Most hated punting clichés

[Dani]

"We made love"

Please, just fuck off you fluffy cunts.

I have to admit this one really makes my throat contract to the point of either screaming or vomiting.  we did NOT make love.  we had sex, we fucked around and then had a shag.  Ok some of us give the illusion of being with a loved one but it is an illusion.  Love is not a word that should ever be used in this scene unless it is 'I love to do X, Y, or Z'

The worst though has to be,
this woman is wonderful and I can feel myself falling in love with her.  The moment I see that I hit the block button.
OR
 I wish I could take her away from this and keep her to myself.    Its silly as these men don't realise we don't sit around 24/7 dressed to the nines with perfect hair and make up waiting to satisfy a mans every whim.  We get off days and sick days and moaning days and times when sex is the last thing on our minds just like their wives or partners.  What we do is an act.  Sometimes we enjoy it sometimes we don't so much but we act as if we do.    After work some of us even like to take of the make up. tie the hair up and slob out in PJs and just do nothing at all

[Goofy85]

'She appreciated the gift and thanked me in her special way'.

Buying gifts = fluffy.

I've had a WG girl 10 minutes before meeting up ask me to pop to the shop and buy a bottle of wine once. I cancelled and saw someone else instead. The high fees are enough to pay, thanks.

[webpunter]

'She appreciated the gift and thanked me in her special way'.

Buying gifts = fluffy.

I've had a WG girl 10 minutes before meeting up ask me to pop to the shop and buy a bottle of wine once. I cancelled and saw someone else instead. The high fees are enough to pay, thanks.

+1 on buying gifts.  Bit of a different one with the request though.  For the sake of a tenner or so then maybe one to take up.  Just that she wants some wine & you deliver.  Hey presto - an ice breaker to say the least.  Plus you get to drink it too.  On a 100 quid punt then a tenner etc is SweetFA difference.  More of an opportunity rather than a problem.  Just depends on how you look at things.  If the WG was 150+ then maybe spend a bit more ?

[berksboy]

     A tenner for a bottle of wine !   

[Goofy85]

It was more the way the wine request was made to be honest. It was by one of the younger English WGs in a manner I felt was taking the mick. I would have done it for one of my favourites I've seen a few times. Maybe. But it's up to the punter, not for the escort to make.

[webpunter]

     A tenner for a bottle of wine !   

Too cheap or too expensive ?  Screw top i suggest - then "sorry i haven't got a corkscrew" isn't a valid excuse

[berksboy]

    Too expensive by far .

[StevenS]

I told Sadie Strumpet i had bought her something. Her face said it all. It was a "oh for fucks sake he's got feelings" look.

She perked up when I gave her them. It was a bottle of heat sensation lube for her to use on me and a kinder egg so she could have a nibble and kill some time between clients by making the toy.

[toon972]

Once on diamonds feedback there was a"treat her well or you will answer to me".My hero.

[Cornish sub]

'She appreciated the gift and thanked me in her special way'.

Buying gifts = fluffy.

I've had a WG girl 10 minutes before meeting up ask me to pop to the shop and buy a bottle of wine once. I cancelled and saw someone else instead. The high fees are enough to pay, thanks.

Why didn't you just buy the wine, then explain to her when you sorted the paperwork.... sorry, paid the fee and she noticed that it was short that you merely bought HER wine that SHE requested with HER money.

[Dave2014]

Fun bags
Hat pegs
Body to die for
DATY
We made love
I made her cum
Treat her well
 

[Ravanelli]

And let's not forget 'if Carlsberg did escorts'. 

[fuddle]

"I'm quite certain her orgasm was real. I know what fakes one are like, and trust me, this was genuine."

Of course. At least you're not paying that girl to have sex with you. Oh wait. You absolute lemon.

[Brumish]

'Let me down. No response once reached destination.' - punters trying to punt with Jenni Black.

[Sedlmayer]

Everything in red below -

long time lurker first time poster   . I was motivated to post as I recently had the pleasure of seeing this lovely young lady, despite there being only one review which was a negative and wanted to redress the balance. 



Bella is a lovely lovely girl, her pics do not do her justice at all  . She looks a little chubby esp in her private gallery but I wanted oral and breast relief, which she said no problem to so thought well if she a little chubby it wont matter. However upon arrival I couldn t believe how lovely she was   , shes lost all the weight in her pics, (5 KGs apparently) and was georgous,  around 5 4, with incredible breasts.

Met her at ch cloisters, she shares with one of the other girls and both times I have seen her (Yes I went back which I don't usually do)  I saw her in the bigger of the rooms, that a great room,  nice big couch, where the action took place.

SO after a shower, I come back she sits on my lap talk for a mute then start kissing. SHe takes her bra off and her wonderful natural breasts fall out, absolutely lovely, she then went down on me and the OWO was amazing, soft but deep, real toe curling stuff. After a while she stopped, and a bit sheepishly said, what do you want to do nxt. I asked for condom and she     sank onto me with me still sat on the couch, (I don't usually go full service but wanted to see her riding me. Mish followed and whilst not vocal she was grabbing my arms and looked into it. For the finale I wanted more owo and that breast relief, which wasn t delivered amazingly well, so askd for a manual finish.

I arrived 5 mins early, to which she graciously invited me up, ran over by 10 mins    so was there around 45 mins total.

A real sweet heart   . I think the other review mentions she s quiet and disinterested, she is certainly submissive, but she does what she sayshe is going to do and she does open up  . I found sweet maria similar in terms of energy level.

Looks - 8
body - 8.5
service - 8

2nd visit was just as pleasant, although she did have some trouble with my size  ...Both visits 30 mins, v good comms. Think that's all the bases covered

Obviously written by herself or the pimp, but still a very rich seam of clichéd, fluffy bullshit for all that.....

[Ali Katt]

Cheers Dani and Mistybloo, good to hear a WG's point of view. Also good to know that some of the shit written makes you cringe as much as the rest of us. Hopefully any of the 'Treat her well' and 'What happened between us will stay between us' brigade reading this will take note. I doubt it though. Another one that gets to me is, 'I don't like to rush, neither to be rushed.' I don't know if it's grammatically correct or not, but it just sounds wrong and really grates. I should get out more.

You're suspicions are right CS, It's clearly a double negative. If neither was replaced by nor it reads better.

[Ali Katt]

Also let's not forget the bully boy clichés:
"Don't take the piss, lads because she's nice girl and deserves respect".

[Horizontal pleasures]

When is your libido highest?
all the time
when I am with you

losing virginity?
with my first bf
with my ex
in the school playing field
upstairs while parents downstairs

gift?
money

where would you like to have sex?
in bed

and so on
silly questions get silly cliché answers
and YES to most of the previous clichés

[GeeWiz]

The use of the word "date" at any point.

Never had a date with a girl I have met for the first time where I give her a ton within minutes, jizz on her within half an hour, not take offence if she checks her phone for texts from other guys while I'm using the loo, then rush a shag to get my second pop in before she or I leave.  All the while not even asking or telling her anything remotely personal.  Some date.

[webpunter]

Not so much a cliche, but the word that strikes fear into me & makes me run a mile is "BUBBLY"  We all now what this really means [3 letters]

[Stealthshagger]

also when they say new in the area. most of them do it to appear fresh, but have 3 year old profiles. new indeed.

or pussy so wet on the profile. well, if your pussy is so very wet permanently, you have bladder issues Im afraid.

[Ali Katt]

also when they say new in the area. most of them do it to appear fresh, but have 3 year old profiles. new indeed.

or pussy so wet on the profile. well, if your pussy is so very wet permanently, you have bladder issues Im afraid.

On a related not to profiles: "mwah x" at the end of a profile. And "my prices are high because I'm a classy lady" - all arrogant bullshit.

[galcom666]

I'm starting to get mighty tired of the phrase.

I'm a genuine English/Irish/Welsh/Scottish Rose.

Makes me think of Labour and its a bit of a put off tbh.

[webpunter]

I'm a genuine English/Irish/Welsh/Scottish Rose.
Makes me think of Labour and its a bit of a put off tbh.

Blah blah blah 'Rose'.  To me this means some stuck-up AW WG whose life hasn't worked out quite as expected.  They didn't get asked to marry by twats called Rupert
Fluffy cunts like them coz they are the type of women that they've never managed to have as a GF or a short term shag [even a one-off].  Great for a while as a fuck but not worth it long term as they have very high expectations
Rose to me means pale skin - especially if Scottish coz they never see the sun
Much better are fit tanned south american [especially Brazilians] & EE babes, who aren't up themselves & are in it for the £ & living over here for a while
As for Labour - makes me want to throw up. Other than Blair. Not a big fan but least he's up for an occasional overseas scrap. Better than the limp wristed party members

[Ali Katt]

English rose = a prossie that hates younger prettier EE prossies "stealing her business".

[Jayda]

Since some someone mentioned no wg posted on her so far I thought I might bite the bullet so here goes

I don't think it's a cliche sometimes clients have creative ways of describing wgs and subject to how they are read they run the risk of getting lost in translation (well they did for me when I first read them I think I was like oh no I want to cry). Here are some direct quotes from one thread on a forum and my initial thoughts

' the indian girl turned away...at this point i could not even remember her name. anyway i picked her could just not resist that rear'

My interpretation ass better than face hmmm not good

'She is like a Kashmiri naan - soft, brown, tasty'

My interpretation a naan bread out of all the things in the world a naan bread why not chocolate or something instead way sexier

'she has the most beautiful black flowing afghan hair'

My interpretation was afghan hair? Just the word afghan meant that the first thing that sprung to mind was a dog an afghan dog to be precise

The three descriptions were all meant to be positive but put them together this was what I took away from it ass better than face so cba remembering her name but felt, lookeed and tasted like a naan so not bad if your hungry and her hair think afghan ... afghan dog hmmm

Whatever happened to tall, short, slim, curvy, old or young kinda descriptions

[sublimetoridiculous]

... Other than Blair. ...

Well I guess this is a forum for discussing cunts ...

[Roth]

Well I guess this is a forum for discussing cunts ...

+1

[webpunter]

Deffo cunt - just not a lightweight namby pamby cunt.  Even if he was licking George's arse whenever he could 

[portable]

The term "raincoat" makes me vomit a little. And... who cares that you put a condom on? How is that information enlightening in any way at all? Why are you telling me this? You might as well say "It was off with the shoes (I untied my laces first of course) and down with the trousers. Then I got on the bed, and then..." 

[Cornish sub]

Since some someone mentioned no wg posted on her so far I thought I might bite the bullet so here goes

Yeah, that was me, but 2 escorts have posted since I said that - Dani and MistyBloo. Strangely though, MistyBloo's post has totally disappeared.

[Ali Katt]

The term "raincoat" makes me vomit a little. And... who cares that you put a condom on? How is that information enlightening in any way at all? Why are you telling me this? You might as well say "It was off with the shoes (I untied my laces first of course) and down with the trousers. Then I got on the bed, and then..." 

It would take an arrogant punter to post "I took off my Jermyn Street suit, Patrick Cox Brogues etc" I think on reports people write they put on a condom so we don't think they did bareback.

[Sir Knumbskull]

'Don't overwork her'.

Unless the WG is forced, I do believe the service provider picks and chooses her own rate of work?

Also, sadly I've found myself relying on cuntish phrases, like 'Service Provider', need to find an alternative...

[Ali Katt]

'Don't overwork her'.

Unless the WG is forced, I do believe the service provider picks and chooses her own rate of work?

Also, sadly I've found myself relying on cuntish phrases, like 'Service Provider', need to find an alternative...

I think service provider is OK, it's a bit of an innuendo, but less offensive than courtesan.

[Horizontal pleasures]

mmmmmmmmm ... !
or even
MMMMMMMM...


with a variable number of 'm'.

[Bangers and Gash]

mmmmmmmmm ... !
or even
MMMMMMMM...

Yeah I have to agree. It makes my toes curl when I read a supposedly grown man using such creepy terminology.

Some of my other hated clichés are along the lines of: ''I want to marry her'' or ''I wish she was mine'' 

These phrases a usually penned by the saddo's on munternet. 

 

[Ali Katt]

Yeah I have to agree. It makes my toes curl when I read a supposedly grown man using such creepy terminology.

Some of my other hated clichés are along the lines of: ''I want to marry her'' or ''I wish she was mine'' 

These phrases a usually penned by the saddo's on munternet.

And possibly readers of not allowed (I'm implying the prossies are writing their own reports). Who would want to marry a prossie?

[Roth]

Or how about-

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories - said Genie and i am saying "rub me 3 times and i will come!"...Thank you for Aladdin's lamp! Phenomenal!!!

[Sedlmayer]

Or how about-

Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories - said Genie and i am saying "rub me 3 times and i will come!"...Thank you for Aladdin's lamp! Phenomenal!!!

Fuck me! That's retarded....

[stayer]

BBW. In my experience, 'big' often means 'fat' and 'beautiful' is, well, not so beautiful.

[jesus_jones]

'She tasted divine' when describing reverse oral.

Its a vagina, not foie gras.

[Clooney]

Do the absolute idiots who insist on using the "what happened in the room will remain private" line also write reviews on Amazon after buying a 12" single and only write about the B side?

This drives me mental too.

It's like the dude thinks he is in some way special or something.

You really ain't you know. The girl just does her job very, very well and makes you feel like you are special.

No denying that she may find you pleasant but no more than anyone else.

Also, why the fuck write that shite on a FR? Next to useless!

[Clooney]

Basically any overly flowery language, trying to sound like Keats or Shelly, secretly hoping the girl will read the FR and think "Awwww! Sweet, lovely man!"

Nope! Not happening!

[Ali Katt]

Trust me no amount of flowery verbose language will get the punter a free fuck,  otherwise we'd all be at it. I doubt the punt after such a report is as good as the previous.

Another hated cliché silly name for cock. Dong, fire hose, one eyed snake, dobber, womb broom - seriously?

[Type_O_Negative]

Many WGs write on their AW profiles they live in private, modern and cosy apartments. So you go to see them and quite often you end up in such a shitholes you just want to walk...

[Ali Katt]

Many WGs write on their AW profiles they live in private, modern and cosy apartments. So you go to see them and quite often you end up in such a shitholes you just want to walk...

They also say they are classy as they wipe cum from their top lip before opening the door. I've often found the places themselves are OK, just in shit areas.

[Roth]

Fuck me! That's retarded....

Supposedly written by the prossie for a fluffy cunt punter (who more likely wrote it himself).  Vomit making and defo retarded!!

[webpunter]

Found a few more pearlers.  And this thread is a good laugh - hence the new post

"an exceptional young lady caring about me and my likes at all times" [pro$$ie 'cares':  getting paid, not going over-time, repeat booking if all ok.  Sweet though that the punter thinks he's being cared for.  People get cared for when they are in old people's homes which is where the twat belongs]

"we both enjoyed exploring each other with hands, tongues and lips for a few minutes" [if she enjoyed it so much the fluffy fuck should try asking her out for a 'date' unpaid and see how far he gets]

I use the word 'date' as this pops up on AW quite a bit.  What a laugh - a date that lasts 30-60 mins [even 15 !].  Sad fucker has probably never been on a date with a civvie

"I was offered a variety of drinks" [generally hospitable - but i bet she disappeared into the kitchen for a good few minutes.  As the these quotes are from the same review me thinks the AW girlie is thinking WTF when the fluffy fuck arrived !  The best punts are the ones where you get pounced on & drinks at that point in time are the last thing on the menu.  What fucking relevance does being offered drinks have to do with punting]

Have just thought up a new word for sad fuck punters who write such reviews "fluff-cunt"

[Roth]

Guys..!!! She's a goddess..!! I am a regular punter..! Never have had such an awesome experience in ages..! you don't have to ask her for anything. she understands stuff and delivers..! I've never been with a female who enjoys so much what she does. such a goddess..!! She is so much worth more than the money we would shell out. In fact, it is a crime measuring her in terms of money. More than sex, she has such a brilliant personality. She is ready for all that she offers. I highly recommend her to anyone.    

and

She is very intelligent..! She is very kind to people. At least, she was to me. I was a bit nervous for some reason. But, she tried her best to sooth me and bring me to senses. She talked very intelligent. I have never met a girl in her profession talk so intelligent.    

Taken from an AW FR most probably written by the prossie herself or her pimp! 

[webpunter]

Taken from an AW FR most probably written by the prossie herself or her pimp! 

If not the punter is suffering from delusion with EAS on the horizon