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Author Topic: A cautionary tale...  (Read 6804 times)

Offline shagbambi

Hi all,

Interesting to read through all the responses and thank you for the general good will and support that has been expressed towards me.

And no, that isn't me in the Sun article! :)

No real change in my domestic situation, but I am noticing my previously uncontrollable urge to visit prossies is starting to fade, but it still crosses my mind several times a day.

Some have also asked whether I can be sure it was me that brought an STI - obviously I can never be 100% sure however I have lived with my wife for 10years and ance never suspected her of any extra-marital activity, however she has raised her suspicions over my fidelity numerous times - female intuition is not to be underestimated.

I was tested back in March this year and the results came back negative across the board...however after the February positive clap result my wife came home with a dose of antibiotics for both of us so who knows?

Thanks again for all the responses

Andy I am sorry to say but your wife is trying to fix you up.  By giving you antibiotics before getting tested you will never know if you were positive.   If she believed you were 100% at fault she would have had you tested so that there would have been conclusive legal proof.  I am really sorry to have to say this as you trust her.



Hi Shagbambi....as others have said even if I did get tested and turned out to be also infected, it doesn't go any way towards proving who brought the STI into the relationship...only that we both have it.  And to be brutally honest to myself, even if my OH was sleeping around the rules of probability dictate it is more likely to be me that caught something...

Things have been bumbling along at home, kind of through peaks and troughs...had a massive row a few days ago and the following day I was asked/ told to move out...I stood firm (if nothing else, it doesn't make financial sense at the moment as I don't have family/ friends close enough that I could stay with for free), especially in the run up to Christmas.  Things have settled back down since then, plus tomorrow evening I have my first appointment with a Relate counsellor who specialises in sex addiction counselling...we're hoping to get a couple of sessions in as a couple with her before Christmas - tomorrow is me on my own so I can talk freely about all the stuff I've been getting up to and get a steer on what is the best course of action to save things.

This is truly an awful experience.  My OH is fine-tooth-combing the accounts and it isn't easy when you are often told how awful you've made the woman you love feel on a regular basis...

Offline Trelf

Andy,
You are right that if you did test positive it wouldnt prove who gave it to who but if you were clear would that not prove she got it elsewhere?
Banning reason: Touting agency, Trolling others who post negatives about that agency and slagging off UKPunting using different identity

Andy,
You are right that if you did test positive it wouldnt prove who gave it to who but if you were clear would that not prove she got it elsewhere?

Very true - hadn't thought of that as I'm totally convinced it was me...too late to tell now I guess but worth keeping in mind if I ever end up in the same situation again...

I'm married, not had sex with my wife for 18m but have been punting regularly. In-between AW bookings, I noticed a red rash on my bell end, so cancelled my next booking and went off to the clinic.
Saw a lovely female doctor who went through an extensive questionnaire - which included 'how many sexual partners, oral w/o, anal, and on'. She had a look and said that it was probably a bit of thrush and gave me cream, tested my blood and suggested a course of Hepatitis B jabs as I had 'a risky pastime'. Follow up appointments were made and initial & subsequent tests were negative, but I now will go every 3 months for a regular check up.

Offline shagbambi

Hi Andy. Just a post of support. I realize you must be living some version of hell at the moment. I respect the fact that you are trying to fix things and owning up to your actions. You have chosen a hard road. I hope for your sake you find the solution you wish for.

Offline webpunter

Im so disorganised its amazing I've never slipped up and surely just a matter of time.
This in itself is a good defence mechanism.  Unlikely that the OH will work out what you are doing if you can't

Thanks for the support chaps...this is proving to be really hard...I've come close to seeing someone on a few occasions (to the point of having exchanged txts with WG's to the point of agree date/ time/ venue...then I've cancelled)...the ONLY reason I'm not going through with it at the moment is I have no way to hide the cash withdrawl (and subsequent empty wallet)...I feel like the longer this goes on, the less likely I am to have the willpower not to go through with the booking...

I want to stop...I want to stop all of it, but I keep finding myself on AW with the intention of w***ing off to a few profile pics of ex/ previously potential punts, but end up actively searching for a booking...

I did meet with a counseller from Relate last week - she said that I should be happy that the bank account checking is preventing me from spending any money on this, plus a load of other useful tips/ thoughts...but I never realised how deep into this I was until I tried to actually stop...

Offline MrMatrix

Hey Andy if you are still out there. Just came across this thread as I joined UKP after this. I hope things worked out for you. You've got to respect the OP for putting this into the forum. Does any one know what was the outcome after the relate counselling.

Offline Nagilum

I just saw this thread now OP. 

I was married for 10 years and often thought about punting, but never did.  Like you I did not want to cause anguish for my wife.  4 months ago I found out about her Affair and this rocked me to the core. Suffice to say I have not forgiven her an separated.

I would never punt if I were married, simply because the system is designed to screw you over an favour women way too much.  Forget the financial aspect, I am talking more about children and the grief you will cause them.  You have to ask yourself why you punt and ask yourself what is your partner doing to help you sexually and fulfil your needs.  If she is not satisfying you, then you have an issue and its no wonder you punt.  You punting is just as much about her as it is about you.

I wish you the best.



 

Offline jawill

How long have you been married?

I'm also confused...... You tested negative and her positive. What's to say she didn't sleep with someone? Were you getting regular STD checks? Ie. Every three months? Did you have any symptoms at all? Usually in a man we tend to get some whereas women tends to get very few.

Also, catching chylmydia from a blow job, while possible, is pretty difficult as it doesn't live that well in the throat. Gonnorheah on there other hand does and is regularly transmitted by oral sex.

Also, I find it strange for a Dr to prescribe you antibiotics without getting you tested first, else how are they to know if the antibiotics worked, I.e. test of cure.

If it's been more than two weeks after your last tablet, get tested again.

Something just doesn't add up here!! Ps. Reason why I asked how long you been together is than chylmydia can hide for many years in a person with no symptoms.

Wow...the OP really laid his heart bare here. It's got me thinking and I have to admit I'm addicted too. How do I stop before I ruin everything I have built with the Missus?

This is probably the wrong place to ask this question. Has anyone struggled with this?

Offline Odd Job

Take her on Jeremy Kyle and get her to do a lie detector.

jcdmj12

Wow...the OP really laid his heart bare here. It's got me thinking and I have to admit I'm addicted too. How do I stop before I ruin everything I have built with the Missus?

This is probably the wrong place to ask this question. Has anyone struggled with this?

Yeah, easy to fix. Stop shagging your missus.     :sarcastic:

jcdmj12


Something just doesn't add up here!! Ps. Reason why I asked how long you been together is than chylmydia can hide for many years in a person with no symptoms.

Yep - I can testify to this.  Either that or my OH had been shagging around without telling me, but that's unlikely for various reasons.  Good luck to her if she had.  I'm not really in a position to make a fuss about it.  :D

jcdmj12

Hey Andy if you are still out there. Just came across this thread as I joined UKP after this. I hope things worked out for you. You've got to respect the OP for putting this into the forum. Does any one know what was the outcome after the relate counselling.

I dunno but he's still punting

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=58884.0

I dunno but he's still punting

https://www.ukpunting.com/index.php?topic=58884.0
With a £20 note!  And he  had to ask what he could get for that!  Doesn't sound like he's into it as much as before.

This is a hard habit to beat. Went to see a wg today and mid puntv got so annoyed at myself for giving in I had her stop an amazing bj so I could save it for home.

How's that for edging? I just pair 80 quid to NOT cum.

I think my head needs examining.

In the meantime I have a date booked with my converted civvie regular on Thursday. I have no idea how to say no to that. Been planning it since before Xmas and she's excited about it too (or probably with the cash she gets).

Yeah...this thread has really fucked with my head. But no one to blame but myself.

I think I have a problem.

Offline MrMatrix

Wow...the OP really laid his heart bare here. It's got me thinking and I have to admit I'm addicted too. How do I stop before I ruin everything I have built with the Missus?

This is probably the wrong place to ask this question. Has anyone struggled with this?
Its the right place to ask this question HL. :thumbsup:
I think if you are married and you are getting it say once a month (which is 12 times more frequently PA than I was) or more frequently you are probably taking an unnecessary risk. As married guys we all have a lot to lose, especially if you have children at home. Those of us who are holed up in a dry well have only the OH to blame for forcing celibacy into the marriage. I've got a couple of friends who have good sex lives like weekly and they are forever thinking of playing away. IMO that would be reckless. If you are mixing between WG and OH there is a risk of bringing something home along the lines that the OP has owned upto. Although subsequent comments on this thread indicate he may have been a bit premature in fessing up. :scare:
This hobby is addictive and HappyLarry, if you think your addicted which we probably all are, you need to close AW and spend more quality time with the OH. Make more of a fuss of her. If you are in a dry well LH you could both go to counselling. Its got to be worth a shot on assuming she isn't coming across with the goods at the moment. Best of luck..


Offline GreyDave

 :hi: I find it difficult to belive any Dr or Clinic would give antibiotic to be used to some one they have not met and discussed or tested Its dangerous as many are allergic to asprin  penicilli etc not really sure I think this is a bit iffy

:hi: I find it difficult to belive any Dr or Clinic would give antibiotic to be used to some one they have not met and discussed or tested Its dangerous as many are allergic to asprin  penicilli etc not really sure I think this is a bit iffy

+1.  I cannot believe any doctor would prescribe for someone they hadn't examined, much less seen, especially as we are talking antibiotics here.  It's difficult enough to get them prescribed these days even after examination.

Offline Ben4454

 

Another example to all loyal married men out there. Once you punt you will always be a punter. Proceed with caution.
Banning reason: Ignored admin warning after temporary banning and signed up to malicious troll anti-UKP site

jcdmj12



Another example to all loyal married men out there. Once you punt you will always be a punter. Proceed with caution.

What about if you were punting for years before you got married?   :D

Loyalty is overrated.  The only times I regret were opportunities where I could have strayed but didn't. It turned out my partner at the time was cheating on me anyway.   :angry:
« Last Edit: January 06, 2016, 06:36:12 PM by jcdmj12 »

+1.  I cannot believe any doctor would prescribe for someone they hadn't examined, much less seen, especially as we are talking antibiotics here.  It's difficult enough to get them prescribed these days even after examination.

But you can get them from an online pharmacy - as the Chief Medical Officer recently pointed out in a national press release.


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