External Link/Members OnlyExecutive summary: £45 for 45 minutes plus £60 for B2B. Actual massage good. Bike-friendly premises. I liked it.
Golden Health is midway between Tufnell Park and Archway stations, 6 or 7 minutes from either. I saw quite a few Lime and Forest bikes around, and some pay by phone (RingGo) parking spaces. It’s been there forever and looks promisingly scruffy from the outside. The last review I could find was from 2017 so it’s kind of shrouded in mystery. Anyway I called ahead to book (landline only, no text/WhatsApp sadly) and asked if I could bring a bike inside, and the desk lady said it was fine.
Inside, it’s a massage Tardis. Nana (late 30s maybe, friendly, slim, small chest) came out from behind the desk and showed me into a large room on the ground floor with a shower and plenty of space for a bike. The reception area and the room were tastefully decorated, neat and tidy, in complete contrast to the exterior. A stern sign on the massage room door made it absolutely clear that no sexual services were available and it would be wrong to ask. On the other hand the mirror on the wall beside the massage table looked promising.
Ever the gentleman, I stripped down to my boxers, but Nana told me firmly to take them off.
The massage started gently with some good shoulder work, and then working down with some long strokes to the bum area, suggestive but still plausibly deniable. I do like a bit of will-she-won’t-she. This gradually got more intense until a whisper in my ear lead to her agreeing to B2B for £60 (paid at the end). I stayed on my front as her fingers worked their way under me and around my balls for a good while, in frankly outrageous contravention of the door sign, before a cushion appeared and I turned over. Nana looked very fine naked, and the mirror helped. Not much touching seemed to be allowed. She was determined to give me an oily boob job, which ultimately left me quivering and clinging to her for dear life.
Overall, not the most raunchy experience I’ve had, but the buildup and bollock folding was nicely done and I liked it. Space to bring a bike inside is a huge plus. I’ll definitely be back.
