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Author Topic: UKP reviews that ramble on, and on, and on, and on....  (Read 2939 times)

Offline Quesadilla

Reviews that are often as anorexic as the WG being reviewed are of no interest to me what so ever. The classic 'all services performed as expected' tells me absolutely squat about what I can expect. How do I know what your expectations were? Are they as high as mine?

No, the wordier the review the better in my humble opinion, which probably doesn't count for much. So I'm happy for the likes of West8, Q, etc to carry on regardless. In fact, think I might pen a magnum opus of my latest session with Horny Lucy. If you promise to behave yourselves I might even include the pictures of me after she had finished her 'cross-dress' make over of me. I promise no cock shots though as I know people on here take offence to that.

 :)
Exactly - we all write the kind of reviews we want to read. There are different styles of punting.  Some are clearly looking for just any old gash to bang, as long as the right services are offered in a professional manner. Good luck to you but that does nothing for some of us at all.

Why not just ignore the reviews from punters who's styles you don't get on with?  You obviously know what you're going to get by now.  :unknown:

Get writing 385, sounds awesome!  :hi:  :drinks:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Online PumpAction

I bet they love you, speedy Gonzalez. Paperwork, shower, 'action' and chat  ... all in 30 minutes! ;)

What is it with you and chat? Every review you mention some lengthy discourse you and the hooker had and how you found her very erudite and enjoyed her Joie de vivre. It's hilarious. Some of us pay for sex and not companionship.


Offline Quesadilla

What is it with you and chat? Every review you mention some lengthy discourse you and the hooker had and how you found her very erudite and enjoyed her Joie de vivre. It's hilarious. Some of us pay for sex and not companionship.
Some of us want both. Believe it or not there is actually a human being attached to the gash you're pumping.   :hi:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

out the door in 45 happy to chat after my 30mins,no complaints so far!

I like your style  :thumbsup: .... although some fluffies seem to think half the punt should be spent wooing the pro$$ie  :wacko:

Offline Turtle Z

I've noticed an increasing trend in the number of reviews that tirelessly waffle on in the extreme, giving breakdowns, ratings and rankings on pro$$ie hairstyles, fingernail design, pubic hair, location ambience, quality of teabags, accents, deportment, thread count of linens, plumpness of cushions, room temperatures...     

Does it strike anyone else that these over-blown reviews are of little real value, and only posted to make the reviewer think his shit don't stink? Also, I worry about them being the type of punter who has serious control issues and suffers constantly from EAS.

The reviews on UKP are great, but maybe some should hit 'preview' before posting their own personal creation of War and Peace? :unknown:

 :hi:

Yes, couldn't agree more. I often think that this sort of review says as much about the reviewer as it does about the WG being reviewed and I can no longer be arsed to even read them.

Offline YoungBrum

I'm guilty of this. I make basic comments on what she looks like, her general demeanor and her place but I go into excruciating detail writing about the sex itself. I do it because I remember reading a few threads with people complaining about FRs and reviews on here that say "a gentleman never tells" and things to that effect.

I like your style  :thumbsup: .... although some fluffies seem to think half the punt should be spent wooing the pro$$ie  :wacko:
wooing is saved for the unfortunately too rare work night out on a civvy or very occasionaly the wife!

Online PumpAction

Some of us want both. Believe it or not there is actually a human being attached to the gash you're pumping.   :hi:

Try going on a date. Maybe you're looking for a girlfriend. I have no real interest in anything other than the gash. In your last review you said you wanted to take the wg on a non sexual date to the west end to watch an opera or something. To each their own but that is something I would never dream of.

Offline Quesadilla

Try going on a date. Maybe you're looking for a girlfriend. I have no real interest in anything other than the gash. In your last review you said you wanted to take the wg on a non sexual date to the west end to watch an opera or something. To each their own but that is something I would never dream of.
Not my problem if you have different dreams.

Was separated last year and have zero interest in getting into another civvy relationship while I'm busy working through my sexual bucket list. Amazingly enough though I do actually enjoy the company of women and don't just see them as a life like sex doll.

The fact you do speaks volumes about you.  :hi:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Online PumpAction

Not my problem if you have different dreams.

Was separated last year and have zero interest in getting into another civvy relationship while I'm busy working through my sexual bucket list. Amazingly enough though I do actually enjoy the company of women and don't just see them as a life like sex doll.

The fact you do speaks volumes about you.  :hi:

I enjoy the company of women but don't need to pay them for it. Unless I do get to treat them as a life like sex doll.

  For those loquacious, talkative,  garrulous, voluble, wordy, verbose, profuse, prolix, effusive and generally long-winded gents might I suggest tl;dr? :D

The length of my 5 (so far) reviews has varied quite considerably, depending on how much the was to say that I thought was worth saying. Space on this site isn't on the ration, so if a reviewer has plenty of interesting stuff  to say, I don't mind if the review is a long one.
While I agree that effusive reviews in the style of a Mills and Boon novel are a waste of the reader's time, so are brief (and often badly-written) reviews which fail to communicate enough information to give a clear idea of the girl or the punt. This is particularly unsatisfactory with negative reviews which simply say something like "This woman is a cunt and bitch. Avoid her".
These just come across as rants.
Some people are fluent writers, and if their reviews are long, they also tend to be an easy read. Conversely, some people post reviews which are about as inviting to read as a tax return. 
So, I think it's "horses for courses". I, for one, would not like to see a limit put on the word count.

Offline Quesadilla

I enjoy the company of women but don't need to pay them for it. Unless I do get to treat them as a life like sex doll.
Either way you pay for it. :unknown: much cheaper & easier to hire good company when you have neither the time nor the inclination for dating a civvy.   Especially if you want the a guaranteed pure filth shag before/after
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Online SamLP

Some reviews read like a pissing contest and I honestly skim through it and read the comments afterwards. It's their choice how to write it as long as the WG's services are covered. A variety in writing style is good. I usually stop reading the really fluffy reviews as I'm not interested in reading a love story. For me the comments after the review can be helpful and it's a chance to ask questions to the reviewer for further info and clarification. Trust plays a big part too. I sometimes only need a recommendation from a trusted member or to read a short review to be convinced the girl in question will provide a good service.

password02

Such reviews come across to me as a punter expressing his own self importance when in reality its fucking prostitutes for cash, anyone with the cash can do it. However punters are free to post a review as they wish and i imagine some punters find them useful and thats the main thing.

The good thing on here is its up to a punter how he does a review and long may that continue.

+1 100%

I come on here for the reviews. Many are great and have put me off some girls and added others to my hotlist.
But what I personally hate in the reviews is the bloody fluffiness.
She is there to take your money, you are there to fuck her.
I don't care how softly spoken she was, how good a conversation can hold, and especially how many orgasms you think you gave given her ( none ) I want to know if she was clean, enthusiastic and a good fuck worth me paying my money for.

Simple as that.

Not my problem if you have different dreams.

Was separated last year and have zero interest in getting into another civvy relationship while I'm busy working through my sexual bucket list. Amazingly enough though I do actually enjoy the company of women and don't just see them as a life like sex doll.

The fact you do speaks volumes about you.  :hi:
i enjoy the company of women too but these are prostitutes only there because you are paying them,the idea of taking a hooker to a show is something i would never do and i would question whether this is the right sort of "hobby" for someone who does

Offline Quesadilla

i enjoy the company of women too but these are prostitutes only there because you are paying them,the idea of taking a hooker to a show is something i would never do and i would question whether this is the right sort of "hobby" for someone who does
And again - the fact that you wouldn't do something is fine for you. Not sure why any punter's seem compelled to question what another punter chooses to do with a WG?  Some punters take WG's out for dinner, some book overnights (how many times do we hear the refrain "I'd never pay a WG to sleep!!), some book them for weekends away, even full vacations.  This is not that unusual. 

Equally of course some punters are only interested in a range of sexual services, would never occur to me to question that choice as there's room for all sorts.

For what it's worth I would never pay a WG's going rate for non-sexual services and then also buy tickets to take her to see a show or buy her dinner. It's always got to be a mutually beneficial arrangement and IME often no cash changes hands at all for non-sexual services.  I've even had WG's take me out after a good session and actually pay for dinner for both of us.  Clearly they do actually enjoy my company as I'm no longer paying for their time, or else they see it as a good investment in future business, but either way I enjoy the time spent so who gives a fuck? 

I'm sure that a majority of punters here are actually in civvy relationships of some sort already - and this kind of thing would just represent an unnecessary risk of getting caught (or getting EAS). Neither of those are concerns for me. 

I enjoy meeting beautiful sexy young women that I can have a good chat to / laugh with and I can't see a single good reason why I wouldn't spend non-sexual time with them as well as shag them senseless.  :unknown:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline Jimmyredcab

. Believe it or not there is actually a human being attached to the gash you're pumping.   :hi:

You need a reality check sunshine, they see us as walking ATM's ------ nothing more, if you were skint they wouldn't piss on you to put out a fire.

Offline d00fer

You need a reality check sunshine, they see us as walking ATM's ------ nothing more, if you were skint they wouldn't piss on you to put out a fire.

You're seriously damaged. I've no illusions but they're still human beings, admittedly some more mercenary than others.

What someone considers insignificant is important to others. I had previously hotlisted a girl based on reviews on here plus I like her looks but the latest review says she like to listen to rock music during the punt which is something that would ruin the punt for me.
Hi how is this lass I would love to nail a bird listening to heavy rock?

Online hendrix

I like your style  :thumbsup: .... although some fluffies seem to think half the punt should be spent wooing the pro$$ie  :wacko:

My favourite wooing technique is with anal hooks  :thumbsup: need to try it with a civvie next. :D

Offline Quesadilla

You're seriously damaged. I've no illusions but they're still human beings, admittedly some more mercenary than others.
+1 My experience is most wg's are pragmatic and will treat you as you treat them.

Given the kind of fucked up shit some punters spout they frankly don't deserve to be treated any better than a walking atm.
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline CBPaul

I look for the important information to me in a review, accurate profile, services offered (or not), extras, ability to talk English etc. Pretty much everything else is superfluous but can make for an interesting read sometimes and some of the reviews just go to show the variety of services and experiences us punters are looking for. Better to have a longer review and cut out the stuff I'm not interested in than one too brief that give sod all info.

On the other hand there are some reviews that do ramble on, tell other punters nothing of any use and just prove why it is a good idea to leave the review for a couple of days rather than logging on ASAP and reliving the whole experience over again.

Online hendrix

I'm guilty of this. I make basic comments on what she looks like, her general demeanor and her place but I go into excruciating detail writing about the sex itself. I do it because I remember reading a few threads with people complaining about FRs and reviews on here that say "a gentleman never tells" and things to that effect.

That's a good point. People are rightly scathing about reviews that say "I'll keep the details to myself" but then whine when you do give them the low down. It's a bit like the censorship crowd complaining about porn on TV or wherever. There's an "Off"  button if you don't like it! 

If a particular reviewers style and tastes don't match your own, just move on surely?  :unknown: bit like selecting prossies.

Some punters seem to  think that only their way is valid, and everybody should follow their lead. To which I say....... Nah... Who made you editor in chief? :hi:
« Last Edit: January 28, 2015, 09:14:02 AM by hendrix »


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