“In Xanadu did Kubla Khan, A stately pleasure-dome decree…by the name of Saphires. Actually in New Malden (not Xanadu). Opposite the Krispy Kreme Drive Thru.”
This is a funny old place. It’s genuinely in the shadow of the A3 – I must have driven past it a thousand times. It’s in a terrace house that really ought to be knocked down. But it’s clean and warm. And run by one of those ladies of an indeterminate age – could be 55, could be 75 – who make tea and clean the floor.
I got to ‘Pump and Dump’ Nicola, a young-ish, slim-ish EE lady. Averagely pretty, with a bit of a saggy tummy. She was on a conveyor belt, which wasn’t particularly pleasant, and she lacked most of the finer skills in the bedroom. I spent £40 on the ten minute/one service option. I couldn't bring myself to pay for longer than that, so first impressions must have been pretty poor. (I didn’t know what a service was – it means either sex or oral sex, I think. Odd that I didn’t know that)
I am not really the sort of person this place is aimed at. I need a bit of subdued lighting and some flirting. So I found it a pretty depressing experience. But no one stabbed me in the back with a steak knife. And I had a lovely cup of tea. And I got to empty my ‘Hairy Space Hoppers’. So it has to be a neutral. But I won’t be back.
PS WTF? ‘Krispy Krème Drive Thru’? No wonder we are all wobbling around with cankles and muffin tops. Jeez!