I got caught cheating, now what?

[safado]

In the most stupid way my wife found out that I was unfaithful to her (I won't go into details but basically I  was always been very careful but stupidly the routine made me trust and I let my guard down with my punting phone)

We had a good relationship (basically the only problem is the dead bedroom) she is really my friend and I feel like shit when all this happened, she was heartbroken but at the end she forgive me, only with the condition I won't do it again

Honestly I may be OK for a few months but I think at the end I will be back to punting.

All this happened so recently, she keeps asking me all the details of what I did. I don't think I feel ok sharing it but it feels she really wanted to know everything and have answers.

Honestly  :angelgirl:I would love to tell her to accept me like this and to just have a blind eye on these adventures but I'm pretty sure this won't go well. so I'm scratching my head in how to deal with this. If keep it secret again or just face an inevitable divorce.

I would really appreciate any advice of someone who has been through a similar experience.

[cunnyhunt]

Ask the question on not allowed. 

[lewisjones23]

suggest a couples booking and take it from there, you never know she might like it

[Dark Vader]

She forgives you as long as you don't do it again! So is she going to start giving you some ass?

[standardpostage]

Marriage counselling / couples therapy, maybe 

[fairyguy]

The marriage won’t be the same anymore… she will never trust you again. If you have any assets, my first advice is to seek an accountant as soon as possible.

[Hornydevil666]

Can i ask did she catch you punting or did she think you were having an affair?

[myothernameis]

If she knows you have been cheating with escorts, how far might she go, for more info, like joining this site

[Watts.E.Dunn]

Makes me wonder women must know that men need sex and if she dosent provide or won't, why are they soo surprised that their man goes elsewhere?.

Least he wasnt having an affair!

[wristjob]

You found a girl who was willing to shag you for £80, shame you can't persuade your wife to shag you to save her marriage.

Shame this happened so soon in your punting career and I'd refer you to reply #1.

[daviemac]

In the most stupid way my wife found out that I was unfaithful to her (I won't go into details but basically I  was always been very careful but stupidly the routine made me trust and I let my guard down with my punting phone)

I did tell you a couple of months ago when you were telling escorts you love them that punting wasn't for you.

[Fuzzyduck]

You found a girl who was willing to shag you for £80, shame you can't persuade your wife to shag you to save her marriage.

Shame this happened so soon in your punting career and I'd refer you to reply #1.

Read his posts. He's no newbie to punting.

I can only project what I might do in his situation, assuming I wanted to save the marriage.

Say that I missed the physical side of the relatiionship and foolishly went looking for it elsewhere rather than talk it through with her.
Depending on how much she found out, I would say it only happened a few times rather than saying I've fucked loads and told several that I loved them ()
Pray for forgiveness
Assume every move will be watched like a hawk
Try to shag her more often
Punt infrequently and consider it my punishment for being an idiot.

[Blackpool Rock]

Ask the question on not allowed. 

It'll most likely already be on there 

[cueball]

Deny deny deny

Never ever admit anything. Do not discuss any of your antics.

Deny deny deny

If you fess up, your world will turn to shit

[Atrueyorkie]

To get a good analysis I’d flip it and think how’d I would potentially feel to gauge.

She most likely will never trust you again.

You are being watched. Someone made a good point she might even sign up her, never underestimate their prowess 

You want to stop. Action speak louder than words. Come off here. Stop visiting the sites. Use your time elsewhere. Put down the phone/tablet whatever and go outside for a walk.

Replace what clearly is an addiction with a healthy one I.e. gym.

If you mess up again on what is already thin ice it’s game over for you.

And finally just talk. Communicate. I’m no guru, but why haven’t you just said I want sex or what drove me to punt was no sex. I don’t know your in and outs so thinking out loud but if you can vocalise and articulate that her giving you what you want sex. Will curb this I’m sure she would love to assist.

[holeymoley]

Deny deny deny

Never ever admit anything. Do not discuss any of your antics.

Deny deny deny

If you fess up, your world will turn to shit

Exactly that

[alibirmingham]

Deny deny deny

Never ever admit anything. Do not discuss any of your antics.

Deny deny deny

If you fess up, your world will turn to shit

Defo works to a degree as even after she calms down and gets over it there’s always the question of “was he telling the truth” but rather that then her knowing the actual truth. Worst case give some details to cover the exposure so for example if you got caught booking a hotel room then say it was for your mental health and you needed the space or you booked it for a friend who was having a bad breakup and I’m an abusive relationship but don’t say u booked it to shag in.

But in the end this is defo the end of whatever you had and it’s the start of a new life of little trust and second guesses.

[big-al93]

If you don't think you can last more than a couple of months, then I think you have to accept that your marriage is essentialy over as she is going to be on high alert and will almost certainly catch you again, since you have already proven to not be careful enough.

IMHO you have a couple of choices and really none of them are great.

1. Sit down with her and have a grown up discussion where you explain that you still love her, and your relationship but can't live without the physical side of things, and since you didn't want to have an affair where feelings were involved you went to a proffesional, and if she isn't prepared to try to rekindle the passion (after you've been for a full STI check for her reassurance, since we all know not allowed or her friends will have told her you are probably riddled) then she should allow you to keep seeing escorts, even though you would much rather be having sex with her but don't want her to feel any pressure. And tell her that if she wants to see a male (or female for that matter) escort then you'll support that with the same rules of no feelings.

2. You can tell her what she wants to here and that you'll stop, as you said you won't be able to, use the time to get prepared for the inevitable fallout when you get caught again. This might include arranging somewhere to live, making some sort of plan if there are kids involved ect.

3. Ask for a divorce

4. I doubt this will be an option given what's been said about you telling escorts you love them. But do a load of research and find out how to cover your tracks much better than you have. If this is the way you go, I'd combine it with point 2 if I were you.

[Southernbloke]

Personally I would say nothing on the subject to her , I’d let her lead the way on what she wants to say. Apologise as and when it seems appropriate not straight away otherwise it looks like you are sorry for being caught not for what you did. You are in the wrong and she is the wronged party . If she decides  to dissolve the marriage then you will have to respect that.
What I would say is that a lot of women have a very practical outlook on marriage, so breaking up a marriage is not an easy thing to do with houses and children to be sorted. Always remember that the only winners in litigation are the lawyers!
Hopefully all goes well for you OP

[Captainhowdy666]

Wait, what?
Punting is cheating ?

[newhere456]

I wonder what lessons can be learnt from this for others?  I keep my punting phone out of sight but it's just an old iphone that had been on the shelf for ages - it has a unique PIN so worst case my wife finds it she is very unlikley to guess the PIN before it locks down.

Should I be doing anything different,  am I also vulnerable to being caught in the same way?

[scutty brown]

buy your wife a set of these for christmas, you'll never have the problem again

External Link/Members Only

[Chazz]

Replace what clearly is an addiction with a healthy one I.e. gym.

Yes, definitely join a gym, it's an excellent excuse to nip out for an hour and punt! 

[Atrueyorkie]

Yes, definitely join a gym, it's an excellent excuse to nip out for an hour and punt! 

There comes a thing called “restraint”, also if they want to be open there’s an activity tab to show the visits.

Also awaiting to hear your ready solution you’re shortly going to provide..

[Munter84]

So OP, presumably your wife asked why you would do this. Presumably you told her that you were fulfilling a physical need as you have a dead bedroom. What did she say to that?

Surely "never do it again" is an absolutely pointless thing to demand, or agree to, if the underlying problem isn't addressed.

[alabama1]

So OP, presumably your wife asked why you would do this. Presumably you told her that you were fulfilling a physical need as you have a dead bedroom. What did she say to that?

Surely "never do it again" is an absolutely pointless thing to demand, or agree to, if the underlying problem isn't addressed.

This , in a nutshell 

[Skeleton]

I wonder what lessons can be learnt from this for others?  I keep my punting phone out of sight but it's just an old iphone that had been on the shelf for ages - it has a unique PIN so worst case my wife finds it she is very unlikley to guess the PIN before it locks down.

Should I be doing anything different,  am I also vulnerable to being caught in the same way?

Great idea...let's get everyone to put on a forum visible to anyone, how they hide their tracks and keep things hidden from their missus 

[yesbby]

Given that you have a dead bedroom, the honest answer is you were looking for sex. She should be able to compute that. The question is what is the willingness of both parties to overcome the sex problem

[wristjob]

Read his posts. He's no newbie to punting.

What I was essentially saying is I think it's as likely as not this is a troll account.

Taking it at face value my other point still stands. Who gave up on the responsibilities of the relationship first, his wife who doesn't shag him or OP who gets it elsewhere? If the OP is going to try and fix it shouldn't she also? Does she dislike him so much she can't make an effort?

Then there's the choice - stay with his wife but never have sex again or leave her, replace her.... If she won't compromise that is the choice cos caught once is one thing, being caught a 2nd time will be a lot easier now she's suspicious and a lot more serious.

The OP also describes his wife as his friend - can't they stay friends if they aren't married? The only real complication I can see is kids, cos if you aren't happy in a marriage cos a big aspect is missing why are you still there?

Maybe I'm jumping ahead 6 months here too, but if she isn't putting out and is semi understanding of the situation perhaps she's getting some elsewhere.

[Chazz]

There comes a thing called “restraint”, also if they want to be open there’s an activity tab to show the visits.

Also awaiting to hear your ready solution you’re shortly going to provide..

Apologies Yorkie, please forgive my flippancy. The OP's story is my worst nightmare, and I was trying to deflect the horror with humour. Sadly, I honestly can't see a happy solution to this predicament. I think that we all know that punting is extremely addictive, and that without regular sex would be nigh on impossible to resist. You never know, perhaps this unpleasant discovery might've shocked the wife into putting out occasionally, but realistically women's minds do not work like this. 

[OakTree]

In the most stupid way my wife found out that I was unfaithful to her (I won't go into details but basically I  was always been very careful but stupidly the routine made me trust and I let my guard down with my punting phone)

We had a good relationship (basically the only problem is the dead bedroom) she is really my friend and I feel like shit when all this happened, she was heartbroken but at the end she forgive me, only with the condition I won't do it again

Honestly I may be OK for a few months but I think at the end I will be back to punting.

All this happened so recently, she keeps asking me all the details of what I did. I don't think I feel ok sharing it but it feels she really wanted to know everything and have answers.

Honestly  :angelgirl:I would love to tell her to accept me like this and to just have a blind eye on these adventures but I'm pretty sure this won't go well. so I'm scratching my head in how to deal with this. If keep it secret again or just face an inevitable divorce.

I would really appreciate any advice of someone who has been through a similar experience.

Well I can tell you now with absolute certainty she’s not going to accept you doing this and turning a blind eye.

Going on your past thread about telling SPs you love them and now this I would say you are not cut out for the deceit and double life.

You need to work out what you really want. Do you want your “Friend” or on tap varied sex with numerous women?

[Blackpool Rock]

How come all so often someone starts a thread like this and then fucks off into the sunset leaving everyone else still debating everything but they don't come back on and provide any context or clarify any of the details etc 

Reminds me of a typical thread Gurds / Turds whatever he was called would have started 
Got no problem someone starting these threads but at least continue to engage, the OP has been back on but has decided to keep quiet 

[uncle jessie]

There is one moral to this story , don't get married in the first place  a bullet that thankfully I have kept managing to dodge

[Cheltclient]

I think if you believe that you can not do it again - commit, seek forgiveness, make amends, save your marriage. However, if there is no sex in the marriage and that is important enough to see escorts (which is fair enough) - id recommend seriously considering ending the marriage. Or at least having a conversation about the lack of sex. You could save things if you genuinely give up escorts/cheating - but it doesn’t sound likely and you’ll only end up hurting her more, later down the line.

Or I guess the other option is to keep going and make sure you never get caught again. Of course, I’ve never booked escorts whilst in a relationship so I’m probably talking shite and don’t understand the nuances 

[Payyourwaymate]

My condolences, seems like the start of a downward trend in your relationship to be honest in my view. I would mentally start preparing for the worst potential situations i.e lack of trust, resentment, divorce etc, if I were you.

[Thephoenix]

There is one moral to this story , don't get married in the first place  a bullet that thankfully I have kept managing to dodge

I got hit between the eyes with that same bullet nearly 60 years ago and I wouldn't want to change a thing.
We're all different, and all relationships are different.

[shed]

How come all so often someone starts a thread like this and then fucks off into the sunset leaving everyone else still debating everything but they don't come back on and provide any context or clarify any of the details etc 

Reminds me of a typical thread Gurds / Turds whatever he was called would have started 
Got no problem someone starting these threads but at least continue to engage, the OP has been back on but has decided to keep quiet 

Couldn't agree more. Which makes me think it's a load of fictional bollocks 

[cueball]

Got no problem someone starting these threads but at least continue to engage, the OP has been back on but has decided to keep quiet 

Indeed, it always used to bug me when folk start a thread then put no more in.

[Blackpool Rock]

Indeed, it always used to bug me when folk start a thread then put no more in.

History tends to suggest they don't always last the distance 

[myothernameis]

Got no problem someone starting these threads but at least continue to engage, the OP has been back on but has decided to keep quiet 

OP was on here today Tue, at around 11:09, so hey safado, maybe the next time you log, maybe you want to comment on this thread, which you had started

So if someone makes a thread, but then dosn't reply, and all there looking for is comments, then to me, it looks like there trolling 

[Stevelondon]

The OP mentions the dead bedroom syndrome.

It’s the cause of a lot of problems is that.
I blame it on poorly serviced central heating myself.
But of course there are all kinds of other reasons.

Over to you OP.
Have you had the old boiler serviced lately. ?

[Uncle Bob]

You're fucked! Relationship over End of!

[Waterhouse]

I got caught cheating, now what?

The bill comes due.  Deal with it. 

[Colston36]

The marriage won’t be the same anymore… she will never trust you again. If you have any assets, my first advice is to seek an accountant as soon as possible.

A lawyer seems a better idea to me.

A major problem with marriage - an insoluble one - is that women go off sex after a certain age, but men don't.

Happily I'm not married any more.

[DastardlyDick]

Least he wasnt having an affair!

I doubt she see's it like that, but whatever.
Why isn't she giving you sex? If it's due to age/medical issues, then some sort of counselling may help.
However, even if that saves the marriage (and a costly, traumatic divorce settlement) you'll be under serious surveillance for the foreseeable.

[safado]

How come all so often someone starts a thread like this and then fucks off into the sunset leaving everyone else still debating everything but they don't come back on and provide any context or clarify any of the details etc 

Reminds me of a typical thread Gurds / Turds whatever he was called would have started 
Got no problem someone starting these threads but at least continue to engage, the OP has been back on but has decided to keep quiet 

I'm sorry to hurt your feelings.
I don't see there is nothing else to be added to the discussion from me at this point.

I was expecting some real advice, Unfortunately apart of a very few comments many are mocking ones.

But no problem maybe my mistake asking this type of question here.

[mr.bluesky]

Yes, definitely join a gym, it's an excellent excuse to nip out for an hour and punt! 

The main reason I go to the gym ( apart from the obvious health benefits) is to keep myself fit for punting .

[Blackpool Rock]

I'm sorry to hurt your feelings.
I don't see there is nothing else to be added to the discussion from me at this point.

I was expecting some real advice, Unfortunately apart of a very few comments many are mocking ones.

But no problem maybe my mistake asking this type of question here.

Hurt my feelings  Don't worry I don't give a shit what anyone on here posts

Asking the question on here wasn't the mistake but not following up with additional points and clarification when people are debating and trying to offer help / advice was.
You need to understand that people who have been on here a while have seen these threads time and time again plus various other ones where someone starts a thread asking a question then goes silent. History indicates there is a higher than normal chance of them being a troll which is why that has been mentioned by a few people, i'm not saying that you are but it's a pattern that's familiar 

[Maak]

I wonder what lessons can be learnt from this for others?  I keep my punting phone out of sight but it's just an old iphone that had been on the shelf for ages - it has a unique PIN so worst case my wife finds it she is very unlikley to guess the PIN before it locks down.

Should I be doing anything different,  am I also vulnerable to being caught in the same way?

Many other ways to get caught.Be careful with scratches on your body, make up, perfume etc

I once had a WG leave scratches on my torso, I had to hide the scratch marks from OH till they faded. I also was once drenched with a WGs perfume after a session

[Chazz]

I was expecting some real advice, Unfortunately apart of a very few comments many are mocking ones.

But no problem maybe my mistake asking this type of question here.

My condolences go out to you. As I said earlier in the thread, this is my worst nightmare. Thankfully, so far this hasn't happened to me (yet) so I don't have any practical advice for you save for looking at your legal situation and stockpiling some funds in a secret account. It's very difficult to give proper advice without knowing the people involved. There's a lot of reasonable male logic on this thread - if sex dries up at home, it's perfectly OK to buy it elsewhere. However,  the vast majority of women wouldn't see it like that. I know for certain that my wife would go absofuckinglutely apeshit if she found out about my extracurricular shenanigans. The very best of luck to you sir. I for one am very interested about how you're going to deal with the situation.