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Author Topic: Nicole - Saphires, New Malden  (Read 408 times)

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Offline phillipo

“In Xanadu did Kubla Khan, A stately pleasure-dome decree…by the name of Saphires. Actually in New Malden (not Xanadu). Opposite the Krispy Kreme Drive Thru.”


This is a funny old place.  It’s genuinely in the shadow of the A3 – I must have driven past it a thousand times. It’s in a terrace house that really ought to be knocked down. But it’s clean and warm. And run by one of those ladies of an indeterminate age – could be 55, could be 75 – who make tea and clean the floor.

I got to ‘Pump and Dump’ Nicola, a young-ish, slim-ish EE lady. Averagely pretty, with a bit of a saggy tummy.  She was on a conveyor belt, which wasn’t particularly pleasant, and she lacked most of the finer skills in the bedroom.  I spent £40 on the ten minute/one service option. I couldn't bring myself to pay for longer than that, so first impressions must have been pretty poor. (I didn’t know what a service was – it means either sex or oral sex, I think. Odd that I didn’t know that)

I am not really the sort of person this place is aimed at. I need a bit of subdued lighting and some flirting. So I found it a pretty depressing experience.  But no one stabbed me in the back with a steak knife. And I had a lovely cup of tea.  And I got to empty my ‘Hairy Space Hoppers’. So it has to be a neutral. But I won’t be back.

PS WTF? ‘Krispy Krème Drive Thru’? No wonder we are all wobbling around with cankles and muffin tops. Jeez!

Offline fredpunter

Thanks for the review, good to know ive not missed much by not visiting. I did go to the krispy donuts place once or twice when the kids were little though - takeaway I hasten to add, can't see the appeal of sitting down to eat a dozen donuts on the premises.

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