Date: mid-Jan 2025
60 minute appointment
£100 - fifty for the massage, fifty for the 'extras' (A nearly naked handjob)
I'm in Exeter to see family and alight the train an hour or so early. I call this shop to see if they can fit me in. They can. I'm given a time. 11am. The lady that answered the phone shows me into one of the rooms and I pay her. She leaves. I undress. At 11:04am Tia comes into the room. She's flustered (rushing to get to work). She's wet (it’s raining). She’s probably late forties - an averagely pleasant face and a fairly average build.
There’s drama - Tia's colleague should not have taken the appointment. Tia already has a booking at 11am. I am paid-up and bollocko on the table by the time this error is realised. Tia takes a call from the irate customer who’s been bumped. She doesn't leave the room. It sounds like he's giving her a hard time. She apologises and makes excuses. I stubbornly and quietly lay there. She gets off the phone. She seems more flustered. She begins my massage.
She spends the first 20 minutes (the part where I am on my front) lecturing me on the importance of calling with plenty of notice. Arranging an appointment early is vital so that this sort of thing doesn’t happen in future. One can even text for an appointment out of hours she advises. I should say: 'what the fuck has this got to do with me?' I don't say that. I let her talk and I reply with things like ‘oh yes I’ll do that next time', thinking there won’t be a next time. I try to enjoy my massage.
Towards the end of the 20 minute time management sermon she starts tickling my arsehole and ballsack with her fingernails. She asks if want extras. I do. She tells me to turn over. We agree £50 - naked massage with happy ending.
She strips down. She's not naked. She’s wearing a beige ‘spanks’ type stretchy corset over her stomach and lower parts. She leaves it on. It’s not sexy. It’s the least sexy thing ever. 'Maybe it's holding everything in and it's better it stays' I think. I decide I’m not missing out. I don’t say anything. She starts stroking little Johnson.
Then she gets weird – she starts acting like she’s in love. She says I’m very handsome, I have a good physique - do I work out? Why am I tanned - am I mixed race?
It gets more intrusive – Am I married? Do I have a girlfriend? Do I have kids? Do I date Chinese women? Do I only see white girls? I don't know how to answer that one - am I a racial profiler !?
How often do I visit Exeter? Would I consider staying overnight? How long did my last relationship last? Why did it end? What kind of person was she? Do I think I'm capable of sustaining a long-term relationship? What's the longest I've been with someone? On and on - the talking and intrusive questions whilst she’s got my dick in her hand do not stop. I try to give vague answers. She puts her face really close to mine and wears a strange inane grin. I think she’s trying to be sexy? I don’t know. I feel uncomfortable. I don’t say anything.
She speeds up - whacks me off while licking my ears and kissing my face (something I wouldn’t really mind normally but by this stage I just find her creepy) Little Johnson cares not about any of this and I ejaculate. There’s ten or fifteen minutes or so left. She rattles on in boundary-bulldozing fashion for all of it. Eventually she decides we’re finished. Relieved, I get off the table and gather my things. As I get dressed she’s trying to kiss me on the lips and attempting to pin me down to a time I will return. I’m not coming back.
Despite all of this - it’s still only a borderline negative. I did get a massage and I did get a hand job. I certainly didn’t get a 'happy ending' - I left feeling weirded out, not happy.
She was way too much – too much talking, too much intrusion, too much creepiness. Too much.
External Link/Members Only