External Link/Members OnlyAugust 2025
Fee: £35 on the door, plus £60 extras.
I usually end up going here about once a year when plans A and B go wrong, and have a pretty good idea what to expect. No different this time. So, after failing to secure a booking with Ruby Thai Lady and Sweet Katrina in my small window of opportunity, the only workable option left on the table was Essential. I gave them a quick call to check someone was available, then off I went and was diving in the door ten minutes later. One for the brave, definitely, but needs must...
I stood there for about thirty seconds before someone called "Hello" from the back, and then Lulu appeared stage left, a small Chinese smiley lady in a little red dress, probably fifty if she was a day. She didn't exactly set my heart racing but there was no question of me walking after getting this far, and of course with this sort of set up there's always the chance that the "girl" who takes your money at the counter (£35 now, gone up since last year) is not actually the one who will do the massage, and will shortly introduce you to some 22 year old oriental princess with a killer figure... but sadly not today. Lulu showed me to the usual massage room to undress, and I was down to my pants and socks when she knocked and came back in. There was a playful slap on the bum when my pants disappeared though, so there was little doubt it was game on.
What followed was a pretty average massage, mainly focusing on my legs, with some attention to the bum and arsehole and "You like?" from Lulu, obviously testing the water. Her English was pretty limited, but soon she was leaning down and asking if I wanted more. I asked for b2b and offered £40 but she held out for £50 and I wasn't in a haggling mood on such a hot day. Lulu then stripped off after giving me a pillow for me to turn over. I'm sure twenty years ago she was probably a stunner, but now her figure was gone and her smallish tits had lost any semblance of firmness and her tum was a little saggy too. She then climbed on board for some b2b action and did a nice enough job, offering her nipples to be sucked, I think we had a little kiss (I often seem to have bits of punts I just can't remember - is it just me?), and she even contrived to climb high enough on me to get her feet round my knob for a bit of a foot job. Then she slid off and rubbed said knob between her palms. A blow job was offered and at first I thought it was to be included in the extra cash I had already handed over, but I declined when it became clear it would cost me yet another £20. So a HJ it was to be, and this is the thing that took this experience from a low-neutral to an almost-positive, was the evident excitement and delight (genuine unless I was much mistaken) that she felt as she went to work on me, as if she had just got the birthday present she had always wanted. There was much "Nice cock..." and that sort of thing, which I'm sure we've all heard before, but it was just the look on her face and the way she was almost jumping with delight which was rather nice. I'm sure I'm average size at best, but I'm always well- groomed downstairs, so maybe it was that. Who knows. Anyway, I was lasting pretty well but just decided on a whim that I wanted to finish on her tits and asked about this. It was £10 extra, of course. Rational thinking had now left the building so I agreed, but she said I could give it to her later. I got off the table and stood and at first she tried to wrap her tits around me but she hardly had enough and it was too cramped like that, so I got her to her knees and repositioned us and between us we got me tossed off in her direction but she flinched away at the last instant and some if it went on her legs and the rest on the floor.
She then got me back on the table for a clean up (after seeing to the herself and the floor and putting her clothes back on) and then gave me a rather nice and quite relaxing head massage for the last five minutes.
With time up, I dressed and gave her the outstanding £10, said goodbye and dived out of the door head down and made my escape (we all know it's in a bad location).
So in summary, it's a bit of a weird one. I'm sure some would have rated this negative because of Lulu's age and weathered bodywork, but the service was good and friendly, and there was that aura of pure delight that she had as she played with me which elevated it to a nice neutral... but to have gone positive would have set a very low a bar for that.
Anyway, this whole operation was just a ball-emptying exercise before I went to see Antonia an hour later, but that's another story (there will be a hopelessly fluffy review of her after I have my next diamond nuru session with her).
