Ever taken a shit during a punt?

[west8]

Had a yule-sized log pressing for the entire duration of a punt last night, but simply couldn't bring myself to go on a bombing run whilst using the shower.

So, I held it in.

Big mistake.

Anyone ever had that experience? If so, did you grin and bear it or smear the porcelain?

[Jeremy]

Never had to personally - always try to 'empty out' before heading to a punt - but it would depend on the kind of shit. Sometimes you can feel if it's going to be hard and heavy, or soft and loose. The former, while making more of an audible splash, rarely leaves traces behind. I would consider that 'safe'.

[AnthG]

I was worried on my overnight back in 2013 this may occur. So I took a box of matches with me and hid them in the bathroom.

The girl then seen the box of matches and said why have you brought a box of matches with you and hidden them in the bathroom. An embarrassed explanation then ensured (it was either that or have her think I am some crazy arsonist and have her be on edge over night).

But if you are worried this is what to take and just hide better than men.

[CoolTiger]

Never had to personally - always try to 'empty out' before heading to a punt - but it would depend on the kind of shit. Sometimes you can feel if it's going to be hard and heavy, or soft and loose. The former, while making more of an audible splash, rarely leaves traces behind. I would consider that 'safe'.

On these occassions, just prior to having the shit, flush the toilet. That way you have approx 30 seconds to 1 minute when the noise of the water filling up the tank should be able to mask any misfiring noises you make! 

[west8]

On these occassions, just prior to having the shit, flush the toilet. That way you have approx 30 seconds to 1 minute when the noise of the water filling up the tank should be able to mask any misfiring noises you make! 

hahaha! Another fool proof method is to generously line the bowl with a few layers of paper - it lessens the 'thud' of a log hitting the bowl.

[CoolTiger]

hahaha! Another fool proof method is to generously line the bowl with a few layers of paper - it lessens the 'thud' of a log hitting the bowl.

For those having cofee/breaklfast.... look away now!!

aah... but then that stinks the toilet out even faster...... as the water has not colled it down, so the steam will stink out the loo even faster.

Solution.... Flush the toilet AGAIN, within 30 seconds of doing the main deed, as having done the main part within a minute of sitting down, quite often nothing major happens for the next few mins.

[James999]

I was worried on my overnight back in 2013 this may occur. So I took a box of matches with me and hid them in the bathroom.
The girl then seen the box of matches and said why have you brought a box of matches with you and hidden them in the bathroom.

Hang on Anth, need to break this down, in summary you are saying that

A  you are unable to even hide a box of matches and
B you met with a pro$$ie so weird that she went looking for and found a hidden box of matches?

 

[AnthG]

A  you are unable to even hide a box of matches

Its not like there is a safe in the bathroom of Travelodges.

[Bangers and Gash]

Anth. If your shits are that bad the last thing you should be doing is lighting a match in a confined space. 

[akauya]

Anth. If your shits are that bad the last thing you should be doing is lighting a match in a confined space. 

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[squeezebox]

@Anthg

Here's some apartment therapy that may/or may not be of some use...

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External Link/Members Only

[Jay-Jay]

Didn't need to offload but went to wash my hands on arrival at the flat a regular uses. We arrived together and she went to brew up. As I flushed and washed afterwards could see hear and smell that the drains had a problem,(not caused by me I'll add quickly) and on entering the kitchen area could smell the "drain" smell permeating in there.I said,"can you not smell that...think there's a problem with the drains ?" Her reply, "Oh,I just thought you'd had a poo !" Cheeky fooker !

Jay

[regenmeister]

Had a yule-sized log pressing for the entire duration of a punt last night, but simply couldn't bring myself to go on a bombing run whilst using the shower.

So, I held it in.

Big mistake.

Anyone ever had that experience? If so, did you grin and bear it or smear the porcelain?

So what happened, did you have an accident mid coitus?

[nigel4498]

So what happened, did you have an accident mid coitus?

My guess is it just came out his mouth as usual.

[SmackmaBitchUp]

What a crap subject...

[Zeusthedoc]

I once had a pretty bad stomach ache/runs etc...

was in the car and suddenly needed to explode, luckily i was nearby a 'parlour' i frequented often at the time - I went in and asked to use the loo pre-punt (they had an en-suite in one of the rooms and a loo upstairs and downstairs)...i went to the en-suite and then waited in the room, didn't fancy the look of any of the girls and so apologised (to the maid) and left.

went back another day and it was business as usual. miss that place (it's closed now) probably because people used it as a service station more than a parlour.

[CoolTiger]

What a crap subject...

Nope. You're just talking shite!!

[Stiltskin]

Solution.... Flush the toilet AGAIN, within 30 seconds of doing the main deed, as having done the main part within a minute of sitting down, quite often nothing major happens for the next few mins.

If this is a single hotel room, with all that flushing the girl is going to be sat there the other side of the door thinking you've just had the shit from hell!

[MeesterNeek]

Had a yule-sized log pressing for the entire duration of a punt last night, but simply couldn't bring myself to go on a bombing run whilst using the shower.

So, I held it in.

Big mistake.

Anyone ever had that experience? If so, did you grin and bear it or smear the porcelain?

Anything like this??

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[raylondoner]

 Surely the easy solution is to book a girl that does ''Hard Sports - Receiving''?   

[west8]

Surely the easy solution is to book a girl that does ''Hard Sports - Receiving''?   

ffs .. you try reading that whilst eating scrambled eggs! There goes my lunch.

[Trevor12]

On these occassions, just prior to having the shit, flush the toilet. That way you have approx 30 seconds to 1 minute when the noise of the water filling up the tank should be able to mask any misfiring noises you make! 

  Don't think that would be enough to mask the explosive nature of some of my bowel movements!

[CBPaul]

Why was it a mistake to hold it in ? Did Murtle the Turtle put in an appearance during anal play ??

I wouldn't have a great problem with taking a dump midway through a punt though, if the facilities lack extraction, air freshener and a bog brush then what do they expect ? Can't say I've met many females who leave the bog smelling of fresh flowers either so it's not just a male thing.

To answer the question, no I've never taken a dump during a punt, I evacuate some time before a punt, and make sure my ring piece is well polished afterwards. I did have a strung out street prossie get out of the car for a piss and promptly shat herself on route to the bushes. She was amazingly pissed off that I wouldn't let her back in the car for some reason and still called me a cunt after I took pity and gave her my wet wipe supply before driving off. No pleasing some.

[west8]

Why was it a mistake to hold it in ? Did Murtle the Turtle put in an appearance during anal play ??

I had no choice. It was either clench and bear time or risk re-painting her eggshell walls with a certain brown artex.

[starman555]

I must be thick, what the fuck is the hiding  matches etc all about? Please explain?

[Trevor12]

Never taken a shit at a punt myself, but there would be nothing sweeter than taking a slow, relaxing, drawn out dump after a punt with a timewasting prossie, whilst simultaneously writing her a negative review on here, with her wishing I'd just fuck off. Maybe even text her from the safety of the car saying - I wouldn't go in there for a while 

[Boundless]

I must be thick, what the fuck is the hiding  matches etc all about? Please explain?

I think this may be just something old school guys do. If you make a smell, you light a match then blow it out, it disguises/neutralizes the smell.

[RedKettle]

I must be thick, what the fuck is the hiding  matches etc all about? Please explain?

glad you asked - I had no idea what they were going on about 

[Trevor12]

I think this may be just something old school guys do. If you make a smell, you light a match then blow it out, it disguises/neutralizes the smell.

It doesn't work that well tbh, just makes the room smell like shit and fire!

[threechilliman]

I must be thick, what the fuck is the hiding  matches etc all about? Please explain?

+1.

If I took a shite during a punt, there'd be no disguising it. Ahhhhhhh Bisto!!!

I eagerly await Sir F's comments....

tcm

[MrSmiley]

I heard of a punter who would come in pay for half an hour at this brothel. go to the bathroom and take a long shit for 20mins and then leave! it was the easiest money they ever made. he wouldn't flush though...

[UberX]

Had a yule-sized log pressing for the entire duration of a punt last night, but simply couldn't bring myself to go on a bombing run whilst using the shower.

So, I held it in.

Big mistake.

Anyone ever had that experience? If so, did you grin and bear it or smear the porcelain?

I guess you farted to many times and polluted the environment. I never go for sex when I have rush of poo. I clear myself 1 hr before so I can enjoy the ejaculation properly.

 

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[claretandblue]

the irony of the opening post,westie finally conceding he is full of shit....

[AnthG]

I must be thick, what the fuck is the hiding  matches etc all about? Please explain?

Lighting a match creates a phosphorus ignition event that will also ignite the sulfur in the air and totally remove (not mask) the smell.

"Smelly sulphur will ignite at around 250 degrees Celsius, which is around the same as the ignition temperature of phosphorus (the ingredient in a match head). When you light a match the hydrogen sulphide will decompose to form to form water (vapour) and sulphur dioxide. This means no more hydrogen sulphide, and no more smell!"

[Pompoy123]

Why was it a mistake to hold it in ? Did Murtle the Turtle put in an appearance during anal play ??

I wouldn't have a great problem with taking a dump midway through a punt though, if the facilities lack extraction, air freshener and a bog brush then what do they expect ? Can't say I've met many females who leave the bog smelling of fresh flowers either so it's not just a male thing.

To answer the question, no I've never taken a dump during a punt, I evacuate some time before a punt, and make sure my ring piece is well polished afterwards. I did have a strung out street prossie get out of the car for a piss and promptly shat herself on route to the bushes. She was amazingly pissed off that I wouldn't let her back in the car for some reason and still called me a cunt after I took pity and gave her my wet wipe supply before driving off. No pleasing some.

 

[starman555]

Thankyou .learnt something today

[superchamp]

I'm thinking of starting a thread titled "have you ever had a bogey fall out of your nose onto a WG's face while in mish position?"

[CoolTiger]

I'm thinking of starting a thread titled "have you ever had a bogey fall out of your nose onto a WG's face while in mish position?"

We've previously had "sweat dropping off my forehead straight onto the WG's  Face/Boobs," etc.

[foreverchanges]

I can remember many years ago at London Street Sauna in Edinburgh I was in one of the rooms with one of the girls when halfway through a particularly energetic session she suddenly leapt up and dashed out the room informing me she would be " five minutes"..she was as good as her word and on her return she rather enthusiastically informed me of the U Boat she had launched in the direction of the Firth of Forth.
Fair play to her..she rang Reception on the Room phone and told them to add another 10 minutes on the booking although I have to add even though she had showered I gave the usual spot of rimming a miss.

[robbie54321]

Yep, I've had a shit during a punt, normally on overnights though. By reading this thread you fellas seem more squeamish than the girls. I've been with girls who, if they need a shit they'll have a shit, simple as that :-)
Come on now, man up!

[Zeusthedoc]

I once arrived for a punt (indie girl, 1 bed flat) claimed to live alone....went to use the facilities and there were skid marks on the inside of the toilet bowl....

this was before I was in to anal - even now, i do anal few and far between.....

[Davede]

This has been a very informative thread so far as I thought the matches were for pushing it back in insted of using a finger..
I havent needed a crap during a punt but I have dropped my guts once and it really sunk luckily she wasnt down there at the time
, I apologised and she was ok about it

[threechilliman]

There's now a box of matches in every bog in our house and I'm taking the remainder to work in the morning where a box will be placed in each cubicle, with instructions! Should make life a bit more bearable each morning....

tcm

[Zeusthedoc]

There's now a box of matches in every bog in our house and I'm taking the remainder to work in the morning where a box will be placed in each cubicle, with instructions! Should make life a bit more bearable each morning....

tcm

excellent - could someone now tell me how to clean shit off a toilet seat?
my colleagues are the scum of the fucking earth. I can only hope it's the fuckers in a different department.

[akauya]

excellent - could someone now tell me how to clean shit off a toilet seat?
my colleagues are the scum of the fucking earth. I can only hope it's the fuckers in a different department.

Same here, and I bet it's the same disgusting fuckers who never wash their hands after using the bog... filthy bastards.

[Stealthshagger]

This has been a very informative thread so far as I thought the matches were for pushing it back in insted of using a finger..
I havent needed a crap during a punt but I have dropped my guts once and it really sunk luckily she wasnt down there at the time
, I apologised and she was ok about it

You thought people were shitting and pushing it back in with matches? If someone does that I'm not sure what the difference between matches and fingers is anymore...

[Boundless]

Same here, and I bet it's the same disgusting fuckers who never wash their hands after using the bog... filthy bastards.

Especially in supermarket toilets, it's very common. That's why I always wash loose fruit and veg thoroughly.

Dirty bastards.

In fact prime candidates for the cunt thread! 

[socks]

I arrived at a punt once just as the presence of a bowel full of probably loose smelly shit made it's presence known. I went straight to the loo which thankfully wasn't immediately adjacent and forced it all out as quickly as possible flushing twice. I cleared out and scrubbed up within the time a long piss would have taken and retain pride in the achievement. That girl doesn't give rimming so I didn't have the worry of any rectal remnants for her to discover.

I've had a wg take a shit too but it was during an all day freebie we had. When she came out of the loo I received a blast of foulness that put me right off rimming her. Well it did for the minute or two it took me to surrepticiously determine the effectiveness of her cleaning regime. It was good enough for me and I was soon tongueing at her sphincter like I was dfk'ing an enthusiastic lover.

[StevenS]

I heard of a punter who would come in pay for half an hour at this brothel. go to the bathroom and take a long shit for 20mins and then leave! it was the easiest money they ever made. he wouldn't flush though...

Absolutely genuinely I have visited a soho walk up and paid my £20 quid then asked to use the toilet. This was at gone midnight, pubs shut and I was touching cloth. They never in my experience let you use the bog til money has changed hands. The door is usually locked too so the maid unlocks it.

Paid my £20, had a dump, then got the last tube home.

[yorkshire123]

socks your a fucking animal 

Been a smoker I'm always conscious of the dreaded smoking breath & would shovel shit loads (pun intended) of mints & chewing gum into my gob prior to a punt & would regularly have stomach pains but thankfully never wanting to shit during the punt but it has been a race to the nearest public bog after the event.
It wasn't until reading it on here that I learned about the laxative nature of such products that I replaced said items with mouth wash resulting in no more stomach issues.