First things first, I may catch a ban for this, I apologise. The amount of time I've been registered far exceeds the amount of time it should have taken me to post a review. I can only apologise for that. I've been a leech, I know, I know. If you wanted my reasoning, it's because I'm a very infrequent punter and I don't think this board needs another review of Layla along the lines of "stairs many, anal good." But let's not litigate that now...
I'm posting this as I'm feeling compelled to do my civic duty after visiting
External Link/Members Only Princess Liliana a few weeks ago.
I had such high hopes for this one. A wee cutie by all accounts. Petite, slender and her likes list ticked all my boxes. A little pricey at £200 for 1 hour but alright, I can see a girl like how she describes herself commanding a premium. Aye, you're on. Eagerly I send off my message to book her for that very evening.
Comms: So far, so good. My message is sent early afternoon, replied back within the hour. A couple of messages back and forth to work out the details and I have my booking for 8pm. I'm given an address nearish to the squinty bridge, 20 minutes walk from central station.
Upon arrival I'm kept waiting 5 minutes past time outside a decent looking tower block. Easily forgiveable. She eventually calls with the flat number and then I'm inside. The magic door opens and here we go...
Looks: Outstanding. This is what we paid for. Age seems accurate, skinny as you could ask for and has a lovely caramel complexion. She greets me in lingerie and a pink gown, quietly motioning me through to the bedroom. If I had to be critical I would say the eyelashes and lips are too big, especially given her small frame. Her stated 5'1" I would also put as accurate. She's a big fan of the falsies and the fillers, but again, easily forgiveable and some may enjoy.
To look at, 10/10, but if she had it her way that's all you'd be doing in exchange for your 200 punting tokens.
The action: We move on to initial chat, she's business up front and asks for the cash and for me to take a shower. I habitually take one before venturing out but don't mind another on arrival. It sets a good tone and shows the girl is hygeine conscious. Upon my return she asks me to get comfortable on the bed and presents herself to me, bending over so I can get a good look at her tight little arse in that lingerie. I should point out that at this point I still have my underwear on, because after a while of looking and running my hands over arse I attempt to bring her down onto my lap so she can grind a little there, only to have her spring off immediately, telling me that she won't go near a cock that's not in a condom... even in underwear.
Slightly bizarre but okay, let's turn her around then. She confirmed over text that she enjoys GFE, it's in the top line of her profile and FK is on her likes list so, leaving room for Jesus at crotch level, I go in for the kiss, only for her to tell me that she doesn't french kiss. That's fine, I'm not the biggest fan of tongue wrestling myself but do enjoy light kissing during a booking, except no, that's out too... Okay, fine then, where can I kiss? On her body is fine apparently except foolish me, when I go to put my lips on her perky little B cups I'm told no, not on the breasts either.
Fine. Fuck it, fine. We abandon that activity and I discard my boxers so she can give me a handjob while I rub my hands up her inner thigh trying to get closer to her pussy. I was assuming from the general vibe at this point that fingers inside were off the cards but I asked her to spread her legs so that I could at least rub the outside whilst she inelegantly wanked me off from the other side of the bed. No such luck of course, she doesn't think it's hygenic. I offer to go and wash my hands, despite having just emerged from the shower but again, no dice.
Suffering from a severe case of mr floppy owing to the complete lack of stimulation other than this lacklustre handjob I ask to lick her pussy, as receiving oral is on her likes list. Zero points for guessing how this goes down. She looks at me as if I've asked if it would be alright if kicked her dog and tells me she doesn't do that.
As much as little brain would like to argue, big brain is still in charge telling me that I've paid this woman £200, I'm not getting that money back, let's try and make the best of a bad situation. We proceed to oral. With condom of course, despite the very clear offer for OWO on the profile page. We just about manage that and by some miracle I'm now hard.
What would I like to do with my hard-on? I would like to put it in this wee stunner. But no, not without 5 entire minutes of applying enough oil to her pussy and the condom that the American military circa early 2000s are starting rev the engines of their Abrams tanks. To my complete lack of surprise, this faff and her constant wittering on about anything other that what's going on in the room at the moment causes me to lose my erection once again.
Not deterred by this, she gamely tries to clamber on, despite me telling her that I needed to get hard again and this wasn't going to work. She limply rubs her pussy on my equally limp cock but nothing is going on there so I call for a break.
Immensely frustratingly she's actually quite fun to talk to when there isn't a mood to kill. She explained how she'd recently started stripping and that I should come along to her club for a private show. "Oh aye, so I can not touch you there either?" I think to myself. But we digress. This chat gives me the inspiration to ask her to show me some of her stripper moves. Perhaps her dancing will get her a bit more in the spirit of things. But no. She doesn't have her heels and of course she needs her heels to dance, how could she possibly dance without her heels? Not a chance, onviously. Nor is she a fan of touching herself so that I can watch, whilst I try and regain the elusive hard-on in this meet.
At this point I just want to cum and be done, so completely devoid of anything from her I get myself hard enough to out a condom back on, put it in her mouth until it's all the way there and then ask her to lay down so we can fuck missionary as I know this gets me to cum quickest. But of course it can't be that simple. What could she possibly object to now? Apparently I'm too big and she can only go on top.
Gentlemen, I don't think I'm being a modest man when I tell you that this is not an accurate statement. I think I'm just telling you the truth when I say that I'm average at best in that department. Nontheless, If I don't want this visit to be a complete failure and I want to cum in this wee cutie (in the condom, obviously), it's going to have to be with her on top. Quickly so as not to lose this hard fought for hard-on I get under her and she slides possibly the tightest pussy I've ever had onto my thoroughly average cock, letting out a little pornstar gasp as she does.
On the strength of the next 5 minutes of me desperately trying to cum whilst her incredible little body bounces up and down on me I could possibly be tempted to bring this review up to a low, low neutral. But 5 minutes of a decent ride, does not a £200 punt make. We continue like this until I blow my load, her slightly ruining it once again by springing off before my cock has stopped twitching, but it's done. I have cum and I can leave, feeling like it wouldn't have been a better use of the money to just set fire to it. But barely.
I shower again, we have a bit more of a chat and then I'm out, 40 mins into the 1 hour timeslot. Could that 20 minutes have been used for other activites? Very possibly. What those activities would have been, given she doesn't like being kissed, doesn't like her pussy being licked, doesn't like her breasts being played with, won't play with herself, won't be fingered or have her pussy rubbed, doesn't dance without her heels and won't grind on a cock even if it's in underwear...? I haven't a fucking clue.
Overall, this is the most annoyed I've ever been during a punt. "Princess" is definitely right for Princess Liliana. Sums up her attitude quite well. My advice to her would be stick to the stripping, because that's clearly the level of interaction she would like from clients, and in the mean time, delete everything from her likes list, because she doesn't do shit on there.
Alright, rant / review over. Sorry it took me so long. I'm prepared for the abuse now.
