I have to pay someone to do what should come naturally to one's life partner. Divorce is very hurtful (had one of those) and an affair risks all sorts of entanglements and would be far more likely to raise the guilt specter. Remember that you pay to walk away after the session and that in itself should enable you to minimize the guilt. If it does not then I think you probably should not punt.

I started, as did Indigo, with massage and HE and that can be a pretty good way of satisfying the urges and as an approach is less likely to induce guilt.

[cueball]

Op
You can still punt married and be safe if you're very careful and cover your tracks well. I'm thinking by reading your post your first punt will be a little nerve wracking for you.

[claretandblue]

another troll,im sure admin can fill in the blanks

[cueball]

another troll,im sure admin can fill in the blanks

Do you think so? Bloody hell, I can never spot em.

Could it be colonel sanders incognito?

[Nobby nobbs]

I would say that its typical to hear the reason to start punting is because the wife has stopped putting out or is boring. i personally know a friend go punting because his wife was very ill. Guys have needs and that cant be ignored. However, before you punt just be ok with the idea that you cant blame her indoors because it will be you thats cheating, not her. Sick or not, vanilla or not.

Not telling you what to do. Just want you to be cool with your choice for better or worse.

[spkmstr48]

Wife's not, sick just become boring to fuck.

So I do what I want. Let my first wife change me into something she didn't want anymore so this one can put up with who I am or piss off.

Sorry, not helping, that turned into a bit of a rant.

Whatever you decide OP, no regrets.

[socks]

another troll,im sure admin can fill in the blanks

100%.

Fucking bizarre medical condition that makes sex painful and requires the lights off.

And can't involve oral.

Or dressing up.

Bellend.

[Punting Valley]

100%.

Fucking bizarre medical condition that makes sex painful and requires the lights off.

And can't involve oral.

Or dressing up.

Bellend.

I am giving OP the benefit of the doubt, the scenario is not entirely impossible imo and it does not need to be a 'bizarre medical condition'. For example the wife could have vaginismus which would make penetration difficult, and many women who experienced this condition do not seek treatment and even the treatment itself isn't easy. I think such condition can certainly reduce libido and makes the wife not feeling sexy to fuck with lights on, receive or perform oral, or dress up (as OP has said) Psychology is a mysterious thing after all.

[socks]

I am giving OP the benefit of the doubt, the scenario is not entirely impossible imo and it does not need to be a 'bizarre medical condition'. For example the wife could have vaginismus which would make penetration difficult, and many women who experienced this condition do not seek treatment and even the treatment itself isn't easy. I think such condition can certainly reduce libido and makes the wife not feeling sexy to fuck with lights on, receive or perform oral, or dress up (as OP has said) Psychology is a mysterious thing after all.

Fair point PV but I'm too sceptical these days to adhere to it. In my view the woman either can't be arsed and is in effect reverse cheating on the OP or it's a load of made up drivel.

[shagbambi]

100%.

Fucking bizarre medical condition that makes sex painful and requires the lights off.

And can't involve oral.

Or dressing up.

Bellend.

I gather this condition is quite catchy amongst married women...

[Tjkooker]

If it's quite painfull up her vag. Just do her up the bum.

[Roth]

another troll,im sure admin can fill in the blanks

You maybe right.    Let's see. 

[ChickenMan]

Thanks to all those with advice. I'm not a troll! Why is it that whenever there's a new member someone always has a go at them? It's not very welcoming!

As Punting Valley has stated. It is a gynaecological problem, endometriosis. This causes dyspareunia (painful sex) as well as pain throughout most of the month. As a result, she doesn't feel like an object of desire, it makes her hate her body particularly because it's the cause of infertility. Most men would like a wife who is like a pornstar in bed but a loving and caring spouse and mother. Sadly this is not the case for most married men. Maybe in the early first months but not years later.

I never said that it was the medical condition that caused no oral, dressing up, lights out, etc. that's a secondary result.

[cueball]

Thanks to all those with advice. I'm not a troll! Why is it that whenever there's a new member someone always has a go at them? It's not very welcoming!

Fair comment, and yes, you're maybe right in New posters can get a bit of a battering but we do get a lot of knobs posting bullshit stories.

I'm one of the worst at not spotting them, I always bloody answer genuinely and then they melt down into written plop.

Fair play you coming back on to defend your post and welcome to the mad house

[ChickenMan]

Thanks to all those with advice. I'm not a troll! Why is it that whenever there's a new member someone always has a go at them? It's not very welcoming!

As Punting Valley has stated. It is a gynaecological problem, endometriosis. This causes dyspareunia (painful sex) as well as pain throughout most of the month. As a result, she doesn't feel like an object of desire, it makes her hate her body particularly because it's the cause of infertility. Most men would like a wife who is like a pornstar in bed but a loving and caring spouse and mother. Sadly this is not the case for most married men. Maybe in the early first months but not years later.

I never said that it was the medical condition that caused no oral, dressing up, lights out, etc. that's a secondary result. It's difficult to go into exact details for fear of identification but I'm in the medical profession so know about endometriosis.

Socks - it's not a bizzare condition, very common.

Shagbambi - have no idea why you needed to call me a Bellend! Too much cynicism/anger?

[cueball]

Anyway chicken, what's your thoughts? Have you decided to go punting our stay home thinking?

[ChickenMan]

Fair comment, and yes, you're maybe right in New posters can get a bit of a battering but we do get a lot of knobs posting bullshit stories.

I'm one of the worst at not spotting them, I always bloody answer genuinely and then they melt down into written plop.

Fair play you coming back on to defend your post and welcome to the mad house

Thanks Cueball.
I edited my post to answer socks and shagbambi so looks out of sync now!

[shagbambi]

Chickenfoot, I have no anger, but have been married multiple times, and the pattern amongst women is the same (sadly).  There is often little desire to rectify or work through their sexual problems or boredom with their husbands.

The "bellend" bit came along with the direct quote and that was an error on my behalf, I do not abuse posters.

[ForrestGump]

Maybe I'm more of a heartless selfish guy because there's a legitimate reason why sex is limited.

It's a 2-way street, though. What I mean by that is: It's realistic of you to expect your wife to be considerate of your needs/urges and up her game to compensate for the impact of her medical condition on you and the sexual aspect of your relationship.

[DG]

Chicken I'm a classic 'no sex at home' case. Started punting last year and have never regretted it one bit. I've been open with my missus to the point I've told her I'll get it elsewhere if things don't pick up at home. I stop short of telling her I'm punting and am very discreet about it, such as only punt when she's at work, use a punting phone, delete recent destinations in Satnav etc etc. I think she has her suspicions but probably doesn't think I've got the balls to go through with it. If I'm trawling through AW or UKP she might ask what I'm doing on the laptop/iPad. I just tell her it's none of her business.

Some may see my relative openness as high risk marriage wise, but as I've said I've given her plenty of opportunities to address the issue and have never lied insomuch as I told her I'll go elsewhere and that I don't have a girlfriend. It's intereseting that's she's never actually asked if I have been with anyone else yet. I guess she doesn't want to know the answer so doesn't ask.

Go for it mate, but if it causes you anxiety and guilt, then maybe it's not for you.

[ChickenMan]

Chickenfoot, I have no anger, but have been married multiple times, and the pattern amongst women is the same (sadly).  There is often little desire to rectify or work through their sexual problems or boredom with their husbands.

The "bellend" bit came along with the direct quote and that was an error on my behalf, I do not abuse posters.

Ok fair enough, no offence taken then. If it was as you say just couldn't be bothered then at least some resentment would ease the guilt. The only way to rectify it would be a hysterectomy and there's no way I'm going to want that just for my sexual needs.  I know it's my decision despite what's been said here but just wondered if others here had different reasons for punting than just wives holding back.

Everything is perfect at home except the sex and I do love my wife no less. Men's stimulation starts visually that's why we like porn and I would like a PSE punting. Women's needs are emotional so I can't see sex changing at home as the medical problem affects her emotions.

Narrowed it down to 3 WG's so just need to make a decision one way or other

Thanks guys

[spkmstr48]

Ok fair enough, no offence taken then. If it was as you say just couldn't be bothered then at least some resentment would ease the guilt. The only way to rectify it would be a hysterectomy and there's no way I'm going to want that just for my sexual needs.  I know it's my decision despite what's been said here but just wondered if others here had different reasons for punting than just wives holding back.

Everything is perfect at home except the sex and I do love my wife no less. Men's stimulation starts visually that's why we like porn and I would like a PSE punting. Women's needs are emotional so I can't see sex changing at home as the medical problem affects her emotions.

Narrowed it down to 3 WG's so just need to make a decision one way or other

Thanks guys

2 of your shortlist have been reviewed on here so I'd narrow it down to those 2 if I was you. Then read the reviews on here and make your decision based on that.

Can't help you there as my tastes are very different.

[Mansell]

Everything is perfect at home except the sex and I do love my wife no less.

I have found that drops off as the sex stops and it's been a long time now for me, so don;t be surprised if it happens to you.

[freddiej]

It's a 2-way street, though. What I mean by that is: It's realistic of you to expect your wife to be considerate of your needs/urges and up her game to compensate for the impact of her medical condition on you and the sexual aspect of your relationship.

In this situation men are always being told they are being selfish. "I've gone off sex so you can too."

If partners really cared about their other half they would make an effort. They've got hands and mouths haven't they and used properly they would get no complaints. the truth is to them it's a one way deal.

I can honestly say that if I had got incurable impotence I would have had no trouble spending an hour or two servicing my wife in other ways and enjoying it, or at least pretending to if I didn't.

Sorry for the rant but it pisses me off.

[anonyorks]

I believe we are not designed to just have one sexual partner. It's in our DNA, any guy would have extra marital sex if he could. Look at Ashley Cole he had a perfect wife who 99% of us on here would fuck.

Women stop making as much of an effort after marriage, it's a common joke and fact. Real life gets in the way, you stop dating each other.

Anyway ranting now, get punting op it'll be the best thing you ever do. If you feel shit after take a time out.

[ChickenMan]

In this situation men are always being told they are being selfish. "I've gone off sex so you can too."

If partners really cared about their other half they would make an effort. They've got hands and mouths haven't they and used properly they would get no complaints. the truth is to them it's a one way deal.

I can honestly say that if I had got incurable impotence I would have had no trouble spending an hour or two servicing my wife in other ways and enjoying it, or at least pretending to if I didn't.

Sorry for the rant but it pisses me off.

I agree but sure the partner if married thinks it's for life and believes in the word for word marriage vows. Sure they think that if they go off sex then as long as everything else at home is ok, the man will be content. I like most men like variation as I've said earlier, it's visual for me. I don't mean variation in women because I wouldn't have married if I wanted to play the field. But when it's none existent and when it does happen so predictable, it becomes very dull. If our partners spiced things up and did things we like to please us then it's a 2 way street and we would do the same. From reading on here, if partners did that many would not have a reason to punt. Punting in theory will fill that gap for me. No emotion, just sex as I like it and not get called a perv for wanting some PSE!

The 3 on my shortlist have all been discussed on here so sure I won't go wrong with any of them.

[Carmel]

Why would it been seen as cheating to see a prostitute for sex if your not getting at home? To me cheating is when the love, care and affection is given away to others. If someone still loves and cares for thier spouse that is where thier heart stays regardles of where they get sexual gratification from. Especially if it's because of medical or psychological reasons. If you just plain don't like your wife and have stopped loving her, leave and punt without qualms.

[Punting Valley]

Why would it been seen as cheating to see a prostitute for sex if your not getting at home? To me cheating is when the love, care and affection is given away to others. If someone still loves and cares for thier spouse that is where thier heart stays regardles of where they get sexual gratification from. Especially if it's because of medical or psychological reasons. If you just plain don't like your wife and have stopped loving her, leave and punt without qualms.

Each to their own. Married punters can justify punting however they like, but I am sure in reality the wife won't agree with that opinion.  I am single but if I were in a dead bedroom situation, I wouldn't prefer cheating and just leave the relationship behind and go punting without worries. But then again since I am single I would not understand other married punters' concern for divorce that goes beyond the bedroom.

[spkmstr48]

Each to their own. Married punters can justify punting however they like, but I am sure in reality the wife won't agree with that opinion.  I am single but if I were in a dead bedroom situation, I wouldn't prefer cheating and just leave the relationship behind and go punting without worries. But then again since I am single I would not understand other married punters' concern for divorce that goes beyond the bedroom.

I'm sure when I was single I would have said the same. However, divorce/leaving is not a simple thing, considerations like children and the ridiculous amount of money that you've invested in paying off your mortgage come into play. Not sure I want to start again or would still be able to afford to punt if I did.

I'd even have to iron my own shirts 

[Gordo987]

Come on, it's only fucking after all. Under the circumstances, I would not be surprised if the OP's wife would giver her blessing to him having a regular punt. 

[Punting Valley]

I'd even have to iron my own shirts 

The priority concern

Honestly, it is this type of things (not ironing shirts, I meant the dead bedroom and the kids/money baggage) that has made me think twice about getting married in the first place. Growing up, all the parents/family/teachers/friends/fucking media, they all tell you to get married, find the right person, happily forever after. Nobody tells you about the ugly side.

[spkmstr48]

Come on, it's only fucking after all. Under the circumstances, I would not be surprised if the OP's wife would giver her blessing to him having a regular punt. 

To us yes, it's meaningless.

To them....

Confused at how they can care so much and so little about sex at the same time.

I suppose it's not the sex they see, it's the assumed affection as that's how they look at it even though to a well adjusted punter there is no affection, not directly related to the sex anyway.

[ChickenMan]

Why would it been seen as cheating to see a prostitute for sex if your not getting at home? To me cheating is when the love, care and affection is given away to others. If someone still loves and cares for thier spouse that is where thier heart stays regardles of where they get sexual gratification from. Especially if it's because of medical or psychological reasons. If you just plain don't like your wife and have stopped loving her, leave and punt without qualms.

I agree with you Carmel. My love, affection and care is definitely here at home with my wife. I haven't stopped loving her and leaving is not an option due to the many reasons other married punters have stated i.e. kids, finances, etc. Plus I could never find what I have and have gone through with my wife with anyone else. Punting is/will just be physical sex and zero else so maybe I can do it guilt free, only time will tell. I thought I could live without the exciting sex and put up with what many others do but the more time goes on the more I think about punting.

[Gordo987]

I punted once while I was married, and I have to admit I felt like shit afterwards. After I got divorced I had full-on sexual relationships with several women friends who I knew were fucking other men as well. At that time my whole attitude to sex changed and I stopped regarding sex as the most important aspect of my relationship with a woman. I would not, for example, consider adultery to be grounds for divorce, but then again I'm still not married. How would married punters react if they discovered that their wives were seeing male prostitutes or seeing other men for occasional, casual sex? 

[DG]

To us yes, it's meaningless.

To them....

Confused at how they can care so much and so little about sex at the same time.

I suppose it's not the sex they see, it's the assumed affection as that's how they look at it even though to a well adjusted punter there is no affection, not directly related to the sex anyway.

My missus doesn't have a medical condition that we know about, she just isn't interested and no amount of effort on my part can get her in the mood. I'm actually looking the best I have in about 15 years as I lost a lot of weight due to illness. She has actually commented on how good I look but still no sexual desire, even to the point she said I wouldn't have any problem getting a girlfriend.

I've put it to her that if sex has no meaning for her why should she care if I got it elsewhere? Unsurprisingly she couldn't explain why. So I carry on punting guilt free and whether she suspects or not, it seems to be working for both of us as I'm not bothering her for sex for her only to reject me again.

[dc0582]

I'm married, kids, decent house, lifestyle etc. Love my wife, she's very attractive and we have reasonably active sex life. And yet.... If I had it all over again, I wouldn't get married. I started punting 18 months or so ago during a dry spell at home. That was the reason I started, and I haven't yet found one to stop. In fact, I've also met someone amazing through work and find this hobby to be the only thing keeping me from a full blown affair and the inevitable messy and expensive divorce. Punting is discrete, with no emotion involved just good honest sex with someone hot. It just about keeps me on the straight and narrow with the other person.

Fuck, that's a confession and a half. To conclude, Punting saves marriages, but don't get married  and you haven't got any issues in the first place!

[Gordo987]

I'm married, kids, decent house, lifestyle etc. Love my wife, she's very attractive and we have reasonably active sex life. And yet.... If I had it all over again, I wouldn't get married. I started punting 18 months or so ago during a dry spell at home. That was the reason I started, and I haven't yet found one to stop. In fact, I've also met someone amazing through work and find this hobby to be the only thing keeping me from a full blown affair and the inevitable messy and expensive divorce. Punting is discrete, with no emotion involved just good honest sex with someone hot. It just about keeps me on the straight and narrow with the other person.

Fuck, that's a confession and a half. To conclude, Punting saves marriages, but don't get married  and you haven't got any issues in the first place!

That reminded me of a couple of things. My ex wife would do mish (of course) and a fairly tame version of spoons, but no doggie or cowgirl and the suggestion of oral of any kind was taboo (although she did suck me for a while once when she was pissed up). I had one long-term girlfriend who was always up for CIM and fucking in any position other than doggie or cowgirl. WGs will do pretty much anything you ask and that, along with the certainty that they WILL fuck, is the appeal of punting. 

[spkmstr48]

Even though I used to have good sex with my wife including OWO and RO, today I had a typical punting experience that I would suggest almost never happens in civvy sex/relationships. Not in the first hour or two anyway.

Arrived at flat, girl I've never met before opens door, snogs my face off immediately, inside 5 minutes I'm fucking her face, inside 15 I've cum in her mouth. Then she says, "nice to meet you".

That's why we do it!

As for guilt, not for me, just a big grin.