External Link/Members OnlySo, I have a theory that when a prostitute tells you "please relax, lie down" as first thing it's going to be a shit session, and it works 100% of the times. The thing is, when escorts do this it's because they want to neutralise you and put you under their control. That's generally not a good sign. What I want from an escort at the beginning is that she acts sexily and seducingly, stands in front of me and invites my hands on her body to explore her shapes and the texture of her skin, while we exchange the first kisses.
Instead, in this case, she made me lie down on the bed and started delivering the most phony and perfunctory service I've had in a while. From the first second I identified this as a case of what the Italians call "a missile", a quasi-scam where none of what should be there in a good sex session is actually present, and only a half-assed travesty replaces it.
I am linking to this girl's Diva contact because I didn't contact her directly, she was the plan B suggested by "her friend" (actually, a receptionist of another escort I had found on Kommons) who wasn't available. I suspected that it was an agency, but somehow I forgot to verify the services that the receptionist impersonating her had promised (69, OWO, FK).
That she doesn't do OWO (at least not in the extortionate 300£/h I paid) was evident as soon as she made me lie down and immediately reached for a condom. The most useless BJ followed where she performed a fake sex act on me (OWC is not real), and I felt nothing throughout. That she doesn't do not just FK but any kind of kissing was clear from the moment she started contorting her head away from me every time I tried to reach out for her mouth with mine.
I must say, the girl is hot. She's a woman in her late twenties or (more likely) early thirties, with a really beautiful face only partially ruined by an inelegant lip job (8) and a body that could be a perfect 10 but has been rendered a mere 8 by one of those ridiculous boob jobs that left her with two massively oversized silicon balloons in front of her. About 165cm tall, she pretends to be Spanish but she's clearly Romanian.
I won't get into the details of why the sex was so shit, let me just say that she massively faked and went through the motions throughout, she SQUEAKED LIKE A FUCKING SEAGULL for the whole session, and to add insult to injury she kept PINCHING AND TWISTING MY FUCKING NIPPLES. Who the fuck told her it is a good idea? I gave it to her furiously for a few minutes trying to get my money worth, but the fact that she clearly wasn't feeling anything while at the same time acting as if I was reaching into her soul with the tip of my cock turned me off almost entirely and I soon had a semi. I then turned the session into a conversation, she offered me one of those incompetent massages that escorts do when they want to cut one's losses, and finally left 40 minutes in with the sense that I had thrown away 300 quid.
Overall
face: 8
body: 8
location: 7 (decent flat in good building, but very small bedroom, and incredibly hot temperature)
attitude: 5
performance: 4
vfm: 3
I feel a bit guilty giving this girl a negative because when I spoke to her at the end of the session she was actually quite nice, but I really must say this is not the job for her as the session was pure shit.
