OK, first... 'Good afternoon' is a bit weird, its not a business meeting you're trying to arrange and I had you pegged as weird after the first two words. Hi, will do just fine.
'Jemimapuddlefuck'... whatever her name is, leave out the puddlefuck bit. If her name is Emmathreeholes, then omit the 'threeholes' bit, etc etc.
You can't go in with the questions about anal before you've made contact, you've got to establish yourself as reasonably normal at first contact, even if you aren't. Once you've made contact and she has provisionally accepted a meeting, it's at that point that you can subtly mention that you quite enjoy dialling 'O' on the brown telephone.