Some really interesting stuff in this thread, particularly some of the points from Taggart and Frenchie. I have said in another thread that I could not do the whole cheating thing myself and can't condone it but neither can I judge those who do because some of the situations sound horrendous. Q said something along the lines of how can one regard a relationship as being fine if the sex is non existent. I totally agree with this. If my wife (I'm not married or attached by the way) didn't have sex with me, I would feel miserable and rejected and for right or wrong the relationship as a whole would probably be over as I would conclude, rightly or wrongly that really she didn't give a shit about me.
The thing that worries me, is that I'm relatively young and I've never experienced the whole women going off sex thing. I understand that post menopause this is something that happens but it sounds like this is something that gets going even before then and that even when sex happens, there comes a point when many women just can't be bothered with making the effort to make sex exciting or even frequent for their partners.
Is this attitude something that happens to all women, or is this forum mainly inhabited by those men unlucky enough to have a wife/oh who falls into this demographic ? Looking at the course of history and the various debates and changes of circumstance in the status of men and women in society, and if what is written on these boards is representative, then it is clear that a significant number of women exhibit a disappointing attitude to the sexual element of their relationships, while men in recent years have tried more and more to make the effort for women, be this socially, politically and economically or in relationships and sexually. It is an attitude I don't really understand. For example, consider the number of men on this forum who enjoy trying to pleasure wgs, not just trying to please themselves. We are not in a relationship or in love with them. If they are a regular, we obviously like them and have a good rapport with them but it is not hearts and flowers and yet we still make that effort. When a woman in an actual relationship won't even make the same effort as a pretty typical punter who is not in a relationship but just having sex with an escort, it seems an exceptionally disappointing attitude.
It reminds me of a conversation I had with a regular (now retired) wg a while back. She was thinking of leaving the business because it was causing friction with her boyfriend, who knew what she did. She asked me as a point of reference, would I be able to be in a relationship with a wg, was her lifestyle really so unreasonable for her boyfriend ? I said to her, no offence but I couldn't, I would want to keep the woman in my life to myself. The point of this digression though, is that said wg had a great understanding of men's sexual needs and drives and she would never have dreamed of neglecting her oh sexually because of what she had learnt about men in her work. Is this also the central tragedy ? That perhaps only wgs get this and civvies to a significant extent never will ?
What does this attitude mean ? In my opinion, it either means that really the woman concerned doesn't give two hoots for the man in her life, or that expectations created by the media (particularly womens' magazines), academia and the cultural establishment have created a real sense of entitlement among many women, that gives them the sense that relationships are just about them and not the man. If the second theory is true, then what is the solution ? Somehow getting the male opinion heard in those same arenas so that women hear it en masse ? Perhaps that might lead to a situation where such selfishness becomes less common. Perhaps I am being naive.
Frenchie, your o/h lusting over celebrities but witholding sex just sounds cruel to me because it sounds like she still has desires but is neglecting you but if the desires still exist, maybe there is hope for more ?
