The worst escort i've ever fucked / been sucked or wanked off by

[webpunter]

Spand's comment on the thread below got me thinking
"I'll admit I fucked her when she was in Bournemouth and she gave an amazing blowjob"
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=10615.msg589638#msg589638
External Link/Members Only

Best to get it off your chest.  And we can all have a laugh as well.  Think of this as a UKP "Kangaroo Court"
Am racking my brains to find the link for some bait & switch WG i shagged in a shit hole Gatwick hotel when 1st starting on AW
There are more - mostly parlour girlies when its late at night & [my] demand is way greater than the supply.  Not quite shagged them but have been desperate for a HJ / shooting my bolt.  It's been 'grab-a-gran' time on occasion
Contributions will be welcomed - although i suggest that HP is limited to 2 entries per page 

[Vivago]

Porked this Polish GILF once.  She had a tidy body for her age but with a characterful face that would turn milk. Was good VFM at 60 per hour all in, though. Dunno if she is still on AW.

She is pulling a gurney coz she has a gobful of baby batter. 

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[Rickrabbit]

Porked this Polish GILF once.  She had a tidy body for her age but with a characterful face that would turn milk. Was good VFM at 60 per hour all in, though. Dunno if she is still on AW.

She is pulling a gurney coz she has a gobful of baby batter. 

Hidden Image/Members Only

Remember her being in my catchment area, never been though because I have issues with Polish pro$$ies having judged them to have general narrow-minded attitude which has resulted in poor experience in my limited actual experience of them.(Why go to Poland when you can go to Hungary I say). She is still around but has fuzzed her features recently External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

[mh]

I still shudder at this one from early on in my punting days...

Link to this Profile Page using External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only+

Her photos were not even close to current when I saw her and they haven't changed. I later read loads about apparent drug taking and that fits, in hindsight.

And the awful thing is she gave the best sloppy BJ I've ever received. But it also prompted my first visit to the GUM clinic as a precaution.

[Jimmyredcab]

Porked this Polish GILF once.  She had a tidy body for her age but with a characterful face that would turn milk. Was good VFM at 60 per hour all in, though. Dunno if she is still on AW.

She is pulling a gurney coz she has a gobful of baby batter. 

Hidden Image/Members Only

Personally I would rather pay the extra £40 and see Michelle Independant, if I want to shag an old granny I will go to the local bingo hall and pull one.   

[Vivago]

Personally I would rather pay the extra £40 and see Michelle Independant, if I want to shag an old granny I will go to the local bingo hall and pull one.   

Your right Tweedle dumb (surprised that your dumber evil twin isn't clocking on as well). Suggest that your re-read the title of the thread. We all make mistakes at this game.

But if the grannies at your local bingo hall have the bodies to compare with this particular GILF and were handing out freebies, I'd be down there like a shot. 

[Jimmyredcab]

Your right Tweedle dumb (surprised that your dumber evil twin isn't clocking on as well).

I am sure James999 will agree that the lady is a bit of a dog, but what else do you expect for £60 an hour.     

[smiths]

Spand's comment on the thread below got me thinking
"I'll admit I fucked her when she was in Bournemouth and she gave an amazing blowjob"
https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=10615.msg589638#msg589638
External Link/Members Only

Best to get it off your chest.  And we can all have a laugh as well.  Think of this as a UKP "Kangaroo Court"
Am racking my brains to find the link for some bait & switch WG i shagged in a shit hole Gatwick hotel when 1st starting on AW
There are more - mostly parlour girlies when its late at night & [my] demand is way greater than the supply.  Not quite shagged them but have been desperate for a HJ / shooting my bolt.  It's been 'grab-a-gran' time on occasion
Contributions will be welcomed - although i suggest that HP is limited to 2 entries per page 

Among the very worst is the pornstar Katie Weale, an horrific WG who was either aggressive at parties i saw her at or virtually comatose sniffing a lot. Her A/W profile and she has had a few hasnt been logged into for months. External Link/Members Only Her reputation is so bad she cant use her porn name anymore.

The punter Ben4454 spotted her on External Link/Members Only at £350 an hour , she did porn in 2003 so must be at least late 28 now.

[Vivago]

I am sure James999 will agree that the lady is a bit of a dog, but what else do you expect for £60 an hour.     

OK.. I see. You speak for him as well. Don't expect too much for 60 ackers but give the woman her due. She did bring me off twice in an hour so she must have been doing something right. As the old adage goes, who looks at the mantlepiece when stoking the fire?

[CatBBW]

Your right Tweedle dumb (surprised that your dumber evil twin isn't clocking on as well). Suggest that your re-read the title of the thread. We all make mistakes at this game.

But if the grannies at your local bingo hall have the bodies to compare with this particular GILF and were handing out freebies, I'd be down there like a shot. 

But they might want to be wined and dined before and a relationship after. Much cheaper and completely no-strings simpler to pay for it. But you already know that

[Vivago]

But they might want to be wined and dined before and a relationship after. Much cheaper and completely no-strings simpler to pay for it. But you already know that

You are correct. As I always maintain, you don't pay a girl for her time but to leave afterwards (applies really to punting in foreign lands but I'm sure that the concept holds good).

[smiths]

I am sure James999 will agree that the lady is a bit of a dog, but what else do you expect for £60 an hour.     

What i expect and have got recently for £60 an hour and many for under £100 an hour the price you label ALL WGs as skanks is to punt with some good WGs.

You stick to your minimum £100 an hour and maximum £150 an hour WGs, at least it ensures you wont advise the up to £100 an hour ones to raise their rates, like you did with one WG and have posted you would do again. Disgusting thing to do in my view.

[threechilliman]

Easy. This one:-

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If we exclude TS's, then this one:-

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Tbh, they were both as bad as each other but for different reasons. Fuckin' horrendous! Both got neg'd of course.

tcm

[punk]

Remember her being in my catchment area, never been though because I have issues with Polish pro$$ies having judged them to have general narrow-minded attitude which has resulted in poor experience in my limited actual experience of them.(Why go to Poland when you can go to Hungary I say). She is still around but has fuzzed her features recently External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

great you can spunk up her pussy for 80 notes.

[Type_O_Negative]

Personally I would rather pay the extra £40 and see Michelle Independant, if I want to shag an old granny I will go to the local bingo hall and pull one.   

Classic 

[punk]

Personally I would rather pay the extra £40 and see Michelle Independant, if I want to shag an old granny I will go to the local bingo hall and pull one.   

you might pull your back,if she is too heavy?or it might be more fun to pull one off instead.

[west8]

Porked this Polish GILF once.  She had a tidy body for her age but with a characterful face that would turn milk. Was good VFM at 60 per hour all in, though. Dunno if she is still on AW.
Hidden Image/Members Only

She looks like a great choice for the Necrophiliac punter. 

[Pompoy123]

She looks like a great choice for the Necrophiliac punter. 

I think I'd actually give it a go

[SirFrank]

I imagine saafe has a few similar threads and I bet a pound to a penny they can trump us with gormless fat hairy spotty train spotting punters that they've fucked. 

[Pompoy123]

I imagine saafe has a few similar threads and I bet a pound to a penny they can trump us with gormless fat hairy spotty train spotting punters that they've fucked.

Lucky for us though Frank no photos are kept

[SirFrank]

Lucky for us though Frank no photos are kept

We hope... 

[punk]

I imagine saafe has a few similar threads and I bet a pound to a penny they can trump us with gormless fat hairy spotty train spotting punters that they've fucked.

damn you've me down to a tea.

[James999]

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She (assuming it's a woman) looks like she's died and been embalmed 

[punk]

should have popped on her face 

[Boundless]

I imagine saafe has a few similar threads and I bet a pound to a penny they can trump us with gormless fat hairy spotty train spotting punters that they've fucked.

and what's wrong with train spotters may I ask? 

To be fair, I'm most of the other things too, except maybe spotty.

[Vivago]

She looks like a great choice for the Necrophiliac punter. 

She (assuming it's a woman) looks like she's died and been embalmed 

The 'dead' joke had already been made. Whats up?  Can't think up an original line so have to copy from West8.  Sad.

I think I'd actually give it a go

Take the boat out of the equation, and she wasn't a bad looking GILF.  Not that I'd go back as she has put her hourly rate up to 80 and now offers BB.

Hidden Image/Members Only

[Pompoy123]

Pity about the BB. I would love to give a fit Gilf a go

[Vivago]

Pity about the BB. I would love to give a fit Gilf a go

Mind you, she swears that she is only 37. Yeah, right.

I thought her negative review was very funny. Guy was pissed off that she promised fisting but would only allow 3 fingers. You just can't get decent service from a pro$$ie these days.

[CatBBW]

should have popped on her face 

Thought that said 'pooped'

[CatBBW]

Mind you, she swears that she is only 37. Yeah, right.

WTF??? 37 ?!? Add 20 years and you might be getting close...!

There is NO WAY she is younger than me. NO WAY

[Vivago]

WTF??? 37 ?!? Add 20 years and you might be getting close...!

There is NO WAY she is younger than me. NO WAY

Oh, I dunno. Her body says late 30's but her face says early 60's. Which to believe?

Maybe she has had a hard life and used to be a coal miner or something in Poland before she took up the horizontal profession.

[CatBBW]

Oh, I dunno. Her body says late 30's but her face says early 60's. Which to believe?

Maybe she has had a hard life and used to be a coal miner or something in Poland before she took up the horizontal profession.

Hmm. Her body says 50s-but-looked-after to me. Let me go lookie again....

[CatBBW]

Hmm. Her body says 50s-but-looked-after to me. Let me go lookie again....

I stand by this. The neck and hands say she's older. The body doesn't look 30s to me at all. I still say she's in her 50s.

And then add the face pic...

[Vivago]

I stand by this. The neck and hands say she's older. The body doesn't look 30s to me at all. I still say she's in her 50s.

And then add the face pic...

She did tell me that she had the body of a much younger woman.  I told her that she ought to give it back.

[CatBBW]

She did tell me that she had the body of a much younger woman.  I told her that she ought to give it back.

HA HA!!

*wipes wine off screen* Proper LOLed then!!

(the oldies are the best. As she should know!  )

[webpunter]

Gentlemen, i'm well chufters with the responses & general piss taking.  Have been doing a search of all profiles to see if i can find the said bird mentioned in my opening post.  Reflecting back she was ok - but the meet-up took on a rather nervy experience.  It was in one of the hotels around Gatwick where people stay one night & park for free for their holidays.  On entering the room i was aware that there was a 2nd person in the bathroom.  She must have dropped something as we both heard this & the bird had to say something.  She said its my friend as some customers like MFF's.  I wasn't that happy but it was bearable.  I did ponder walking but had parted with the cash.  Little WP was throbbing & i knew it wouldn't take long & i could fuck off sharpish.  The curtains were shut & only table lamps on.  After about 15 mins i was aware of a presence in the room.  In the halo of the table lamp i saw this shape which could be best described as a rota keg.  She knelt on the bottom of the bed & i could feel the mattress being compressed under the weight & was concerned that the bed would collapse as it was creaking. The 1st WG asked if i was interested in OWO / CIM / BB as she would do it. I declined with a look on my face which looked like     Didn't take long to pop & i was outta there sharpish.  Was a good few years ago so doubtful that the profile will still be live.  The rota-keg WG would be in the top 10 WEPC easily
The WEPC thread made it easy for me to adapt slightly for this one.  Since being on UKP i haven't even been anywhere close to a crap punt.  So a big thumbs up !

[yumyum3]

I imagine saafe has a few similar threads and I bet a pound to a penny they can trump us with gormless fat hairy spotty train spotting punters that they've fucked. 

  And that goes for so many of your posts. Top work 

[Sedlmayer]

Porked this Polish GILF once.  She had a tidy body for her age but with a characterful face that would turn milk. Was good VFM at 60 per hour all in, though. Dunno if she is still on AW.

She is pulling a gurney coz she has a gobful of baby batter. 

Hidden Image/Members Only

Quite clearly offers bareback, as has been said  so I hope Vivago's been for a test since he saw her.

[Quesadilla]

Does it count if I never actually fucked her? I fucked her mouth so maybe that counts, but once she undressed fully I had no hope of getting it up - and I'd taken enough viagra to kill a horse!

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

Worst. Punt. Ever.

Can't believe the positive feedback she has - latest FR says "Evie is just a gorgeous lady, beautiful with a great body".   

[James999]

Sad.

I agree, paying to fuck an old munter like that is very sad 

[potato]

Can't believe the positive feedback she has - latest FR says "Evie is just a gorgeous lady, beautiful with a great body".   

Maybe the FR was left by the guys Labrador 

[J_H]

I imagine saafe has a few similar threads and I bet a pound to a penny they can trump us with gormless fat hairy spotty train spotting punters that they've fucked.

There is, Sir Frank, and it's called something like How Not To Book An Escort Championships - fucking hilarious, some of them do have a sense of humour.

My favourite was one guy who texted a WG "I want to hang out the back of you" - that was it, nothing else.

[RedKettle]

External Link/Members Only or External Link/Members Only

Not actually the worst - I just cannot bear to remember a couple of awful munters in my past.

Amy is far older than these photos suggest and the declared age of 44 is a joke - especially as it must be at least 5 years since I saw her.  I decided to push on with the shag, I do go with a variety of ages anyway.  The only redeeming feature she had were a reasonable pair of tits, but she did not seem to want them touched and showed a amazing flexibility as she outmanoeuvred my hands or lips.  If I made contact I was knocked away. Kissing also seemed to be off the agenda and frankly I was so pissed off that my performance fall off.  Manage to salvage something by her standing up leaning onto the wall and me taking her from behind whilst thinking of someone else.  Might be the only time I have shagged a WG thinking of the OH!!!

[punk]

Thought that said 'pooped'

not one of your services than as it is a bit rich for me, know your limit,that is what i say.

[webpunter]

Does it count if I never actually fucked her?

As its my thread i've decided that you don't have to fuck said WG.  BJ / HJ counts - whatever
As long as your bell-end gets touched in some way or form then this counts
Funnily enough one of my mates decided he wanted an outcall at some late hour.  So i did some research for him & came up with "EE'. It didn't happen - not sure why not.  He had a lucky escape.  I'm incall only - unless staying at a hotel.  But i did ponder getting her round one night when feeling rampant and having had too much vino to drive.  Glad i passed

[Quesadilla]

As its my thread i've decided that you don't have to fuck said WG.  BJ / HJ counts - whatever
As long as your bell-end gets touched in some way or form then this counts
Funnily enough one of my mates decided he wanted an outcall at some late hour.  So i did some research for him & came up with "EE'. It didn't happen - not sure why not.  He had a lucky escape.  I'm incall only - unless staying at a hotel.  But i did ponder getting her round one night when feeling rampant and having had too much vino to drive.  Glad i passed

Yeah, learned the hard way sometimes you really do have to pass!    

[Quesadilla]

Porked this Polish GILF once.  She had a tidy body for her age but with a characterful face that would turn milk. Was good VFM at 60 per hour all in, though. Dunno if she is still on AW.

She is pulling a gurney coz she has a gobful of baby batter. 

Hidden Image/Members Only

If it makes you feel any better Vivago - your GILF had a prettier face and better bod than my worst punt.  Hard to believe from the pics on Evie's profile but she could easily pass for 50 +!

[webpunter]

I'll PM Admin & Nik to see if the thread name can be amended to read
The worst escort i've ever fucked / been sucked or wanked off by
This may bring in additional posts - coz i've been on a punt & have thought to myself "there is no way i'm fucking that"
However with a raging hard-on then needs must to shoot-yer-bolt.  I just shut my eyes sometimes & dream of Cameron Diaz

As an aside there is a chinky massage parlor [2 girl operation + mamasan] near Clapham Junction train station.  No web advertising & the girls change weekly.  Great for a stop off on the way home after a load of 'largers'.  I have never walked & at £40 for 30mins for a HJ it always does the trick.  FS @ £80 a deffo no-no.  Have been some 5s & 6s [out of 10].  One 7 but mostly 3s & 4s.  They might not be the best lookers but the no lingo helps [no idle chit chat].  They must have been to handjob training school coz they never complain [well not to me anyway] when it takes me 28 1/2mins to 'get over the line'.  Lining the timings up / phoning ahead means i can get back on a train an hour later [& have time to organize a kebab / burger / pizza to consume on the rattler].  Ideal

[Vivago]

paying to fuck is very sad 

Explains a lot. Never mind, mate. You stick to your hand.

We can all selectively quote

[Vivago]

If it makes you feel any better Vivago - your GILF had a prettier face and better bod than my worst punt.  Hard to believe from the pics on Evie's profile but she could easily pass for 50 +!

Gawd..she must have been a right mutt. Shows you how profile pictures can't always be trusted.

I could put up with GILF's old wicketkeepers glove for a face. What did put me off was her garlic and ciggy scented breath.