Happily married v punting - are they compatible

[maxxblue]

In another discussion a poster has stated that you can't be happily married if you punt.

Some respondents have agreed with the poster, whereas others have disagreed.

Is being happily married (or attached) compatible with punting?

What are your views?

[threechilliman]

In another discussion a poster has stated that you can't be happily married if you punt.

Some respondents have agreed with the poster, whereas others have disagreed.

Is being happily married (or attached) compatible with punting?

What are your views?

Completely compatible IMO. I need the stability of a loving relationship but also enjoy the variety of fucking other women.

tcm

[NIK]

I used to fail to understand why men in a relationship wasted their time and money punting. Although I now understand why many do, I still fail to comprehend why anyone in a happy, stable loving relationship, would risk it all to dabble with prossies. 

[Toshiba]

I used to fail to understand why men in a relationship wasted their time and money punting. Although I now understand why many do, I still fail to comprehend why anyone in a happy, stable loving relationship, would risk it all to dabble with prossies. 

Because were selfish

[jjpsweet]

And because there's no sex at home

[jonboy221]

I believe they are compatible. I punt to partake of the activities that the wife will not do...........

[LL]

And once you've actually gone through with your first, even if it was a spur of the moment, drunken mistake - it's very difficult to resist doing it again.

[sublimetoridiculous]

Completely compatible IMO. I need the stability of a loving relationship but also enjoy the variety of fucking other women.

Couldn't put it better!

[doc14]

Happily married, but also

I fucking love women and
I love fucking women

[Quesadilla]

I think these initial responses just confirm the point I was making in the other thread.

There's a big difference between YOU being happy in your marriage while fucking pro$$ies vs actually being in "a happy marriage". A genuinely happy marriage involves two people being happy not just you. There needs to be honesty, communication and a degree of selflessness for a happy marriage.

If you are not happy with that whole "one man one woman" shit which is part of marriage you should not be married IMHO.  And contrary to what you might think I am not making any moral judgement about marriage per se - I believe marriage is an outdated institution. But that makes it all the worse as there are other options such as finding / developing an open relationship.

Just don't kid yourself that routinely lying to your wife will ever equate to a "happy marriage".

For you it may seem happy, but her "happiness" is built on a lie and your "happiness" is temporary and contingent on not getting caught.

I would argue that you see your wife no differently to a WG. Your wife is just another type of slut you use to service your own needs. You have WG's you fuck and your wife who washes, irons, feeds you etc which may be what you think wife stands for. (W.I.F.e). Call it what it is which is your primary WG relationship, as it no doubt costs you much more than any other - your integrity, your honesty, and if/when you get caught will cost you a whole lot more. 

[the pussy man]

I think these initial responses just confirm the point I was making in the other thread.

There's a big difference between YOU being happy in your marriage while fucking pro$$ies vs actually being in "a happy marriage". A genuinely happy marriage involves two people being happy not just you. There needs to be honesty, communication and a degree of selflessness for a happy marriage.

If you are not happy with that whole "one man one woman" shit which is part of marriage you should not be married IMHO.  And contrary to what you might think I am not making any moral judgement about marriage per se - I believe marriage is an outdated institution. But that makes it all the worse as there are other options such as finding / developing an open relationship.

Just don't kid yourself that routinely lying to your wife will ever equate to a "happy marriage".

For you it may seem happy, but her "happiness" is built on a lie and your "happiness" is temporary and contingent on not getting caught.

I would argue that you see your wife no differently to a WG. Your wife is just another type of slut you use to service your own needs. You have WG's you fuck and your wife who washes, irons, feeds you etc which may be what you think wife stands for. (W.I.F.e). Call it what it is which is your primary WG relationship, as it no doubt costs you much more than any other - your integrity, your honesty, and if/when you get caught will cost you a whole lot more. 

What a prick

[Quesadilla]

What a prick

Is that your ego being pricked Pussy? Truth hurts sometimes doesn't it? 

[CBPaul]

IMO yes totally compatible.

I punted for years on and off before getting married, always between relationships but never when in a relationship. At the time I thought this was because I was essentially monogamous. Deluded, self congratulatory fool.

Having cleared a good few years of marriage I realised that I didn't punt when I had an OH because sex at home was plentiful and varied and also I had been street punting and 10 minutes with a street girl could never come remotely close even the briefest of quickies with an OH.

I also realised that punting gets in the blood. I still had the hankering to fuck girls in their early 20's and discovering AW opened up punting again.

Do I still love Mrs CBP - yes.
Is sex at home a great and plentiful as it was years ago - no to both.
Is this a lame excuse for me punting - yes.
Does this make me a complete bastard cunt - maybe but I don't actually care.

As I see it I have 2 things going on. A home life which is happy and which goes way beyond sex alone. I am also a punter who enjoys fucking a wide variety of girls to get my kicks just as I did 25 years ago. They just happen to be prossies and I'm paying. The two don't collide, at least they haven't yet, I'm as careful as possible and my family don't loose out through my punting expenditure or punting time.

Looking at it another way if I hadn't started punting again I may well have looked elsewhere because essentially I'm a greedy bastard who wants it all, feels no guilt or shame and faced with the possibility of sex will take it with no thought of whether it is morally right or what happens after. Fucking a prossie for an hour can be kept separate from the rest of my life and is without any attachment and I can just walk away. The alternative, to have an affair, would be altogether different.   

[akauya]

"Happily married" a perfect example of an oxymoron.

[RedKettle]

I think these initial responses just confirm the point I was making in the other thread.

There's a big difference between YOU being happy in your marriage while fucking pro$$ies vs actually being in "a happy marriage". A genuinely happy marriage involves two people being happy not just you. There needs to be honesty, communication and a degree of selflessness for a happy marriage.

If you are not happy with that whole "one man one woman" shit which is part of marriage you should not be married IMHO.  And contrary to what you might think I am not making any moral judgement about marriage per se - I believe marriage is an outdated institution. But that makes it all the worse as there are other options such as finding / developing an open relationship.

Just don't kid yourself that routinely lying to your wife will ever equate to a "happy marriage".

For you it may seem happy, but her "happiness" is built on a lie and your "happiness" is temporary and contingent on not getting caught.

I would argue that you see your wife no differently to a WG. Your wife is just another type of slut you use to service your own needs. You have WG's you fuck and your wife who washes, irons, feeds you etc which may be what you think wife stands for. (W.I.F.e). Call it what it is which is your primary WG relationship, as it no doubt costs you much more than any other - your integrity, your honesty, and if/when you get caught will cost you a whole lot more. 

The arrogance to pass judgement by way of such a generalisation on so many relationships is breathtaking. People are complex and relationships even more so and a realisation that passing an accurate judgement on what happens inside a relationship is extremely difficult if not impossible should come with experience.  That it has not suggests to me that you are very self centred and have very little awareness of other people.

People have very different types of marriages and some of them I find very strange - but whilst I might be critical of some aspects I would never make a generalisation that some particular aspect of a marriage means that the marriage is always unhappy.  For example I am extremely wary about cultures that have arranged marriages but I would also accept that many of them are very happy. 

In some cases punting will be a factor in a happy marriage and in some it will be the bomb that destroys it.

Finally I am also staggered that you think all of us that are married see our wives as there to wash, cook and iron!  You really need to move into the modern world and also view the world with wider field of vision than you own narrow prejudiced generalisations.

[Ravanelli]

I think these initial responses just confirm the point I was making in the other thread.

There's a big difference between YOU being happy in your marriage while fucking pro$$ies vs actually being in "a happy marriage". A genuinely happy marriage involves two people being happy not just you. There needs to be honesty, communication and a degree of selflessness for a happy marriage.

If you are not happy with that whole "one man one woman" shit which is part of marriage you should not be married IMHO.  And contrary to what you might think I am not making any moral judgement about marriage per se - I believe marriage is an outdated institution. But that makes it all the worse as there are other options such as finding / developing an open relationship.

Just don't kid yourself that routinely lying to your wife will ever equate to a "happy marriage".

For you it may seem happy, but her "happiness" is built on a lie and your "happiness" is temporary and contingent on not getting caught.

I would argue that you see your wife no differently to a WG. Your wife is just another type of slut you use to service your own needs. You have WG's you fuck and your wife who washes, irons, feeds you etc which may be what you think wife stands for. (W.I.F.e). Call it what it is which is your primary WG relationship, as it no doubt costs you much more than any other - your integrity, your honesty, and if/when you get caught will cost you a whole lot more. 

I think this is an intelligent and coherent response and I happen to agree. A happy marriage or for that matter a happy relationship has always including a satisfying sexual relationship that stops the need for me to fuck other women. What each of us class as 'happy' is highly subjective but one partner can't be 'happy' to the exclusion of the other and you can kid yourself that what she doesn't know doesn't hurt her but it's a house of cards. If you really want to know if she is as happy as you then ask her if she is happy about you fucking other women for cash because she doesn't entirely satisfy your needs? If you receive an affirmative then you are indeed in a 'happy' marriage.
Of course, the one point I don't agree with is that we each see wives and girlfriends as domestic slaves.

[smiths]

The arrogance to pass judgement by way of such a generalisation on so many relationships is breathtaking. People are complex and relationships even more so and a realisation that passing an accurate judgement on what happens inside a relationship is extremely difficult if not impossible should come with experience.  That it has not suggests to me that you are very self centred and have very little awareness of other people.

People have very different types of marriages and some of them I find very strange - but whilst I might be critical of some aspects I would never make a generalisation that some particular aspect of a marriage means that the marriage is always unhappy.  For example I am extremely wary about cultures that have arranged marriages but I would also accept that many of them are very happy. 

In some cases punting will be a factor in a happy marriage and in some it will be the bomb that destroys it.

Finally I am also staggered that you think all of us that are married see our wives as there to wash, cook and iron!  You really need to move into the modern world and also view the world with wider field of vision than you own narrow prejudiced generalisations.

Absolutely. I posted on the other thread about this subject, these moralists always make me laugh but the point is i have my own morality, i dont require other peoples. One woman however much i love her cant offer me what i want, to have sex with a variety of different women and punting gets me that in an easy and anonymous way.

I am a selfish cheat who feels no guilt whatsoever cheating. i can and do compartmentalise things, punt for sex, but just having sex isnt all i want and desire so a relationship offers love and to love with the emotions that brings. Unlike some i dont see it as my business to pass judgement on whether others love their wives or partners as i dont know them so wouldnt know.

The crucial thing is not to get caught out and thats a top priority which i never get complacent about.

[Jimmyredcab]

I used to fail to understand why men in a relationship wasted their time and money punting. Although I now understand why many do, I still fail to comprehend why anyone in a happy, stable loving relationship, would risk it all to dabble with prossies. 

I agree totally.   

That is why our old mutual friend no longer throws his money down the drain.     

[akauya]

Absolutely. I posted on the other thread about this subject, these moralists always make me laugh but the point is i have my own morality, i dont require other peoples. One woman however much i love her cant offer me what i want, to have sex with a variety of different women and punting gets me that in an easy and anonymous way.

I am a selfish cheat who feels no guilt whatsoever cheating. i can and do compartmentalise things, punt for sex, but just having sex isnt all i want and desire so a relationship offers love and to love with the emotions that brings. Unlike some i dont see it as my business to pass judgement on whether others love their wives or partners as i dont know them so wouldnt know.

The crucial thing is not to get caught out and thats a top priority which i never get complacent about.

Absolutely agree with this Smiths... 


I also posted on the other thread - which I'm copying here as this thread is more relevant.

No I'm suggesting that by only caring about your own happiness you are kidding yourself. A genuinely happy marriage involves two people does it not?  You may "know you're own mind" but you also know your wife's and by your own admission she would absolutely NOT be happy with your fucking around with pro$$ies (suicide is the term you used).

So in actual fact you are using your wife in a far worse way than you use a WG. You seem to think your marriage is different because it involves "emotions and connection" but in reality by abusing your wife's emotional bond to you and connection to you in this way effectively you are saying your wife means less to you than the pro$$ies you fuck - because at least with them you have the guts to be honest.

By all means know your own mind but if you are not happy with that whole "one man one woman" shit which is legally part of marriage you should not be married - develop an open relationship if that's what you want, but don't kid yourself that routinely lying to your wife will ever equate to a "happy marriage".  For you it may be, but for her never - so it's not a marriage, it's just another WG relationsihp and your wife is just another type of slut you fuck - just without the benefit of a reacharound.

Bollocks mate. You're judging every married person by your own experiences and as we know we are all different. I believe that most marriages are based on compromises and lies to a greater or lesser extent. How one reacts to them depends not only on their personality but also on the circumstances of each marriage. Not every marriage will be like yours.

When you say how could you lie to the person you love etc. It's like me saying you are liar by profession (you said you work in sales?), how could you live with yourself when you are lying to your customers? Yes, I know (customers/wife) it's not the same but still it's a dumb comment. Be careful or you might end up sounding like a mumsnetter

As I posted on another thread I think the term "happily married" is an oxymoron, simply because I don't believe true happiness exists, it's an ephemeral illusion. Most people live contented lives with their day to day routines and customs. But for the purposes of this argument most people are "happy" with that and are also "happy" with the stability a wife gives them plus the fact that they can fuck pretty younger versions of their wives.

Another factor to consider is that a lot of those poor wives being cheated on are cheaters themselves and are "happy" doing so. I should know, a lot of my lovers were married women... and serial adulterers most of them. They really put me to shame.

The fact that you couldn't handle lying to your wife doesn't mean that most evil, cheating scumbags like myself can't. 

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Course marridge for all its shortcomings has a lot to do with giving children a stable environment to grow up in does it not?.

And yes married sex can be very good but time takes its toll. So perhaps we're just doing as we're programmed to do, go and spead the seed as mother nature wanted.

It's all her fecking fault the olde bitch;-) thats my excuse and I'm stuck to it..

[Captain Caveman]

More like being married v. happily punting 

[Quesadilla]

[/Quote]

Bollocks mate. You're judging every married person by your own experiences and as we know we are all different. I believe that most marriages are based on compromises and lies to a greater or lesser extent. How one reacts to them depends not only on their personality but also on the circumstances of each marriage. Not every marriage will be like yours.

When you say how could you lie to the person you love etc. It's like me saying you are liar by profession (you said you work in sales?), how could you live with yourself when you are lying to your customers? Yes, I know (customers/wife) it's not the same but still it's a dumb comment. Be careful or you might end up sounding like a mumsnetter

As I posted on another thread I think the term "happily married" is an oxymoron, simply because I don't believe true happiness exists, it's an ephemeral illusion. Most people live contented lives with their day to day routines and customs. But for the purposes of this argument most people are "happy" with that and are also "happy" with the stability a wife gives them plus the fact that they can fuck pretty younger versions of their wives.

The idea of a happy marriage is indeed an oxymoron and an "ephemeral illusion".  I think we all like to delude ourselves simply to hide from the cold stark reality which is that life sucks.  To quote The Dread Pirate Roberts "Life is pain...anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something". 

Nothing wrong at all with lying - it keeps our society going.  Relationships rely on a degree of dishonesty.  You always want to put your best foot forward at least at the start.  After you are married you may still bend the truth or utter the occasional white lie as part of keeping the ship afloat - but I think most wives would expect as part of being married to gradually get to know the real you and for you not to out and out lie about something so fundamental that the truth would destroy your relationship. 

Of course nothing is black and white - but on that spectrum I suspect there are few women who would say "meh, whoring? whatever, just don't infect me".  If you happen to find one like that then you may indeed have a truly happy marriage and I salute you.  I for one will be looking for just such a woman and won't be getting married again unless I find one.  I have no illusions about how likely that is. 

For the rest of you - and you know who you are - you know exactly how that conversation will go if/when she finds out.  You know you are living a lie, and living on borrowed time, and doing it for your own selfish reasons.

Again - absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish, life is fundamentally meaningless so taking your pleasure wherever you can and saying "fuck everyone else" is a perfectly valid response to the absurdity of it all - just don't see the point of kidding yourself it's something that it's not.  And trying to kid a bunch of strangers on a punting forum.  Why not at least be honest about it as Akauya and some others here have been?

Another factor to consider is that a lot of those poor wives being cheated on are cheaters themselves and are "happy" doing so. I should know, a lot of my lovers were married women... and serial adulterers most of them. They really put me to shame.

The fact that you couldn't handle lying to your wife doesn't mean that most evil, cheating scumbags like myself can't. 

Fully respect that Akauya.  Of course women cheat too, no different either way.  For me that's all just confirmation that the whole marriage thing is a sham.

I know of course there are many guys and girls who are happy to be lying cheating scumbags - I just prefer my lying cheating scumbags to be honest about it like you Akauya.    

For the more dishonest scumbags - denial is not just a river in Egypt but at the end of the day I actually couldn't give a shit. I just feel sorry for the wives and kids who's lives stand to be ruined.  As I said in another thread somewhere, your daughters are just more likely to end up WG's so it's good news for the rest of us I suppose.   

[galcom666]

I used to fail to understand why men in a relationship wasted their time and money punting. Although I now understand why many do, I still fail to comprehend why anyone in a happy, stable loving relationship, would risk it all to dabble with prossies. 

I mostly eat fairly tasty healthy home made from scratch food with no additives, I eat meat rarely but when I do it is good well aged steak and it is great.

I sometimes crave disgusting things like kebabs and burgers as well!

Same thing I guess, but more to lose.

[RedKettle]

Quesadilla you are talking utter bollocks!

I am not making a moral defence of punting whilst married, I agree that it is wrong on that level.  However the question was can there be a happy marriage where the husband is punting?  However often you repeat your simplistic view will not change the fact that in some cases with some personalities it will work.  If the husband can successfully box away the punting so it does not impact on his marriage and the wife never knows then yes that can be a happy marriage.  Clearly if she finds out then that marriage will probably come crashing down.  However if she never finds out it is just bollocks to say that because it is built on a lie it is not a happy marriage.

I would have more sympathy with the argument that the fact he is punting suggests there is an issue with the marriage.  But even then if the punting sorts that issue again I see no problem with it then being a happy marriage.

You are just trying to apply your simplistic views to the whole universe - well that universe is too varied for a one size fits all theory of marriage.

[Whatsbadisgood]

Quesadilla you are talking utter bollocks!

I am not making a moral defence of punting whilst married, I agree that it is wrong on that level.  However the question was can there be a happy marriage where the husband is punting?  However often you repeat your simplistic view will not change the fact that in some cases with some personalities it will work.  If the husband can successfully box away the punting so it does not impact on his marriage and the wife never knows then yes that can be a happy marriage.  Clearly if she finds out then that marriage will probably come crashing down.  However if she never finds out it is just bollocks to say that because it is built on a lie it is not a happy marriage.

I would have more sympathy with the argument that the fact he is punting suggests there is an issue with the marriage.  But even then if the punting sorts that issue again I see no problem with it then being a happy marriage.

You are just trying to apply your simplistic views to the whole universe - well that universe is too varied for a one size fits all theory of marriage.

Totally agree to this + punting may well keep the marriage happy as long as the wife doesn't find out as he will be a less grumpy fellow definitely.

[RedKettle]

Totally agree to this + punting may well keep the marriage happy as long as the wife doesn't find out as he will be a less grumpy fellow definitely.

perhaps should start another thread - has punting saved your marriage!!

[the pussy man]

The arrogance to pass judgement by way of such a generalisation on so many relationships is breathtaking. People are complex and relationships even more so and a realisation that passing an accurate judgement on what happens inside a relationship is extremely difficult if not impossible should come with experience.  That it has not suggests to me that you are very self centred and have very little awareness of other people.

People have very different types of marriages and some of them I find very strange - but whilst I might be critical of some aspects I would never make a generalisation that some particular aspect of a marriage means that the marriage is always unhappy.  For example I am extremely wary about cultures that have arranged marriages but I would also accept that many of them are very happy. 

In some cases punting will be a factor in a happy marriage and in some it will be the bomb that destroys it.

Finally I am also staggered that you think all of us that are married see our wives as there to wash, cook and iron!  You really need to move into the modern world and also view the world with wider field of vision than you own narrow prejudiced generalisations.

i (literally) couldn't have put it better myself 

[snowbum]

Interesting points being made here.

It does seem unfair to me that in cases where wives/partners are no longer interested in sex, but would not accept their husband/partner having no strings sex with a professional.

I do understand it is about trust and monogomy but still seems a bit dog in the mangerish. 

What a perfect world it would be if we could all live and let live 

[Quesadilla]

...I am not making a moral defence of punting whilst married, I agree that it is wrong on that level.  However the question was can there be a happy marriage where the husband is punting?  However often you repeat your simplistic view will not change the fact that in some cases with some personalities it will work.  If the husband can successfully box away the punting so it does not impact on his marriage and the wife never knows then yes that can be a happy marriage.  Clearly if she finds out then that marriage will probably come crashing down.  However if she never finds out it is just bollocks to say that because it is built on a lie it is not a happy marriage.

I would have more sympathy with the argument that the fact he is punting suggests there is an issue with the marriage.  But even then if the punting sorts that issue again I see no problem with it then being a happy marriage.

You are just trying to apply your simplistic views to the whole universe - well that universe is too varied for a one size fits all theory of marriage.

Of course the fact that a guy is punting and lying constantly proves there is something fundamentally wrong with the marriage. So it can't ever be a happy marriage. You've just confirmed what I said.  Thank you. 

You talk about "boxing up" punting - that's called compartmentalisation - and is a common psychological defence mechanism people use to avoid taking responsibility for actions they know to be wrong.

Naturally if you're using such a defence mechanism of course you're going to strongly resist any attempt to question your actions which is exactly why this thread has sparked such strong reactions. 

As I said before denial is not just a river in Egypt. 

Happy punting!  

[StevenS]

I'm not sure anyone has said it's not wrong/selfish/risky. It's seems there's a few replies saying they are happily married.

The more I read your replies, the more I am concluding that you're pretty bitter about your marriage breaking up.

As I said before, I can't take any moral philosophising from anyone who fucks hookers. Single or otherwise.

By the way, saying my wife is just another slut that I fuck, was low, very low. The only compartmentalisation that I have done, is pop you in the box marked "cunt".

[the pussy man]

Of course the fact that a guy is punting and lying constantly proves there is something fundamentally wrong with the marriage. So it can't ever be a happy marriage. You've just confirmed what I said.  Thank you. 

You talk about "boxing up" punting - that's called compartmentalisation - and is a common psychological defence mechanism people use to avoid taking responsibility for actions they know to be wrong.

Naturally if you're using such a defence mechanism of course you're going to strongly resist any attempt to question your actions which is exactly why this thread has sparked such strong reactions. 

As I said before denial is not just a river in Egypt. 

Happy punting!  

what a complete prick you are 

[RedKettle]

and just to be picky when have I lied to my OH?  I have not told her I am punting but I have never said that I am not and I have never lied about where I am.  I go out for the day on business and she assumes it is all work.

[Quesadilla]

I'm not sure anyone has said it's not wrong/selfish/risky. It's seems there's a few replies saying they are happily married.

The more I read your replies, the more I am concluding that you're pretty bitter about your marriage breaking up.

As I said before, I can't take any moral philosophising from anyone who fucks hookers. Single or otherwise.

By the way, saying my wife is just another slut that I fuck, was low, very low. The only compartmentalisation that I have done, is pop you in the box marked "cunt".

Nothing morally wrong with "fucking hookers" as you put it and that's a bit of an odd thing to suggest on a punting forum.  I rather suspect that is guilt speaking for you.  I have none, as the relationships I have are all built on honesty rather than lies. Even my separation is built on honesty and I'm not remotely bitter about it - other than perhaps regretting that I didn't have the balls to do it sooner.  And as I've stated elsewhere it was not related to any other woman - I did not have an affair nor did I punt until after we had agreed to separate and I told her my intention to do so. 

Now, let's clear up a couple of misunderstandings. 

Firstly, I did not say your wife is a slut, I drew an analogy which is that you see her and use her as such and that's based purely on your own statements.   

Of course if I told her it would be suicide. She wouldn't be happy. That's not the point. You're suggesting I'm not happy and nor are others like me. I'm telling you I am. I'm not kidding myself. I'm grown up enough to know my own mind.

The fact is that you you genuinely don't care about her happiness only your own and that rather is the point.

The second confusion I think is I wasn't really asking if YOU are happily married, I was suggesting that a happy marriage is not possible if one partner is punting and lying about it. 

The fact of your happiness was not my question and I apologise if you misunderstood that.  The happiness of one partner does not equate to a happy marriage, and in this case only demonstrates your own selfishness, which you have admitted.

You just don't seem able to accept that being a selfish lying cheat automatically disqualifies you from having a genuinely happy marriage. Your marriage is a sham by definition because it is completely dependent on your wife being lied to on a daily basis. 

These are not moral judgements merely statements of fact. I have very few moral axes to grind, the main one I have is simply about consent. In all areas of life what you do with / to another should be consensual.  Anything you do to someone without their consent is a form of abuse.

So would your wife consent to be with you in marriage, and have sex with you if she knew the truth - according to your own answer above that's a resounding no and therefore what you are doing is an abuse of your wife's trust and by this basic moral judgement - epic fail.

[galcom666]

This is all very strange from my point of view. Primarily because marriage in Asia is rarely ever for love.

[Quesadilla]

and just to be picky when have I lied to my OH?  I have not told her I am punting but I have never said that I am not and I have never lied about where I am.  I go out for the day on business and she assumes it is all work.

If you got married in the UK this applies: "Marriage, according to the law of this country is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others."

By getting married you made a legally binding promise to exclude/forsake all others.  So yes every time you fuck someone else you are breaking your legally binding marriage vows, and out and out lying to / betraying your OH.

If that equates to a happy marriage, so glad I'm back to being single! 
Hidden Image/Members Only

[Quesadilla]

Interesting points being made here.

It does seem unfair to me that in cases where wives/partners are no longer interested in sex, but would not accept their husband/partner having no strings sex with a professional.

I do understand it is about trust and monogomy but still seems a bit dog in the mangerish. 

What a perfect world it would be if we could all live and let live 

+1 Marriage is a flawed institution but at the end of the day you pay's your money you makes your choice.

[StevenS]

If there's nothing wrong with fucking hookers, then why do we keep it secret. Obviously the married men (happy or not) have a clear reason. But the single men, like you? If you think it's fine, why not let the world know? It's just a hobby, right?

It's not an odd thing to say on a punting forum, I suspect most members will take my statement as it's intended rather than take offence. I think it's odder to come on and question people marriages.

This is an increasingly odd campaign trail you're on. Would you be better placed on mumsnet?

[threechilliman]

+1 Marriage is a flawed institution but at the end of the day you pay's your money you makes your choice.

What do your parishioners think?

tcm

[Quesadilla]

If there's nothing wrong with fucking hookers, then why do we keep it secret. Obviously the married men (happy or not) have a clear reason. But the single men, like you? If you think it's fine, why not let the world know? It's just a hobby, right?

It's not an odd thing to say on a punting forum, I suspect most members will take my statement as it's intended rather than take offence. I think it's odder to come on and question people marriages.

This is an increasingly odd campaign trail you're on. Would you be better placed on mumsnet?

I don't keep my punting secret at all. My friends and  close family including my ex all know about it and responses range from curiosity to out and out jealousy. One of my aunts can't understand it but she is very old fashioned.

As I've said elsewhere I don't keep my identity much of a secret precisely because I have nothing to hide, not illegal and as long as I don't get caught punting on company time/expense there's nothing to risk my job either - and jobs come and go every few years anyway.

It's only a furtive secret for you because you have everything to lose which I find a bit crazy frankly. Risking your marriage (and for many of you also your lifelong relationships with your kids) just for a bit of pussy.

It's not a campaign at all. Until I came here I genuinely had no idea there were so many married men risking everything they care about for so little and in many cases without even a pang of conscience about betraying the trust of those they hold most dear.

So to an extent I'm slightly curious as to what kind of man would do such a thing but mostly - having witnessed marriages imploding and the aftermath of a betrayal too many times - I'm genuinely just sad for the wives and kids who don't realise ther darling daddy is playing Russian roulette with their entire future happiness for the sake of a quick fuck.

Still, takes all sorts and as long as your happy what's the harm hey?

[CBPaul]

This is an increasingly odd campaign trail you're on. Would you be better placed on mumsnet?

+1 

[yorkshire123]

This subject isn't something you can generalise on, each punter will have his own reasons for punting & it has fuck all else to do with anyone else as the risks involved are mine & mine alone.

Quite frankly I would never be so arrogant as to take the moral high ground against my fellow punters on this subject matter, punters that in the main are here to share experiences & information that undoubtedly will help me get value for money in the hobby of my choosing.

If a wanted a morality lesson I would chock off my cock & join numbs-net.
   

[Punter Griffin]

My story is, I'm happily married, have been for 14 years. I love my wife, she's my best friend. But, she's also not the best of health, she's got mild M.E., which makes life hard at times.

I punt coz I have a high sex drive. In the early days of marriage, sex was great, getting all the time, but now, it's very few and far between, purely coz of a genuine health reason. By punting, I get to satisfy my sexual needs and fantasies, which I can't anymore from my OH.

I don't know if she knows I do it, on some level, I think she does, but we never talk about it. She might be upset, but at the same time, she understands me and my needs. I keep it quiet, she's happy, I'm happy. It works for us.

[sublimetoridiculous]

Quite frankly I would never be so arrogant as to take the moral high ground against my fellow punters on this subject matter

Agreed.

Whether wives know or not is an interesting question. Women tend to have sixth, seventh and eighth senses, so may well know/suspect, but choose to ignore.

For a man to have both a wife and a mistress isn't a new idea, in many countries and societies it's seen as the norm. And there are the religions that permit and encourage multiple wives. Punting is just a variation on those themes.

[StevenS]

.

It's not a campaign at all. Until I came here I genuinely had no idea there were so many married men risking everything they care about for so little and in many cases without even a pang of conscience about betraying the trust of those they hold most dear.

So to an extent I'm slightly curious as to what kind of man would do such a thing but mostly - having witnessed marriages imploding and the aftermath of a betrayal too many times - I'm genuinely just sad for the wives and kids who don't realise ther darling daddy is playing Russian roulette with their entire future happiness for the sake of a quick fuck.

Still, takes all sorts and as long as your happy what's the harm hey?

Then it's good to know that you're less naive then when you joined. Now all you need to do is drop the superior attitude, reduce your ego from it's current planetary size and remember it doesn't matter if you're single, married, rich, poor - paying for sex is a great leveller.

[Quesadilla]

Then it's good to know that you're less naive then when you joined. Now all you need to do is drop the superior attitude, reduce your ego from it's current planetary size and remember it doesn't matter if you're single, married, rich, poor - paying for sex is a great leveller.

Hidden Image/Members Only

As I've already said to other members on here - I totally respect their choices and their honesty about their decisions - but if you're going to be a lying cheating scumbag at least be honest with yourself about it that's all. 

[LL]

Quesadilla, what makes you think you're any better than the rest of us?
Is your moral compass set to only detect others and not include yourself?
What married punters are doing is wrong you say. Because marriage, the failed institution, as you put it, requires exclusivity. So you judge others who break the rules of marriage yet fail to see that punting itself is also "wrong". Wrong in the sense that the vast majority of people living in our society would consider it to be morally indefensible. And what does it really mean to be right or wrong other than choosing to flout or obide by rules which have evolved through the most prominent behaviours of a society and the consensus of those who are born into or choose to be a part of that society?
Can you accept what I'm saying or should I roll out your tiresome play-on-words reference to denial one last time?
You're in no position to criticise our actions.

[Boundless]

Completely compatible IMO. I need the stability of a loving relationship but also enjoy the variety of fucking other women.

tcm

Totally succinct reply TCM - my sentiments entirely.

I have a superb relationship with my OH, we just don't have sex anymore due to biological issues.

I've never met a WG yet that I would want to spend more than an hour with so it works out well.

[Boundless]

I'm not sure anyone has said it's not wrong/selfish/risky. It's seems there's a few replies saying they are happily married.

The more I read your replies, the more I am concluding that you're pretty bitter about your marriage breaking up.

As I said before, I can't take any moral philosophising from anyone who fucks hookers. Single or otherwise.

By the way, saying my wife is just another slut that I fuck, was low, very low. The only compartmentalisation that I have done, is pop you in the box marked "cunt".

Just spat my coffee over the keyboard!!   

[Boundless]

If you got married in the UK this applies: "Marriage, according to the law of this country is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others."


How are we defining exclusion of all others?

Looking at another woman? Talking to her, going for a coffee, quick snog, touching her ass?

Then what about wanking to porn, is that OK? What about wanking over the next door neighbour/ their daughter etc?

Massage with a HE, assisted masturbation, 10 min wank in the car etc etc.

Just posing the question, seems like it's not a black and white issue.

[StevenS]

Hidden Image/Members Only

As I've already said to other members on here - I totally respect their choices and their honesty about their decisions - but if you're going to be a lying cheating scumbag at least be honest with yourself about it that's all. 

Please point out where I've said I'm not.