See post in main section for background, but found myself going to the JAC centre for testing. Here's my experience:
Visited the walk-in session on a Monday morning, arrived 10 mins before start and plenty of people there already. Mostly student-types, me and another gent the only ones over 25 I'd reckon. One absolutely STUNNING young girl waiting to be seen!!
Receptionist gave me a form to fill in, and here's my first scare - it's bloody detailed! Big warning on the front about new data requirements. I'd gone in there knowing I'd give a false name, but I wasn't prepared for all the other info they wanted - usual addresses etc, then doctors details, friends to contact, names dates etc. Guess I wasn't prepared enough, ended up giving certain details that weren't ideal.
Eventually called in to be seen. Female nurse late 40s. Friendly but professional. Went though why I'm there then starts to map out sexual history. I explain it all honestly, no feeling of embarrassment by either party. Obviously identifies my use of working girls and active sexual relationship with other half. Explain my choice of WGs and she comments that my regime was very safe, even the OWO. She even says what's the point if it's not without, which made me laugh - I could bloody tell her I wouldn't have been sat talking to her!!
Time to drop the trousers, lie on the bed and she has a look around. Swab down the jap's eye is uncomfortable but soon over. Reassuringly she says it all looks OK down there, so far. Get dressed and talk some more. Seems to think it's unlikely I've got an STD, the symptoms I described (pain peeing at the tip) was more likely to be an NSU caused from "sexual trauma"! The get-out-of-jail card is that this could be explained away to my other half, the nurse obviously understanding the situation I'm in.
She identifies that my use of WG's means that I should have the full range of tests, so off to pee in a pot and another nurse comes in to take a blood sample. We discuss HIV and Hep C vaccine. I'm feeling pretty OK now but then she drops something into the conversation - the results will be analysed by her boss, who may recommend me being seen again, and that would require my other half coming in too. She acknowledges my situation is difficult but implies it's not her decision. It's at the point I'm racking my mind to make sure I've not left a way they can contact me outside of my control.
As a precaution she gives me a dose of antibiotics (take all 4 in one go - if I'm sick within an hour basically I've got something and I'm fucked!) and then sends me on my way...
Luckily my results came back negative, so worry over for the time being.
Lessons to be learned from this - if you've reason to think you you might need to go to a GUM clinic, YOU REALLY NEED TO GO TO A GUM CLINIC - DO IT! When you do go, spend some time getting your back story straight, including addresses, doctors names etc.