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Author Topic: Happily married v punting - are they compatible  (Read 3871 times)

Offline RedKettle

Totally agree to this + punting may well keep the marriage happy as long as the wife doesn't find out as he will be a less grumpy fellow definitely.

perhaps should start another thread - has punting saved your marriage!!

The arrogance to pass judgement by way of such a generalisation on so many relationships is breathtaking. People are complex and relationships even more so and a realisation that passing an accurate judgement on what happens inside a relationship is extremely difficult if not impossible should come with experience.  That it has not suggests to me that you are very self centred and have very little awareness of other people.

People have very different types of marriages and some of them I find very strange - but whilst I might be critical of some aspects I would never make a generalisation that some particular aspect of a marriage means that the marriage is always unhappy.  For example I am extremely wary about cultures that have arranged marriages but I would also accept that many of them are very happy. 

In some cases punting will be a factor in a happy marriage and in some it will be the bomb that destroys it.

Finally I am also staggered that you think all of us that are married see our wives as there to wash, cook and iron!  You really need to move into the modern world and also view the world with wider field of vision than you own narrow prejudiced generalisations.

i (literally) couldn't have put it better myself  :thumbsup:

Offline snowbum

Interesting points being made here.

It does seem unfair to me that in cases where wives/partners are no longer interested in sex, but would not accept their husband/partner having no strings sex with a professional.

I do understand it is about trust and monogomy but still seems a bit dog in the mangerish. 

What a perfect world it would be if we could all live and let live  :angelgirl:


Offline Quesadilla

...I am not making a moral defence of punting whilst married, I agree that it is wrong on that level.  However the question was can there be a happy marriage where the husband is punting?  However often you repeat your simplistic view will not change the fact that in some cases with some personalities it will work.  If the husband can successfully box away the punting so it does not impact on his marriage and the wife never knows then yes that can be a happy marriage.  Clearly if she finds out then that marriage will probably come crashing down.  However if she never finds out it is just bollocks to say that because it is built on a lie it is not a happy marriage.

I would have more sympathy with the argument that the fact he is punting suggests there is an issue with the marriage.  But even then if the punting sorts that issue again I see no problem with it then being a happy marriage.

You are just trying to apply your simplistic views to the whole universe - well that universe is too varied for a one size fits all theory of marriage.
Of course the fact that a guy is punting and lying constantly proves there is something fundamentally wrong with the marriage. So it can't ever be a happy marriage. You've just confirmed what I said.  :wacko: Thank you.  :hi:

You talk about "boxing up" punting - that's called compartmentalisation - and is a common psychological defence mechanism people use to avoid taking responsibility for actions they know to be wrong.

Naturally if you're using such a defence mechanism of course you're going to strongly resist any attempt to question your actions which is exactly why this thread has sparked such strong reactions. 

As I said before denial is not just a river in Egypt. 

Happy punting! :lol:  :wacko:
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline StevenS

I'm not sure anyone has said it's not wrong/selfish/risky. It's seems there's a few replies saying they are happily married.

The more I read your replies, the more I am concluding that you're pretty bitter about your marriage breaking up.

As I said before, I can't take any moral philosophising from anyone who fucks hookers. Single or otherwise.

By the way, saying my wife is just another slut that I fuck, was low, very low. The only compartmentalisation that I have done, is pop you in the box marked "cunt".

Of course the fact that a guy is punting and lying constantly proves there is something fundamentally wrong with the marriage. So it can't ever be a happy marriage. You've just confirmed what I said.  :wacko: Thank you.  :hi:

You talk about "boxing up" punting - that's called compartmentalisation - and is a common psychological defence mechanism people use to avoid taking responsibility for actions they know to be wrong.

Naturally if you're using such a defence mechanism of course you're going to strongly resist any attempt to question your actions which is exactly why this thread has sparked such strong reactions. 

As I said before denial is not just a river in Egypt. 

Happy punting! :lol:  :wacko:

what a complete prick you are  :hi:

Offline RedKettle

and just to be picky when have I lied to my OH?  I have not told her I am punting but I have never said that I am not and I have never lied about where I am.  I go out for the day on business and she assumes it is all work.

Offline Quesadilla

I'm not sure anyone has said it's not wrong/selfish/risky. It's seems there's a few replies saying they are happily married.

The more I read your replies, the more I am concluding that you're pretty bitter about your marriage breaking up.

As I said before, I can't take any moral philosophising from anyone who fucks hookers. Single or otherwise.

By the way, saying my wife is just another slut that I fuck, was low, very low. The only compartmentalisation that I have done, is pop you in the box marked "cunt".
Nothing morally wrong with "fucking hookers" as you put it and that's a bit of an odd thing to suggest on a punting forum.  I rather suspect that is guilt speaking for you.  I have none, as the relationships I have are all built on honesty rather than lies. Even my separation is built on honesty and I'm not remotely bitter about it - other than perhaps regretting that I didn't have the balls to do it sooner.  And as I've stated elsewhere it was not related to any other woman - I did not have an affair nor did I punt until after we had agreed to separate and I told her my intention to do so. 

Now, let's clear up a couple of misunderstandings. 

Firstly, I did not say your wife is a slut, I drew an analogy which is that you see her and use her as such and that's based purely on your own statements.   

Of course if I told her it would be suicide. She wouldn't be happy. That's not the point. You're suggesting I'm not happy and nor are others like me. I'm telling you I am. I'm not kidding myself. I'm grown up enough to know my own mind.

The fact is that you you genuinely don't care about her happiness only your own and that rather is the point.

The second confusion I think is I wasn't really asking if YOU are happily married, I was suggesting that a happy marriage is not possible if one partner is punting and lying about it. 

The fact of your happiness was not my question and I apologise if you misunderstood that.  The happiness of one partner does not equate to a happy marriage, and in this case only demonstrates your own selfishness, which you have admitted.

You just don't seem able to accept that being a selfish lying cheat automatically disqualifies you from having a genuinely happy marriage. Your marriage is a sham by definition because it is completely dependent on your wife being lied to on a daily basis. 

These are not moral judgements merely statements of fact. I have very few moral axes to grind, the main one I have is simply about consent. In all areas of life what you do with / to another should be consensual.  Anything you do to someone without their consent is a form of abuse.

So would your wife consent to be with you in marriage, and have sex with you if she knew the truth - according to your own answer above that's a resounding no and therefore what you are doing is an abuse of your wife's trust and by this basic moral judgement - epic fail.

Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline galcom666

This is all very strange from my point of view. Primarily because marriage in Asia is rarely ever for love.

Offline Quesadilla

and just to be picky when have I lied to my OH?  I have not told her I am punting but I have never said that I am not and I have never lied about where I am.  I go out for the day on business and she assumes it is all work.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
If you got married in the UK this applies: "Marriage, according to the law of this country is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others."

By getting married you made a legally binding promise to exclude/forsake all others.  So yes every time you fuck someone else you are breaking your legally binding marriage vows, and out and out lying to / betraying your OH.

If that equates to a happy marriage, so glad I'm back to being single!  :D
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline Quesadilla

Interesting points being made here.

It does seem unfair to me that in cases where wives/partners are no longer interested in sex, but would not accept their husband/partner having no strings sex with a professional.

I do understand it is about trust and monogomy but still seems a bit dog in the mangerish. 

What a perfect world it would be if we could all live and let live  :angelgirl:
+1 Marriage is a flawed institution but at the end of the day you pay's your money you makes your choice.
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline StevenS

If there's nothing wrong with fucking hookers, then why do we keep it secret. Obviously the married men (happy or not) have a clear reason. But the single men, like you? If you think it's fine, why not let the world know? It's just a hobby, right?

It's not an odd thing to say on a punting forum, I suspect most members will take my statement as it's intended rather than take offence. I think it's odder to come on and question people marriages.

This is an increasingly odd campaign trail you're on. Would you be better placed on mumsnet?
« Last Edit: November 14, 2014, 08:06:08 AM by StevenS »

+1 Marriage is a flawed institution but at the end of the day you pay's your money you makes your choice.

What do your parishioners think?

tcm

Offline Quesadilla

If there's nothing wrong with fucking hookers, then why do we keep it secret. Obviously the married men (happy or not) have a clear reason. But the single men, like you? If you think it's fine, why not let the world know? It's just a hobby, right?

It's not an odd thing to say on a punting forum, I suspect most members will take my statement as it's intended rather than take offence. I think it's odder to come on and question people marriages.

This is an increasingly odd campaign trail you're on. Would you be better placed on mumsnet?
I don't keep my punting secret at all. My friends and  close family including my ex all know about it and responses range from curiosity to out and out jealousy. One of my aunts can't understand it but she is very old fashioned.

As I've said elsewhere I don't keep my identity much of a secret precisely because I have nothing to hide, not illegal and as long as I don't get caught punting on company time/expense there's nothing to risk my job either - and jobs come and go every few years anyway.

It's only a furtive secret for you because you have everything to lose which I find a bit crazy frankly. Risking your marriage (and for many of you also your lifelong relationships with your kids) just for a bit of pussy.

It's not a campaign at all. Until I came here I genuinely had no idea there were so many married men risking everything they care about for so little and in many cases without even a pang of conscience about betraying the trust of those they hold most dear.

So to an extent I'm slightly curious as to what kind of man would do such a thing but mostly - having witnessed marriages imploding and the aftermath of a betrayal too many times - I'm genuinely just sad for the wives and kids who don't realise ther darling daddy is playing Russian roulette with their entire future happiness for the sake of a quick fuck.

Still, takes all sorts and as long as your happy what's the harm hey?
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline CBPaul

This is an increasingly odd campaign trail you're on. Would you be better placed on mumsnet?

+1  :thumbsup:

Offline yorkshire123

This subject isn't something you can generalise on, each punter will have his own reasons for punting & it has fuck all else to do with anyone else as the risks involved are mine & mine alone.

Quite frankly I would never be so arrogant as to take the moral high ground against my fellow punters on this subject matter, punters that in the main are here to share experiences & information that undoubtedly will help me get value for money in the hobby of my choosing.

If a wanted a morality lesson I would chock off my cock & join numbs-net.
   
Banning reason: Making false malicious allegations against admin

My story is, I'm happily married, have been for 14 years. I love my wife, she's my best friend. But, she's also not the best of health, she's got mild M.E., which makes life hard at times.

I punt coz I have a high sex drive. In the early days of marriage, sex was great, getting all the time, but now, it's very few and far between, purely coz of a genuine health reason. By punting, I get to satisfy my sexual needs and fantasies, which I can't anymore from my OH.

I don't know if she knows I do it, on some level, I think she does, but we never talk about it. She might be upset, but at the same time, she understands me and my needs. I keep it quiet, she's happy, I'm happy. It works for us.

Quite frankly I would never be so arrogant as to take the moral high ground against my fellow punters on this subject matter
Agreed.

Whether wives know or not is an interesting question. Women tend to have sixth, seventh and eighth senses, so may well know/suspect, but choose to ignore.

For a man to have both a wife and a mistress isn't a new idea, in many countries and societies it's seen as the norm. And there are the religions that permit and encourage multiple wives. Punting is just a variation on those themes.

Offline StevenS

.

It's not a campaign at all. Until I came here I genuinely had no idea there were so many married men risking everything they care about for so little and in many cases without even a pang of conscience about betraying the trust of those they hold most dear.

So to an extent I'm slightly curious as to what kind of man would do such a thing but mostly - having witnessed marriages imploding and the aftermath of a betrayal too many times - I'm genuinely just sad for the wives and kids who don't realise ther darling daddy is playing Russian roulette with their entire future happiness for the sake of a quick fuck.

Still, takes all sorts and as long as your happy what's the harm hey?

Then it's good to know that you're less naive then when you joined. Now all you need to do is drop the superior attitude, reduce your ego from it's current planetary size and remember it doesn't matter if you're single, married, rich, poor - paying for sex is a great leveller.


Offline Quesadilla

Then it's good to know that you're less naive then when you joined. Now all you need to do is drop the superior attitude, reduce your ego from it's current planetary size and remember it doesn't matter if you're single, married, rich, poor - paying for sex is a great leveller.
:lol: :lol: :lol:


As I've already said to other members on here - I totally respect their choices and their honesty about their decisions - but if you're going to be a lying cheating scumbag at least be honest with yourself about it that's all.  :D
Banning reason: Obnoxious and arrogant + Veiled threat of outing punter on UKE

Offline LL

Quesadilla, what makes you think you're any better than the rest of us?
Is your moral compass set to only detect others and not include yourself?
What married punters are doing is wrong you say. Because marriage, the failed institution, as you put it, requires exclusivity. So you judge others who break the rules of marriage yet fail to see that punting itself is also "wrong". Wrong in the sense that the vast majority of people living in our society would consider it to be morally indefensible. And what does it really mean to be right or wrong other than choosing to flout or obide by rules which have evolved through the most prominent behaviours of a society and the consensus of those who are born into or choose to be a part of that society?
Can you accept what I'm saying or should I roll out your tiresome play-on-words reference to denial one last time?
You're in no position to criticise our actions.

Offline sam55

Completely compatible IMO. I need the stability of a loving relationship but also enjoy the variety of fucking other women.

tcm

Totally succinct reply TCM - my sentiments entirely.

I have a superb relationship with my OH, we just don't have sex anymore due to biological issues.

I've never met a WG yet that I would want to spend more than an hour with so it works out well.

Offline sam55

I'm not sure anyone has said it's not wrong/selfish/risky. It's seems there's a few replies saying they are happily married.

The more I read your replies, the more I am concluding that you're pretty bitter about your marriage breaking up.

As I said before, I can't take any moral philosophising from anyone who fucks hookers. Single or otherwise.

By the way, saying my wife is just another slut that I fuck, was low, very low. The only compartmentalisation that I have done, is pop you in the box marked "cunt".

Just spat my coffee over the keyboard!!   :lol: :lol:

Offline sam55

If you got married in the UK this applies: "Marriage, according to the law of this country is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life, to the exclusion of all others."


How are we defining exclusion of all others?

Looking at another woman? Talking to her, going for a coffee, quick snog, touching her ass?

Then what about wanking to porn, is that OK? What about wanking over the next door neighbour/ their daughter etc?

Massage with a HE, assisted masturbation, 10 min wank in the car etc etc.

Just posing the question, seems like it's not a black and white issue.


Offline StevenS

:lol: :lol: :lol:


As I've already said to other members on here - I totally respect their choices and their honesty about their decisions - but if you're going to be a lying cheating scumbag at least be honest with yourself about it that's all.  :D

Please point out where I've said I'm not.


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